Our toddler son is killing us!

[queen_anne78]

First of all, all but one of my kids have coslept and night weaned while cosleeping, so it’s possible - there is hope!

All I can think of right now is that Dad (you) takes over when the baby wakes up. You get up, you walk with him, bounce him, cuddle him, whatever it takes, and tell him Momma’s Milk is all gone and that you want to help him sleep now so Tired Momma can sleep.

It’ll probably take lots of minutes (maybe hours) and lots of nights before he catches on. But throwing him into his own room and ignoring him after he’s only known sleeping with you and nursing to sleep is IMHO, heartless. That seems like a very stressful, uncompassionate option.

(Personally, at 14 months, I don’t think it’s ridiculous he’s still doing this. He’s just a tad over one. Sounds pretty usual for extended breastfeeding.)

I am a mom, one who has co slept with all 6 of her children. There are safe ways and not safe ways to co sleep. Nearly EVERY case of rolling over on a baby involved alchohol, drugs or extreme exhaustion. One must make sure they are doing it safely. Babies die in cribs as well. A baby’s death is tragic no matter where or how it happens–no need to villianize co sleeping. Do some real research and don’t just react emotionally, PLUS this is totally off topic and derailing this thread.

nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/faq.html
askdrsears.com/html/10/T102200.asp
kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html

To the OP:
A 14 month old is still essentially a baby. It’s not like a baby reaches 12 months and is all grown up. What you are experiencing is normal behavior. That being said, if mom needs a change, then you need to figure out how to do this gently–leaving baby to cry in his crib until he throws up is no good for anyone, esp the baby. What has worked for us it to have daddy takeover bedtime (setting a new routine) and night time wake up calls (thereby keeping the boobs away), adding a new type of soothy–be that a pacy, a blanket, a stuffed animal, a bottle of water or whatever works and don’t forget being patient. Your child isn’t spoiled, but he does have either a need (some children actually DO need that extra cuddling at night) or a habit (hey, it’s nice to have mom and dad close!). You’ve spent all these months making sure baby is nice and attached and secure to you and now you want to rip that away from him. Be kind. Be gentle. Be loving. A new routine is possible and so is weaning, but it’s not going to happen over night. It’s going to be a process.

I nightweaned my daughter after she turned 2 for the same reasons your wife wants to nightwean, I am pregnant and nursing had become quite painful. We actually still co-sleep most nights and we always room-share, but we like it that way. It was a little easier with my daughter b/c she was able to understand when I told her we would nurse again when the sun comes up. I wore a t-shirt to bed to the milk would be innaccessible and was able to sooth her myself by rocking and reminding her we’d nurse again in the morning. I think for a baby your son’s age, it would be better for you to take over at night…14 month olds are still so young and he probably wouldn’t understand any logical reasoning just yet!! Good luck.

 

[ac_claire]

What has worked for us it to have daddy takeover bedtime (setting a new routine) and night time wake up calls (thereby keeping the boobs away), adding a new type of soothy–be that a pacy, a blanket, a stuffed animal, a bottle of water or whatever works and don’t forget being patient.

Re: “soothies”…

OP, maybe you could also get something like a t-shirt that your wife has worn all day, or a nightgown or something that has her smell on it and that your son associates with her, to help pacify him at night.

 

[monicatholic]

You must just let me [sic] cry it out. As much as it will hurt you, your doing the right thing or he’ll never stop.

OK rhondaf, i agree it might be a good thing to let you cry it out, but not OPs baby.

look, OP, your baby is only 14 months old. that’s really little still. he’s probably teething, also, most likely soaking up all the mom-dad anxiety, and responding the only way a trusting baby can-- he’s turning back to his mother for comfort.

you didn’t do anything wrong OP. in fact you did plenty right. your baby trusts you to help him.

(this from a mother who slept with every one of her ten kids and breastfed 'em, too. with several, i tandem nursed. didn’t love it, but did it. and i hated nursing pregnant. and my oldest is a giant who is a prison gurard at Florence Max Security in colorado. i never let him cry it out and i promise. he stopped waking up at night to nurse.)

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