Opposite of Scrupulosity - Advice?

  • Thread starter Thread starter SeekerOfIron
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

SeekerOfIron

Guest
Basically, I think I have the opposite of scrupulosity, though I don’t have a good term to describe it, and it makes it difficult to bring myself to Confession. Rather than believing i’ve sinned where none has been committed, I forget the sins I commit, if I recognize them at all.

I’m pretty good at remembering the good and forgetting about the bad in my life, which in many ways is fantastic. I can let go of the things that people do that annoy or hurt me, and I forgive and forget easily, letting go of anger or sadness. Unfortunately, it also works when I’m thinking about my own actions. If I do something bad, I might acknowledge it at the time, but then I’ll forgive myself and forget about it. I think I also dismiss some things that I should be taking seriously as “not that bad, nothing to really worry about,” and again, forgive myself and forget it. This makes it hard for me to go to Confession, not because I’m afraid of the priest or sacrament, but just because I can never bring to mind the sins I have committed.

So, does anyone have advice on how I can become a little more scrupulous, so that I can better avail myself of the Sacrament? I have seen examinations of conscience, and while they can usually help me identify a few sins, I know I’m sinning more than they can show me.
 
The Nine ways to be an Accessory to Another’s Sin

I. By counsel
II. By command
III. By consent
IV. By provocation
V. By praise or flattery
VI. By concealment
VII. By partaking
VIII. By silence
IX. By defense of the ill done

. . .

You could read more of the writings of the saints and what virtues they held to. In this way you could work to form a more delicate conscience.
 
Do you examine your conscience daily? If you do this, you should be able to remember any sins you committed during the previous 24 hours - particularly the mortal ones! Then carefully make note of them. I mean, keep a private note of those sins. You should take great care to make sure no one can access your notes - perhaps a computer file with a password, or something like that.

Then when you prepare for confession you consult your notes and you should be fine.

Finding it so easy to forgive yourself and forget - sounds like you have rationalized many sins as not being sinful for you, or your pride refuses to acknowledge that you are just as much a sinner as everyone else (this used to happen to me), Remember, it is God you are offending whenever you sin, and, because He is infinitely good, our offenses against Him are infinitely bad.

You need a confessor, if you haven’t already got one - a priest who can help you develop a sensitive conscience. We should never forget who we are offending by our sins and what Jesus suffered for our sins. You definitely do not want to become scrupulous, but sensitive.
 
I once heard a talk by a priest who covered this question. His advice was to frequent the sacrament of Penance (maybe once a month or even once a week), because the more you go, the better you get at it. Not just by rote practice, but because the grace of the sacrament actually softens your heart and wakes your conscience. Ever think of something you could have confessed, shortly after being absolved? That may be the effect of the sacrament.

Note that you don’t have to be in mortal sin to go to confession. The Church encourages us to confess venial sins (even though it isn’t strictly required), because we can benefit from it. Just pick two or three to confess, but be sorry for all of them.

It is also commendable to make a general confession of devotion (some people do this once a year). This means you confess, once again, all the sins of your past life, or all the sins committed since your last general confession – or just some of them. (This isn’t recommend for the scrupulous or those for whom it would be a near occasion of sin.) It is sufficient for the matter of the sacrament, even if there are no new sins since your last absolution. Some of the benefits are that we grow in self-knowledge, humility, and hatred of sin, and we obtain further remission of the temporal punishment due to sins for which we did not have perfect contrition. It would be preferable to make an appointment for this (and explain what it is; some priests aren’t used to it), or go when there’s no line.
 
I can tell you what has worked for me.

Find a good Confessor and tell him that you are trying to develop a more sensitive conscience. As for help. If you are used to in-and-out type of confessions in which you are never given any advice, it can make your sins seem petty. Find a confessor who will take some time with you in the confessional. Ask around for recommendations, or perhaps find a priest from an order that is known for having good confessors. If you have them available, I have found Opus Dei priests to be very good. Commit yourself to frequent Confession - weekly if possible, but no less than every 2-3 weeks. Keep a list. If you find something that pricks your conscience, write it down and dwell on the list until your next confession. Go over the sins in your mind. Remember why you wrote them on your list in the first place. Try to understand the underlying sins. For example, if you were unkind to somebody because you felt criticized, the underlying sin is pride. If you can identify the underlying sin, you can start to see how that sin manifests itself in other ways in your life. It can be very enlightening. Listen to scrupulous people. That might sound like strange advice, but I have a scrupulous friend who has really opened my eyes to see things with a sensitivity that did not exist before. Pray. I should have put this first, but pray before every confession. My confessor once told me to pray for God to reveal my sins to me, if I have the courage. Apparently he once prayed for that, when he was a seminarian, and was given what he asked for, and it depressed him for months.
 
