Opposite Sexes Sharing Residence

[CuriousInIL]

Aside from the possibility of scandal, would it be sinful for two persons of the opposite sexes, each of whom is married to another person but separated, to share a residence. We are talking about a “brother and sister” arrangement here, there is no sexual relationship nor will there be in the future.

 

[Joyousguard]

This is definetly one of those moral grey areas and must take alot into consideration.

First if you are married but seperated, how would this moving in with another person affect your husband/wife? People are going to talk regardless of how innocent it might actually be but the person you exchanged vows with must be considered in this decision. The married couple may not be getting along for various different reasons but moving in with another seperated person might not necessarily be a step in the right direction. Even if there is no possibility of a relationship developing it becomes very important that what really happens in the apartment is reflected in what people think happens in that apartment as well.

I would suggest that this person consider not only their husbadn/wife but their roomates husband/wife as well. Living with a potentially (potential, not definite) available mate might not go to well towards healing the rift and might hurt that person even further regardless of what front they may put up.

 

[CuriousInIL]

Just to clarify, this situation does not apply directly to me; rather, it was raised with me. There is this fellow who is separated from his wife and the two are moving through divorce. He is looking for a new place to live and has been offered a room in a house that currently is housing a woman that is separated from her husband and moving through a divorce. So the question at hand is whether or not is is okay for him to live there.

 

[Joyousguard]

Although the srict moral understanding would be no, I would give a bit of leadway depnding on the circumstances.

Supposing the husband has no money and can’t afford to live anywhere else. We can only do what we can do. I would not classify it as sinful but it may have the makings of a very bad situation. If he can not find another place of residency and has honestly tried. The best case scenario would be for him to move out of the apartment with the other women when he is able to land on his feet in due time which is always wishful thinking in itself.

Several problems arise. The first being the couple themselves. If there is the remote possibility of reconcilliation this roomate situation obviously would not improve that possibility. The second would involve children, especially if they are young. Expalining a divorce might be a cake walk compared to explaining the housing situation and the “just roomates” to a child will not be easy nor will it be understood. A father living with some woman other than mom obviously creates problems itself regardless of the innocence of the situation.

If your friend has to do this because he has no other means than that is simply the way things are. It is not a good situation no matter how its looked at but sometimes we have to make due. I would suggest to him that he not get too comfortable in his new place but do what it takes to get out as quickly as possible.

In addition, I like almost all others, hate to see a marriage come to an end. But perhaps they should think of seperation rather than a divorce so soon. There are marriage counselors, not psychiatrists and such, but even real catholic marriage counselors who may be able to help. My parents have saved numerous marriages, but it obviously depends on finding the right help. I wouldn’t want you to be put in the middle of this problem but marriages are never beyond saving, it might just take more work and a period of seperation. Just a side thought

 

[estesbob]

Just to clarify, this situation does not apply directly to me; rather, it was raised with me. There is this fellow who is separated from his wife and the two are moving through divorce. He is looking for a new place to live and has been offered a room in a house that currently is housing a woman that is separated from her husband and moving through a divorce. So the question at hand is whether or not is is okay for him to live there.

Puting aside the moral issues it would be devastating to either one of these peoples divorce case to suddenly move in with someone else. Also suspect that although they claim to be like brother and sister the temptations of the intense. I think both of them would be making a huge mistake setting up this arrangement

 

[CuriousInIL]

Puting aside the moral issues it would be devastating to either one of these peoples divorce case to suddenly move in with someone else. Also suspect that although they claim to be like brother and sister the temptations of the intense. I think both of them would be making a huge mistake setting up this arrangement

It would not affect the dicorce issues. In fact this is a “group safe house” or some such name that is offered by a local divorce support group to thoose tha may need it for up to 18 months. At any time, there may be up to 4 folks in the house.

 

[TMC]

It would not affect the dicorce issues. In fact this is a “group safe house” or some such name that is offered by a local divorce support group to thoose tha may need it for up to 18 months. At any time, there may be up to 4 folks in the house.

I can’t see anything wrong with this, whether a safe house or a private arrangement.

I agree that if there is any chance of saving either marriage this could create trust problems that would effect that. If that is not an issue, then I don’t see a problem.

 

[Joyousguard]

It would not affect the dicorce issues. In fact this is a “group safe house” or some such name that is offered by a local divorce support group to thoose tha may need it for up to 18 months. At any time, there may be up to 4 folks in the house.

While this seems like a very generous offer, I can’t help but find interesting this “safe house” for divorce support. It’s more of an observation than anything but It would seem that perhaps he may be going to a mortician before the patient may be dead.

My cousin and her husband were having problems and went to a therapist. The therapist gave the husband a book on divorce. The divorce mentality in this country is a bit different then the problems in a Catholic marriage. A divorce support group is very different then a marriage support group obviously but more so in how they approach things. Perhaps this friend of yours might need a different kind of support group?

