Opting out of Holy Communion

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Back in July, I had surgery on my stomach which required me to opt out of Holy Communion for a bit. I am okay to receive it now (actually have been for months), but I haven’t received it since my surgery. I have opted out of Communion because I feel that I need to go to confession before I can receive again. I just feel that I am not exactly in a state of grace to receive Christ in Holy Communion.

Since I haven’t received, some have asked me why I don’t go up for Communion. I never know what to say. When people ask me that, I want to give a snarky “It’s none of your business” answer, but I feel that being snarky is not the best route. Has anyone encountered this? What was your response?
 
I’d say you don’t have to go into details, but you can just plainly say “I want to go to confession before going to communion, but I haven’t been able to make it to confession.” I’ve had to do that a couple of times, even with my parents there who aren’t Catholic, so they are much more confused but also more comfortable asking me why I didn’t go up.

What’s the worst that could happen? People put two and two together and think you’re not in a state of grace? Well, when you get to confession, that’ll be taken care of. But also, (IMHO), being frank and stating that you’re not participating because you want to go to confession is a good witness for your reverence of the Eucharist and the Real Presence. So, best that could happen? Maybe someone starts to think twice about their spiritual state, starts to take things more seriously, and maybe starts to go to confession more regularly.

Either way, don’t worry about others. Do what the Lord is calling you to do.
 
CatholicZ09 said:
Back in July, I had surgery on my stomach which required me to opt out of Holy Communion for a bit. I am okay to receive it now (actually have been for months), but I haven’t received it since my surgery. I have opted out of Communion because I feel that I need to go to confession before I can receive again. I just feel that I am not exactly in a state of grace to receive Christ in Holy Communion.

Since I haven’t received, some have asked me why I don’t go up for Communion. I never know what to say. When people ask me that, I want to give a snarky “It’s none of your business” answer, but I feel that being snarky is not the best route. Has anyone encountered this? What was your response?
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:eek:

Good heavens, no! I have never been asked why I didn’t go to Communion, nor have I ever asked anyone. And it’s obvious when someone in our little choir doesn’t go to Communion. It’s no one’s business, and if, God forbid, someone is not in a state of grace, none of us wants to hear details, ya know?

What are these people expecting you to say? “Well, dear friend, I committed mortal sin last night and am not in a state of grace. Now that you’ve heard my confession, can you give me sacramental absolution?” :bigyikes:

Seriously, I think this is one case where snarky may actually be your best response. 🤷
 
dje101 said:
I’d say you don’t have to go into details, but you can just plainly say “I want to go to confession before going to communion, but I haven’t been able to make it to confession.” I’ve had to do that a couple of times, even with my parents there who aren’t Catholic, so they are much more confused but also more comfortable asking me why I didn’t go up.

What’s the worst that could happen? People put two and two together and think you’re not in a state of grace? Well, when you get to confession, that’ll be taken care of. But also, (IMHO), being frank and stating that you’re not participating because you want to go to confession is a good witness for your reverence of the Eucharist and the Real Presence. So, best that could happen? Maybe someone starts to think twice about their spiritual state, starts to take things more seriously, and maybe starts to go to confession more regularly.

Either way, don’t worry about others. Do what the Lord is calling you to do.
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This is probably better than being snarky… :o 😛

As I said, however, this is simply not something that has come up in my community – just isn’t done, as many people opt out of receiving.
 
You are doing the right thing by not going to communion while not in a state of grace AND by not giving a “snarky” response. No matter how tempting and even though it really is, “None of their business.” 🙂

While I have never been asked this, I would just respond with, “I’m not prepared to go right now.” This could mean any number of things: I need to go to confession first, Oops, I ate a donut on the way here, etc. Keep 'em guessing! 🙂 It’s between you and God!
 
I find it absolutely astonishing that people have the nerve to ask you! Wow. Just wow. I, sadly, often have to refrain from receiving due to struggles with sin. No one ever questions me.
 
CatholicZ09 said:
Back in July, I had surgery on my stomach which required me to opt out of Holy Communion for a bit. I am okay to receive it now (actually have been for months), but I haven’t received it since my surgery. I have opted out of Communion because I feel that I need to go to confession before I can receive again. I just feel that I am not exactly in a state of grace to receive Christ in Holy Communion.

Since I haven’t received, some have asked me why I don’t go up for Communion. I never know what to say. When people ask me that, I want to give a snarky “It’s none of your business” answer, but I feel that being snarky is not the best route. Has anyone encountered this? What was your response?
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I would say asking why a person is not receiving Communion is not a ‘Catholic culture’. Not at least from where I come from. Such question ties with asking what sins are being confessed, and also telling people the sins been confessed. So it is a rule not to go into such questions and disclosures.

In Catholicism there are all kinds of people. Those who ask such questions may mean well but probably do not know about this rule or the requirement of confidentiality with regards to individual sins.

While it can be really irritating, perhaps your attitude towards them should be one of compassion knowing that they did not know better. Responses such as ‘I have not been to Confession’ may solicit further questions or suggestions which can aggravate you more. So you just figure out what would be the best response for a particular situation.

