Outrageous "parish wedding fee"

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I understand that things cost more here, but considering the demand for the basilica, that should do something to even things out. So unless this parish church can rival it in ecclesiastical finery, the fee should not be any more, especially for a coordinator you don’t need one bit.

Thank you so much for doing the grunt work to find this! St. _ has gone from 52 scheduled weddings per year to 10. Wonder why :rolleyes:
 
CatholicNerd~

I’m thinking that we’re probably not going to hit on any answers for you, and that’s a real shame.

Other than requesting an itemized breakdown of tasks & costs that add up to the $1350, my only suggestion would be to schedule a meeting with the pastor (even though he is new & doesn’t want to rock the boat) and humbly, charitably explain your situation in detail again. Then be prepared to accept his answer & cordially move on with your plans, without letting it sour your fiancee’s relationship with her home pastor.

Our entire wedding day (from invitations to dress to reception to wedding night) didn’t cost more than $5k, so --ouch!–I feel for you.

Maybe there’s a reason (I’m talking Divine, here;)) not to have it at this parish & a blessing in finding a different one that will ultimately be revealed to you.
 
StephanieC said:
CatholicNerd~

I’m thinking that we’re probably not going to hit on any answers for you, and that’s a real shame.

Other than requesting an itemized breakdown of tasks & costs that add up to the $1350, my only suggestion would be to schedule a meeting with the pastor (even though he is new & doesn’t want to rock the boat) and humbly, charitably explain your situation in detail again. Then be prepared to accept his answer & cordially move on with your plans, without letting it sour your fiancee’s relationship with her home pastor.

Our entire wedding day (from invitations to dress to reception to wedding night) didn’t cost more than $5k, so --ouch!–I feel for you.

Maybe there’s a reason (I’m talking Divine, here;)) not to have it at this parish & a blessing in finding a different one that will ultimately be revealed to you.
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Stephanie, I think you’re right. We’ll see if we can get some sort of rational explanation for the fee, talk to the pastor, and perhaps go our separate ways. Thankfully the wedding’s four months out!
 
My problem with these fees is what about a couple with very little money who wants to just get married, without all the hoopla?

What if they just plan a simple ceremony with a few people as witnesses? Are they going to be turned away from receiving a Sacrament because of inability to pay?

I mean, I could see if somebody was planning a big elaborate wedding that would fill the church. They should be expected to pay for it, within reason. But imo, a Catholic parish should not be profiting from this. And no Baptized, practicing Catholic should be turned away from receiving a Sacrament for financial reasons. I hope that is not going on. 😦
 
How much is your hall costing? $10,000 - $15,000?

How much is your DJ? $2,000 - $5,000?

How much was your wedding dress?

How much attention have you paid to the details of your reception - the PARTY - vs. the MASS, which actually marries you?

Your telling me you can’t pay $1,300 to the church that will actually get you married, while you spend ridiculous amounts on things that have nothing to do with actually getting married, but rather with celebrating it later at night?

People come into church and get married; they obviously don’t care about the liturgy. They are doing it because their parents would be mad if they didn’t marry “in the church”. They don’t even know the parts of the mass.

Then, on the wedding day, they trash the place and happily leave in their limo.

Forgive me - I just got back here to the office a few minutes ago after cleaning up crumpled up kleenex left in pews, programs all over the church, and water bottles left everywhere, with a crumpled up runner by the door, all left by the happy couple.

You are not paying for the sacrament. You are paying for our counseling sessions after having to deal with you.
 
PaixGioiaAmor said:
How much is your hall costing? $10,000 - $15,000? Our DDs was 2500 and that included the food.

How much is your DJ? $2,000 - $5,000? DJ & Video was another 700.

How much was your wedding dress? DD dress was 250.

How much attention have you paid to the details of your reception - the PARTY - vs. the MASS, which actually marries you?

Your telling me you can’t pay $1,300 to the church that will actually get you married, while you spend ridiculous amounts on things that have nothing to do with actually getting married, but rather with celebrating it later at night? The Church, classes, vocalist and everything else was around 300.

People come into church and get married; they obviously don’t care about the liturgy. They are doing it because their parents would be mad if they didn’t marry “in the church”. They don’t even know the parts of the mass. I have found it to be unlike what you have stated. Maybe our young people are lass centered on the pomp and are more centered on the Mass. But I doubt it. The time prior to the actual wedding is stressful with the relatives 😉 and should not be with the “HOME PARISH”

Then, on the wedding day, they trash the place and happily leave in their limo.

