Our mortal sin or nobody's mortal sin?

[SwizzleStick]

My lovely mother-in-law has dementia. She has been evaluated by her geriatrician as now being in the mid-stage of her disease. She is still quite able to function in life pretty well, pays a few bills, shops, sees friends, goes to mass, etc. She stopped driving a few years ago and cannot cook anymore and gets lost in her days (she gets times confused, sometimes thinks morning is evening, and thinks every day is Sunday and gets up and dressed for mass every day until she is told several times that it is not Sunday, etc.). As of a few months ago, she moved in with her fallen-away Catholic daughter M. Another daughter S is also Catholic, though she disagrees with many teachings of the Church and doesn’t view missing mass as a mortal sin. Daughter S and my husband and I make sure that Mom gets to mass every Sunday and on Holy Days of Obligation, though S takes Mom to Mom’s parish and we take her to ours, which is the closest parish. We will continue to take her to mass as long as Mom can participate, wants to go and as long as she is able to attend without disruption. When I have her on Tuesdays, I take her to mass at our parish, then stay for Our Lady of Perpetual Help Devotions and the rosary. She loves going and is still able to participate, though trying to use the missal or hymnal confuses her. She is still able to follow the mass, the Devotion card and recite the prayers of the rosary. For the Solemnity of Mary mass, daughter M called to say that daughter S could not take Mom to mass and arranged for us to take her to the vigil mass with us. Mom went to mass with us and all was well.

For the Immaculate Conception, I had offered to take Mom to the all-school mass with us, but S said she wanted to take Mom with her to an evening Mass at Mom’s parish. December 8 was on Monday, so when I picked Mom up on Tuesday, my regular day, I commented that we were going to Church, but my Church this time but it was nice that she had been able to attend mass at her own parish last evening. Mom said no, she hadn’t been to mass the evening before at any Church. Mom said S had not taken her to mass on Monday evening because S was out of town. I’m not sure if Mom actually went to mass or not because of the problem with mixing up days and her dementia. Since it was past and there was nothing I could do about it at that point, I didn’t pursue it.

But, the conversation with M when she called to ask if we could take Mom on either 12/31 or 1/1 and the possibility that Mom missed mass on December 8 got me to thinking. Though fallen away, M seems to know that missing mass is a mortal sin, as she stated that it wouldn’t be a mortal sin for Mom to miss mass for the Solemnity of Mary if we didn’t take her with us. While I agree that it wouldn’t be a mortal sin for MOM to miss mass because she is dependant on others to get her there and also deals with the dementia, I think at this stage, it would be a mortal sin for US if we didn’t take her to mass when we could do so. There was no point in making that comment to M because she doesn’t believe the teachings of the Church and experience has shown that things would just get ugly to discuss Church teachings, but I was curious what opinions and supporting data might be forthcoming from a discussion on CAF. Would WE (my husband and I) commit mortal sin if Mom were to miss mass while she is able to go and participate? Or would there be no sin by anyone? I think it would be OUR mortal sin if we knew about it and didn’t make sure Mom could go, just as it would be OUR mortal sin if we did not make sure our children go to mass as they should. It is a sin we will avoid, but I’m just curious about the viewpoints of others. Holy Mother Church is our guide, but a lively discussion can be interesting. Also, this way, no relatives will be angry and upset and label anyone “self-righteous.”

Thoughts? Opinions? Discussion?

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

A mortal sin requires full consent of the will, sufficient reflection, and serious matter. If one of the three parts is missing, then there’s no mortal sin.

If, in trying to get this woman to Mass, you miss a beat through miscommunication, bad traffic, screwy mass times, etc., it’s no biggie.

I don’t agree that getting Mom to Mass, even if she can participate to a degree, is that important to put it in the same category as a child. But I am not a priest or a canon lawyer. Why don’t you ask one and see what kind of answer you get?

 

[FanChan]

My mother’s side of the family had a similar issue with my great-grandmother. Her children were Catholic, but ignorant or ‘willful’, basically cafeteria Catholics, and they didn’t make much effort at all to get their mother to church (though, in their defense, she had trouble with incontinencey, which is quite embarrassing to go through at church). During the last months of her life, her son moved out to look after her since her daughter’s son had a stroke and needed a lot of the family’s attention. He was smart enough to turn the broadcast of the Mass on for her, so at the very least she was getting the Word. I’m not sure if they ever had an extraordinary minister come, but that is an option you could consider. Most parishes have one or two ministers who can go around to those people that can’t leave their homes for whatever reason to minister the Eucharist to them.

