oral sex with my wife ok?

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goofyjim said:
Since when has oral sex ever been a procreative act? The only thing that is is genital sex between a man and a woman. Why does everyone need to justify what is still lewd conduct? I see it said so often in other threads that the mouth is not a sexual organ. Yet some here must believe it is. If I ever get married I will not perform oral sex. I will find other ways to build up to the procreative act.
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Sorry, not to be rude, but by your logic in here, you suggest that only sexual organs can be used for stimuation. Sorry, but if that is true, than hands are definately off limits as well. And sorry, but I don’t know of a woman in the world that can be “warmed up enough” for the act without any stimuation at all. It would seem that you are suggesting that all you can do it just…take your clothes off and just go. It doesn’t really work that way. Sex isn’t just about intercourse, rather (as I think most married people know) sx is about everything involved that leads up to (and away from) the actual act of intercourse. From that first kiss to the snoozing husband!

Oh and if you think about it, all of f the marital act is “lewd” if done in the wrong context. If my husband and I started gong at it in the bed and bath section of K-Mart, that’d be lewd, and we’d get arrested and charged for something with “lewd” in the title. Doesn’t make the act lewd, just out of context. Same thing. If you are having oral to avoid intercourse to not risk pregnancy, then yes, in that case I suppose it would be lewd. But doing it as a buildup, it certainly isn’t.
 
Dauphin said:
HAHAHAH!

What do you think the CCC is??? The Kama Sutra of the Catholic Church??

:rotfl:
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LOL!!!

Imagine the church publishing an actual “Catholic Kama Sutra for marrieds”. LOL!
.> In retrospect such a thing could be useful, since so many other books aren’t so…moral. 😃
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goofyjim said:
Well if it is wrong between two men because it is sodomy why can it be right between a husband and wife. Sodomy does not depend on the gender of the persons involved. The only act I see as acceptable is the genital one between husband and wife because this is the only one open to life.
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Agreed.
The link provided from presentation ministries was excellent.
There must be some natural parameters to sexual expression. Otherwise, we have little reason not to permit homosexual activity or even sex between humans and animals. Something must be natural, and therefore other things unnatural.
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Sorry, not to be rude, but by your logic in here, you suggest that only sexual organs can be used for stimuation. Sorry, but if that is true, than hands are definately off limits as well.
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Why are hands off limits? Do we not use our hands to touch? Are they not used to convey physical sensation? Isn’t that a part of their natural function?

Mouths are not intended to be used as a substitue for the genitals. In fact, if people are really honest, it requires a good deal of “work” to overcome the natural distaste of mouth to genital activity. Postures required to engage in this act are a distraction from the unitive aspect of the marital act.
but I don’t know of a woman in the world that can be “warmed up enough” for the act without any stimuation at all.
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Really? Do you know every woman in the world? Silly.
No one has suggested the marital act must be devoid of stimulation. However the modern woman has been seduced by her culture to believe that it’s just fine to employ any means necessary to achieve that all important “fulfillment”. The fact is, the body is supremely trainable. You can train it to become so impervious to normal stimulation that it will require more and more intense and extreme measures to achieve it’s goal. Or you can train it to become equally sensitive to even the slightest touch.
 
blessedtoo said:
Why are hands off limits? Do we not use our hands to touch? Are they not used to convey physical sensation? Isn’t that a part of their natural function?

Mouths are not intended to be used as a substitue for the genitals. In fact, if people are really honest, it requires a good deal of “work” to overcome the natural distaste of mouth to genital activity. Postures required to engage in this act are a distraction from the unitive aspect of the marital act.
Really? Do you know every woman in the world? Silly.
No one has suggested the marital act must be devoid of stimulation. However the modern woman has been seduced by her culture to believe that it’s just fine to employ any means necessary to achieve that all important “fulfillment”. The fact is, the body is supremely trainable. You can train it to become so impervious to normal stimulation that it will require more and more intense and extreme measures to achieve it’s goal. Or you can train it to become equally sensitive to even the slightest touch.
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I agree with you about being able to train your body to respond to different stimulus, but that requires the “work” you object to in regards to oral sex (and I’m being very honest, I’ve never found it distasteful, to give or receive with my husband - the only man I’ve been intimate with - I enjoy it, don’t find it degrading or unpleasant in any way…it’s a gift that can be every bit as loving and joyful as intercourse - we never have him “finish” that way though, but not for religious reasons).