 

[CuriousInIL]

While this seems like a very generous offer, I can’t help but find interesting this “safe house” for divorce support. It’s more of an observation than anything but It would seem that perhaps he may be going to a mortician before the patient may be dead.

Well, he must live somewhere as they are separated.

 

[Sr_Sally]

Well, he must live somewhere as they are separated.

Yes, he does need to live somewhere. Has he considered a cheapo apartment on his own, living with a family member, living with a male friend, living with you or another married couple? I am sure he has more choices than the divorce safe house or the street.

 

[CuriousInIL]

Yes, he does need to live somewhere. Has he considered a cheapo apartment on his own, living with a family member, living with a male friend, living with you or another married couple? I am sure he has more choices than the divorce safe house or the street.

He is considering other alternatives. Actually that is a reason for the question. This “safe house” is very well located for him and by far the least expensive choice. But, he is confused as to whether there is or is not a moral issue with sharing the residence. This particular house happens to be open to guests of both sexes. Unfortuantely, his only other choices will cost a great deal. My house is not an option for various reasons.

 

[TMC]

He is considering other alternatives. Actually that is a reason for the question. This “safe house” is very well located for him and by far the least expensive choice. But, he is confused as to whether there is or is not a moral issue with sharing the residence. This particular house happens to be open to guests of both sexes. Unfortuantely, his only other choices will cost a great deal. My house is not an option for various reasons.

Why is this more of a moral dilemma than staying in a hotel or resort that is open to both sexes? I presume he will have his own room, or at least share with a man. I can’t understand why this is even an issue from a moral standpoint.

 

[CarrieH]

Why is this more of a moral dilemma than staying in a hotel or resort that is open to both sexes? I presume he will have his own room, or at least share with a man. I can’t understand why this is even an issue from a moral standpoint.

I agree. As long as there are multiple persons in the house and nobody is sharing a room with a member of the opposite sex, what’s the big deal? Granted, this might not be the best environment for him spiritually/psychologically if he is hoping to reconcile with his wife, but I see no moral issue here.

 

[CuriousInIL]

Why is this more of a moral dilemma than staying in a hotel or resort that is open to both sexes? I presume he will have his own room, or at least share with a man. I can’t understand why this is even an issue from a moral standpoint.

I don’t know other than to say that it seems different that this is a house and not a hotel or resort.

Can anyone help out here?

 

[BobP123]

I can’t see how this arrangement can help any reconciliation processes. Who thinks up these arrangements?

 

[CuriousInIL]

I can’t see how this arrangement can help any reconciliation processes.

Why?

 

[CarrieH]

I don’t know other than to say that it seems different that this is a house and not a hotel or resort.

Can anyone help out here?

Well, if you go back two or three generations, apartments didn’t even exist in many parts of the country. Those who left home for reasons other than marriage often stayed in boarding houses, where they might have their own bedroom but share common living spaces with the other boarders, who may or may not have been of the same sex. My own father stayed in boarding houses back in the 1940’s after he returned from the war and before he married my mother. Also, there are plenty of “group homes” out there for people with various needs – physical challenges, mental/emotional problems, substance abuse recovery, etc. – and these generally serve both sexes. Some are more institutional-looking, but others are regular houses such as you would find in any middle-class neighborhood. I know this from doing home visits when I did some time working in community healthcare. This “divorce house” just seems like a group home or boarding house with a common agenda to me. :twocents:

 

[larry85704]

Wow

Two people would certainly have alot to complain about together. Doesn’t sound like something I would want to do.

 

[Sr_Sally]

I can’t see how this arrangement can help any reconciliation processes. Who thinks up these arrangements?

I agree. Misery loves company–having several thinking about divorce people all living in the same house, hanging out together after dinner just seems like a recipe for more complaining. I can’t see this group encouraging each other to see the best in their spouse, to work to break their own bad habits, or any other constructive steps to reconciling their marriages.

 

[Joyousguard]

I think we all understand that clearly the man would not want to live in the “safe house” unless he had to. We have to make certain sacrafices simply because we have no choice. The above posters do pose a very interesting analysis of misery loves company. Now I am talking hypothetically because there is always the possibility that this place could in fact be a great place and be beneficial for your friend but from what I have read so far about the situation concerns me. The moral dilema is a bit more complex then simple living arrangements but sometimes we have to do what we have to do.

To quote the King Of Queens:

Doug- “Divorce is always hardest on the best friends”
Carrie- “…thats divorce is always hardest on the kids”
Doug- “Oh please the kids get presents”

There is a bit of wisdom here because sometimes the burden of being a good friend means simply being there for others and divorce can be hard on the best friends as well as the kids. Divorce is never a pleasant situation and most of us who know divorced people can atest to that. Multiple divorced people or people getting a divorce in the same house would off hand not seem like a good idea. Although I’m not sure that the complete opposite of borading a newly divorced man in a married family enviorment would be good either.

The best bet is to simply be therefore him and to keep him out of the safe house as much as possible.