Overcoming fear - a question for catholics & ex-catholics

[uglygal]

Hi. I am looking for some assistance and productive sharing of experiences.

Has anyone else here, catholic or ex-catholic experienced very poor experiences in catholicism and learning about God / and/or abuse by “holy people” and as a result had ongoing issues?
By issues I am referring to ongoing fear, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, feeling that you and your body are filthy and shameful, feeling that you are damned, despair … etc

I am not looking for catholic bashing but rather how did you deal with it? How did you get over it or move on? How did you fix your image of Jesus, how did you come to trust him and the church again? What did you do? How long did it take?
Did you heal eventually or did you just need to accept that you are broken?

Where did you go for peace? Did you change religions? and If you did how did you overcome the fear and guilt?

I would particularly appreciate responses from individuals who have experienced abuse, injustice, mistreatment in the hands of those who represent Christ’s love.

Please no hateful comments etc … Thankyou in advance

 

[KathleenGee]

I suffered. Don’t want to go back to it.

I had the person 'come back to me almost every morning around 2 am…it was in my imagination…I had some nightmares…I shared with some women who are Carmelites…

We love Mary…

Between Dec 8 and Dec 12, I began to experience someone praying for me at 2 am…and saw the dates as Mary also helping…then on the 12th day, all that experience stopped…

I thought somebody across the world had been praying for me…

But on our next journey the one Carmelite lady told me she was inspired to offer up all her pain she was suffering from her surgery for me at 2 am…for these days!!

I wrote to the Catholic newspaper here how Catholics should offer up penance for those who have been abused…in any way…praying and penance for those suffering abuse are miraculous…now the bishop has ember days for us to pray and do penance for those who have suffered abuse by the ‘church’…

God bless you, and I will pray for you this night…I understand what you are going through…when someone abuses you spiritually, they remove the presence of God and His love for you and the value you carried in your inner temple that you are worthy and have value before God…but when your temple is violated, not only are you abused, you suffer the very worst…the lose of the presence of God and His redemptive and saving presence.

It is like you, your psyche…who you are and all the good choices you made your entire life for God are destroyed…you are nothing…and you have to relive your life all over again, but with an aging body…and it is tired and can’t endure what the younger side of you could endure…it is helpless…

When you think of turning back to God, to connect to Him, this break is there and it is a current of so much affliction and anxiety…how can you ever get over it?..keep trying, keep trying to hold on to God and when you finally can ‘touch Him’, hold on very tight to Him and let Him hold you back and just stay in this prayer with Him alone…He loves you… I pray you find a most deeply centered priest to confide in.

Ember Days are those set aside by the bishop and our diocese is offering Ember Days for healing for the victims of abuse by a priest, religious or lay…know that many have suffered injustices of all sorts across our country…it is the tribulation in the church.

Pray to the Lord and ask Him in confidence that He extend to you the graces from those who do penance and pray for victims of abuse.

Turn to Mother Mary of Suffering…and ask her help in protecting you from those who hide their malice with the veil of religion.

Kathleen

 

[TedDC]

Hi. I am looking for some assistance and productive sharing of experiences.

Has anyone else here, catholic or ex-catholic experienced very poor experiences in catholicism and learning about God / and/or abuse by “holy people” and as a result had ongoing issues?
By issues I am referring to ongoing fear, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, feeling that you and your body are filthy and shameful, feeling that you are damned, despair … etc

Sounds like you’ve been spending some time in the Moral Theology section

 

[uglygal]

no I haven’t

Thankyou for your reply Kathleen and for sharing

 

[jenmaris2]

We cannot say to you “fear not” as we all have known fear at some point in life, I believe. Perhaps you should not let it obsess you - as whatever the cause if a person was involved, the fear cannot be that powerful! I would rather think that the best way is to shrug it off, believing that the person causing it maybe a fearful person him/herself and tend to lessen his/her fear by making another person fearful…
I’m not a psychologist or similar practitioner… just a “fearless” person.
There is no reason to fear unless you go into a jungle all by yourself…
When in darkness, think that you have the right to rest, turn your face against the wall, and let happen what must happen behind you… (can you do that? it’s easy! but first pray Our Father with stress on the last part…) When difficulty looms ahead, well let is come first before you worry too much. I know a person who is always fearful and it is indeed hard to help her out of it if not impossible.
Hope you’re not of the same kind…
Good luck to you!

