Our priest is leaving

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Irishgal49

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Hi Family,

Today is the 16th anniversary of my son’s death. I had mass said for him today. At the conclusion of mass the priest announced that he’s leaving and we are getting a new priest. The parochial vicar is staying, thank goodness.

The priest and I had a major falling out this past January and he told me to find a new confessor, and basically refused to work with me. I have a mental illness and I admit I really chewed him out and was wrong to do so, but there seemed to be no real forgiveness between us. I mean I face-to-face apologized but it was crazy. I am now on a medication that helps but I was living in permanent banishment. I have an addiction and bounce in and out of Confession so I always had to look and see who was in the Confessional because I had to make sure it was the Parochial Vicar–or email him about when we could meet. I would cry a lot, feeling horribly guilty and like I was seen as “crazy” and “less than” the others. It created a lot of drama for me and I had decided that today was my last day at my parish. I was leaving to go elsewhere and would go to be part of the mass said for my son. Then he said he was leaving.

You would think I would have been cheering but I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. People were sobbing and I guess he’s with us for one more month.

My question is: has your parish had a priest leave and how do you handle your feelings and those of your friends (one of whom is quite devastated)? Any suggestions? I have never been part of a parish when the priest changed, I am a little scared, not sure what to think. I am also hopeful that now I can start fresh and not feel like the woman with the scarlet letter.

Any comments are welcome,
Blessings to all,

Lorrie
 
It is fortunate that you have a priest who is staying at your parish. That, at least, is something.

Four years ago, the only priest at my church announced he would be leaving to go to another parish some 90 minutes away from us. Everyone was DEVASTATED. The man was the first priest of our church from way back when we were in a high school cafeteria, to when our beautiful building was finally constructed. It was an extremely emotional last month with him, but there was a great farewell party for him and I think that helped people a lot with coping.

The new priest was very different, very unfamiliar to us. But our original priest did a lot to help him transition in. After all, the new priest was coming from a parish he had been with for eight years. There will be some sadness for everyone, and yes, things will feel quite different for a while. But as I said before, you do have one priest staying who will be familiar to you, and that is a blessing.

Remain positive. Bishops don’t just make these decisions on a whim, and he will have selected a replacement priest who will fit in at your church. Pray for the people who are having difficulty accepting this change, and pray for both the leaving priest AND the incoming priest. I’m certain they’re probably nervous and scared as well.

Good luck! I will keep you and your parish in my prayers in this strange and confusing time.
 
Irishgal49 said:
I am also hopeful that now I can start fresh and not feel like the woman with the scarlet letter.

Any comments are welcome,
Blessings to all,

Lorrie
Click to expand...
My experience, (and I also had trouble with a priest due to mental illness) with having twice gone through the change in Pastor routine is: the first time it was disastrous for the Parish as a whole but quite good for me as I got that “fresh start” you are talking about. The second time it’s possibly going to be okay for the Parish but I had to leave because no way could I be there with the changes he made.

I suggest just pretending you have moved to a new parish and don’t know the priest at all. Take it as it comes. Try not to jump to any judgments. Good luck.
 
In my diocese this happens pretty often. Pastors are appointed to a 6 year term with the option of renewing for another 6 years, then it’s off to a new assignment.
It is always difficult, especially when the pastor is really loved, but it is good for both the priest & the parish so that complacency does not set in.
 
I think what we need to remember, (having been through priest changes before), is that it usually is harder on the new priest coming in than it is on the parishioners, esp. if the parish consists largely of people who have belonged there all their lives, like some of the smaller and older ethnic parishes.

It’s ok to miss the old priest, but prepare yourself mentally now for the fact that things will not be the same, and changes will occur which might not sit well with some of the parishioners. Every priest does things differently, and even the best of them will eventually do something to make someone mad. So try to be supportive of the new priest, realizing he will be under close scrutiny for a long time, and under a lot of stress. That has to get on anybody’s nerves.

As for missing the old priest, it just takes time to work through that, like everything else.
 
