Out-of-wedlock birth

  • Thread starter Thread starter on_the_hill
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
This wonderful mother who will raise the child needs support and help, not judgement. I believe you should celebrate this birth. And as a Christian and Catholic person pray for the family. If possible, help with some financial gift.
It will be hard finishing school, giving up so much to raise a child. She is taking on adult responsibilities at such a young age, don’t be judgemental, don’t ignore them…celebrate the birth of a child of God.
God loves us in spite of our sins, and it is time we as people of the church should support our young families, especially those who need help the most.
Good luck,
R
 
runningdude said:
It is not a sin to have a child outside of marriage. The birth of a child is always a beautiful thing.

“Abortion” is simply an unacceptable solution. Unless you are personally involved involved in caring for the mother or child, it is best to not even draw attention to this non-option (even if you were involved, you would treat giving birth as the assumed course of action). Congratulating the mother for choosing life, when you had no role in helping make that decision, politicizes the issue.

A simple congratulations is in order is in order, with perhaps a gift card to a baby store as others suggested. The tepid response is the natural consequence of conceiving a child out of wedlock. It expresses your perfectly justified mixed-emotions, without unduly punishing the new mother financially by denying the wedding showers gifts she’d receive if she waited until she were properly married.

Being pro-life requires authentic expression of our humanity. Feigning excitement that a girl you don’t know personally “chose life” doesn’t help anyone (expressing excitement on the streets in front of the clinic when a women in her darkest hour turns around and saves the child is wholly different). Giving birth out of wedlock deserves neither condemnation that leads a women to the ‘clinic’ out of fear, nor outright praise that affirms that actions that to her conceiving.
Click to expand...
I couldn’t agree more with everything here
 
I think it’s important that we be able to express our deep reservations about the choice to have a child without marriage. Most young people simply assume that no one thinks differently than they do about unwed parenting, and for myself, as a traditional Christian, I cannot simply go to the party and act joyful about the choice the parents made. It would be hypocritical and would imply my joyful approval.

I explain that my declining the invitation is not a rejection of the parents or the baby; it reflects my sadness about the parents’ choice to choose uncommitted parenting.

When the baby is born, I do send a gift. But to ooh and aah at a party? We need to bring back some of the element of shame, of social disapproval. For this same reason I think Pope Francis was unwise in his recent decision to bring a group of living-together and unwed parents for a very public, press-attended marriage ceremony in St. Peter’s. Of course we are joyful at their apparent repentance and reconciliation, but that doesn’t simply erase the previous choices; some element of humility should be in order, with a quiet ceremony elsewhere being more appropriate, not at St. Peter’s.
 
We cannot judge people as condemned, but we can, and must, judge behaviors as wrong and sinful, and reject them. St. Paul certainly did!
 
There are some threads that make me think that the only way I can continue to love my faith is by not reading CAF. There are so many posters that follow all the rules and know every minute law and guideline but have no concept of what Jesus taught.

Remember “hate the sin, love the sinner?” Do we really think that we show love for the sinner by only allowing an unmarried mother-to-be to have a minimal shower. (What would that entail? Only bread and water for refreshments? Only ugly baby clothes as gifts?) What message do we send when our welcome of a baby is half-hearted and disapproving? I’m not really sure, but I know that the one that people receive is that Catholics are unforgiving and practice a religion that looks down on those who sin and condemns them. That’s not a religion many people would want to practice.

And the idea that young women who conceive out of wedlock have no function other than being a baby machine for infertile couples actually made me sick to my stomach. One young woman I know who was a teenaged unwed mother saw her son graduate last year from Annapolis. Another is putting her DD through med school. If I had guessed how they would handle motherhood, I would never have thought either would have been very good at it.

I thank God that our beloved Pope constantly demonstrates love for sinners. Jesus told us there would be MORE rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over 99 who have no need for repentance. St. Peter’s Square seems like the perfect venue for that much rejoicing.
 
Book_Worm said:
There are some threads that make me think that the only way I can continue to love my faith is by not reading CAF. There are so many posters that follow all the rules and know every minute law and guideline but have no concept of what Jesus taught.

Remember “hate the sin, love the sinner?” Do we really think that we show love for the sinner by only allowing an unmarried mother-to-be to have a minimal shower. (What would that entail? Only bread and water for refreshments? Only ugly baby clothes as gifts?) What message do we send when our welcome of a baby is half-hearted and disapproving? I’m not really sure, but I know that the one that people receive is that Catholics are unforgiving and practice a religion that looks down on those who sin and condemns them. That’s not a religion many people would want to practice.

And the idea that young women who conceive out of wedlock have no function other than being a baby machine for infertile couples actually made me sick to my stomach. One young woman I know who was a teenaged unwed mother saw her son graduate last year from Annapolis. Another is putting her DD through med school. If I had guessed how they would handle motherhood, I would never have thought either would have been very good at it.

I thank God that our beloved Pope constantly demonstrates love for sinners. Jesus told us there would be MORE rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over 99 who have no need for repentance. St. Peter’s Square seems like the perfect venue for that much rejoicing.
Click to expand...
I haven’t been on CAF for ages because I get so fed up with all these supposed Christians who think they are better than everyone else. I bet all these people who are looking down on unmarried mothers and begrudge welcoming their baby into the world have far worse sins on their souls that are just better hidden, probably even from themselves! Then I read a post like yours and I know there are really good catholics on this site, so thank you for this post, you have cheered me up no end.

It is love that brings sinners back to the church. It is love that people need when they have taken a wrong turn somewhere, It is love that a single mum needs more than anything else. It is love that her baby needs. ‘Love one another as I have loved you’.
 
