Orgasm and Catholic Love

[HisIsTheCrown]

This is my first post and to a sensitive point. I hope no one minds.
I want to put this subject in a sensitive way, not hurting anybody’s feelings.
The question is simple: men and women have different “speeds” on getting excited and on reaching orgasms.
Men, as I understand it, reaches first, normally. Women are slower.
But on the other hand, if I understant well, and please correct me if I am wrong, men place more emphasis on orgasm, women on the relationship, on love, on being loved, on feeling that they are with someone whom they can rely to shape a family.
On the other hand, on man, orgasm is need for reproduction as for women, it is not needed.
Now, if you are a Christian and you are not selfish and love your wife, then, you search for her to reach orgasm so that she will have the most pleasure.
But, sometimes I read women writing that orgasm is not essential for women everytime they have sex. That the feeling of being loved is more important and that when orgasm comes, it comes.
Now, what a Christian Man, who looks for non-selfish pleasure, looking more for the pleasure of his wife than for his own, should do?

Should do is too strong, but, sincerely, it is what I feel asking.
What is the Christian Way of seeing orgasm? This is my concern, for i think Love should look for the pleasure (well being, wishes, whatever) of the other first.

 

[JRKH]

The Christian way is to Love your spouse and communicate with each other so that the couple decide between themselves what works best for them…

Peace
James

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

This is my first post and to a sensitive point. I hope no one minds.
I want to put this subject in a sensitive way, not hurting anybody’s feelings.
The question is simple: men and women have different “speeds” on getting excited and on reaching orgasms.
Men, as I understand it, reaches first, normally. Women are slower.
But on the other hand, if I understant well, and please correct me if I am wrong, men place more emphasis on orgasm, women on the relationship, on love, on being loved, on feeling that they are with someone whom they can rely to shape a family.
On the other hand, on man, orgasm is need for reproduction as for women, it is not needed.
Now, if you are a Christian and you are not selfish and love your wife, then, you search for her to reach orgasm so that she will have the most pleasure.
But, sometimes I read women writing that orgasm is not essential for women everytime they have sex. That the feeling of being loved is more important and that when orgasm comes, it comes.
Now, what a Christian Man, who looks for non-selfish pleasure, looking more for the pleasure of his wife than for his own, should do?

Should do is too strong, but, sincerely, it is what I feel asking.
What is the Christian Way of seeing orgasm? This is my concern, for i think Love should look for the pleasure (well being, wishes, whatever) of the other first.

While they say it isn’t necessary I’m sure if you ask them if they want it every time they’d say yes.

 

[ThinkTwice]

The Christian way is to Love your spouse and communicate with each other so that the couple decide between themselves what works best for them…

Peace
James

Why are you people putting up with nonsense. That’s should be the question of this thread.

The majority of us have had sex many many many times so we are not prudes.
I went to Catholic school a few years and they did not allow our antics(pranks)to get out of line. Why you would allow immaturity but more importantly deceitfulness here on the Catholic forum?

Coming to Catholic forum to talk about orgasms. Please.First post
Then they state…This is my first post and to a sensitive point.** I hope no one minds**…
it’s only missing the
please again how disingenuous
.Is there righteousness here or a place for pranks.
May I suggest that some forums do not allow you to start a thread until you have 200 posts.

 

[SwizzleStick]

Why are you people putting up with nonsense. That’s should be the question of this thread.

The majority of us have had sex many many many times so we are not prudes.
I went to Catholic school a few years and they did not allow our antics(pranks)to get out of line. Why you would allow immaturity but more importantly deceitfulness here on the Catholic forum?

Coming to Catholic forum to talk about orgasms. Please.First post
Then they state…This is my first post and to a sensitive point.** I hope no one minds**…
it’s only missing the
please again how disingenuous
.Is there righteousness here or a place for pranks.
May I suggest that some forums do not allow you to start a thread until you have 200 posts.

I cannot disagree with this. I admit I had similar thoughts while reading the post. The early morning posting time, the first post, the “sensitive” post, “Men, as I understand it,” etc., etc., etc., led me there. Perhaps that is wrong, but that was my first reaction.

