Our priest doesn't like children!

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Thanks for the many replies!

To update- my husband and I went to church separately this weekend. I went to mass on Saturday night, and there was one small child in church. She was about 1 I would guess. She made a little noise, but no more than any normal 1 year old would make. It was very noticeable to me, though, because I was so afraid of how Fr. would react. Her mother took her out about half way through mass, and never returned.

My husband went to Sunday morning mass, and there were no children at that mass. He said that it felt very tense. Fr. had no outbursts at either mass, but that is because it was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop.

There are only these 2 masses celebrated at our church, which means only one little child attended mass the whole weekend! How sad. We did not take our children ( 22 mos and 7 mos).

One of the parishoners had a petition to send to the Bishop requesting the reassignment of our priest. I was not sure if I should sign, but I did because I really think that it is best for everyone involved.

I agree that he likely has mental health issues, as a nurse with psych experience. Another nurse in the parish did send a letter to the Bishop expressing these concerns and asking him to get Fr. the help he needs. I read the letter and it was well-written and compasionate.

So, for now we will continue going to mass separately or attend another church. I hate not to go to mass as a family, but I do not want my children to be the only ones in church, and have all of the focus on us.
 
wisdom_3_5 said:
What is obvious from previous posts is that what is missing is simple common courtesy, on the part of the priest, the parents and the posters!
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Um, no. Did you even read the entire original post? What is going on at this parish is not a lack of “common courtesy” on the part of anyone. The problem is that there is a mentally deranged pastor on the loose at this parish. The problem isn’t “screaming babies” as you complain about in your post, but rather a priest who slams down the chalice of Precious Blood and has a hissy fit during Mass and sits moping in the dark instead of attending his meetings. If you want to complain about children at Mass, start a new thread because as relevant as you might think it is to this particular thread, it’s not. Common courtesy does not hijack others’ threads 😉
 
skiblerrn said:
Thanks for the many replies!

To update- my husband and I went to church separately this weekend. I went to mass on Saturday night, and there was one small child in church. She was about 1 I would guess. She made a little noise, but no more than any normal 1 year old would make. It was very noticeable to me, though, because I was so afraid of how Fr. would react. Her mother took her out about half way through mass, and never returned.

My husband went to Sunday morning mass, and there were no children at that mass. He said that it felt very tense. Fr. had no outbursts at either mass, but that is because it was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop.

There are only these 2 masses celebrated at our church, which means only one little child attended mass the whole weekend! How sad. We did not take our children ( 22 mos and 7 mos).

One of the parishoners had a petition to send to the Bishop requesting the reassignment of our priest. I was not sure if I should sign, but I did because I really think that it is best for everyone involved.

I agree that he likely has mental health issues, as a nurse with psych experience. Another nurse in the parish did send a letter to the Bishop expressing these concerns and asking him to get Fr. the help he needs. I read the letter and it was well-written and compasionate.

So, for now we will continue going to mass separately or attend another church. I hate not to go to mass as a family, but I do not want my children to be the only ones in church, and have all of the focus on us.
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:hug1: That is so sad that Jesus is now missing out on having your little ones at Mass. I would cry my eyes out if that happened to us.
 
CatholicSam said:
Um, no. Did you even read the entire original post?

Um, yes I did.

What is going on at this parish is not a lack of “common courtesy” on the part of anyone. The problem is that there is a mentally deranged pastor on the loose at this parish.

It does start with common courtesy! If this man is “mentally derranged” then he needs prayers, support, help! All I have seen from these posts is get rid of him, pass him off on some other parish, let them deal with him. How does that help him? Is that what Christ would want us to do?

The problem isn’t “screaming babies” as you complain about in your post,

Not complaining. It was merely an example of how a child might distract someone from mass.

but rather a priest who slams down the chalice of Precious Blood and has a hissy fit during Mass and sits moping in the dark instead of attending his meetings.

This behavior is unacceptable and indicates a problem. Depression, Bipolar, whatever, can be addressed/managed. Again why is the soloution to the problem to get rid of him instead of helping him? I don’t know, maybe from my past experience with this sort of thing . . . The priest we had was really wonderful but he did suffer from depression and didn’t want a lot of noise in mass. The people here, who were most offended by his requests for respect for mass and for others, treated him very badly. He ended up requesting a transfer. We expect so much from our priests, but they are only human.

If you want to complain about children at Mass, start a new thread because as relevant as you might think it is to this particular thread, it’s not.

Again, I wasn’t complaining about children in mass. We didn’t put our children in the nursery because my husband and I believe they receive grace being in the prescence of the Eucharist. And I think it is relevant since the priest in the OP has made people feel like children shouldn’t be in mass. It is common courtesy to take children who are not behaving out of mass until they calm down.

Common courtesy does not hijack others’ threads 😉

Not hijacking, just commenting and adding my insight. This is a discussion forum and since I experienced something similar to the OP I thought my comments would be welcome.
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Wisdom, if you did in fact read the original post you would have learned that this parish has tried unsuccessfully to help the priest. He refuses to attend the meetings and when he does show up, he refuses to speak other than to utter hateful comments about families with children. They have done their part and it’s time that they get some relief.