In my diocese priests are reassigned every 6 years, sometimes less for a parochial vicar. Our PV will be leaving next year. Everyone knows that so it’s never a surprise unless they leave in less than 6 years as happened with two of our priests who were sent for further study. It is difficult but it is good for a parish and for the priest to have new experiences. Yes it is difficult. I work for the parish so it was hard to say goodbye to men I worked with closely. But we remained friends and see each other often and speak online. But I have to remember that they have new assignments and their parishioners are their first responsibility. Sometimes they come back to visit. I was sad to see them go (and some I was glad to see go) but wish them the best and realize that nothing lasts forever and we have to adjust to change for that is how we grow.
 
Irishgal49 said:
Hi Family,

Today is the 16th anniversary of my son’s death. I had mass said for him today. At the conclusion of mass the priest announced that he’s leaving and we are getting a new priest. The parochial vicar is staying, thank goodness.

The priest and I had a major falling out this past January and he told me to find a new confessor, and basically refused to work with me. I have a mental illness and I admit I really chewed him out and was wrong to do so, but there seemed to be no real forgiveness between us. I mean I face-to-face apologized but it was crazy. I am now on a medication that helps but I was living in permanent banishment. I have an addiction and bounce in and out of Confession so I always had to look and see who was in the Confessional because I had to make sure it was the Parochial Vicar–or email him about when we could meet. I would cry a lot, feeling horribly guilty and like I was seen as “crazy” and “less than” the others. It created a lot of drama for me and I had decided that today was my last day at my parish. I was leaving to go elsewhere and would go to be part of the mass said for my son. Then he said he was leaving.

You would think I would have been cheering but I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. People were sobbing and I guess he’s with us for one more month.

My question is: has your parish had a priest leave and how do you handle your feelings and those of your friends (one of whom is quite devastated)? Any suggestions? I have never been part of a parish when the priest changed, I am a little scared, not sure what to think. I am also hopeful that now I can start fresh and not feel like the woman with the scarlet letter.

Any comments are welcome,
Blessings to all,

Lorrie
Click to expand...
I am sorry to hear about the anniversary of your son’s death. And about your pastor, but you might find that it will be a good thing overall, and perhaps you will get on with your new priest better.

I will sure pray that things turn out that way.

:crossrc:
 
Irishgal49 said:
Hi Family,

Today is the 16th anniversary of my son’s death. I had mass said for him today. At the conclusion of mass the priest announced that he’s leaving and we are getting a new priest. The parochial vicar is staying, thank goodness.

The priest and I had a major falling out this past January and he told me to find a new confessor, and basically refused to work with me. I have a mental illness and I admit I really chewed him out and was wrong to do so, but there seemed to be no real forgiveness between us. I mean I face-to-face apologized but it was crazy. I am now on a medication that helps but I was living in permanent banishment. I have an addiction and bounce in and out of Confession so I always had to look and see who was in the Confessional because I had to make sure it was the Parochial Vicar–or email him about when we could meet. I would cry a lot, feeling horribly guilty and like I was seen as “crazy” and “less than” the others. It created a lot of drama for me and I had decided that today was my last day at my parish. I was leaving to go elsewhere and would go to be part of the mass said for my son. Then he said he was leaving.

You would think I would have been cheering but I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. People were sobbing and I guess he’s with us for one more month.

My question is: has your parish had a priest leave and how do you handle your feelings and those of your friends (one of whom is quite devastated)? Any suggestions? I have never been part of a parish when the priest changed, I am a little scared, not sure what to think. I am also hopeful that now I can start fresh and not feel like the woman with the scarlet letter.