Linda_Ames said:
I think it’s important that we be able to express our deep reservations about the choice to have a child without marriage. Most young people simply assume that no one thinks differently than they do about unwed parenting, and for myself, as a traditional Christian, I cannot simply go to the party and act joyful about the choice the parents made. It would be hypocritical and would imply my joyful approval.

I explain that my declining the invitation is not a rejection of the parents or the baby; it reflects my sadness about the parents’ choice to choose uncommitted parenting.

When the baby is born, I do send a gift. But to ooh and aah at a party? We need to bring back some of the element of shame, of social disapproval. For this same reason I think Pope Francis was unwise in his recent decision to bring a group of living-together and unwed parents for a very public, press-attended marriage ceremony in St. Peter’s. Of course we are joyful at their apparent repentance and reconciliation, but that doesn’t simply erase the previous choices; some element of humility should be in order, with a quiet ceremony elsewhere being more appropriate, not at St. Peter’s.
Click to expand...
An old thread and you had to resurrect it by judging, condemning the birth of a child!
Thank you but our beloved Pope Francis does not need advice. It is this kind of attitude that keeps people away God and the Church. Christ said that the greatest commandment is “Love.”
 
Book_Worm said:
There are some threads that make me think that the only way I can continue to love my faith is by not reading CAF. There are so many posters that follow all the rules and know every minute law and guideline but have no concept of what Jesus taught.

Remember “hate the sin, love the sinner?” Do we really think that we show love for the sinner by only allowing an unmarried mother-to-be to have a minimal shower. (What would that entail? Only bread and water for refreshments? Only ugly baby clothes as gifts?) What message do we send when our welcome of a baby is half-hearted and disapproving? I’m not really sure, but I know that the one that people receive is that Catholics are unforgiving and practice a religion that looks down on those who sin and condemns them. That’s not a religion many people would want to practice.

And the idea that young women who conceive out of wedlock have no function other than being a baby machine for infertile couples actually made me sick to my stomach. One young woman I know who was a teenaged unwed mother saw her son graduate last year from Annapolis. Another is putting her DD through med school. If I had guessed how they would handle motherhood, I would never have thought either would have been very good at it.

I thank God that our beloved Pope constantly demonstrates love for sinners. Jesus told us there would be MORE rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over 99 who have no need for repentance. St. Peter’s Square seems like the perfect venue for that much rejoicing.
Click to expand...
Very well said. I agree that the view that unwed mothers should place their babies in the “market” for infertile couples (usually specified as good Catholic couples) is revolting.
 
Zeno11 said:
I haven’t been on CAF for ages because I get so fed up with all these supposed Christians who think they are better than everyone else. I bet all these people who are looking down on unmarried mothers and begrudge welcoming their baby into the world have far worse sins on their souls that are just better hidden, probably even from themselves! Then I read a post like yours and I know there are really good catholics on this site, so thank you for this post, you have cheered me up no end.

It is love that brings sinners back to the church. It is love that people need when they have taken a wrong turn somewhere, It is love that a single mum needs more than anything else. It is love that her baby needs. ‘Love one another as I have loved you’.
Click to expand...
Yes!
 
Today everyone is clambering to have love without justice, compassion without judgment. The anger-- the judgment-- against people who still believe the Biblical view that love and justice must work together, is palpable. Jesus said “Go and sin no more.” He judged bad actions, as did St. Paul; for there is no real love without justice. We are called to speak the truth in love. Otherwise, love is meaningless, mushy, permissive; it recognizes no boundaries, and in fact, plays right into Satan’s hands, because it offers no resistance to evil. Couples who choose to get pregnant without marriage, and to bring a child into the world without commitment, as if marriage and cohabitation are the same, promote a very destructive philosophy straight from Hollywood. If everyone shrugs, who will defend the interests of the child, of the culture? This is the consequence of love without justice-- an empty permissiveness that rides roughshod over the message of the Church.
 
I realize this is an old thread, but an important one.
I must say that passing judgement that extends to the innocent party is not only unproductive, but destructive.

The young mother will have enough ‘natural consequences’ in life for her decision, there is no need to go out of the way to make her life harder or more unwelcoming than it already will be, nor is there any reason to make the infant pay for circumstances he/she had no control over. Imagine the pain the child could endure from over-zealous judgement. Do we want to encourage adherence to a Christ-like walk in life or do we want to drive them away whether it was their fault or not?

There’s nothing wrong with not feeling as jubilant over the circumstances as one would feel for a married couple who planned and prepared for the baby - but the baby is HERE. If it were me, I’d be supportive (mom will now need moral support) and welcoming to the infant. There’s nothing wrong with saying you wished circumstances had been better, but I’ve seen too many people in need shunned and literally driven away by the judgement of others.

James 2:10
For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.

There is no greater sin. The single mother’s sin is visible - why is she more guilty and deserving of social punishment/judgement than the rest of our sins that are more easily concealed? Is the message that we can ‘get away’ with our sins socially so long as no one finds out? She will suffer the consequences of her sins just as we do, so to me, there’s no reason to socially punish her for it. I guarantee it will be a tough enough row to hoe even with people rooting for her and the baby. What’s done is done. Celebrate the new life and encourage the right path from here on out.
 
The problem is, in this case, the new mother sees no sin; she and her boyfriend chose to conceive a baby out of wedlock, are thrilled that she did get pregnant, and they don’t think there’s any need to marry. They want their friends to celebrate this choice with them. They were raised Catholic but their values have been shaped by Hollywood. I cannot celebrate this choice with them at a party (their family are longtime, well-off friends of ours; money and social support are not a problem in this case) and I think they need too know there are still a few people out there who make a distinction between marriage and cohabitation, and who believe that a baby deserves committed, married parents. Should we just all shrug……and say, “Whatever…To each his own moral code??”
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top