Overbearing Father / Husband

  • Thread starter Thread starter no1special
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
N

no1special

Guest
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

What is a mother to do when the overbearing and controlling behavior of husband towards children is causing them to strongly resent their father?

I’m not a stranger to his behavior and have had numerous discussions about it, but he will not let up. No loving words or encouragement, but is critical, negative, unloving, and impatient towards them.

I try to be an example on giving our children the acceptance they desperately need, but he turns a blind eye. Unfortunately, my show of love for them will never substitute for their need for affection and acceptance from HIM.

It just burns me up…
 
I wonder if that’s not how he was treated when he was growing up.

Any chance at all that he would go to family counselling? Or at least talk to your priest?
 
no1special said:
I’m not a stranger to his behavior and have had numerous discussions about it, but he will not let up. No loving words or encouragement, but is critical, negative, unloving, and impatient towards them.
Click to expand...
See a Psychiatrist. Sounds like an underlying issue is present.

How old are the children?
 
We’ve been there, done that. Counseling hasn’t worked. Married 20 years.

He was raised with a negative and aloof mother. Feels crappy that my children have to go through that.

5 kids ages 18 years old to a 1 year old.
 
Last edited:
no1special said:
What is a mother to do when the overbearing and controlling behavior of husband towards children is causing them to strongly resent their father?
Click to expand...
Get her kids into counseling, stat.

Hopefully get the whole family into counseling.
 
Don’t forget medication! You can’t counsel away chemical imbalances.
 
You have been to family counseling or marriage counseling?

It only works if people want to be there. Take any family members that want to go to family counseling. It can only help, not hurt. If everyone goes except your husband, so be it. Your children will learn to cope and learn that they are not the cause of his behavior.
 
Irishmom2 said:
You have been to family counseling or marriage counseling?

It only works if people want to be there. Take any family members that want to go to family counseling. It can only help, not hurt. If everyone goes except your husband, so be it. Your children will learn to cope and learn that they are not the cause of his behavior.
Click to expand...
I talk to my kids and let them know that I understand what they’re going through. I tell them he doesn’t know how to be what they want/need him to be, but that he loves them just the same.

TBH, I am run-down by him and really have no charitable words for his behavior. I know he will not change which has left me with no hope of him becoming what his children need him to be.
 
Would a secular therapist work? I don’t know any Catholic therapists.
 
Contact Catholic Charities for a referral. But I don’t see any reason you would need a Catholic therapist. A qualified family therapist would be what I would look for.
 
I’m sure a secular therapist would work as long as they were aware of and respected your faith. If they don’t, they aren’t a good therapist.

The others are right, family therapy will be a great help. And keep being there for your children. You can’t take the place of their father, but you can show them they are always loved and supported by their mother.
 
Therapist here! Yes, absolutely. I’m a Catholic but have only worked in secular agencies. There are a lot of Catholic/Christian/religious people in secular settings. For kids it doesn’t always matter either, often that is not a topic even touched on unless it’s brought up by the kid/family (when there are other pressing issues like trauma). Some of my child clients would, others not. A good therapist should meet them where they’re at spiritually and respect their beliefs.

For what it’s worth, having been through grief counseling myself, my “regular” counselor was much better than the Catholic one I initially sought out. You can shop around for the best fit!
 
Should I sit in with my kids or have them go in by themselves? I know my husband won’t go through counseling.
 
The therapist will tell you how they conduct their sessions. It might be a combination of alone and/or with you, depending on age of children as well.
 
I second the idea that this needs to be sorted out by a family therapist. If your kids are unhappy, that’s about all you can do. The only one who can change your husband’s behavior is himself, and it sounds as if he doesn’t accept your assessment of his parenting skills. Perhaps if he heard it from someone else, he would accept it? Even if he doesn’t, the therapist can arm your kids with strategies to help them deal with his lack of social skills.
 
no1special said:
Should I sit in with my kids or have them go in by themselves? I know my husband won’t go through counseling.
Click to expand...
The therapist will tell you. But probably both. There may be emotions your kids don’t want to express in front of you.
 
There are times when it is best 2 separate. I would talk to a priest that you trust.

If his behavior has crossed into emotional abuse you have a duty to ask God to protect you and your children. If that means leaving, then leave without divorce.

The church does not force wives or anyone to endure trauma at the hand of their spouse. It does state that we will not divorce and that we will pray for reconciliation and do our part to make that happen. All my love to you. I will pray for you and your family.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top