SeekerOfIron said:
I think I also dismiss some things that I should be taking seriously as “not that bad, nothing to really worry about,” and again, forgive myself and forget it.
Click to expand...
And therein lies the root of your problem. You have no power to forgive yourself, when you sin you sin against God. ‘Forgiving’ oneself is nothing more than an empty gesture motivated through by a desire to make ourselves not feel so bad about something wrong that we have done. We have no power to forgive ourselves, none at all.
 
Brendan_64 said:
And therein lies the root of your problem. You have no power to forgive yourself, when you sin you sin against God. ‘Forgiving’ oneself is nothing more than an empty gesture motivated through by a desire to make ourselves not feel so bad about something wrong that we have done. We have no power to forgive ourselves, none at all.
Click to expand...
👍 That’s exactly it. We cannot forgive ourselves for sins. If we make a mistake - such as putting too much salt into a dish, making it inedible, or dropping a glass on the floor, breaking it, of course we can forgive ourselves for our lack of attention, or clumsiness, but when we sin we offend God and only He can forgive us. To be forgiven, we must repent and have the intention to not commit the sin again.
 

Sacrament of Penance: Examination of Conscience
Father John Trigilio​

Examination of Conscience

I. “I am the Lord, thy God, thou shalt not have strange gods before Me.”

Have I sinned against Religion by seriously believing in New Age, Scientology, Astrology, Horoscopes, Fortune-telling, Superstition or engaging in the Occult? Did I endanger my Catholic Faith or cause scandal by associating with anti-Catholic groups & associations (e.g., the Freemasons)? Have fame, fortune, money, career, pleasure, etc. replaced God as my highest priority? Have I neglected my daily prayers?

II. “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.”

Have I committed blasphemy by using the name of God and Jesus Christ to swear rather than to praise? Have I committed sacrilege by showing disrespect to holy objects (crucifix, rosary) or contempt for religious persons (bishop, priests, deacons, women religious) or for sacred places (in Church). Have I committed sacrilege by going to Holy Communion in the state of mortal sin without first going to confession e.g., after missing Mass on Sunday or a Holyday? Did I violate the one-hour fast before Communion? Did I break the laws of fast and abstinence during Lent? Did I neglect my Easter duty to receive Holy Communion at least once? Have I neglected to support the Church and the poor by sharing my time, talent and treasure?

III. Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day.

Did I miss Mass on any Sunday or Holyday of Obligation? (Bad weather and being sick do not count) Have I shown disrespect by leaving Mass early, not paying attention or not joining in the prayers? Did I do unnecessary work on Sunday which could have been done the day before? Have I been stingy in my support for the Church? Do I give of my time & talent?

IV. Honor thy Father and Mother.

Parents: Have I set a bad example for my children by casually missing Mass, neglecting prayer, or ignore my responsibility to provide a Catholic education by either sending my children to parochial school or to C.C.D. (Religious Education Program)? Do I show little or no interest in my children’s faith and practice of it? Have I showed disrespect for those in authority, government or church? Have I not expressed my moral values to them?

Children: Have I been disobedient and/or disrespectful to my parents or guardians? Did I neglect to help them with household chores? Have I caused them unnecessary worry and anxiety by my attitude, behavior, moods, etc.?

V. Thou shalt not kill.

Did I consent, recommend, advise, approve, support or have an abortion? Did I realize that there is an excommunication for anyone who procures an abortion? Did I actively or passively cooperate with an act of euthanasia whereby ordinary means were stopped or means taken to directly end the life of an elderly or sick person? Have I committed an act of violence or abuse (physical, sexual, emotional or verbal)? Have I endangered the lives of others by reckless driving or by driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol? Do I show contempt for my body by neglecting to take care of my own health? Have I been mean or unjust to anyone? Have I held a grudge or sought revenge against someone who wronged me? Do I point out others’ faults and mistakes while ignoring my own? Do I complain more than I compliment? Am I ungrateful for what other people do for me? Do I tear people down rather than encourage them? Am I prejudiced against people because of their color, language or ethnic-religious background?

VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

IX. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.

