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CarmeliteGirl25
Guest
It is not scandalous to discuss something when someone needs help. I really think you are reading too much into this thread. Why do you keep coming back if you don’t want to read any of it?
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CarmeliteGirl25
Guest
Again, I respectfully disagree. As someone else mentioned, it would be considered lying for the same reasons as the Confessional. If anyone is going to receive help, they first need to be truthful with themselves, God, and others. Nothing that AHumbleSinner said was horribly graphic. If you read Theology of the Body, JPII discusses masturbation and other sexual things.
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zaramarie81
Guest
Ummm, while it’s probably not appropriate for an authority figure like a youth minister to disclose such things to the youth he is leading, the reality is, sexual sin usually flourishes because it’s kept secretive. This thread wasn’t plastered all over the internet but in a forum that was clearly marked. And furthermore, by sharing struggles in a forum, a small group, etc others who normally would have kept their sin a secret may find help or strength to overcome it.
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Daniel_Boucher
Guest
Matters of sexuality should be kept to within the family or between spouses, unless of course there is sexual abuse coming from within the family or marraige. Otherwise, you may read a book such as the Catechism, the Theology of the Body books, or Humanae Vitae, or talk to a priest outside of Confession if the advice you are being given in Confession is too difficult. This is only because the person who posted this thread is having problems. Seek a therapist if that helps. Talk to a friend, or a stranger, but in private.
People are too nonchalant and imprudent about matters of sexuality nowadays. Rock and Roll, Jazz, and the promiscuous movie/television/music/magazine/internet (media) censorship system have mislead our culture into lust, perversion, indecency, obscenity, and impurity that are all contrary to chastity (one of the vows pledged in a religious vocation). Buy a book on chastity if you need help or just want to learn how to be more intimate with God and to properly integrate your human sexuality.
We should all agree on this forum that people should not make pornography so as to tempt people into the sin of lust. Telling people that you have these problems when they are not old enough or trained or emotionally stable to not follow the example you are making by revealing to us your sexual problems is tempting to them just as much as pornography itself is, maybe moreso because this is supposed to be a safe website (wolf in sheeps clothing). This is a Catholic website, please keep it the way that people in the Catholic Church should behaive.
About your sin: (No one here condemns you, neither do I; go on and sin no more).
Please, for your sake and the sake of others. Do all of this in private and do not post these threads anymore, also. Thank you.
People are too nonchalant and imprudent about matters of sexuality nowadays. Rock and Roll, Jazz, and the promiscuous movie/television/music/magazine/internet (media) censorship system have mislead our culture into lust, perversion, indecency, obscenity, and impurity that are all contrary to chastity (one of the vows pledged in a religious vocation). Buy a book on chastity if you need help or just want to learn how to be more intimate with God and to properly integrate your human sexuality.
We should all agree on this forum that people should not make pornography so as to tempt people into the sin of lust. Telling people that you have these problems when they are not old enough or trained or emotionally stable to not follow the example you are making by revealing to us your sexual problems is tempting to them just as much as pornography itself is, maybe moreso because this is supposed to be a safe website (wolf in sheeps clothing). This is a Catholic website, please keep it the way that people in the Catholic Church should behaive.
About your sin: (No one here condemns you, neither do I; go on and sin no more).
Please, for your sake and the sake of others. Do all of this in private and do not post these threads anymore, also. Thank you.
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CarmeliteGirl25
Guest
While that might help you, it doesn’t help others who are struggling very hard to keep away from temptations. I know, I’ve been there myself. Keeping my sin secret from my family and friends made it more difficult to recover. Now that it’s out there, and people know what happened to me, I have been able to seek the much needed help. Confession alone didn’t help me. God gave me the desire to have my situation known so it could not only help me, but others in my situation. To say that the OP should keep his situation in the dark and try to read chastity books may not help as it did not help me. Everyone is different. What works for you, may not work for someone else. Again, I respectfully, but wholeheartedly disagree with you.
It’s true that sexual perversion has seeped into entertainment and it can be a trigger for temptations, but if we are cautious and have made a covenant with God to keep our eyes off those things, then it helps. I doubt anyone has read this and thought, “Well, he had a problem with pornography, and now I have to watch it because I am thinking about it.” I know God gives us WAY more self-control than that.
God bless.
