Overcoming Lust...how?

[TheOldColonel]

Many saints in the past have employed the hair-shirt and claimed many spiritual benefits of its use.

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/07113b.htm

 

[Catholicwife32]

But let’s look at what the Catechism says, shall we?

2337 Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being.

Chastity is not

1. Virginity or sexual inexperience
2. Abstinence from intercourse
3. Abstinence from intercourse and plus some
4. Viewing sex as evil and corrupting, as if you begin pure and lose your purity through sexual activity.

2338 The chaste person maintains the integrity of the powers of life and love placed in him. This integrity ensures the unity of the person; it is opposed to any behavior that would impair it. It tolerates neither a double life nor duplicity in speech.125

Chastity involves:

1. An appreciation for the sexual feelings God has given you
2. An appreciation that sex speaks a language of love and fidelity.
3. An appreciation for the procreative nature of the sexual act.
4. A refusal to use sex in a manner that was unloving
5. A refusal to treat the procreative nature of the act as an evil rather than a good
6. A recognition that the gift of our sexuality points us to moral responsibilities in regard to its expression, ensuring that we do not treat fertility as a disease or negate the duty to love our neighbor as ourself.

2339 Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy.
2341 The virtue of chastity comes under the cardinal virtue of temperance , which seeks to permeate the passions and appetites of the senses with reason.
2342 Self-mastery is a long and exacting work . One can never consider it acquired once and for all. It presupposes renewed effort at all stages of life.129 The effort required can be more intense in certain periods, such as when the personality is being formed during childhood and adolescence.
2343 Chastity has laws of growth which progress through stages marked by imperfection and too often by sin. "Man’s dignity therefore requires him to act out of conscious and free choice, as moved and drawn in a personal way from within, and not by blind impulses in himself or by mere external constraint.

Chastity involves lifelong processing of learning to understand your sexual urges. Often times, this knowledge comes about through sin–through engaging in sexual mistakes. Like learning how to ride a bike, you will likely fall off and skin your knee.

This doesn’t mean you should be wreckless. You wouldn’t want to learn how to ride your bike by going down a steep hill that more advanced bikers can handle. The point is to recognize that the journey involves mistakes. Mistakes are not mortal sins. It’s easy to convince yourself that they are. I think a lot of us see ourselves as walking along the side of a narrow path with a ravine we could fall down. We envision ourselves taking a wrong step and slipping and falling. We think that’s how easy it is to mortal sin–one false step. But, in actuality, a mortal sin involves deliberately jumping off the edge.

 

[Iris]

Get into running marathons lol. Train every day. Make it a passion.

Sexual energy is energy. Burn yourself out doing something else, and you’ll be able to subdue the lust.

 

[Lee1]

I feel that our souls are neither male nor female and when I see a female I try to remind myself of that regardless of what she’s wearing. Definitely don’t look at porn, that’s just going to awaken the monster within! You might try asking our Heavenly Father to take away your libido. And pray the little office to Our Lady for purity of mind and spirit. And lastly, really want to control it, try imagining your priest at your next confession and how it will feel when you once again reveal your fall. Really wanting not to repeat a sin relies heavily on you agreeing that it was or is actually a sin, if a part of you inside doesn’t truly agree then you may well cling to your sin, in my opinion.

I once read about a man who had lost his libido, he said that he was so relieved because all his life it had been like being chained to a madman! I understand and agree with that.

 

[semper_catholicus]

I would recommend d starting the three Hail Marys devotion. You can look up what that entails. It’s very simple, and very efficacious.

Of course, regular confession and frequent communion are essential to overcoming habitual sin and advancing in holiness.

 

[Knight]

Did everyone sense I was struggling with temptation last night?!?! I say this because this thread hadn’t had much activity for a few days, and then suddenly this morning it was flooded!

Very grateful for everyone’s advice and tips and prayers.

I am still struggling but I know all things are possible with God.

Please continue to pray for me to beat this as I will continue to pray for all of you.

God Bless.

 

[Knight]

I am married. Clearly marriage isn’t curbing the urges of lust.