As others have pointed out, this kind of priest in a pastoral position can only do severe harm to the faith of his flock. It’s now not a time to be touchy-feely, “oh, the poor dear.” No, he is doing serious damage, permanent damage, and needs to be removed before he causes someone to lose his or her soul. 😦

Once again, this is not the common case of a few inconsiderate parents letting their kids run wild at Mass. Last Sunday there was exactly one child at Mass in this parish (check previous posts). This definitely is not the thread to gripe about those parents. No one is debating that. 🙂
 
Just want to clarify one thing- Fr. slammed the chalice down AFTER purification (from what I have been told). Still inappropriate, but not quite as bad.

I just feel so sad over the whole situation. I do believe that he should be reassigned to some other duty, but it is not because I think he is some terrible monster. I am angry over his actions, but I truly think that, for whatever reason, he is unable to handle a parish.

To make things worse, the former priest at our parish was very well loved, and the entire parish was devastated when he was transferred. (We were quite new to the parish, so we hadn’t developed as strong a relationship with him. Maybe I can see things more objectively than other parishoners because of that.) However, I do recall people trying to make the new priest feel welcomed. I have been told that he met some of these attempts with resistance (which also points to possible depression).
 
He sounds like he has anger management issues and might benefit from pharmacutical intervention. He is obviously unsuited to being a pastor of a church, he sounds totally irritable, neurotic, and self absorbed.
 
CatholicSam said:
Exactly what does this post have to do with the problem in Skiblerrn’s parish? I’m sorry you were frustrated at Mass, but this is not the thread. If you feel the need to vent, start a new thread please. 🙂
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Are you serious? How about “We were at mass one Sunday morning when he did this, and the mother sat outside in her car and cried for the remainder of mass. In the priest’s defense- the little girl was being too loud, and the mother should have taken her out.” Seems to me there is a lot going on in this parish, not just on the part of the pastor. It must have been quite a scene in that car with mom and baby crying in the parking lot. Do you think Father stops Mass if there is a sneeze or cough? If I lived in this parish, I would continue to take my children to Mass and if they acted up to the degree that it was noticable, I would take them out. It sounds like the people in this parish are making issue of the situation to get rid of this priest.
There are things my pastor doesn’t do that I totally disagree with but it isn’t all about me and what I want. If “The bishop has responded by sending a letter to the parish which basically says to take your kids out if they get noisy.” That is what I would do.
The day father comes down from the Altar and beats up the mom of a crying baby is the day when I would address his mental health. Other than that, I would give this new pastor some time to settle in.
 
I would like to post a positive experience in a parish with children, just to let you know it’s not all bad.

For some reason, we have had, over the years, a number of children with profound disabilities in our parish, to the point that they are in wheelchairs and just moan sometimes.

Friends used to sit in the front row (we have chairs, not pews, long story) with their son who was in a wheelchair and profoundly, profoundly disabled. He would sometimes start to moan or make noises. The mother would quietly get up to wheel him out, and the pastor would motion for her to sit and say, “It’s okay”. and she’s sit down.

No one was bothered by the noise, really. And you could see the love and compassion on the pastor’s face.

That’s what our faith is all about.
 
Lovemyfaith said:
Are you serious? How about “We were at mass one Sunday morning when he did this, and the mother sat outside in her car and cried for the remainder of mass. In the priest’s defense- the little girl was being too loud, and the mother should have taken her out.” Seems to me there is a lot going on in this parish, not just on the part of the pastor. It must have been quite a scene in that car with mom and baby crying in the parking lot. Do you think Father stops Mass if there is a sneeze or cough? If I lived in this parish, I would continue to take my children to Mass and if they acted up to the degree that it was noticable, I would take them out. It sounds like the people in this parish are making issue of the situation to get rid of this priest.
There are things my pastor doesn’t do that I totally disagree with but it isn’t all about me and what I want. **If “The bishop has responded by sending a letter to the parish which basically says to take your kids out if they get noisy.” That is what I would do. **
The day father comes down from the Altar and beats up the mom of a crying baby is the day when I would address his mental health. Other than that, I would give this new pastor some time to settle in.
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Yes, and this is what all the families in the parish did, too. Exactly one child attended Mass this weekend. 😦 All children make noise and this priest expects dead silence in the church–therefore no child is even welcome in the pew at all. Not a normal situation. I think it’s sad that you would wait for someone to get physically hurt before taking action. Already people are being emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually scarred by this man’s actions. Who knows how many of the families of little children have stopped attending Mass altogether? And even worse, Jesus misses having these pure little souls there at Mass! As skiblerrn said, this man is not fit for parish duty and needs to be assigned somewhere where he can better serve God, or get the counseling he needs to treat all members of his congregation, even those in diapers, with the basic human dignity they deserve.