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CarmeliteGirl25
Guest
Something I didn’t think of until just now…
Everyone is going to have their sins revealed to ALL at the Last Judgment. Every one of your deepest, darkest secrets that you kept from ALL are going to be revealed. I would much rather know about my brother’s or sister’s troubles now so that I could help them, than wait until Final Judgment when I can’t do anything for them…
Something to think about…
Everyone is going to have their sins revealed to ALL at the Last Judgment. Every one of your deepest, darkest secrets that you kept from ALL are going to be revealed. I would much rather know about my brother’s or sister’s troubles now so that I could help them, than wait until Final Judgment when I can’t do anything for them…
Something to think about…
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BSHoop96
Guest
Using euphemisms in this instance would not be lying…we all know what is meant. We don’t need details. Just as in confession you don’t go into detail with the priest…you don’t say anything that would cause him to sin himself (putting images in his mind with descriptive language, etc.).
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Daniel_Boucher
Guest
I’m sorry I even told you about how I was scandalized. Sex remains to be something discussed in the family: between the spouses and from parents to thier children. Formal instruction from the Church in general is even complicated, but it is found in the Bible, Catechism, and Catholic resources as well. If there is any other discussion otherwise, someone is transgressing beyond what they should be talking about. Why? Because it is contrary to chasity to do so.
Yes, even going into details in Confession is not a good thing, unless the confessor asks you to. Most people don’t want to hear about anyone’s sexual sin, or even sexual behavior if it is done properly so within the state of Holy Matrimony. To speak of such things discredits the faith given to the conjugal fidelity of marraige, which is to be between husband and wife.
In the case of masturbation, there is no husband, there is no wife, there are no children, so there is no one really to speak to about it, but God, because it is sin. Yes, we will know each others sins at the Last Judgement, but at that time it will not be corrupting to us as it is now as we live in this world. However, we are to be dead to sin, so I speak of this matter for those who are not Confirmed, who have not yet recieved the special grace that seals us and makes us dead to sin, as was the case when the youth minister dumped his problems on us Confirmandi while we were on a Confirmation retreat. I also speak about it for anyone else who would be corrupted by a public revelation of sexual sin and for the sake of the person who posted this because scandal is sin as well. In other words, to prevent future victims and sinners as me and the youth minister were.
We shouldn’t be so needy that the graces given to us in Confession are not enough. Actually, if these sins have been confessed, and you are still sinning, then you need to continue to go to Confession, but also focus on converting from your sin: sincere sorrow for the sin committed, detesting the sin, and resolving not to do it again (true contrition according to the Catechism). If that hasn’t solved things, then maybe your contrition is imperfect and you are confessing out of fear of God, instead of for love of God (perfect contrition). Either imperfect or perfect contrition allow for the forgiveness of sins, but perfect contrition is stronger in helping you to convert from your sins and to do them no more.
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zaramarie81
Guest
“We shouldn’t be so needy that the graces given to us in Confession are not enough.”
This is absolutely untrue, as anyone struggling with an addiction or other form of brokenness can affirm and any well-trained Catholic counselor can affirm. Please stop preaching to/shaming the OP and others on this thread. This folder was clearly marked. You did not have to go inside and read and be “scandalized” (which is something really you chose to do by reading the thread so please take responsibility for your own choices). In fact, it is you who is furthering the thread more than anyone else with your continued involvement. There are many online and in-person help groups for those struggling with addiction. Group support and accountability is often key to helping a person beat this. Again, no one is required to participate or read the details. You have made your point, now please allow others to disagree and if you don’t like the topic, then I suggest you again, take responsibility for your own actions and choices, and leave.
This is absolutely untrue, as anyone struggling with an addiction or other form of brokenness can affirm and any well-trained Catholic counselor can affirm. Please stop preaching to/shaming the OP and others on this thread. This folder was clearly marked. You did not have to go inside and read and be “scandalized” (which is something really you chose to do by reading the thread so please take responsibility for your own choices). In fact, it is you who is furthering the thread more than anyone else with your continued involvement. There are many online and in-person help groups for those struggling with addiction. Group support and accountability is often key to helping a person beat this. Again, no one is required to participate or read the details. You have made your point, now please allow others to disagree and if you don’t like the topic, then I suggest you again, take responsibility for your own actions and choices, and leave.
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Daniel_Boucher
Guest
No, you are wrong. To say that the Sacrament of Confession isn’t enough for the repentance of our sins is to say that you are not meaning what you are saying when you pray the Act of Contrition. Also, you are not concerned about others who would be scandalized by these threads. I speak up because all those who support these threads are scandalizing others, themselves, including yourself. Self help groups are the same. Go to Jesus, He has all the answers, we don’t need to form pity parties for ourselves because we are to form bonds on love, not sin.
