Out-of-wedlock birth

[robwar]

I’m kind of shocked that everyone’s so unanimous that it’s wrong for the child to be raised by its biological mother. Relinquishing a baby for adoption would be INCREDIBLY hard and I hear it leaves a lifelong wound. Meanwhile the child would wonder, “Did my birth mother not love me? Is that why she gave me up?”

Adoption can be great. But it isn’t by any means the only way. And since there is support from the girl’s parents, the baby might do very well.

I am a mother of three adopted children. You are wrong and a 16 year old is not ready or mature enough to be a mother. Educated yourself on adoption and realize this is the loving mature choice and everyone wins in adoption.

 

[Kelfa28]

I am a mother of three adopted children. You are wrong and a 16 year old is not ready or mature enough to be a mother. Educated yourself on adoption and realize this is the loving mature choice and everyone wins in adoption.

I’m always so surprised to see people shoot down adoption so readily and easily.

My mother was adopted. Her adoptive parents are her parents. She’s always told me and my sister that she never had any desire or need to discover who her birth mother was. She already had a mother and a father who cared and raised her from birth to adulthood.

Her parents are my grandparents. That will never change and no one in my family had ever thought otherwise.

Sure it’s a hard decision…but it’s also the kindest, most selfless, loving and charitable gift that a mother could ever give her child. Her child would have a married mother and father and a stable home.

I wish adoption was encouraged more.

 

[Zeno11]

Reading so many of these posts has absolutely shocked me. It seems the modern day Pharisees are all alive and kicking and full of their own self righteousness.

In a powerful homily in September, our now Pope Francis criticized priests for refusing to baptize infants born to single mothers and compared them to modern-day Pharisees whose puritanical judgment is driving “God’s people away from salvation.”. There’s plenty of so-called Christians on this forum who could fall into that description as well!

Who are you people? It might pay to contemplate that ’ For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.’ (Matt 7:2)

‘Love one another as I have loved you; love your neighbour as yourself’. Seems quite simple and straightforward to me.

Poor girl, only 16. I pray she has genuine Christians around her to love her and help her and who have much bigger hearts and generous instincts than a lot of the posters here. Shame on you.

 

[aemcpa]

Meanwhile the child would wonder, “Did my birth mother not love me? Is that why she gave me up?”

If you tell the child the truth from an early age, the child will know that it is because his birth mother DID love him that she handed him over to be raised by a loving, stable home that the birth mother could not provide. Adoption is always an act of selfless love.

 

[Mangaartist]

A 16 year old mother needs all the support she can get. Also, apply the general rule of “the only acceptable response to a baby announcement is congratulations”. It’s what being “pro life” means. Celebrating life, no matter the circumstances. Sometimes that celebration is best expressed in words, other times a home made meal or baby clothes.

As for her choice to not put the child up for adoption, that is hers alone, and we should all be charitable that she considered it carefully and made the decision she thought was best. People are different, and adoption isn’t always the best choice.

 

[aemcpa]

As for her choice to not put the child up for adoption, that is hers alone, and we should all be charitable that she considered it carefully and made the decision she thought was best. People are different, and adoption isn’t always the best choice.

This is bad reasoning when the mother is a child herself. What “she thinks is best” should not be the final determination of what is best for her and for her baby.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

This is bad reasoning when the mother is a child herself. What “she thinks is best” should not be the final determination of what is best for her and for her baby.

Exactly. With a 16 year old who has been having sex with a younger boy…She’s probably not capable of making such a decision. She just doesn’t have the experience and ability to think that far ahead. She needs a lot of guidance and the right sort of guidance at that. Not just someone who will say, “Well, whatever you decide will be fine,” but someone who can take her through the scenarios and really make it clear that adoption IS the best choice. It’s a difficult thing to do, but the best for the baby long-term.

 

[runningdude]

aemcpa;10734504:

This is bad reasoning when the mother is a child herself. What “she thinks is best” should not be the final determination of what is best for her and for her baby.

Exactly. With a 16 year old who has been having sex with a younger boy…She’s probably not capable of making such a decision. She just doesn’t have the experience and ability to think that far ahead. She needs a lot of guidance and the right sort of guidance at that. Not just someone who will say, “Well, whatever you decide will be fine,” but someone who can take her through the scenarios and really make it clear that adoption IS the best choice. It’s a difficult thing to do, but the best for the baby long-term.

This bad reasoning. How is removing a child from his parent’s and grandparents care ALWAYS the best solution? This is a ridiculous position. I am sorry to be so blunt…

Living with family provides the child a connection to his or her past and continued connections with the rest of the family. For instance, when protective services must intervene and remove a child even temporarily from the birth parents, they always seek family members first. Family members are often already heavily involved and invested.

When a teenager has a child, there is no reason to insist she give must give it up for adoption because she “obviously” can’t raise it on her own. When the grandparents are unwilling to help, and the mother fully unable to raise the child, then yes, it could be necessary. Even when raising the unexpected child NOT an undo burden, adoption could still be best for the child and family. But to insist that adoption is the only acceptable solution to unplanned teenage pregnancy is unnatural and undefendable.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

All of those conditions you’ve mentioned are HUGE IFs. Adoption should always be seriously considered, and with guidance from adults who know the cost of raising a child as a teen. We are not going to agree on this, I will not continue and turn this thread into a personal argument.

 

[LoveMercyGrace]

We do not know God’s will nor His plans. I would just do as Jesus commands us to do:

To love God the Father and to Love one another as oneself. Meaning, to love one another

as other.

peace and blessings

 

[GraceUnderFire]

When an unmarried acquaintance on FB announced her pregnancy, I declined to say anything however I did congratulate her on the child’s birth. The child is not at fault for the parents’ sins so offering genuine congratulations is a nice thing to do.