In any event, the question has been answered. This is something a man and his wife would discuss privately and life experience within their marriage will help them figure it out.

 

[kkollwitz]

Every marriage is different, and private things are privately worked out over time.

 

[TheDoors]

Why are you people putting up with nonsense. That’s should be the question of this thread.

The majority of us have had sex many many many times so we are not prudes.
I went to Catholic school a few years and they did not allow our antics(pranks)to get out of line. Why you would allow immaturity but more importantly deceitfulness here on the Catholic forum?

Coming to Catholic forum to talk about orgasms. Please.First post
Then they state…This is my first post and to a sensitive point.** I hope no one minds**…
it’s only missing the
please again how disingenuous
.Is there righteousness here or a place for pranks.
May I suggest that some forums do not allow you to start a thread until you have 200 posts.

As catholics, we assume the best first. If this is a prank, then who has been harmed? But if it is not, there is a serious chance for aid and healing, not to mention the preservation of the sacred bond of marriage. Even if it is a prank, who is to say there isn’t some soul in the wings with a similar question who would like to know our answers?

This said, God has given us marriage, and sex as a form of joy. Marriage gives us the blessing of children, companionship and comfort in our age. There is no reason we should not enjoy every part of it. And, like selecting a movie that you both enjoy, the best method for ensuring that you are both enjoying intimacy is to talk about it.

 

[sw85]

If we forbade new people from asking questions about sex, masturbation, orgasms, etc., CAF would get maybe eight new members a century.

 

[ThinkTwice]

As catholics, we assume the best first. If this is a prank, then who has been harmed? But if it is not, there is a serious chance for aid and healing, not to mention the preservation of the sacred bond of marriage. Even if it is a prank, who is to say there isn’t some soul in the wings with a similar question who would like to know our answers?

.

You make some good points however below you see why one should not pretend there is not a prankster in the house.
Because eventually if you don’t uphold the truth,honesty and righteousness you will make no sense whatsoever.

If we forbade new people from asking questions about sex, masturbation, orgasms, etc., CAF would get maybe eight new members a century.

No that’s just not true. Your exaggeration brings you into a world of fiction. Come back to reality
Keeping standards at CAF will not bring membership to only eight per century. Just plain silly. Let’s be honest.

It made my point for this thread

 

[Ophelia23]

As a side note, there was a brief period in Christian history where it was believed a woman could not conceive without an orgasm. Then again, it was also believed the uterus was a free-floating organ in both men and women. If someone were to get a boil on their neck, for example, it was an unnatural and doomed pregnancy because the uterus had drifted too far north. These beliefs didn’t last for too terribly long.

I think your question is being a bit torn apart by some readers because it seems that it could be a fake or a joke. But, let’s just assume it is not a joke. As others have posted, there is not a yes/no answer to your question. It is a matter to discuss with your spouse, and there is no right or wrong conclusion you can come to so long as it is a conclusion you both agree upon.

 

[stevekehl]

What a surprise, some Catholics think sex is a dirty subject. From the tone of the post I would think this is a brother who is struggling with a marital concern and is turning to other Christian men for advice and support. Don’t we have administrators to keep trolls out of this forum? Questions about sex within marriage are certainly appropriate to discuss. Paul wrote about these matters in Corinthians:
1Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
If Paul can write about sexual concerns in marriages within an open letter to the Corinthian church then we can discuss it here. My opinion is that sex is a tool used to make the family stronger. There are many other facets of sex besides orgasm and all these work together to strengthen the marital bond and by extension the family. So a husband should make every effort to please his wife sexually, as the Scripture says don’t deprive one another, this will help keep temptation away. In addition, a husband should be concerned about his wife’s pleasure. As far as sex letting a wife know she is loved, a man should lead and serve his family in a way that the wife knows she is loved even if sex is not part of the equation.

 

[SwizzleStick]

What a surprise, some Catholics think sex is a dirty subject…

Nobody indicated that at all. And, judging from the several hundred threads on the topic of sex in this forum, you are wrong. It is discussed quite a lot here and is quite a worthy subject, not a dirty subject at all.