Forgive me - I just got back here to the office a few minutes ago after cleaning up crumpled up kleenex left in pews, programs all over the church, and water bottles left everywhere, with a crumpled up runner by the door, all left by the happy couple. The charge for clean up is 100. It is generally some of the youth that want to make some money.😃

You are not paying for the sacrament. You are paying for our counseling sessions after having to deal with you.:confused:
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You seem to have had some very bad experiences. I am sorry for that. But everyone should not be punished for what a few do. That is not what Jesus did. He looked at individual sinners and their sins.
 
PaixGioiaAmor said:
You are not paying for the sacrament. You are paying for our counseling sessions after having to deal with you.
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I’m with Kathleen on this one. I am deeply sorry that you’ve had to deal with people like that :(, but the majority of people really shouldn’t be punished for the excesses of a few. My fiancée and I are musicians who have trained long and hard in matters musical and liturgical.

The place will be clean when we enter it and clean when we leave it. Yeah, speeding of to the reception and honeymoon are a big deal, **but showing reverence to the dwelling place of God is bigger. If there’s a mess, we’re going to clean it up.
**
I’m hurt that you’ve just lumped us all into one category, but I’m praying that God will send some good young couples your way soon. 😃
 
This is outrageous. This is exactly why people get married on the beach, or a golf course. It is ridiculous to have to pay for the Church. When I got married forty years ago, I planned the wedding. I reserved the Church, ordered the flowers, got the priest, the priest got the altar boys, and the organist and the singer, whether you liked it or not. We paid the priest a fee. You don’t need a wedding planner for the church. People spend too much time and energy on a function that lasts 40 minutes. The object is to be married in the eyes of God and have the blessing of the Church and the Grace of the Sacrament to take with you. Charging parishioners a fee to have a Catholic ceremony in the Catholic Church is beyond stupid. Another good reason for the priest to travel to the wedding site. I think there would be a lot less invalid marriages if that were the case.
 
I think the best you can do is ask the priest whether you can work out a “deal” because of the “special cirucmstances”, noting your partiucular involvement and promising to take care of everything yourselves. If it is true that you aren’t the “average Catholic couple”, then perhaps you can get “special treatment”.
 
CatholicNerd said:
Thank you so much for doing the grunt work to find this! St. _ here has gone from 52 scheduled weddings per year to 10. Wonder why :rolleyes:
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Not much grunt work involved, seeing as I’m the wedding sacristan at the basilica! I didn’t know the price until I looked it up today, though, so we all learned a little. I just knew it couldn’t be as much as your parish. You should tell your pastor that if he knocks down the price to a more reasonable level, he might boost his profits due to the increase in weddings:rolleyes: . 52 weddings at $500 a pop is way better than 10 at $1350; $12,500 to be exact.
 
Gee I am glad I live in rural Midwest… We got a 900 seat gothic sytle double steepled church for a grand total of $50 13 years ago. I am sooooo glad I don’t live in the fast paced materialistic city. I cannot fathom why anyone would want to live in a town bigger than 4000 people.
 
chicago said:
I think the best you can do is ask the priest whether you can work out a “deal” because of the “special cirucmstances”, noting your partiucular involvement and promising to take care of everything yourselves. If it is true that you aren’t the “average Catholic couple”, then perhaps you can get “special treatment”.
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I’d go along with that.

It’s frustrating. I remember a girl in my office not too long ago who had already gotten married on the beach and were “renewing their vows”. It was VERY obvious that this was all at the mother’s urging. Guess who did all the talking in the meeting and guess which one sat bored.

When I asked if she had thought about a processional, this bride shrugged and said “I duno, how bout “bringing sexy back” by justin timerlake”. When she saw how NOT amused I was, she apolagized and said “No, I really do take this seriously”. She also didn’t know the mass at all.

When I DO get a couple in who obviously go to church and care about marriage as a sacrament, I go the extra mile for them - and would have no problem with relaxing things for them - so long as they are not “typical”. Problem is, couples that are not “typical” are few and far between.
 
PaixGioiaAmor said:
When I DO get a couple in who obviously go to church and care about marriage as a sacrament, I go the extra mile for them - and would have no problem with relaxing things for them - so long as they are not “typical”. Problem is, couples that are not “typical” are few and far between.
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What are you talking about? What do you mean by “I” go the extra mile for them? Are you a priest? What gives you authority to “realax” things for them? And what is that supposed to mean? In my diocese the only person who can make such decisions is the priest. Occaisionally we have a “liturgist” take care of things but that person has to take a 4 year training program in liturgy before (not an 8 hour intense class) they can use terms like “I”.
 