 

[Reuben_J]

Hi. I am looking for some assistance and productive sharing of experiences.

Has anyone else here, catholic or ex-catholic experienced very poor experiences in catholicism and learning about God / and/or abuse by “holy people” and as a result had ongoing issues?
By issues I am referring to ongoing fear, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, feeling that you and your body are filthy and shameful, feeling that you are damned, despair … etc

I am not looking for catholic bashing but rather how did you deal with it? How did you get over it or move on? How did you fix your image of Jesus, how did you come to trust him and the church again? What did you do? How long did it take?
Did you heal eventually or did you just need to accept that you are broken?

Where did you go for peace? Did you change religions? and If you did how did you overcome the fear and guilt?

I would particularly appreciate responses from individuals who have experienced abuse, injustice, mistreatment in the hands of those who represent Christ’s love.

Please no hateful comments etc … Thankyou in advance

Hi. I do not have any very bad experience of being abused, one way or the other. However, I did struggle with a huge personal sense of loss as a result of my dad who passed away when I was a boy of twelve. He was my champion and his loss affected me deeply during my youth. It ranged from lack of self-esteem, rejection, overly sensitive, self-pity to outright rebelliousness and arrogance at times.

This made it hard for me to be very religious since God is a Father and I had difficulty in identifying myself with Him. How could He, if He was really a loving Father, take away my dad who was the world for me? There was an unconscious sense of resentment towards God at some point in my life. Coupled with the attraction of the secular world, I found myself slowly drifting away from the Church. Mass was not meaningful and Sacraments were scarcely received.

It was during this spell that I attended a Life in the Spirit Seminar. It was there that I was taught the love of God, that we can be separated from Him through sins, that He has a plan for everyone of us for our salvation – not only in the next life but this salvation can be experienced even here and now, for indeed he promised to give us life in abundance. There I was led into meaningful repentance and renunciation of my past sins and wrong doings and willingly allow the Holy Spirit to dwell in me as I surrendered my all to Him.

The result was decisive. I was cynical at first but what happening around and in me erased all the doubts that I had. Most dramatic change that I experienced was my love for the Eucharist. It became so real and satisfying. Then it was the word of God. I was drawn to it. Every homily by the priest was so interesting that I could not wait to go back home and looked up the passage in the Bible. The other noticeable changes within me that was that I was able to control my temper, impatience, able to forgive but most of all the discovery of being able to pray! And I love to spend time alone with God in prayer.

In all these, the church had become a bulwark in facilitating my spiritual renewal. The Sacraments heal and nourish; and I am able in turn to minister to the others who are less fortunate or who need God as I did before.

God bless.

 

[CB_Catholic]

Hi. I am looking for some assistance and productive sharing of experiences.

Has anyone else here, catholic or ex-catholic experienced very poor experiences in catholicism and learning about God / and/or abuse by “holy people” and as a result had ongoing issues?
By issues I am referring to ongoing fear, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, feeling that you and your body are filthy and shameful, feeling that you are damned, despair … etc

I am not looking for catholic bashing but rather how did you deal with it? How did you get over it or move on? How did you fix your image of Jesus, how did you come to trust him and the church again? What did you do? How long did it take?
Did you heal eventually or did you just need to accept that you are broken?

Where did you go for peace? Did you change religions? and If you did how did you overcome the fear and guilt?

I would particularly appreciate responses from individuals who have experienced abuse, injustice, mistreatment in the hands of those who represent Christ’s love.

