Overcoming Materialism

[Abundant]

So, I am what the media would call an “affluent Catholic.” I feel very blessed for all that God has given me, and I recognize that it is all His (not mine). However, I feel like I am trapped by modern materialism. I have confessed it, prayed about it, and repented from it…but it is truly a huge problem for me. I know that we, as a society in the United States, waste more than most people will ever have. As a result, I almost feel enslaved to ‘stuff.’

For instance, I live in nice suburban neighborhood, however I never have people over (though the mom’s group and ACTS group is always asking for people to volunteer their home). My reason? The baseboards aren’t perfect. What if their house is bigger, better, cleaner, more decorated, etc. than mine. I also spend waaaay too much money on things I don’t need. iPhone? Check. New luxury car (2 acutally)? Check. iPad? Check. Flat Screen TV in every room? Check. … you get the idea.

Does anyone else struggle with that, and how do you overcome it?

How can I learn to be not only happy with what I have, but learn to seek Him instead of stuff? I know it is wrong, and that in some ways I am having another God before Him. Thoughts?

 

[3DOCTORS]

Well, if you’re interested, I cordially invite you to join my CAF Social Group “Catholics Overcoming Materialism” at this link: forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php?groupid=669

My problem is different from yours but possibly only from lack of means . . . I started to overspend early on and often not on big things but “nickel and dimed” myself to death, got into credit card debt and such. And I still struggle with “stuff” and making sure I don’t become a hoarder.

The good thing in your case is that you can decide to downsize, and if you have debt, to begin to pay it off. I am on a fixed disability income and my options are limited. I’m blessed to have a place to stay with a friend. This tells us that the problem isn’t how many dollars one has or doesn’t have in the bank, but the state of his/her soul. :sad_yes: With the help of God’s grace, we can change. :yup:

 

[Abundant]

I am going to join!! Thanks

I do not spend to the point of having debt other than mortgage and cars. It has not always been that way though, I assure you. We had a bad couple of years at the downturn and never want to have loans or credit cards again because we worked really hard to keep out of debt and keep our credit scores up during that time.

You are right though about it not having to do with money. We’ve been everywhere from completely broke to having abundantly more than we need, yet I always find myself competing with this “image” of what I think I should have, should look like and should be. It is truly suffocating. I cannot take a day off without finding something that I ‘need,’ to buy that day. The kids need new shoes? Great, I might as well get a new movie, some pots and pans and a few other random things while I’m here…

When I look back at the years when we were one paycheck away from total destruction, I realize that I was happier, more faithful and more in tune with where God wanted me. Somehow, the ‘stuff’ has gotten in the way. I’d rather make a quick $200 run to Target that a 1 hour visit to adoration or stay up late looking at Amazon or Ann Taylor than going to bed so that I can make an early weekday mass…I didn’t even realize that until right now when I typed it out.

 

[AnneTeresa]

It’s great that you are realizing this is an issue and seeking to change. Like any other attachment, it’s something you can work at in small steps. Pray for God’s help to see the needy as they really are too, and for help to overcome your problem by showing you how you can help them.

One thing that struck me reading your post was that some of it has to do with how you look to others (the baseboard example). That is vanity, I believe, and something to work on.

What if you picked one small way to start to change–something like, next time you spend $200 on something you don’t need, you give an equal amount to a charity? Or, once each week you will go through your house and find 3 things to donate to Good Will. Or something else that would be meaningful for you and help you start to make some changes.

 

[edwest2]

So, I am what the media would call an “affluent Catholic.” I feel very blessed for all that God has given me, and I recognize that it is all His (not mine). However, I feel like I am trapped by modern materialism. I have confessed it, prayed about it, and repented from it…but it is truly a huge problem for me. I know that we, as a society in the United States, waste more than most people will ever have. As a result, I almost feel enslaved to ‘stuff.’

For instance, I live in nice suburban neighborhood, however I never have people over (though the mom’s group and ACTS group is always asking for people to volunteer their home). My reason? The baseboards aren’t perfect. What if their house is bigger, better, cleaner, more decorated, etc. than mine. I also spend waaaay too much money on things I don’t need. iPhone? Check. New luxury car (2 acutally)? Check. iPad? Check. Flat Screen TV in every room? Check. … you get the idea.

Does anyone else struggle with that, and how do you overcome it?

How can I learn to be not only happy with what I have, but learn to seek Him instead of stuff? I know it is wrong, and that in some ways I am having another God before Him. Thoughts?

Let’s break it down. Make two lists: 1. Stuff I need, 2. Stuff I want.

1. One covers the basics like food, gas, car insurance, utilities, etc.
2. Among my toys, which are the most useful and fun? Which are going overboard?