 

[Knight]

@matjam I need Mt 4:11. Thank you for this.
@woolycaterpillar Maybe I’ll go get myself a hair shirt.
@TheOldColonel Thinking about it. Also found this site: http://www.cilice.co.uk/
@Catholicwife32 Is your favorite saint Aquainas? You’ve really nailed down the CCC and how it applies here with great (name removed by moderator)ut. Thank you so much for your response. I appreciate it.
@Iris I could stand to lose a few pounds, I might consider this…Does this mean I have to go outside?
@Lee1 I have often wished to lose my libido. I think about how great it would be to just not have those urges…they can be so overwhelming at times to the point it feels painful. I just re read that one of the sabbitine requirements for the scapular is to pray the little office, and here you are suggesting that

 

[Lee1]

That’s good. It helped me in conjunction with the other things I mentioned, lust is a powerful monster and you need strong armour to defend against it. I agree offering up your pain when struggling with this is a good idea.

If you’re married and still have this problem it might be worth having a chat with your doctor. There have been natural remedies used over the centuries by monks etc but it seems that by lowering testosterone we also also invite problems with bone density and muscle density.

Again, lust is very much a cerebral malady, one has to strictly control ones thoughts as I’m sure you know. Also it might be wise to expect regular attacks of lustful thoughts until your brain relearns.

As you said, sins of the flesh are the biggest reason why people fall, I guess it’s not called the narrow way for nothing.

 

[Lee1]

Not wishing to be OTT about this but I have struggled with this too and it has led me to sin like no other thing!

So again not wishing to spook you, but it might help to remember that you are never alone. How so? Well firstly if you believe that we have a guardian angel then that is one way. If you don’t believe that then surely you believe that God sees everything? Everything.

Personally I imagine our soul which is made in the image of God, sitting quietly behind the scenes in constant contact with The Almighty. Hence, there are no secrets and nothing which can be hidden by darkness.

I hope that helps and I sincerely wish you well, remember this is your cross, it’s actually a tremendous opportunity to gain great graces. imagine how you’d feel if you conquer this!

 

[rcwitness]

That’s a funny way to look at Chastity.

It’s more like striving to be chaste, and sometimes failing. But you make it sound as though mistakes are part of Chastity!

chas·ti·ty:

1. the state or practice of refraining from extramarital, or especially from all, sexual intercourse.

 

[SeriousQuestion]

Mistakes???

 

[TULIPed]

Ephesians 6:10-17

Romans 8

 

[Catholicwife32]

It’s more like striving to be chaste, and sometimes failing. But you make it sound as though mistakes are part of Chastity!

chas·ti·ty:

1. the state or practice of refraining from extramarital, or especially from all, sexual intercourse.

That is not the Catholic definition of chastity.

2348 All the baptized are called to chastity. The Christian has "put on Christ,"135 the model for all chastity. All Christ’s faithful are called to lead a chaste life in keeping with their particular states of life. At the moment of his Baptism, the Christian is pledged to lead his affective life in chastity.

2349 "People should cultivate [chastity] in the way that is suited to their state of life. Some profess virginity or consecrated celibacy which enables them to give themselves to God alone with an undivided heart in a remarkable manner. Others live in the way prescribed for all by the moral law, whether they are married or single."136 Married people are called to live conjugal chastity; others practice chastity in continence:

There are three forms of the virtue of chastity: the first is that of spouses, the second that of widows, and the third that of virgins. We do not praise any one of them to the exclusion of the others. . . . This is what makes for the richness of the discipline of the Church.137

Term​

CHASTITY

Definition​

The virtue that moderates the desire for sexual pleasure according to the principles of faith and right reason. In married people, chastity moderates the desire in conformity with their state of life; in unmarried people who wish to marry, the desire is moderated by abstention until (or unless) they get married; in those who resolve not to marry, the desire is sacrificed entirely.

Chastity and purity, modesty and decency are comparable in that they have the basic meaning of freedom from whatever is lewd or salacious. Yet they also differ. Chastity implies an opposition to the immoral in the sense of lustful or licentious. It suggests refraining from all acts or thoughts that are not in accordance with the Church’s teaching about the use of one’s reproductive powers. It particularly stresses restraint and an avoidance of anything that might defile or make unclean the soul because the body has not been controlled in the exercise of its most imperious passion. (Etym. Latin castus , morally pure, unstained.)

 

[Reuben_J]

I am married. Clearly marriage isn’t curbing the urges of lust.

It is not a bad thing if you do not sin because of it but direct it to your wife as a healthy desire. If that does not help you, probably it is a problem that you have to address.

St. Paul said immoral activities, perhaps caused by lust, is one sure behavior or sin rather, that will prevent you from entering heaven.

Marriage, in a way, works for me though. I had lust issue when I was single but after getting married, at least there was still some decency left in me in being aware of my responsibility as a husband and a father. Directing my attention to my wife and family, in fact it led to quite a fruitful marriage.