 

[EasterJoy]

All of those conditions you’ve mentioned are HUGE IFs. Adoption should always be seriously considered, and with guidance from adults who know the cost of raising a child as a teen. We are not going to agree on this, I will not continue and turn this thread into a personal argument.

We know nothing about what options were considered, seriously or not, or even what the circumstances were that lead to this conception. There is really no way for the OP to know, either, because there are a lot of things that are not the business of mere acquaintances, and 2nd-hand conjectures all have to be taken with a grain of salt.

 

[snk1234]

We know nothing about what options were considered, seriously or not, or even what the circumstances were that lead to this conception. There is really no way for the OP to know, either, because there are a lot of things that are not the business of mere acquaintances, and 2nd-hand conjectures all have to be taken with a grain of salt.

Why is there a need for such disputes? Can’t we rejoice in the fact that God brought this baby into the world?

 

[EasterJoy]

If you tell the child the truth from an early age, the child will know that it is because his birth mother DID love him that she handed him over to be raised by a loving, stable home that the birth mother could not provide. Adoption is always an act of selfless love.

Well–and I am saying this because not all adoptive mothers are 16–strictly speaking there are reasons to give a child up for adoption that are self-serving–sometimes the mother is very late in her pregnancy when she realizes that her plans to raise the baby herself and maintain everything else she insists on having in her own life were total fantasy or perhaps the child has a gender that doesn’t meet her fantasy life, and so the child is seen as a burden to get rid of–but yes, I think that those cases are in the minority. In our times, when a woman chooses to go to term and yet the couple decides to give the child up for adoption, the motives were by far the most likely to have been selfless. The fact that a mother might also be giving herself more opportunities in life by allowing someone else to raise her child and give her child a home with parents of a mature and capable age does not change that one single bit.

 

[EasterJoy]

Why is there a need for such disputes? Can’t we rejoice in the fact that God brought this baby into the world?

Not only is there not a need for a dispute, I’m saying that the facts needed to have an intelligent discussion aren’t even there, and if the facts were available the matter would still be no one else’s business.

 

[snk1234]

Not only is there not a need for a dispute, I’m saying that the facts needed to have an intelligent discussion aren’t even there, and if the facts were available the matter would still be no one else’s business.

Children are God’s gift

 

[LoveMercyGrace]

Not only is there not a need for a dispute, I’m saying that the facts needed to have an intelligent discussion aren’t even there, and if the facts were available the matter would still be no one else’s business.

then why am I reading this thread???

 

[Gwendolen]

Exactly. With a 16 year old who has been having sex with a younger boy…She’s probably not capable of making such a decision. She just doesn’t have the experience and ability to think that far ahead. She needs a lot of guidance and the right sort of guidance at that. Not just someone who will say, “Well, whatever you decide will be fine,” but someone who can take her through the scenarios and really make it clear that adoption IS the best choice. It’s a difficult thing to do, but the best for the baby long-term.

Adoption can be a beautiful choice, but this reply is not kind.

You are not in this situation. You do not know anyone involved. You do not know how much support the young mother has. Maybe you can quote some statistics, but you cannot predict how an individual situation will turn out. It is not your job to decide what is best for the baby.

Two nurses I work with had babies at ages just shy of 15, and another had a baby at 15…ALL THREE are now in their thirties, and MARRIED to the baby’s father, with other children. All had a lot of support from their families. One of my coworkers is Catholic.

If that was, God forbid, my daughter, I would not want my grandchild to be raised by strangers, I would encourage her to keep (unless she was dead set on adoption) and give her all the support I could. I an open to life, even when inconvenient.

The sin of premarital sex is no less distasteful to me than the uncharitable comments given by others telling a teenager “you should not be a mother, give your baby to someone who could do a better job”.

When I had my first child, I was 28, but looked 15. Despite rings on my finger, I was still mistaken for a teen mom. Some of the comments I endured were truly hurtful, to the effect I didn’t deserve to parent. I cannot imagine what actual teen moms go through.

 

[pollynova]

I understand your reluctance, but she DID have the baby, instead of aborting it.

This is all that needs to be said on this subject.

 

[on_the_hill]

First (and perhaps foremost in my mind), I’m a he not a she.

Second, in a message sent by my distant friend, the (grand) father, ‘ALL options were considered,’ with his emphasis on “all.” Meaning to reassure everyone that they did the socially acceptable, modern family * thing and they did discuss abortion. You can say, “Thank God they chose to have the baby,” but in my opinion, abortion shouldn’t be considered at all*.

Third, the youngsters had been dating for several years, meaning that these kids were in a relationship as early as age 12. Call me a crusty old conservative, but 12 year old kids shouldn’t be in serious dating relationships. They shouldn’t be “dating” at all.

Fourth, the baby daddy doesn’t live with his own parents, but with his grandparents. So his family background may be unstable to begin with. Maybe it’s entirely rock solid, but facts are facts and and you have to think about all aspects.

Fifth, the new maternal grandparents realized from the beginning that they would be essentially parents all over again.

Sixth, I personally know a very strong, very stable family that began when the mom and dad were unmarried in high school. The unwed couple got married, moved into her parents’ house, he finished high school, got a job and worked, worked, worked. Three kids and forty-some years of marriage later, they were still deeply in love when he finally succumbed to a life long battle with kidney failure. His high school sweetheart was at his side all the way through.

So yes, it can work. But the odds are really stacked against them.