I’m sorry that some inconsiderate parents let their child bang a medal throughout Mass, but that in no way justifies the actions of this priest. As a side note, when someone at Mass is really bothering me and I feel my blood pressure starting to rise, I look at the tabernacle and imagine Jesus standing there. 🙂 I also remind myself that Christians in other parts of the world would be executed for going to Mass and/or have to travel many miles by foot to get to Mass, and I should not be so bothered by others’ imperfections. I’m extremely blessed to be there, noise/distraction or not. And sometimes God lets these people get our attention as a way of rounding up prayers for them. You did the right thing by praying your Hail Marys for her! 👍
 
CatholicSam said:
Yes, and this is what all the families in the parish did, too. Exactly one child attended Mass this weekend. 😦 All children make noise and this priest expects dead silence in the church–therefore no child is even welcome in the pew at all. Not a normal situation. I think it’s sad that you would wait for someone to get physically hurt before taking action. Already people are being emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually scarred by this man’s actions. Who knows how many of the families of little children have stopped attending Mass altogether? And even worse, Jesus misses having these pure little souls there at Mass! As skiblerrn said, this man is not fit for parish duty and needs to be assigned somewhere where he can better serve God, or get the counseling he needs to treat all members of his congregation, even those in diapers, with the basic human dignity they deserve.
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Maybe I am a little confused, but is this your parish? I thought there was a different OP. If it isn’t then you really don’t know that children aren’t welcome. I also don’t know that this priest needs to be on medication or needs counseling because he looked at a person whose child wa making noise. If the Bishop do thinks this priest is fit for parish duty, I would have to go with that and give it some more time.
As a catholic parent, I would not stop taking my child to mass. I would remove them if they were making TOO much noise and I would not justify sitting through Mass while my child screamed the entire time by thinking that a disable person is allowed to make noise or that there are places in the world where it is hard to get to Mass.
 
Lovemyfaith said:
Maybe I am a little confused, but is this your parish? I thought there was a different OP. If it isn’t then you really don’t know that children aren’t welcome. I also don’t know that this priest needs to be on medication or needs counseling because he looked at a person whose child wa making noise. If the Bishop do thinks this priest is fit for parish duty, I would have to go with that and give it some more time.
As a catholic parent, I would not stop taking my child to mass. I would remove them if they were making TOO much noise and I would not justify sitting through Mass while my child screamed the entire time by thinking that a disable person is allowed to make noise or that there are places in the world where it is hard to get to Mass.
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No, I thank God this is not my parish. But the OP gave an update several posts back. She said that she and her hubby split Masses–she saw no children at her Mass and he only saw one child at his. These were the only weekend Masses offered at their small parish. Also, in the original post, skiblerrn said that the priest refused to talk to anyone at the meeting, finally yelling “I can’t stand the children and their parents!” in an angry outburst. This man has been at it for almost 6 months, I think that’s plenty of time for him to settle down, don’t you?

And I didn’t mean that we shouldn’t be considerate of others at Mass because of disabled or persecuted Christians elsewhere in the world. I meant that when others, who we have no control over, get on our nerves at Mass (even if they truly are in the wrong, such as the girl with the medal), *we *do have a choice in how *we *react. We can sit there fuming, “Please, shoot me now!!!,” or we can realize how blessed WE are to be there at all. This technique helps me deal with poorly-behaved people at Mass, and I thought I’d share it with you. 🙂
 
to the OP: I’m so sorry your priest seems to be against kids in the mass 😦 That breaks my heart. Is there any other parishes around?

This makes me pleased that our priest loves the children. He doesn’t mind the little bit of noise, you can actually see him smiley at the children. The parents to get up and take them out if they are “too” loud. But they come back in after they’ve calmed the children down. Typically they (and we) attempt to calm them down in the pew. It is our job to teach how to behave at Mass. Removing them from Mass gives them what they want.

My kids have gone to Mass since the first Sunday they were home from the hospital. There have been times we’ve had to take them to the entryway, but those were far and few between. We typically sit in the front or 2nd pew, they don’t like misbehaving where Father can see them 🙂
 
Well, having skimmed this whole thread…

I would do one of two things…

Sit on the front pew with all my boys.

Or leave, go to Mass at another parish, tell the folks involved with the Priest to inform me if anything changes, until then, my family and I will attend such and such parish, thank you.
 
I thought having children go elsewhere during church services was a Protestant thing? At least the Protestants provide childcare. This priest really needs to get a grip, he is being an intolerant jerk and he is being an Evangelist for the Protestants by driving people into their arms!
 
taylo223 said:
Maybe we should have an “adult parenting class” for the parents that clearly haven’t taught to their children to behave at home and allow it to flow over into the mass. 👍
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why that is the smartest thing that I have ever heard…why didn’t I think of that…:rolleyes:

sign me up…:bowdown: oh wise one! :bowdown:
 
The extreme lack of charity in this thread among SEVERAL posters has caused it to be closed. Please review charity expectations here.
 
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