Just be honest with yourself. Depending on what you do for a living, the extra stuff may be a reward for an unfulfilling job. A lack of a relationship(s) or a substitute. It may also be easy wish fulfillment too. After all, worthwhile things take time and effort and just buying stuff is quick, easy and uncomplicated. And worthwhile things, like relationships, means taking a chance and being open to disappointment. Sometimes, things don’t work out.

Ask God to guide you. It’s OK to have some stuff, but too much is too much. Perhaps there is something God will guide you to do that will make acquiring stuff less important. Being content with what you have is the opposite of what the media, and perhaps your peers, are telling you.

I grew up at a time when family, friends, relatives and helping others were my time, along with media that didn’t offend Christian sensibilities. God gave me a direction to go in but it was rough sailing at times, and with some disappointments along the way. But the more I worked toward this or that goal, and kept going, I eventually reached a place where I feel I can serve God based on the talents and circumstances He’s given me. I have stuff, but it’s become less important.

Hope this helps,
Ed

 

[Cricket2]

One practical thing to do might be sorting through stuff with the determination to give what you have not used in the last year away. Now I know that is easier said than done. But having to move about every 6 months in life years ago, I soon got fed up with boxing all the “junk.” I finally had enough and sold about half my stuff. Never missed it.

It is now my practice to check out the closet every Spring and clear it out. Dealing with feeling of your home not being perfect enough is a whole other matter. My sister struggles with this, and sometimes we can pretty annoyed at each other over it. I am not a slob or anything like that, but my sister has to have everything almost “showcase”. We have come to some equal ground more recently, but it took us 4 years of living together to get there.

All I can suggest, is if your house is neat and clean your fine. The next time someone suggest a meeting at your place go for it. Or, invite one person over that you really trust and share your concerns. Try not to let things get in the way of living and getting to know people.

One year my sister’s house burned down. It was on Christmas Eve and she lived in the middle of the Oregon desert. Help was 80 miles away. She only had time to get the little girl with her, her dogs and herself out into the 5 below zero weather. Farmhands tried to save the house, but soon realized it was useless.

Her Christmas ornaments were blowing up from the heat. One man had smoke inhalation from trying to empty her belongings out of the house. My sisters feet and legs had frozen near solid to the knees and were encased in ice from the water being used to put the fire out. But someone had managed to save a pot of stew she had on the stove and tossed the pot on the ground along with a load of bowls.

My sister, laughed and told everybody: “It is like the 4th of July at Christmas.” “Look how pretty the lights look when the explode!” Then she took the bowls off the ground and filled them with the stew and invited everyone that was there to have a bowl. She told them they “Might as well have Christmas Eve dinner and watch the show”

She survived, her horses and dogs survived, her friends healed and so did she… Her house was a goner and almost everything in it. But she was alive and that is all that mattered.

Put material things in their proper perspective and you may do better.

 

[3DOCTORS]

Cricket2, wow, just wow, what an amazing story.

My mother and her family’s farm and house was destroyed in a flood when my mother was in her 20s (before she met my dad). And my parents’ house I had hoped to inherit was foreclosed. (The moving out process was made more stressful by having to deal with all my “stuff” - though it also provided an opportunity to dispose of a lot of clutter.)

Abundant, and anyone else who wants to join the group, head on over there and I’ll meet you. :grouphug: The Advent season is a fantastic time to begin this endeavor, as there are plenty of charities in need.

One more thing @ Abundant - if you are experiencing actual anxiety about things like baseboards, you might want to mention it to your doctor - it could be a symptom of a treatable anxiety disorder . . . might as well enter the battle fully armed against all the potential enemies. :knight1::knight2: I say this because I’ve had anxiety pretty much all my life and I know I use shopping and acquiring stuff to “calm my nerves” even though I know it’s counterproductive.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Do you pray about this?

Perhaps you could spend this Advent asking God to help you with this attachment and to free you.

I also find that regularly getting rid of stuff I don’t need and donating it to charity helps me have a more healthy attitude towards my possessions.

 

[Abundant]

Thanks for all of your thoughts. I think that there might be some element of anxiety that I try to alleviate by “buying” stuff but it comes more from a place of wanting everything to look and be just right. For instance, I almost never bake and when I cook it typically comes out of a box . However, everyone was coming over for Thanksgiving last week. So what did I do? I went out and bought a brand new expensive kitchen appliance that I have no need for and up until that point desire for. But, somehow I got it in my mind that the holiday would be better if I owned just this one thing…a $300 thing I might add.