Later I was renewed by the Holy Spirit as I repented of my sin and surrendered my life to the Lord, I began to develop in holiness, and much of the lust issue was overcome and translated to something more up-building and positive for the family.

 

[rcwitness]

That definition did NOT contradict what you just presented.

Your interpretation of the Catechism is scewed a bit.

I’m not saying I disagree with much of what you are trying to say. We make mistakes. But you made is sound like chastity INCLUDES making mistakes, or even exploring sexuality to find out what is good and what is bad.

Chastity definitely is NOT having sex, or sexual stimulation, unless you are married. A valid spouse is the only outlet for sexual stimulation and intercourse.

 

[Catholicwife32]

Mistakes???

Yes, it takes great humility to accept our mistakes. To abandon the false humility of beating ourselves up for our sins we slipped into out of ignorance and weakness rather than out of a deliberate rebellion against God.

I know this sin of spiritual pride and the false humility that lead ones away from virtue all too well. Indeed, we venial sin is possible with sexual sin. Oh, and anyone who says that a sin that lacks full consent of the will and knowledge is simply NOT a sin, is actually the one guilty of moral relativism. Objectively grave matters remain grave. Sin remains sin. Our culpability for our sins depend on how willful we are. If while driving on icy roads, I slide into a pedestrian and that person dies, that death has no willfulness but is categorized as a natural evil. If I’m driving carelessly, the level of my culpability increases. The more willful it is, the more it becomes a moral evil. But it’s only a mortal sin involves some level of deliberate choice to dishonor the dignity of the other human individual, either in deciding I don’t care who I harm, I will drive wrecklessly, or if I steer the car directly into them with the intent of killing them.

We need to let go of this idea that we bounce in and out of mortal sin. We don’t. If you’re continually confessing mortal sins, you’re not making sincere confessions. That doesn’t mean you should stop going to regular confession. Rather, confession is more like going to the Divine Physician. “What happened? What your your symptoms?” It is the healing grace of the sacrament that helps us to grow in virtue. And yes, in the case of mortal sin, it can be very much like a life-saving ER visit.

 

[Catholicwife32]

That definition did NOT contradict what you just presented.

Your interpretation of the Catechism is scewed a bit.

I’m not saying I disagree with much of what you are trying to say. We make mistakes. But you made is sound like chastity INCLUDES making mistakes, or even exploring sexuality to find out what is good and what is bad.

Nothing I said included exploring your sexuality to “find out what is good and what is bad!” I never denied that fornication isn’t sinful.

Chastity is a virtue. Virtue means strength. A chaste person knows themselves well enough to live a chaste life. Living out a chaste life depends on your state in life.

You don’t begin your life on this earth as a chaste individual. You begin as unchaste and have to cultivate chastity in order to live it out.

Chastity definitely is NOT having sex, or sexual stimulation, unless you are married. A valid spouse is the only outlet for sexual stimulation and intercourse.

Married couples are called to conjugal chastity. If you view marriage as the only “outlet” for lust, you have a problem.

 

[Joey12]

The advice I give myself is to watch what you are thinking about! Avoidance of the things that stimulate lust is only one problem. The additional problem can be that you can internally open the pathway by ruminating over lustful things, thinking about things you’ve seen or done in the past etc and it just keeps you going down that slippery slope to the point where you feel you have very little self control. Think about the good, true and beautiful things in your life. The things that are as far removed from lust as possible. I think about real, concrete things about my children and my wife. Actually take the time to do it if you aren’t feeling that great. Cultivate that stuff in your head. The goodness in your life, whatever it is. Make your mind a garden of beautiful thoughts and prayers. Try constantly checking in with Jesus in your heart. Say “Hi” to him often and feel that pure, cleanness in your heart and go back to Jesus when it isn’t there. God bless!

 

[rcwitness]

Nothing I said included exploring your sexuality to “find out what is good and what is bad!”

This is what you said,
“Chastity involves lifelong processing of learning to understand your sexual urges. Often times, this knowledge comes about through sin–through engaging in sexual mistakes.”

Chastity is NOT learning, or gaining knowledge, or engaging in sexual mistakes. Maybe you didn’t mean to sound like you were saying that, but that’s how it comes across the way you wrote it. Chastity is abstaining from sexual mistakes!

Married couples are called to conjugal chastity. If you view marriage as the only “outlet” for lust, you have a problem.

Why would you think I meant that? I certainly don’t.