I think it is an individual choice and if one partner isn’t into it, they should NEVER be pressured or persuaded (my sister refuses, despite having had many partners, it’s just not something she likes or wants to include). It’s her right, just as it’s my right to do it if I want - my husband has never requested the act. I surprise him when I’m in the mood. And I’ve always had an oral fixation - I could kiss for hours on end (the mouth conveys physical sensation as well, as part of it’s natural function, and I assume the Catholic church isn’t against kissing), am always nibbling on things, etc.

Like you said, it’s silly to try to speak for every woman in the world as though you’ve personally interviewed them about their sexual responses, desires, and dislikes. All women are different, and some of us don’t find there’s anything to be “gotten over” or “suffered through” when it comes to oral sex.

If you don’t like it for whatever reason, don’t do it.
 
I agree with you about being able to train your body to respond to different stimulus, but that requires the “work” you object to in regards to oral sex
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You took my statement out of context. I referred to the “work” of overcoming the instinctual distaste of an act that, not too long ago, was reserved only for women of ill repute to perform. There is nothing distasteful or unnatural about a husband and wife working together through the marital act to achieve some mutual satisfaction.
(and I’m being very honest, I’ve never found it distasteful, to give or receive with my husband - the only man I’ve been intimate with - I enjoy it, don’t find it degrading or unpleasant in any way…it’s a gift that can be every bit as loving and joyful as intercourse - we never have him “finish” that way though, but not for religious reasons).
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You’ll forgive me if I suggest that the mouth and throat are not designed for the type of activity you describe as enjoyable. In fact, the natural reflex of the throat is to reject what it is not meant to contain. When I had my endoscopy done, they had to put me out because the natural gag reflex would have prevented the success of the test. Sure, you can overcome the body’s natural responses to unnatural stimuli. But it requires work. Why wouldn’t a Catholic couple devote that energy to behaviors more reflective of the sacred nature of marital love?
I think it is an individual choice and if one partner isn’t into it, they should NEVER be pressured or persuaded (my sister refuses, despite having had many partners, it’s just not something she likes or wants to include).
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For Catholics, it’s important to be as informed as possible. While it’s unfortunately true that much ambiguity exists regarding this issue, and that there will probably never be any official Church teaching or discussion on this topic, I believe that as a society we have become so marinated in sex that we can longer be objective.
 
blessedtoo said:
You’ll forgive me if I suggest that the mouth and throat are not designed for the type of activity you describe as enjoyable. In fact, the natural reflex of the throat is to reject what it is not meant to contain. When I had my endoscopy done, they had to put me out because the natural gag reflex would have prevented the success of the test. Sure, you can overcome the body’s natural responses to unnatural stimuli. But it requires work. Why wouldn’t a Catholic couple devote that energy to behaviors more reflective of the sacred nature of marital love?.
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Ahhh, I think we’re working off of different ideas of what “oral sex” performed on a man entails. Believe me, I have an extremely sensitive gag reflex, and have never encountered a problem. I really hesitate to give TMI, with this being a religious board (I am not, but have been feeling a pull, which is why I’m here, exploring) but oral sex in reality is often as far removed from the depictions in porn as regular intercourse (or the views of women’s bodies) are.

What I, and many other women, enjoy, does not involve choking, gagging, swallowing, “deep throating” or anything like that. It’s more like passionate kissing of that area of the body. There’s not much difference in actions between my husband performing on me, and me on him.

I would hate the idea too, and find it degrading, if it was like it’s depicted in porn! I do not think the mouth should be substituted for the genitals, because it’s obviously different, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be used in another way during the act.