Please no hateful comments etc … Thankyou in advance

Why don’t you open the question to include those who have never been Catholic since this is the Non-Catholic Religions section?
To answer your question, yes, I was subjected to that type of abuse and know all the accompanying feelings and the effects on one’s life, but I want to tell you that this is not a specifically Catholic problem, nor even specifically Christian. There are plenty of non-Catholics out there who have been subjected to this, even in my own family.

I posted about this in another thread, but in short, I believe the key to begin healing in this area is forgiveness. That is the starting point, and the example is from Jesus Himself, who, as he was dying on the Cross, begged His Father to forgive those who did what they did to Him.

 

[KathleenGee]

I agree with Reuben J that Life in the Spirit Seminar can provide you focus and structure for your healing…and believe, believe that you can be healed.

As my friend said, who took my place in another diocese, she was shocked and greatly damaged by what happened to me…and said it would take a long time…

I had to go to the next town to worship, but it took 10 years to get there…I live in a place that has among the highest cancer rates, highest suicide murder, people closed to outsiders, highest drug usage among teens, hostile to religion…as a priest advised…I would add that the environment added to the injury…if I had a welcoming community when coming here, I don’t think the impact would have been so hard.

(It was illuminating to read as well a Catholic couple who had a disabled son who finally died of mental health issues…the parish found out about the death, including the pastor, and none of them even went over to the couple to extend condolences…it is this great indifference and spiritual oppression here…)

Some day through Christ and your perseverence … and forgiveness when your link with the Lord is resecured and you can get the grace to forgive…whatever darkness you then encounter will be turned into light…

 

[uglygal]

Why don’t you open the question to include those who have never been Catholic since this is the Non-Catholic Religions section?

of course non-catholics can participate. It wasn’t my intention to exclude them. sorry

 

[Trishie]

Father help us to recover where injury goes beyond ordinary forgiveness and our hearts are in some way crushed, and our lives changed and devalued. Help us to find a way to forgive when we cannot smile or encounter the offending person with warmth because they have destroyed something in us.

Father please help us to forgive when we cannot forgive…and we cannot forgive because they do not understand how badly they have hurt us, and do not seek in any real way to acknowledge or try to heal the hurt they imposed on us. And even when we tried to tell them from the bottom of our heart but they would not listen, please help us to forgive.

Father help us to forgive when those who hurt our lives do not even remember how badly they have wounded us, and go on with their lives without concern, while we remain still held in some kind of time capsule with the consequences of their unfeeling and uncaring and attack.

Father, help us to forgive when those who wounded us by ignoring our needs and requests, yet who desire us to ignore their offence, and expect us to respond to their hints or manipulations while they make no concessions or apologies.

Help us to forgive those who impose their own conditions and rules upon us, without respecting that our hurt is real and radical, while they make us feel that they only desire our capitulation without justice, apology, or generosity from them.

Father please free us, free me, in forgiveness and healing that comes from Your Son, innocent, and murdered, but forgiving.

 

[aspirant]

Has anyone else here, catholic or ex-catholic experienced very poor experiences in catholicism and learning about God / and/or abuse by “holy people”

Yes.

and as a result had ongoing issues?
By issues I am referring to ongoing fear, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, feeling that you and your body are filthy and shameful, feeling that you are damned, despair … etc

I did not.

I am not looking for catholic bashing but rather how did you deal with it? How did you get over it or move on?

I will pray for you, if this is your experience.

I am not an expert. If you suffer anxiety, depression, self-loathing, and despair, I strongly advise that you seek the services of a mental health professional, and preferably a highly-recommended person of faith. This is a huge potential source of help and healing that should not be overlooked.

I would also recommend the counsel of a good spiritual director, preferably (again) highly recommended and trustworthy. If necessary, start by doing the latter in a public space where you feel safe; if you have a problem with men, seek a woman, or vice versa; etc.

I would particularly appreciate responses from individuals who have experienced abuse, injustice, mistreatment in the hands of those who represent Christ’s love.

If someone hurt you, they do not represent Christ’s love. They ought to, but they are not living according to their vocation.

:console:

 

[Trishie]

will keep you in my prayers.