 

[JRKH]

Why are you people putting up with nonsense. That’s should be the question of this thread.

The majority of us have had sex many many many times so we are not prudes.
I went to Catholic school a few years and they did not allow our antics(pranks)to get out of line. Why you would allow immaturity but more importantly deceitfulness here on the Catholic forum?

Coming to Catholic forum to talk about orgasms. Please.First post
Then they state…This is my first post and to a sensitive point.** I hope no one minds**…
it’s only missing the
please again how disingenuous
.Is there righteousness here or a place for pranks.
May I suggest that some forums do not allow you to start a thread until you have 200 posts.

Well…As a Christian, I try to make a habit of NOT assuming that someone is being disingenuous in their postings. It is much better to simply give an honest answer to the question and move on. After all, it is better to toss the occasional troll a scrap than to risk alienating a true and sincere seeker.

If there IS a problem, well - this forum has VERY good moderators who can address the issue quietly and it is very easy to report a posting that one feels is suspect…

Peace
James

 

[LightBound]

This is my first post and to a sensitive point. I hope no one minds.
I want to put this subject in a sensitive way, not hurting anybody’s feelings.
The question is simple: men and women have different “speeds” on getting excited and on reaching orgasms.
Men, as I understand it, reaches first, normally. Women are slower.
But on the other hand, if I understant well, and please correct me if I am wrong, men place more emphasis on orgasm, women on the relationship, on love, on being loved, on feeling that they are with someone whom they can rely to shape a family.
On the other hand, on man, orgasm is need for reproduction as for women, it is not needed.
Now, if you are a Christian and you are not selfish and love your wife, then, you search for her to reach orgasm so that she will have the most pleasure.
But, sometimes I read women writing that orgasm is not essential for women everytime they have sex. That the feeling of being loved is more important and that when orgasm comes, it comes.
Now, what a Christian Man, who looks for non-selfish pleasure, looking more for the pleasure of his wife than for his own, should do?

Should do is too strong, but, sincerely, it is what I feel asking.
What is the Christian Way of seeing orgasm? This is my concern, for i think Love should look for the pleasure (well being, wishes, whatever) of the other first.

You are sadly misinformed on women placing a lesser emphasis on that result of sex. Women want the “big O” just as much as men when it comes to sex. In fact, if you know anything about the female anatomy, women are able to have 2 kinds of the “big O”, originating from 2 different areas in their pelvic region.

The women that you reading who write that it’s no big deal are obviously dissatisfied and are trying to tell themselves that “it’s okay” without it! Don’t read such junk. Get a copy of the Theology of the Body instead.

 

[jackiem]

I know personally very little on this subject, but I did have a chance to go to a workshop presented by Christopher West. In that workshop I received a work book and recalled JP2 speaking directly on this…

"If a husband is to truly love his wife, “it is necessary to insist that intercourse must not serve merely as a means of allowing [his] climax. …The man must take [the] difference between male and female reactions into account … so that climax may be reached [by] both … and as far as possible occur in both simultaneously.” The husband must do this “not for hedonistic, but for altruistic reasons.” In this case, if “we take into account the shorter and more violent curve of arousal in the man, [such] tenderness on his part in context of the marital intercourse acquires the significance of an act of virtue” (Love and Responsibility 272, 275)

I copied it directly from my workbook, but I’m sure if you wanted to read this part in entirety it could be found online somewhere. I always pulled this out when people would claim what does an old celibate pope know about sex.

 

[HisIsTheCrown]

I tried to reply to people who thought this was a prank but deleted my text. Obviously, people who answer to a prank … let’s forget it…

Obviously, everything is between husband and wife, so let us not discuss marriage because it is something between husband and wife.

I entered carefully because this question is not discussed: do women want to have an orgasm every time, and I am talking in general (so this questions cannot be answered between ONE husband and ONE wife) and so it is of a loving husband to make it happen? Or, as someone said, women may say one thing but desire other?