I don’t keep a lot of stuff though because I hate clutter. More than likely, after a few months of looking at the new kitchen appliance (and coming to terms with the fact that it was a waste of $300), I will give it away to someone who really does bake. I tend to spend a lot on a little bit here and there. A trip to the grocery store that could cost $150, ends up closer to $250 because I will buy the newest cleaning stuff, try some new shampoo, and a whole bunch of other ‘little things’ that I don’t need and really don’t even want. 3 out of 5 days a week I will go to a store on mu lunch break to pick up a card or snack and end up with a $40 bag of…I’m not even sure what. Last week it was mascara, a new hairbrush and 2 bags of gummy worms.

I have started praying about this over the last week. I am asking that God fill me with HIM instead of me looking to fill my house and my life with STUFF. I really do need to lay off of the Pinterest boards and Mommy-Blogs though. Their seemingly perfect lives, perfect hair, perfect houses, perfect children put so much pressure on me to be like that, live like that and look like that that I forget who I was created to be.

I am glad too that there are other people who struggle with this. It’s not just me.

 

[m134e5]

So, I am what the media would call an “affluent Catholic.” I feel very blessed for all that God has given me, and I recognize that it is all His (not mine). However, I feel like I am trapped by modern materialism. I have confessed it, prayed about it, and repented from it…but it is truly a huge problem for me. I know that we, as a society in the United States, waste more than most people will ever have. As a result, I almost feel enslaved to ‘stuff.’

For instance, I live in nice suburban neighborhood, however I never have people over (though the mom’s group and ACTS group is always asking for people to volunteer their home). My reason? The baseboards aren’t perfect. What if their house is bigger, better, cleaner, more decorated, etc. than mine. I also spend waaaay too much money on things I don’t need. iPhone? Check. New luxury car (2 acutally)? Check. iPad? Check. Flat Screen TV in every room? Check. … you get the idea.

Does anyone else struggle with that, and how do you overcome it?

How can I learn to be not only happy with what I have, but learn to seek Him instead of stuff? I know it is wrong, and that in some ways I am having another God before Him. Thoughts?

What you describe is not exactly what the Church is talking about when it refers to “materialism.” Materialism is basically the belief that created matter is the ultimate reality, rather than God. For a better, but longer and somewhat difficult to read explanation than what I gave, check out what the Catholic Encyclopedia has to say about it.

Materialism really isn’t so much about being preoccupied on having stuff or money- that’s consumerism, and is a form of materialism (because it is undue importance placed on created things), but it is important to clarify that materialism encompasses much more than this.

Some of the most materialistic attitudes in the Church are those who seem very generous with the poor. They’re certainly not all about wanting more stuff, and are often very outspoken about corporate and personal greed. Their belief seems to be that the Church’s primary goal is to make sure people what they need in order to be comfortable in this life. We must practice the corporal works of mercy, so there’s nothing wrong with helping those less fortunate than us. It is a problem, however, when we consider it the end itself, rather than the means to an end.

We should consider the question from the Baltimore Catechism, “Why did God make me.” The answer does say, “God made me to know, love, and serve him in this life” which includes among other things performing the corporal works of mercy. We must be sure to remember the second part of the answer though- it is the reason to do the first part of the answer- “so that I may be happy with him forever in the next.”

That being said, based on your description, you do seem to have a lot. This might be a good opportunity to think about what you have, what you really need, and what really makes your life more convenient or enjoyable.

 

[wcknight]

I’m probably in the same boat as far as having more than what I need. I’m retired, and so is my spouse. We live in a very upscale neighborhood and we are virtually debt free. I’ve made charity part of my new vocation. We do a lot of volunteer work and we give to all sorts of charitable causes, including our college and high school.

We discovered long ago, money does not make you happy. We don’t consider ourselves rich but by many standards we are far better off than most folks in the world. Being affluent has a lot of responsibilities, if we can help others with our resources, we do, Our kids are grown and are pretty much on their own, We have one still in school, last year and he will be earning a decent living come next June. We managed to send our kids through Catholic HS and through college, two with advanced degrees.

We have been blessed many times over and we are always thankful. Our/my biggest concern is only that our kids are basically lapsed Catholics or even self professed atheists. That is not what I would have wanted, but part of the blame is because I married a non-Catholic. IF I had to do it all over again, I probably would do things the same way. We don’t get the very latest, but we could IF we wanted to. We are both very frugal, so that keeps our spending in line, and it is part of why we are so successful.

The bible phrase that bothers me most is: Woe to the rich for they have their reward. I want my reward in Heaven, not here and now. IF I were single, I would give most of it away.