Did I have any sex before or outside of marriage? Do I view pornographic material (magazines, videos, internet, hot-lines)? Have I gone to massage parlors or adult book stores? Did I commit the sins of masturbation and/or artificial contraception? Have I not avoided the occasions of sin (persons or places) which would tempt me to be unfaithful to my spouse or to my own chastity? Do I encourage and entertain impure thoughts and desires? Do I tell or listen to dirty jokes? Have I committed fornication or adultery?

VII. Thou shalt not steal.

X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods.

Have I stolen any object, committed any shoplifting or cheated anyone of their money? Did I knowingly deceive someone in business or commit fraud? Have I shown disrespect or even contempt for other people’s property? Have I done any acts of vandalism? Am I greedy or envious of another’s goods? Do I let financial and material concerns or the desire for comfort override my duty to God, to Church, to my family or my own spiritual well-being?

VIII. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

Have I told a lie in order to deceive someone? Have I told the truth with the purpose and intention of ruining someone’s reputation (sin of detraction)? Have I told a lie or spread rumors which may ruin someone’s reputation (sin of calumny or slander)? Did I commit perjury by false swearing an oath on the Bible? Am I a busybody or do I love to spread gossip and secrets about others? Do I love to hear bad news about my enemies?
 
We can always love God more. Jesus said to St. Margaret of Cortona: “Every soul in a state of grace loses ground if she does not incessantly endeavour to develop that grace within her.”

Frances of the Mother of God, a great nun and mystic, reminds us that the we have a great obligation to love God, Who has loved us so much. “God showed me,” she said, “that when He comes to judge the soul He demands a particular account of the use it has made of its vocation, and of all its acts, thoughts, words and intentions, and of the time spent otherwise than in advancing its perfection.”

God bless.
 
Thank you to everyone for the responses, and I’m sorry for the delay in me writing again.

I don’t do an examination daily, but I’ll give that a try, since it seems to be heavily endorsed by you all. I used to say Compline every night, though I always skipped the examination to make it shorter (I know; not a good reason). I’ll start up that habit again beginning tonight, and find a notebook I can use to record things. I think writing them down and being able to look at them will definitely help.

As to finding a confessor, which some of you recommended, how should I go about doing that? I’m going to be a senior at a Catholic university next year. This means that I’m sure there’s no shortage of priests that will be around me during (most of) the year, but it also means that I don’t exactly have a parish priest, and any priest I find in the next year won’t be able to continue as my confessor after May. There’s a priest that lives in my dorm, but I don’t know what all of his duties are and whether he’d have time to help me with this.

I definitely want to start going to confession regularly, and it’s basically why I started this thread. I know it should create a positive feedback loop, but I’ve never managed to get it going for more than a couple months in a row.

I know (in my head at least) that I can’t forgive myself. Dwelling on all these responses is leading me to think I rationalize my sins a lot (as someone pointed out) and I’ve been doing it more or less automatically. I was even writing a response to your comment that was trying to explain “what I really meant” and how I wasn’t actually trying to say I forgive myself. Thank you for calling me out on that.

Thank you also for the reading recommendations given for more information. I’ll check out as many as I can.

Last question for this post: does anyone have recommendations for saints that would be good intercessors for me in this?
 
Thanks Brendan.

Just as an update (and a bit of shameless bumping this to the top of the forum to see if anybody else has more to say), I’ve been doing a daily examination during Compline the past few days, and I was able to go to Confession yesterday. Thanks for all the encouragement everyone, and prayers for my continued mindfulness would be appreciated.
 
I think that we can sometimes think too deeply about our sins, how we should confess, who would make a suitable confessor etc. and often this does more harm than good. We should recognise our sins, go to Confession (anywhere with any priest), confess and repent. Confession is available widely if only we open our eyes and are prepared to get in our car and drive a few miles, and if necessary a priest will hear our confession on request.

We should stop rationalising things, over-thinking, dwelling on our sins, weighing up what type of confessor, what is the best way, where should we go etc. We are sinners, we should go to Confession, it doesn’t matter where or with whom. All of this simply serves to delay our going to Confession. It ought to be a simple process, we sin, we recognise our sin, we go to Confession, we confess and repent, we try not to sin again, and when we fail we start the process over again. But the trouble with us 21st century, Western humans is that we over-rationalise everything, and this can cause more harm than good.
 
FYI, the opposite of scrupulous is called “lax.” The Church recognizes three types of consciences, called “scrupulous,” “tender” (meaning normal or right), and “lax.” However, I, in my infinite wisdom, have managed to invent a fourth kind: “ragged”! I can think it’s wrong for me to help with household chores on a Sunday, yet make everybody in the room uncomfortable with my motormouth and not realize I’ve done anything wrong. God help me!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top