Any comments are welcome,
Blessings to all,

Lorrie
Click to expand...
Yeh, I do understand in that I deliberately kind of never get close to any priest because I know they will go. This time though with the current priest I have shared just about everything and he is very good at listening and I was getting drawn in as such but had a wake up call via gossip, gossip does have a purpose sometimes. But still share though with more detachment I hope. By his contract we have another 4 years with the priest yet and I have ample time to adjust…even if he moves on early, I be okay now I had the wake up call per se.
Its someone who has walked closely with you in your life even if you have disagreements. They kind of know your inner secrets etc via confession and other times we might talk with them. So it is perfectly natural when one announces he is leaving it is upsetting. Its okay to be upset about it because they have taken care of our deeper secrets if we talk to them. Its almost like a breavement especially if its the first priest that has moved on in your time. You will feel bruised. It natural even if you have ‘fallen out’. A part of the priest role is being there through our tears, whatever the reason they are shed for, that is between you and priest. That is why its hard when they go because you got to then start rebuilding trust in another. It takes hard work on both parties.

Its life and it hurts sometimes but at least you do have a priest there to talk to that is still there. When ours go, we normally have about 2 or 3 year interrugnum period time without a priest in the parish.
 
I think we need to remember that priests are reassigned - they are not leaving in the same way that someone leaves a job for a better opportunity. In some view instances, a priest may request a transfer and have it approved, but usually transfers are initiated by the bishop for reasons that impact the entire diocese.

When new priests are ordained, they need assignments and that can initiate a series of moves. In the same way priests retiring, becoming ill, etc also can start a series of moves.

In general though, PVs are moved around a bit as new priests (every few years) so that they can gain expereince in different types of parishes and with different groups of people. For example, our PV was talking last night about how the seminary doesn’t teach anything about youth ministry - yet in a parish with 5000 families, he spends a lot of time working with teens.

To the OP, I’m very sorry to hear about your history with your current priest. I pray that your new priest is kind to you. Try your best not to let your previous experience color your reaction to the new pastor. The idea of pretending that you are in a whole new parish is good advice.
 
I have seen many priests come and go over the years, more frequently than in the past, when a priest might remain at a parish for decades. I think it is a good idea for priests to move periodically and not stay in one parish too long. That is the way our diocese does it, so few priests are in any one parish for longer than 5-6 years.

My one personal suggestion for the OP is to communicate with the priest who is leaving. Preferably, talk to him in person, express (again) your apologies for what happened, and wish him well at his new parish. Let him leave on as good a note as possible. If talking to him directly would be too difficult, write him a short note saying the same things. In either case, it is not necessary to re-hash the details or offer any explanations or excuses. Just extend to him your regrets and your prayers. Take the high road. It could be beneficial to your own emotional well-being.

My prayers are also with you, that you find peace within yourself and in your parish family.
 
Irishgal49 said:
Hi Family,

Today is the 16th anniversary of my son’s death. I had mass said for him today. At the conclusion of mass the priest announced that he’s leaving and we are getting a new priest. The parochial vicar is staying, thank goodness.

The priest and I had a major falling out this past January and he told me to find a new confessor, and basically refused to work with me. I have a mental illness and I admit I really chewed him out and was wrong to do so, but there seemed to be no real forgiveness between us. I mean I face-to-face apologized but it was crazy. I am now on a medication that helps but I was living in permanent banishment. I have an addiction and bounce in and out of Confession so I always had to look and see who was in the Confessional because I had to make sure it was the Parochial Vicar–or email him about when we could meet. I would cry a lot, feeling horribly guilty and like I was seen as “crazy” and “less than” the others. It created a lot of drama for me and I had decided that today was my last day at my parish. I was leaving to go elsewhere and would go to be part of the mass said for my son. Then he said he was leaving.

You would think I would have been cheering but I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. People were sobbing and I guess he’s with us for one more month.

My question is: has your parish had a priest leave and how do you handle your feelings and those of your friends (one of whom is quite devastated)? Any suggestions? I have never been part of a parish when the priest changed, I am a little scared, not sure what to think. I am also hopeful that now I can start fresh and not feel like the woman with the scarlet letter.

Any comments are welcome,
Blessings to all,

Lorrie
Click to expand...
Relax! I work for a parish and have been through changes and currently we have no pastor. Focus on what matters: Christ.
 
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