Our Catholic Wedding

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kmimi19

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Hello. I have a bit of a strange question. My husband and I are civilly married but have completed all of the steps to become convalidated, or married as Catholics. Since we were civilly married, my husband converted to Catholicism.

I know this seems unusual, but we would like our ceremony to be extremely small in terms of attendance. We do not have any Catholic friends, and only my father is Catholic. My father and mother will be attending, but my husband’s mother is elderly and will not be traveling for the ceremony. Our brothers and sisters (three total) are not Catholic and we live over 1500 miles from them so we don’t plan on asking for them to travel such a far distance considering their financial standing. Our ceremony is taking place on a Thursday midday, so any non-Catholic friends that we would invite would have to take the day off of work. I truly just wanted a small, intimate ceremony. We will take photos and share them in announcement of our union, but all of our non-Catholic friends already view us as married and I don’t want anyone to be inconvenienced by taking off work or feeling obligated to spend money to attend.

My question is who will be able to do all of the readings during the sacramental ceremony? Only my husband, myself, and my mother and father will be in attendance. With three readings to be delivered, should I ask my father to read all three? I would prefer to ask the Deacon to read all three but I do not want to ask too much, especially since it is quite nontraditional to have so few folks in attendance. Is it acceptable to have the bride and groom each read a passage? Thank you for your help!
 
This is a question you probably should direct to the priest who will be convalidating you. I believe only lectors, deacons or the priest can read the readings since it is a mass.
 
Thank you. They said something to me about I get to pick who does the readings and I thought to myself… well my mother is not Catholic which leaves my father to read them all? I will clarify with them, just trying to figure out what is customary! Thank you!
 
Are you attending daily mass and then having the ceremony immediatly following? I was at a baptism once where after mass we had to wait for a wedding before the baptism…

Long story short, there were no readings, just the exchange of vows.
kmimi19 said:
well my mother is not Catholic which leaves my father to read them all? I will clarify with them, just trying to figure out what is customary!
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I would double check with the priest. I’m not 100% certain, but I think that non-Catholics can perform some of the readings…depending on which ones you choose. I’ve heard of NC’s being allowed to read, I just don’t remember the circumstances.
 
It will be a Thursday at 2:00pm. We are planning to have mass, but it will not follow a regular mass time (although I have seen that as well!)
 
OK, then I’d ask the priest if NC’s can read.

I know of it being allowed, just not sure of the terms behind it.
 
Well obviously your mom & dad will be the 2 witnesses (unless both witnesses must be Catholic - I don’t remember).

The priest or deacon will read the Gospel, so your father could do the OT reading, Psalm, & Epistle. However, if your father would rather not, the deacon could read them all or ask a parish staff member / volunteer to help out.

If the 2nd witness must be Catholic, the deacon will most likely need a staff person or volunteer anyway.

Regardless, talk to your father and ask him if he would be honored to do that. If would not, then tell the deacon.

God bless and welcome home!
 
kmimi19 said:
It will be a Thursday at 2:00pm. We are planning to have mass, but it will not follow a regular mass time (although I have seen that as well!)
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Wait, I’m a little confused. Since you are having a tiny, private mass, is a deacon going to be there in addition to the priest? Or just the priest? You said in your OP that you would like to ask the deacon to do the readings.
 
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phil19034 said:
Well obviously your mom & dad will be the 2 witnesses (unless both witnesses must be Catholic - I don’t remember).
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TBH, I don’t think either witness needs to be Catholic.

At most, it’s one.
 
The Deacon met with us for our premarital counseling so I would ask him only because we have gotten to know one another better! A priest will be present for the serving of communion, but I was just thinking of asking the Deacon to join us, as well.
 
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kmimi19 said:
The Deacon met with us for our premarital counseling so I would ask him only because we have gotten to know him better! A priest will be present for the serving of communion, but I was just thinking of asking the Deacon to join us, as well.
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OH, ok.

Keep in mind however, that many deacons have day jobs outside the parish, so he might not be able to attend. However, if he’s retired or if his day job is with the parish, he might be able to easily attend.

God Bless
 
In my weekday convalidation, the priest read the Gospel and no other, but we didn’t have a Mass - my wife hadn’t been baptized yet (the convalidation is supposed to happen before the non-Catholic party receives any other sacraments). If you’re having a daily Mass, you might not have 3 readings. Regardless, anyone your pastor permits may read them; there are no prerequisites for readers or witnesses.
 
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Cor_ad_Cor said:
In my weekday convalidation, the priest read the Gospel and no other, but we didn’t have a Mass - my wife hadn’t been baptized yet (the convalidation is supposed to happen before the non-Catholic party receives any other sacraments). If you’re having a daily Mass, you might not have 3 readings. Regardless, anyone your pastor permits may read them; there are no prerequisites for readers or witnesses.
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If it’s a Nuptial Mass there are three readings. Your dad can certainly do the readings or he and your mom can do one each. At our regular Sunday Mass one reader does the first reading and the Prayers of the Faithful, the other reader reads the Psalm and the second reading if there is no choir or cantor.

You could even ask one of your parish readers to help you out.
 
And just out of curiosity, would it be unacceptable for the groom to perform a reading? He would be more than willing, but I’m not sure if he has to remain by my side during the ceremony.
 
Things (such as a Party to the wedding proclaiming a reading) can be unusual but still be acceptable or legal or possible. It depends on the priest and how he wants to run things. It never hurts to ask.

As for witnesses, it was asked/wondered if any had to be Catholic. No, neither has to be Catholic.

Dan
 
Consult with your parish priest. He will have the answers for you.
 
acanonlawyer said:
Things (such as a Party to the wedding proclaiming a reading) can be unusual but still be acceptable or legal or possible. It depends on the priest and how he wants to run things. It never hurts to ask.

As for witnesses, it was asked/wondered if any had to be Catholic. No, neither has to be Catholic.

Dan
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Yep. I’m just bolding that one line because the time to learn if the priest will say yes or no to something that is “unusual but allowed” is now, not the evening prior to the wedding.
 
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