 

[Abundant]

The bible phrase that bothers me most is: Woe to the rich for they have their reward. I want my reward in Heaven, not here and now. IF I were single, I would give most of it away.

It sounds like you are right…we are very similar. The Bible verse that gets me is Matthew 19:24 that says, “Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

We are younger (mid-30’s) and I find myself frequently wondering if I should be putting more away for retirement every month (we already max out our 401k), building up the kids college funds, saving for a rainy season or giving more to charity. I feel very blessed, but so unworthy to have so much when there are so many who have so little. I look around at my comfortable life and wonder if it is all a distraction put there by the enemy to keep my eyes looking out instead of up. Me and Jesus have some talking to do apparently!

 

[wcknight]

First off give to God and the Church a percentage of your income…build up 3 to 6 months income for emergencies depending on how stable your income is… Then sock away for retirement and the kids. You can do all of this concurrently. Be charitable as much as you can. God expects us to share our good fortune. It is only by the grace of God that we have anything at all.

Buying stuff now is like spending 100 times what it will be worth by the time you retire.
We always buy the most economical vehicle that is of decent quality. Luxury items are a waste of money… That’s the cheap side of me. We invest in the education of our kids because we think that is money well spent.

 

[3DOCTORS]

A few more little tidbits

Thanks for all of your thoughts. I think that there might be some element of anxiety that I try to alleviate by “buying” stuff but it comes more from a place of wanting everything to look and be just right. For instance, I almost never bake and when I cook it typically comes out of a box . However, everyone was coming over for Thanksgiving last week. So what did I do? I went out and bought a brand new expensive kitchen appliance that I have no need for and up until that point desire for. But, somehow I got it in my mind that the holiday would be better if I owned just this one thing…a $300 thing I might add.

Don’t try to out-Martha Stewart Martha Stewart!

Do you have issues with impulsivity - for instance, when the idea came into your mind that buying the $300 kitchen appliance would be a good idea, did you sort of drop everything and rush to the store with mental blinders on? And if the first store didn’t have the item would you have gone to as many stores as it took until you nabbed one? The reason I ask this is that I also have ADD and I’ve done stuff like this. Maybe on a smaller scale, but I get that "Gotta have it and gotta have it now" mentality. :bounce: And sometimes, as you mention below, later I might realize I didn’t need the whatever it was and give it away, though regretting the money I spent and wishing I could have that back.

I don’t keep a lot of stuff though because I hate clutter. More than likely, after a few months of looking at the new kitchen appliance (and coming to terms with the fact that it was a waste of $300), I will give it away to someone who really does bake. I tend to spend a lot on a little bit here and there. A trip to the grocery store that could cost $150, ends up closer to $250 because I will buy the newest cleaning stuff, try some new shampoo, and a whole bunch of other ‘little things’ that I don’t need and really don’t even want. 3 out of 5 days a week I will go to a store on mu lunch break to pick up a card or snack and end up with a $40 bag of…I’m not even sure what. Last week it was mascara, a new hairbrush and 2 bags of gummy worms.

Again, it sounds like you are the impulse shopper of the marketers’ dreams! I know how it can be. You might study how the stores place items and package them and all, to take advantage of that human quality. Or how TV commercials and printed advertisements and such are made to manipulate us. People get advanced degrees in these tactics, and get paid good money to employ them because they work. But there are ways you can train yourself to see through the tricks. It can even become a game to outsmart them.

Another thing that might help would be to visit some frugal living websites and learn about when the store brand or something is just as good as the name brand or the “latest thing.”

I have started praying about this over the last week. I am asking that God fill me with HIM instead of me looking to fill my house and my life with STUFF. I really do need to lay off of the Pinterest boards and Mommy-Blogs though. Their seemingly perfect lives, perfect hair, perfect houses, perfect children put so much pressure on me to be like that, live like that and look like that that I forget who I was created to be.

I am glad too that there are other people who struggle with this. It’s not just me.

Great strategies! You go girl! I have a Pinterest account but I rarely look at it because there are SO many new ideas it makes my brain hurt. I can come up with plenty of cool stuff in my own imagination and there’s not enough time in the day, much less money in the bank, to follow up on all of it!

 

[TK421]

So, I am what the media would call an “affluent Catholic.” I feel very blessed for all that God has given me, and I recognize that it is all His (not mine). However, I feel like I am trapped by modern materialism. I have confessed it, prayed about it, and repented from it…but it is truly a huge problem for me. I know that we, as a society in the United States, waste more than most people will ever have. As a result, I almost feel enslaved to ‘stuff.’