 

[SwizzleStick]

A mortal sin requires full consent of the will, sufficient reflection, and serious matter. If one of the three parts is missing, then there’s no mortal sin.

Yes, I believe all those criteria are present. Hubby and I are both aware that it is serious matter to miss Mass on Sunday and Holy Days of Obligation. We have full knowledge and firm belief that the act is seriously wrong. We also know that the only way it would be a mortal sin for us would be if we allowed Mom to miss Mass by full consent of our will and full knowledge.

If, in trying to get this woman to Mass, you miss a beat through miscommunication, bad traffic, screwy mass times, etc., it’s no biggie.

Miscommunication or no communication would be the only way it would happen with hubby and me since Mom now lives about five minutes away from us and our Church is only about five minutes from either of us. We are fully aware of Mass times. S has decided she will routinely take Mom to Mass at Mom’s parish because Mom prefers her own parish and M only calls us when S’s schedule doesn’t allow her to do so. We also take Mom sometimes too because we spend one of the weekend days with her to give M a break from Mom’s care and Mom goes to Church when we go. Who knows how often M and S decide to just let it slide and not get Mom to Mass, especially since they don’t believe it is a mortal sin for anybody to miss Mass, much less their Mom who cannot drive anymore and suffers from dementia? Not me. Is it my job to find out? Probably not, all things considered, but….

I don’t agree that getting Mom to Mass, even if she can participate to a degree, is that important to put it in the same category as a child. But I am not a priest or a canon lawyer. Why don’t you ask one and see what kind of answer you get?

While the days are likely numbered as far as Mom’s ability to participate at Mass, I think it is important to keep getting her there as long as she is able to participate and wants to go. I feel it is our responsibility and also an act of charity since she so wants to go. I guess it is a matter of deciding when the cut-off point is and I think that point is when she has to move to nursing home care. I agree that it is a good idea to ask a priest about this, thanks.

 

[SwizzleStick]

My mother’s side of the family had a similar issue with my great-grandmother. Her children were Catholic, but ignorant or ‘willful’, basically cafeteria Catholics, and they didn’t make much effort at all to get their mother to church (though, in their defense, she had trouble with incontinencey, which is quite embarrassing to go through at church). …

I think that would be a clear cut-off point to no longer take Mom to Church.

…He was smart enough to turn the broadcast of the Mass on for her, so at the very least she was getting the Word. I’m not sure if they ever had an extraordinary minister come, but that is an option you could consider. Most parishes have one or two ministers who can go around to those people that can’t leave their homes for whatever reason to minister the Eucharist to them.

These will work and are things to keep in mind once Mom gets to the point where she cannot attend Mass, thanks.

 

[Listener]

I think that, as an adult, I am required to get myself to Mass. I don’t know of any Church law that says I am required to get others to Mass. The one exception is our young children, who obviously can’t get themselves there.

Dementia is a serious illness. Anyone whith dementia who is sick enough to stop driving would not have an obligation to go to Mass. Illness excuses us from attendance at Mass.

How many nursing homes provide Mass on Sunday for the residents? Sometimes not even the Catholic homes are able to do this. If there was something immoral about this, the priests would have done something about it.

It is a very nice thing to take someone like this to Mass if they are capable of being there, but I don’t see how that would make it an obligation on your part.

 

[SwizzleStick]

In reflecting today on the replies I’ve received I see that it is possible that maybe I’m being unreasonable and maybe a little bit goofy about this. Mom is still quite functional, quite normal in most of her behaviors, so it is hard for me to think about her losing this part of her life, this part of her life that has been so important to her for her entire life of eight decades. Most people might see some bit of memory impairment, some small thing that is a bit off in her conversations (she is still quite happy and quite social and gracious), but only those closest to her are aware of her limitations, so I have a very difficult time with considering what lies ahead.

I thank you all for your kind replies. Perhaps I am suffering from a bit of denial. I have much to think about and perhaps will soon seek counsel of my priest too. Again, thank you all.