I just want to commend you for opting out of Communion rather than just to receive it anyway, perhaps to avoid curious stare or awkward questions like what you just mentioned. More importantly is that you are attending mass and will receive Communion until you go for Confession.

God bless.
 
I would say “I need to get to confession”

While it might be rude that they are asking… I would use it as a chance to educate them on the need to go to confession by simply saying, “its been x weeks/months since I’ve last been to confession… so I want to have have a good confession before receiving again.”
 
I am simply flabbergasted that anyone would ever ask such a personal question.
 
CatholicZ09 said:
Back in July, I had surgery on my stomach which required me to opt out of Holy Communion (…) some have asked me why I don’t go up for Communion. I never know what to say.
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You really don’t have to go into any details at all about your state of grace… very simply, you had a medical procedure done and the doctors advised against consuming solids.

BTW: in the 20/20 of hind-sight, you should have discussed receiving communion with your physician and with your priest before the surgery. Most likely, you could have received either the precious blood of the smallest fraction of the Host. When my oldest had her tonsils taken out Fr. was gracious enough to break the very tinniest piece from one of the fractions for her to receive… sore throat, stiches and all, of course, it was so small the Host just dissolved in her moth 🙂
 
I would probably say “for personal reasons” to give a minor HINT it is not your business.

Mary.
 
It is in one sense shocking that people would ask, but in another sense not so much. “Mortal sin,” “state of grace,” “worthy reception,” and so on are not always things that many people consider. Perhaps you can do a service by reminding nosy people that they do indeed need to connect the two sacraments… that it should not merely be “the routine” to go and receive… etc.

But that’s no reason to delay making your confession.
 
Some wise words I heard many years ago on a similar issue… “Keep your eyes on your own page”
 
I think this kind of question calls for silence and a blank stare.
 
CatholicZ09 said:
Back in July, I had surgery on my stomach which required me to opt out of Holy Communion for a bit. I am okay to receive it now (actually have been for months), but I haven’t received it since my surgery. I have opted out of Communion because I feel that I need to go to confession before I can receive again. I just feel that I am not exactly in a state of grace to receive Christ in Holy Communion.

Since I haven’t received, some have asked me why I don’t go up for Communion. I never know what to say. When people ask me that, I want to give a snarky “It’s none of your business” answer, but I feel that being snarky is not the best route. Has anyone encountered this? What was your response?
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I wonder:

Since you’ve posted on the internet that you had stomach surgery, did you likewise tell people in your parish that you had the surgery?
 
FrDavid96 said:
I wonder:

Since you’ve posted on the internet that you had stomach surgery, did you likewise tell people in your parish that you had the surgery?
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I told close acquaintances about the surgery. Since it has been nearly six months, people are wondering why I do not yet receive.
 
It just makes me laugh, too, because my father who doesn’t go to Mass except for Christmas and Easter questioned why I don’t receive. I wanted to tell him that technically he shouldn’t receive since he has not been to Mass since Easter, but that would’ve made for awkward Christmas dinner conversation. :o
 
CatholicZ09 said:
I told close acquaintances about the surgery. Since it has been nearly six months, people are wondering why I do not yet receive.
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The reason I asked you that is that it’s possible this is a way of inquiring about your health. They may be asking about whether or not you are physically able to receive Communion. It may be concern about your health.

My point is that while it’s nobody’s business (except the priest) to ask “why don’t you receive Communion?” when the question is about the person’s spiritual state, the question itself is not always a form of prying or being nosy. Sometimes it can be an offer to help or make a suggestion.

Example: I once had a parishioner who stopped coming forward for Communion. It wasn’t until someone politely asked about it that we learned her reason was bad knees—she couldn’t stand in line, but didn’t know what to do, so she stayed seated. It was easily resolved. I know that’s not your situation. I’m merely providing an example of how the question is not always a matter of “none of your business.”

Back to your situation: yes, the reason is no one else’s business; but given the fact that they already know about your surgery, they really don’t know that it’s none of their business until they ask.

The more important issue is this: since you’ve freely chosen to share on the internet that you need to go to Confession, part of the response needs to be “then go to Confession.” Accept the forgiveness of a loving and merciful God.
 
dje101 said:
But also, (IMHO), being frank and stating that you’re not participating because you want to go to confession is a good witness for your reverence of the Eucharist and the Real Presence. So, best that could happen? Maybe someone starts to think twice about their spiritual state, starts to take things more seriously, and maybe starts to go to confession more regularly.
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Agreed. When I’m in this situation, I look at it as an opportunity to visibly live out Catholic teaching about sin and confession without having to tell anyone else that they are doing something wrong. You just get to state what you are doing right and they can draw their own conclusions. Most will not give it a second thought, but some my dive deeper and begin to question their own lack of going to confession.

One other suggestion is that you can go up for a blessing with your arms crossed. Hardly anyone will notice that you did not receive. Although my warning there is that I’ve been to some parishes where the EMHC did not know what crossed arms meant, so I had to explain while at the front of the line and it was awkward.
 
Putting aside the theological issues, going to the priest’s line if you desire a blessing will be an easier course of action, the priest will know what to do.
 
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