For instance, I live in nice suburban neighborhood, however I never have people over (though the mom’s group and ACTS group is always asking for people to volunteer their home). My reason? The baseboards aren’t perfect. What if their house is bigger, better, cleaner, more decorated, etc. than mine. I also spend waaaay too much money on things I don’t need. iPhone? Check. New luxury car (2 acutally)? Check. iPad? Check. Flat Screen TV in every room? Check. … you get the idea.

Does anyone else struggle with that, and how do you overcome it?

How can I learn to be not only happy with what I have, but learn to seek Him instead of stuff? I know it is wrong, and that in some ways I am having another God before Him. Thoughts?

I think you’ve answered your own question in your own post.

I don’t know if I can truly think of a single time - not a single time - in my life where I’ve improved myself in some way without making myself uncomfortable. Can you? Think over it critically.

This problem of yours will not only persist, but it will in all likelihood gradually get even worse over time. You can never be satisfied. If you don’t want that to happen, and if you want to instead become more intimate with God, then you need to forcefully step out of your comfort zone through an act of love. Use your blessed home and offer to invite people over and be a host. As you yourself have stated, this is something that will be uncomfortable for you; perhaps even extremely uncomfortable, and that is a good thing. Do it anyway, and the more you do it, the easier it will get. You will focus less on the little details where your home could be improved, and you will focus more on the joy of company and helping people out.

This is my opinion on what you ought to do to fight this problem, and really, I think it applies to pretty much any area where a person struggles. Examine your life, identify the areas that make you uncomfortable, and then attack them. The areas that you are already comfortable with is the territory that you’ve already gained control of.

 

[fred_conty]

The first step is to recognize the problem. Seems you’ve done this. Good for you.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.

 

[Abundant]

This is why I love CAF. Now, not only do I spend too much money but I also have anxiety, impulse control problems and ADHD. Ha,ha… Love it!!

In all seriousness, thanks to you all for your thoughts. In thinking (and praying) more about this, the verse that keeps coming to mind is: “And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Colossians 3:17). I am going to tape that in my car (and above my computer screen for all of those online shopping websites) and every time I am headed to buy something, I am going to ask myself whether or not it is needed or if I could use the money or time to bless others or just be a better steward of what God has given me. For instance the time that I spent hunting down that kitchen appliance, and the $300 I wasted on it could have been spent serving and the money spent blessing a family who has nothing for the holidays.

As an aside, yesterday morning I was reading a book about Miracles performed by Saints and it said something about a person who never before prayed to saints until a specific saint was suggested to them. I said a half-hearted prayer before leaving for work that went something like, “Well, if any of you saints up there would like to help me then please let it be known to me. I need a specific recommendation so I know which one of you wants to help me with this.” Then I went about my business.

Well, some very kind person read my thread on CAF and felt compelled to send me personal message suggesting a Saint that I should pray to. My jaw dropped. How’s THAT for answered prayer?

Thanks again. Stay warm out there!!

 

[Abundant]

Buying stuff now is like spending 100 times what it will be worth by the time you retire.

I’m going to remember that!! Next time I want to spend “just $20” on something, I am going to ask myself it is is worth $2000. Good idea

 

[Shin]

I would recommend reading the writings and lives of the saints, but particularly the Desert Fathers to overcome materialism.

 

[3DOCTORS]

This is why I love CAF. Now, not only do I spend too much money but I also have anxiety, impulse control problems and ADHD. Ha,ha… Love it!!

In all seriousness, thanks to you all for your thoughts. In thinking (and praying) more about this, the verse that keeps coming to mind is: “And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Colossians 3:17). I am going to tape that in my car (and above my computer screen for all of those online shopping websites) and every time I am headed to buy something, I am going to ask myself whether or not it is needed or if I could use the money or time to bless others or just be a better steward of what God has given me. For instance the time that I spent hunting down that kitchen appliance, and the $300 I wasted on it could have been spent serving and the money spent blessing a family who has nothing for the holidays.

As an aside, yesterday morning I was reading a book about Miracles performed by Saints and it said something about a person who never before prayed to saints until a specific saint was suggested to them. I said a half-hearted prayer before leaving for work that went something like, “Well, if any of you saints up there would like to help me then please let it be known to me. I need a specific recommendation so I know which one of you wants to help me with this.” Then I went about my business.

Well, some very kind person read my thread on CAF and felt compelled to send me personal message suggesting a Saint that I should pray to. My jaw dropped. How’s THAT for answered prayer?

Thanks again. Stay warm out there!!

Pretty amazing! But that’s how God works! :yup: Hope it didn’t sound like I was attempting to “diagnose” you with ADD . . . impulsivity is not limited to those of us who have it “officially,” LOL

Have a wonderful day and grow in faith and love of the Lord!