KathleenElsie said:
You seem to have had some very bad experiences. I am sorry for that. But everyone should not be punished for what a few do. That is not what Jesus did. He looked at individual sinners and their sins.
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It is absolutely NOT a few. It is absolutely the majority. I’m not kidding. I play up 25-30 weddings a year and there are about 1 or 2 a year that the people are peaceful, kind, and respectful of the building. (and those are always church workers or ministers of some kind). This is not an exaggeration. They dont pay much at our church, but they still seem to think they can put tape on the walls, pews, and do a ton of other things during the liturgy that are disrespectful, irreverant, or … “lets all drink before the ceremony” I’m not kidding

Perhaps this amount is on the high end, but when you compare it to the other amounts that people pay for the wedding affair, the majority of people that is, and people only seem to value money now, that maybe this has to be the way of speaking to the couple about the value of being married in the church. You can talk your lips off about the sacrament and the couple won’t hear it, but when there’s a price tag on it, the thought changes “this must be something special”.
 
First f all - congratulations on you wedding and many many years of happiness to you.

some suggestions:
  1. call other parishes in the diocese -see what they charge and offer to pay the “average”
  2. does the diocese have a document for all parishes to follow for weddings? sometimes it talks about the stipends, etc.
  3. Are you required to use the coordinator since you are a parishioner - I would write a letter and ask for a waiver.
  4. Good luck
 
Catholig said:
:bigyikes: Disk Jocky? Are we talking about a Catholic Wedding?

Catholig
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Catholics can have DJs at their reception too. If you read the posts thuroughly, people talk about Djs AND wedding musicians.
 
PaixGioiaAmor said:
How much is your hall costing? $10,000 - $15,000?

How much is your DJ? $2,000 - $5,000?

How much was your wedding dress?

How much attention have you paid to the details of your reception - the PARTY - vs. the MASS, which actually marries you?

Your telling me you can’t pay $1,300 to the church that will actually get you married, while you spend ridiculous amounts on things that have nothing to do with actually getting married, but rather with celebrating it later at night?

People come into church and get married; they obviously don’t care about the liturgy. They are doing it because their parents would be mad if they didn’t marry “in the church”. They don’t even know the parts of the mass.

Then, on the wedding day, they trash the place and happily leave in their limo.

Forgive me - I just got back here to the office a few minutes ago after cleaning up crumpled up kleenex left in pews, programs all over the church, and water bottles left everywhere, with a crumpled up runner by the door, all left by the happy couple.

You are not paying for the sacrament. You are paying for our counseling sessions after having to deal with you.
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PaixGioiaAmor,

This I doubt CatholicNerd is going to trash the Church or anything - and besides that it probably isn’t that he “can’t” pay it, but that there is no reason to. He has co-ordinated his wedding himself. He has payed the priest, the altar servers (or will shortly), et al. He probably has already payed a bit to use the church or something - this cost from what he has said has no meaning.

Catholig
 
agapewolf said:
Catholics can have DJs at their reception too. If you read the posts thuroughly, people talk about Djs AND wedding musicians.
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Okay, as long as it is at the reception and not at the actual Church - if it were that’d just be scary…

Catholig
 
THurifer2 said:
What are you talking about? What do you mean by “I” go the extra mile for them?

I thought what I said was pretty obvious. If you have a problem understanding, then let me explain. I mean that if someone shows a sincere interest in making their liturgy not only special, but also abide by the Rite itself, I will go out of my way to make suggestions and help them - as opposed to the ones who couldn’t care less and I simply say something like “Many people use One Bread, One Body for the communion hymn; any objection to that?”

Are you a priest? Nope.

What gives you authority to “realax” things for them?
The fact that I’m a staff member on the parish pastoral staff. You see, the pastor DELEGATES; he can’t do it all himself.

And what is that supposed to mean? It means that our parish has a set of rules; these rules are made to cause us the least amount of headaches possible. These rules address situations that have been a problem in the past, such as “No photographers in the choir loft” because I got sick of being crawled all over while trying to play the organ. If a couple seems very conscientious and I know that they will not go wild and be jerks, I may relax certain things like that for them, knowing they won’t take advantage and make my life hell.

In my diocese the only person who can make such decisions is the priest. Maybe in your PARISH. I’m sure in your DIOCESE there are parishes where the pastor is not a control freak - or is just really, really busy - and delegates some tasks to the lay members of his staff.

Occaisionally we have a “liturgist” take care of things but that person has to take a 4 year training program in liturgy before (not an 8 hour intense class) they can use terms like “I”.
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Get it straight. I didn’t take an 8 hour class. It was a bit more extensive - not to mention continuing ed and experience I’ve had as well. And I am certainly not a liturgical scholar; I do not teach liturgy in a seminary. But I know the basics - and I know enough to be a parish liturgist.
 
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