The question is if a Christian Wife loves his husband and forgets her pleasure to give pleasure to the husband the Christian Husband may think that she does not mind not having orgasm when she is doing it out of love for Her Husband.

I mean, both may with the pleasure of the other and not knowing really what really the other wishes. Except for the husband which orgasm is assured.

Confusing? That is what I think. The question is that the male orgasm is assured. Should a Christian Husband assure also always the Wife’s Orgasm? As I do not think the Holy Spirit will come to answer my question, I tried to share it with my fellow Christians.

Sorry, I am not putting a gun on the head of anyone forcing him/her to post, do not mistake my intentions. But anybody may think I am a swindler,no problem, I have got large shoulders. :shrug:And though it is my first post here, it is not the first time that I write, in my life

 

[underacloud]

Some women orgasm more easily than others. Some women do not achieve orgasm often at all. There are wide differences. As you note, for males it is easier (disfunction aside).

So again we come back to communication between any given couple. The couple working together towards a more unitive marital embrace. Any loving husband ought to make a great effort to bring pleasure to his wife and help her achieve orgasm as much as possible. For some women, with their husbands help, that will be frequently, for some women infrequently. For couples who struggle for the woman to reach orgasm frequently, sex can still be a wonderful loving embrace that brings them together and reinforces the bonds or marriage.

A loving husband should make great effort to communicate. This can be hard as sex is often a difficult topic to open up about. Especially if there is dissatisfaction…no wife wants to tell her husband that he’s not doing a good job (however it’s expressed, this is likely what he will hear). But there are positive ways to go about it. The husband can encourage the wife to let him know when she’s enjoying herself, and what it is that she likes. A loving husband can also pay attention to the peripheral issues: sex isn’t just about what happens between the sheets, but what is happening generally between the couple. A husband can help the wife be more relaxed and receptive to sex in many ways - helping with kids, helping with chores, cooking a nice meal, massage, etc.

 

[HisIsTheCrown]

You are sadly misinformed on women placing a lesser emphasis on that result of sex. Women want the “big O” just as much as men when it comes to sex. In fact, if you know anything about the female anatomy, women are able to have 2 kinds of the “big O”, originating from 2 different areas in their pelvic region.

The women that you reading who write that it’s no big deal are obviously dissatisfied and are trying to tell themselves that “it’s okay” without it! Don’t read such junk. Get a copy of the Theology of the Body instead.

Having answered another posts, I thank you for yours. It is precious. Seriously. What are you talking about that I do not know, “The Theology of the Body” ?

 

[Estevao]

reuniting.info/wisdom/what_is_karezza

Karezza is a gentle, affectionate form of intercourse in which orgasm is not the goal, and ideally does not occur in either partner while making love. Karezza gained its name from Alice Bunker Stockham, MD at the end of the nineteenth century. She based the name on the Italian word carezza, meaning “caress.” …

I came across this when attempting to quit pornography and masturbation (a.k.a. no fap), and visiting a secular blog associated with this site. Here lots of guys who have symptoms that the site links to pornography (erectile dysfunction and social awkwardness), blog and talk about the effects and how it’s going for them, encouraging each other.

But there are also people in sexual relationships here who blog about how “karezza” effects their sex life. Sex with the goal of orgasm has, for some of them, led to similar symptoms as the pornography has for the guys, all ultimately linked to dopamine and neurochemistry, for which I am no expert and can make no comment about the science behind this.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

reuniting.info/wisdom/what_is_karezza

I came across this when attempting to quit pornography and masturbation (a.k.a. no fap), and visiting a secular blog associated with this site. Here lots of guys who have symptoms that the site links to pornography (erectile dysfunction and social awkwardness), blog and talk about the effects and how it’s going for them, encouraging each other.

But there are also people in sexual relationships here who blog about how “karezza” effects their sex life. Sex with the goal of orgasm has, for some of them, led to similar symptoms as the pornography has for the guys, all ultimately linked to dopamine and neurochemistry, for which I am no expert and can make no comment about the science behind this.

Sex without orgasm??? Whaaaaaaaat? Why?