I admire the Catholic church for establishing and sticking to rules it honestly believes in, even if I don’t fully know, understand, or agree with them all 🙂
 
Personally I think this whole thread should be deleted in the interests of bad discussion.
 
goofyjim said:
Since when has oral sex ever been a procreative act? The only thing that is is genital sex between a man and a woman. Why does everyone need to justify what is still lewd conduct? I see it said so often in other threads that the mouth is not a sexual organ. Yet some here must believe it is. If I ever get married I will not perform oral sex. I will find other ways to build up to the procreative act.
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It seems to me, based on this criteria, that you have no intention of touching your wife anywhere. Breasts are not procreative, so and neither are hands, so you won’t use either of these parts of the anatomy in your embrace?
You say the mouth isn’t procreative, so no kissing involved? Hmmm…guess I know why God didn’t put you and I together!
 
It seems to me that it should be unacceptable to permit acts which are frobidden in homosexuality simply because it is a married couple doing it. This is where I see a double standard. Foreplay can involve tender caressing of other parts before getting to the final genital act. I repeat that the ongoing complaint of homosexuality is that the mouth and a*** or not sexual organs. Then they are not such even for heterosexuals.
 
exiled said:
It seems to me, based on this criteria, that you have no intention of touching your wife anywhere. Breasts are not procreative, so and neither are hands, so you won’t use either of these parts of the anatomy in your embrace?
You say the mouth isn’t procreative, so no kissing involved? Hmmm…guess I know why God didn’t put you and I together!
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Kissing is not a sexual act. I am not opposed to it. I kiss my girlfriend sometimes. I kiss my female relatives. If one is going to insinuate sexual behavior off of that they have their minds in the gutter.
 
goofyjim said:
It seems to me that it should be unacceptable to permit acts which are frobidden in homosexuality simply because it is a married couple doing it. This is where I see a double standard. Foreplay can involve tender caressing of other parts before getting to the final genital act. I repeat that the ongoing complaint of homosexuality is that the mouth and a*** or not sexual organs. Then they are not such even for heterosexuals.
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There is not a double standard, it is something that you, personally are creating. It all comes back to the fact that the marital act is open to new life and a homosexual sex act is not.

Oral sex as a means of foreplay is acceptable as long as the end result is the husband’s climax inside his wife’s vagina being open to new life. How can you compare that to a homosexual act?

If the mouth is not a sexual organ then let’s throw a passionate kiss into the realm of those things that are not acceptable in the marriage act. The mouth (according to you) is not a sexual organ therefore should not be used in sexual relations.

So you mean to tell me that all the married couple should do is get into bed and simply just have sex and that is it? :hmmm:
 
Mirror_Mirror said:
There is not a double standard, it is something that you, personally are creating. It all comes back to the fact that the marital act is open to new life and a homosexual sex act is not.

Oral sex as a means of foreplay is acceptable as long as the end result is the husband’s climax inside his wife’s vagina being open to new life. How can you compare that to a homosexual act?

If the mouth is not a sexual organ then let’s throw a passionate kiss into the realm of those things that are not acceptable in the marriage act. The mouth (according to you) is not a sexual organ therefore should not be used in sexual relations.

So you mean to tell me that all the married couple should do is get into bed and simply just have sex and that is it? :hmmm:
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Kissing is not a sexual act. Otherwise I would not be free to kiss my female relatives.
 
Please note that oral sex and oral stimulation can be interchanged here. The point needs to be reemphasized:

Oral sex to climax for a man is a sin.

Oral sex to climax for a woman (without sexual intercourse with the husband finishing inside his wife) is a sin.

Oral sex forced on one or the other partner is a sin.

Oral sex used as foreplay in the marital act that is not degrading to either spouse and the act ends in the husbands ejaculation inside his wife’s vagina is not a sin.
 
goofyjim said:
Kissing is not a sexual act. Otherwise I would not be free to kiss my female relatives.
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That is why I said a “passionate kiss.” Trust me when I tell you there is a difference in how you kiss a relative and how you kiss your wife.
 
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