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zaramarie81
Guest
You know, it’s obvious this is just going to turn into a fruitless back and forth so I’ll just say this for anyone out there suffering through this kind of struggle or really any struggle:
The Sacrament of Confession is certainly enough for the grace to receive repentance of sins. Addiction, however, is not the same as sin. Sin can lead to addiction, but when a person has a full-blown addiction, an element of their free will is compromised and they need help to “retrain” their bodies and minds that are now captive. Habitual sin, a precursor to addiction, also often needs some outside help. Please do not neglect getting that help. This has nothing to do with questioning how much faith a person has or how powerful God is - this is a matter of dealing practically with the challenges at hand, with brokenness, with habitual problems. It is unfair to reduce all issues down to a “spiritual problem.” We are physical beings and our sin often leads to physical and emotional problems that a priest cannot fully address during the Sacrament of Confession.
Case in point… I had a very devout friend struggle with sexual addiction. He confessed his issues all the time, had a full-time spiritual director, etc and still he was losing the battle. He finally told people - not everyone - but he told some close friends and a counselor (I am the only woman who was told because we were dating and I needed to know as part of discernment). His struggle was infecting our relationship, but being in the dark, I hadn’t know what was going on and didn’t realize that some of the innocent things I wore were a problem for him because it wasn’t a problem for any other man in my life and were modest by general standards. It was infecting everything… his friends could not help him and were in fact, in some ways making it worse because they were unaware that he was weak in areas. So they would communicate over email (when he was trying to avoid the internet), and watch movies with him that wouldn’t tempt them but were in fact, tempting him, etc. It’s the same with alcoholism or drinking problems… when it becomes evident that a friend has an issue, we are more equipped to help, to invite that person to dry events, and to do an intervention if necessary. A priest in the confessional simply cannot have that level of daily influence and accountability over every parishioner nor would I want to place that responsibility solely on the priests. I would imagine that priests rely on all their parishioners to be seeking holiness and helping each other seek holiness. Also, many are not strong enough to seek professional counseling until a friend or family member recognizes the problem and helps them take that step.
Okay, sorry, I hope this hasn’t come off as a rant. It’s just that I’ve seen this above mentality do some real harm to people, and in my opinion is advocating a false kind of holiness. One of the hardest things for a person dealing with habitual sin or addiction, especially sexual, is to admit they have a problem. The last thing that person needs is someone shaming them back into the closet where the sin will just fester. And as Catholics we are called to live in community - no matter how great a book is, it is not the same as a real live friend saying “Look I support you in this struggle, I am praying for you.” Gosh, I know one person who struggles with alcoholism who can barely read. Reading a book would be of not help.
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CarmeliteGirl25
Guest
What you have said is pure insanity. I pray to God that you never have an addiction where you required help because, from what you have said, you would never seek it. Leave others to make their own choices and stop polluting this thread with your mundane remarks!
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CarmeliteGirl25
Guest
I wholeheartedly agree. It is nonsense, IMHO, to fore go counseling or help for your addiction simply because you could be “scandalizing” others. Seriously, I’ve had this problem myself, so to say that I should never have received the help I got, nor asked for it, means I would still be committing the sin! Nothing in the way of Confession (though I wouldn’t disregard it at all!) or reading a book helped me mentally (though I know it helped me spiritually, a great deal). It was only when I asked for help and got it that my addiction ceased. Jesus didn’t put doctors, therapists, family and friends on this earth so you could ignore them and try to do it yourself. God is hard to hear sometimes, and these people help you.
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John_Monaco
Guest
To the topic creator,
I’m a 16 year old junior in high school, living in a suburb in CT. I plan on majoring in Catholic Theology, and becoming a priest at St. Charles Borromeo Seminary. I am constantly plagued by sexual desires also, and it seems that everytime I quit masturbating, I start it up again.
Please know that you are not alone, there is another man out there whom’s heart is crying for Jesus and His will, yet has to fight off lustful temptations.
God Bless,
John Monaco
I’m a 16 year old junior in high school, living in a suburb in CT. I plan on majoring in Catholic Theology, and becoming a priest at St. Charles Borromeo Seminary. I am constantly plagued by sexual desires also, and it seems that everytime I quit masturbating, I start it up again.
Please know that you are not alone, there is another man out there whom’s heart is crying for Jesus and His will, yet has to fight off lustful temptations.
God Bless,
John Monaco
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SenorSalsa
Guest
I recommend a St. Joseph Cord/Cincture. it is for the purposes of:
* St. Joseph’s special protection
* The grace of chastity
* Final perseverance
* St. Joseph’s particular assistance at the hour of death
and because it is to be worn around the waist, it is, lets say, a conveniently placed reminder.
I recently got one, and while not flawless, I think it is definitely helping.
