This quote is from Rabbi Joseph Blair:
First, from my limited study of ‘normal’ psychology, and more specifically, of human sexuality, I understand that masturbation is a common, natural, and ‘normal’ activity for most human beings, starting at an early age; it becomes a problem when it is excessive, displaces other normal sexual outlets that may be available, or becomes abusive, compulsive, uncontrollable, or self-destructive. From this perspective, you, as an unmarried healthy male would very likely experience the urge to engage in this form of self-gratification – there is no surprise in that being the case.
Second, Judaism does not see sex as a ‘dirty’ or disgusting subject. Sex is a normal part of life, and when engaged in properly, in the correct setting with the appropriate partner, and with the proper kavanah, it is one of the sublime gifts G-d has provided to humanity, both for procreation and as an expression of deep and meaningful caring, communication, and sharing. So there is nothing about sex, including masturbation as a form of sex, that is forbidden in Judaism.
At the same time, I want to note that the act of masturbation is not approved fully in Judaism; by definition it violates the prohibition on ‘spilling seed’ that exists in historical and traditional Judaism. This is not often a topic of concern within the Reform ambit, so I will leave discussion of it to my colleagues in other movements. Suffice it to say that there are Jews for whom this aspect of the action will be troublesome; the sexual aspect is not the difficulty.
The term ‘sin’ as you have used it is perhaps misleading. In Judaism, we describe behaviors such as this (and most particularly at Yom Kippur – the day of atonement) as ‘missing the mark’, failing to live up to our highest ideals and self-aspirations. There is no assumption in Judaism that we always succeed in reaching our aspirational goals, but it is up to us to do our best to strive for them, and constantly to try to improve on how close we approach them over time.
In this view, masturbation is not a ‘sin’ as that is understood, but rather an action that is not reflective of the highest ideals we may hold. It does not render the person engaging in this action ‘unclean’, ‘tainted’, or ‘unfit’ in any way, and should not lead to any shaming, shunning, or self-abnegation. From a Reform perspective, it is not prohibited, ‘sinful’, or ‘dirty,’ and would be seen as a normal, healthy, and even acceptable behavior in which an unmarried person might engage in private.
