Overbearing Father / Husband

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Since he can’t be supportive of her at her games, it’s better that he doesn’t go. She may be relieved, frankly.
 
no1special said:
Dh cannot deal with the repetitive noises from our autistic son. He ALWAYS makes him stop as it annoys him. Even if it’s the most insignificant noises. He would even go “into his face” to scare him to stop.
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I’m really sorry for your situation but this is clearly abuse.
Your husband seems to have a low tolerance and sounds like he easily gets irritable.
Do you think this is due to depression or rather just due to being raised the same way and then following the same pattern?

Part of being married and being a good husband and good father is being willing to address issues and be willing to make any changes that need changing and seek advice etc.
Do you know why your husband is resistant to family therapy?
It seems like he also lacks insight into his behaviour but I can’t imagine how he will gain insight if he’s not willing to recognise there’s a problem.

Have you tried mentioning to your priest about how your husband acts towards the children?
 
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Why would you expect him to behave differently than he has since day one?

Today will be the magic day that he changes, right?
 
It’s a good thing he is no longer going to practices and games, because parental misbehavior often gets out of control. However, to be safe, you may want to alert the coach / manager to watch out for the father (and maybe bar him or have security around) in case he comes to a game/practice in the future and gets out of control.

Here is an extreme case that a former NHL player went through at the hands of his father (warning for language):

www.theplayerstribune.com

Black & Blue | By Patrick O'Sullivan

Let me be really clear about what happened to me. From the moment I got my first pair of hockey skates at five years old, I got the living $%
www.theplayerstribune.com www.theplayerstribune.com
 
He’s been following the “Men’s Rights Movement” and is becoming more indoctrinated with how men have been short-changed by women.

He’s been treating me like the enemy and I really don’t know what’s going on in his head.

I spoke to our priest today who told me that God does not require people to stay in abusive marriages. That was the first time that I ever heard a priest tell me that my marriage was emotionally abusive.
 
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no1special said:
I spoke to our priest today who told me that God does not require people to stay in abusive marriages. That was the first time that I ever heard a priest tell me that my marriage was emotionally abusive.
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Sit down and write 100 times “God does not require people to stay in abusive marriages”.
 
Are you doing the best for your children that you can?
What would be the best thing for your children?

Would it be staying with their father who demeans them and their mother frequently, or would it be living a peaceful life without him?
Just some thoughts.
 
I’m terrified of taking the kids away from their father, whom they love so much. At least 2 of the kids would be so sad not to see him as they do now. As much as he is hard on them, they would have a hard time not being with him.

It’s a very difficult decision as my top priority is the well-being/welfare (psychologically) of my children. I don’t know what would be less damaging to their upbringing.
 
Of course children love their father. But they don’t have enough experience to know what is abuse and what isn’t.
So it’s up to you to decide if his behavior to them is really abusive, and will damage them, or if he’s just overly strict.
You may need to discuss it more with your priest.
 
Also, discuss it with a therapist. Your husband’s actions are damaging, and if he can’t see that nothing will change.
 
If we separate and split custody, then he will treat them that way and I wouldn’t be around to stick up for them. I’m so scared to make the wrong move for them.
 
If you think separation would be best, you should talk to a lawyer. You should be able to talk to one for 15 minutes for no charge.
If he is abusive, he is unlikely to get partial custody. Or perhaps it might be supervised visitation rights, and he would have to pay for a person to supervise. Check with a lawyer.
 
If you legally separate, Insist on a psychological exam before custody arrangements are made. Supervised visits may be necessary.
 
If he saw this thread, I don’t think he’d adjust his opinion much.
 
no1special said:
He’s been following the “Men’s Rights Movement” and is becoming more indoctrinated with how men have been short-changed by women.
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Have you read the blogs and such that surround this movement? They just keep men stewing in bitterness and contempt against women. They often can’t seem to see reality and everything a woman does is “wrong.” They advocate unquestioning submission, sex on demand and “gaming” your wife to keep her guessing and unsure of your sticking around by making her believe you have other options and will walk if she shows any sign of “rebellion.”

If you leave, it will confirm everything he’s been taught concerning the disloyalty of women and how they are only driven by emotion and will frivorce (frivolously divorce) on no other reason than they are unhappy.

Note: I’m not saying you shouldn’t leave, I’m just pointing out how he would see it if you did. He won’t see that it had anything to do with him.

I would never want to be married to a man who follows the “Men’s Rights Movement” or Red Pill or any such nonsense. It is not at all Christian although some of them claim to be.
 
no1special said:
It’s a very difficult decision as my top priority is the well-being/welfare (psychologically) of my children. I don’t know what would be less damaging to their upbringing.
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It’s a difficult decision. I hope you’ll speak with your priest again, and with a lawyer. If you keep them with him, they’re going to grow up thinking that a father treating his wife and children this way is normal.
 
You are giving examples of emotional abuse and you and your children do not have to tolerate this. You need to talk to a priest asap.
 
Yes, I googled ‘Men’s Rights’ and ‘Red Pill’ and they are both, pretty much, about ‘keeping women in line’. In fact, some women have joined, and their aims seem to revolve only on the wishes of the man in one’s life. A rather sordid movement. You said, in a different thread, that you were trying to be more submissive to him? If he takes this movement seriously, that’s about the worst thing you could do.
Your children are already growing up with a skewered example of what Christian family life is all about. And, if his mother has moved in, it’s going to get even more complicated. You should get some solid, professional counseling, and have a place to go, along with your children, if he becomes physically abusive. Don’t let him isolate you. Get help!
 
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