Others dealing with a parent with mental illness?

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My mom has bipolar and she has been a mess off and on for most of my life. To make matters worse she is an agnostic at best though that might improve eventually. Sometimes I try to avoid her since I can’t handle her as I have my own problems but I will try to talk to her on the phone and see her when I am in town and all I can do is pray. We got her on disability so she at least should always have some money and it takes a lot of pressure off us in worrying about her. I’m sure there are worse but I come from a very dysfunctional family and my parents divorced years ago. We basically all dislike each other and the only thing that unites us is the fact that we all depend on my dad financially and overall my family on my dad’s side is quite wealthy. I don’t even want to imagine the nightmare life would be life without the money.

I don’t know if you felt this way but the one thing that scares me is people will judge me for how my family is. Considering the fact that I of course am partially effected and got my own issues I worry that if people find out about my family they will automatically assume the worst for me. In fact, although I hate this way of thinking since I have met so many wonderful Catholic families who have modest incomes but are much happier and it seems like spiritually better off and content with their lives than my family, I kind of feel that due to my family circumstances I better make sure make it to the top and become at least equally as wealthy as my dad for any chance of hiding the bad vives my family or whatever issues I might have give off. I’m on the right path for that track being in law school but there are lots of good things one can do as a lawyer without being power and money hungry and I do question it. That got off track but the point is I can relate to you about your mom and I’m sure many people can as well.
 
The first thing you need to do is get her to talk to a license psychologist or psychiatrist ASAP. My mother has had clinical depression for as long as I can remember. Although there have been bumps in the road, she has gotten treatment for it (both counseling and medicine to correct a serotonin problem) and things have been really great. We also found out she has sleep apnea and that was making things worse because she didn’t even realize she wasn’t sleeping and it really messed things up for her…Most mental illnesses do have an organic component that can be helped greatly by medicine, and depending on the problem and severity counseling could limit or completely negate the need for medication if that is something your family is not comfortable with. Good luck.
My brother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. He made terribly hurtful, wild accusations of abuse from my parents and made disturbing, threatening comments about my younger siblings, until my parents had to remove him from their home (in his mid-20’s) for everyone’s peace and safety. He lived homeless on the streets for a year or two until a certain city had him arrested and committed for dangerous behavior. This finally got him evaluated and into treatment. He is now living and working in a stable situation and is pleasant to converse with, although he is still wary of my parents’ supposed abuse. He takes his medication NOT because he believes he has any mental illness, but because it allows him to SLEEP at night.

I understand some people refuse to see a psychiatrist because of the stigma attached to mental illness or because they don’t believe they have mental problems. (They’re too ill to see things clearly. Duh!) So my suggestion is, can you find a neutral, no-stigma-attached physical symptom like sleep problems or weight problems to treat medically that will help the patient (and her family) with behavioral / emotional issues also? Especially if the patient is getting older, the doctor may be accustomed to family members contributing symptom information privately and being present at exams / consultations to hear, remember, and help implement treatment suggestions. Your family member may be willing to see her general physician, who may be willing to consult with a psychiatrist for specialized medication and dosage advice, but the G.P. may feel uncomfortable ethics-wise doing this without the patient’s knowledge.

Also, is there anything you can find diet-wise or exercise-wise to help brain chemistry and get at least some symptom relief? These could always be explained to the patient as weight loss or general health improvement, such that they might be willing to cooperate and stick with the program.

Sounds like it’s time for the Serenity Prayer.

Best wishes,
Christine
 
So I see we have the same mom…
My mom has depression and anxiety disorder also…My sisters and I also think she has PTSD from some major health problems that led almost killed her and led to a lengthy rehabilitation that ultimately ruined many of her personal relationships 😦

I feel so bad for her and yet she often drives me crazy :rolleyes:

My MIL has MANY mental problems, and even though she takes medication, it is difficult to be around her.

When DH and I figh, we sometimes accuse each other of turning out like our moms :rolleyes: I know, pretty low…

Anyways, I always pray for my mil and mom, keep a safe distance, and handle them in small doses. For those of you who can’t, (rayne89, sounds like you can’t…) you have my prayers. :gopray:
 
Thanks so much to everyone for the great support.

Teakafrog I hear ya totally about the “putting on a show” part. When I was growing up it usually took a while before my closest friends realized I was not exagerrating about my mom. She always came off so warm and friendly to outsiders. Eventually she “crack” when I a long time friend over. The hairspray incident I mentioned earlier happened with my husband present while we were dating in highschool, it was quite an eye opener for him. Interestingly we’ve realized his dad has the same disorder. It much milder now than it was when he was a kid, now that his dad is retired, lives on many acres of land and rarely has to deal with people. We’ve always joked about putting my mom and his dad under the same roof, how scary that would be. :eek:
 
Thanks so much to everyone for the great support.

Teakafrog I hear ya totally about the “putting on a show” part. When I was growing up it usually took a while before my closest friends realized I was not exagerrating about my mom. She always came off so warm and friendly to outsiders. Eventually she “crack” when I a long time friend over.
Wow this is so true…one time my friend and I (when we were 15) were eating peanut butter and apples on the couch. My mom flipped out and eventually called my friend’s parents to come get her b/c she was afraid that we might spill the peanut butter and not tell her. I often feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her.

Rayne89, your post about feeling like the mouse in the maze made me so sad 😦 It is so good that your husband has seen her behavior so that he can help you manage you having to interact with her.
 
Yeah… my mom is the master of “What would the neighbors think” On Thanksgiving Day one year she left us at the dinner table to take food to a man she had just recently met at the grocery store… everyone thought she was such a saint… we knew the goodness of her heart was not the motivation, rather, what the neighbors thought.

Another time I had a reaction to a prescribed drug and I needed to be admitted to the hospital, she refused because it would sound bad that I had a “drug reaction.” So I got to take my first year college exams dehydrated and sick as could be from a drug reaction.

When my sister finally saw what mom was like, mom turned on her (it was always my special place in the family to be the hated one) and my sister eventually had to tell her that she could not be alone with her children… oh the whining fits to everyone about how horrible that my sister has a drinking problem and won’t let her see the kids… (drinking problem?) not on your life… but then she can’t back down once she has told a lie… my brother then got involved and threatened to sue for visitation for mom… if he only knew the truth!!! I could go on and on, but the sad part is that a few years ago I would have thought these behaviors were normal because I didn’t know any better.
 
Yeah… my mom is the master of “What would the neighbors think”
Yeah, my mother is like that, too. “What would the neighbors think” if she went to a shrink? Well…I wonder what the neighbors would have thought if they had known she was out in the yard with a knife, meaning to kill herself (but she chickened out). They might think, “How considerate, to go outside and not make a mess in the house.” :rolleyes: Or they might more likely think, “Oh dear, poor M., she’s in such a bad way, I hope she gets some help,” but Mom couldn’t imagine them seeing her with compassion because she can’t see herself that way. She never did admit that she needed help – **I **was the one who intervened and took her to the hospital because Dad couldn’t get her to cooperate. But I’m a nurse and they will listen to me, so I told her we were going, I didn’t ask her. If she had nipped this in the bud when things started to unravel last winter, she might have spared herself and us several months of hell. But no… sigh
 
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