More here
fisheaters.com/stjosephcords.html
* St. Joseph’s special protection
* The grace of chastity
* Final perseverance
* St. Joseph’s particular assistance at the hour of death
and because it is to be worn around the waist, it is, lets say, a conveniently placed reminder.
I recently got one, and while not flawless, I think it is definitely helping.
More here
fisheaters.com/stjosephcords.html
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withwind
Guest
No one here can really help you overcome the sin and I am sure from Whom you will seek help. Also, this kind of temptation can stay with you for a long time…though it might be lesser…With grace, you will learn to deal with temptation better and will not yield to it.
In a way, it is important to overcome the sin so that you can discern your vocation to religious life; howver, from my humble advice, pray that you receive God’s grace to overcome this problem … not for your paticular vocation which you have in mind… but for the love for God - that is the root of all our vocation. The more you love God, the more you know where He will lead you to the right path.
I keep you in my prayer.
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ethereality
Guest
I don’t know what’s been said already, and I’m in a horrible mood, so forgive me for not reading more of the posts …
Have you studied the theology of the body, presented by Pope John Paul II? (If you’re preparing for the priesthood, I’m assuming you already have …) It helps me tremendously to know what it is I’m actually doing. When I realize that our sexuality is meant for self-donation, not self-gratification, the illusions presented by pornography instantly melt away, and I’m left reading and looking at absurdity, and I mourn for those involved in it and those who don’t see the illusion of it. In my own sinful activity today, I learned about a man who died this year from a car crash under the pretense of “Anna Alexandre” … There are many suffering, and the truth of our sexuality needs to be shared with them.
That doesn’t help my sexual arousal, however, and I am still working on self-discipline, to realize that not all of our natural urges need to be acted upon. However, if you have a strong desire for sexual relations, then perhaps God is calling you to the vocation of marriage, not of priesthood. As Paul writes in the New Testament, it is better for a man to marry than to be consumed by his passions.
I’m ignorant of the seminary and all that, so definitely a spiritual director would be better to talk to, as others here have said.
Have you studied the theology of the body, presented by Pope John Paul II? (If you’re preparing for the priesthood, I’m assuming you already have …) It helps me tremendously to know what it is I’m actually doing. When I realize that our sexuality is meant for self-donation, not self-gratification, the illusions presented by pornography instantly melt away, and I’m left reading and looking at absurdity, and I mourn for those involved in it and those who don’t see the illusion of it. In my own sinful activity today, I learned about a man who died this year from a car crash under the pretense of “Anna Alexandre” … There are many suffering, and the truth of our sexuality needs to be shared with them.
That doesn’t help my sexual arousal, however, and I am still working on self-discipline, to realize that not all of our natural urges need to be acted upon. However, if you have a strong desire for sexual relations, then perhaps God is calling you to the vocation of marriage, not of priesthood. As Paul writes in the New Testament, it is better for a man to marry than to be consumed by his passions.
I’m ignorant of the seminary and all that, so definitely a spiritual director would be better to talk to, as others here have said.
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Tsuwano
Guest
No, your post doesn’t come off as a rant at all. It comes off as a rather mature and sensitive understanding of those who suffer from addiction. I would add than any good confessor will have a variety of resources, phone numbers and contacts, that he can offer the penitent when he recognizes that a sin has developed into an addiction. Priests are often in a unique position to recognize such problems in the community and it is not for nothing that many seminaries now train their seminarians in pastoral care and counseling.
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justagirl
Guest
John,
I strongly suggest that you get a new screen name and ask the moderators to delete your post. You can then re-post it under an anonymous screen name. There is a record of all of your posts, which can be found using Google. If you are one day a priest, parishioners will likely Google your name. You will be a much different person if you become a priest. I assure you that you will not want your 16 year old self’s posts public for any of your parishioners to see who decide to search for you. This is particularly true in a case such as this when you are talking about your specific sins. While it is OK for priests to be public with parishioners about the fact that they are sinners, it is inappropriate for priests to go into detail about their sins, particularly in the area of sins against chastity.
Your discernment and battle for purity will be in my prayers. God bless.
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bobolink
Guest
Clean of Heart: Overcoming habitual sins against purity
amazon.com/Clean-Heart-Overcoming-Habitual-against/dp/0977223450
Great book. I highly recommend it. Totally catholic and ideal for those who struggle with this problem. I’ve used this book myself and found it tremendously helpful.
amazon.com/Clean-Heart-Overcoming-Habitual-against/dp/0977223450
Great book. I highly recommend it. Totally catholic and ideal for those who struggle with this problem. I’ve used this book myself and found it tremendously helpful.
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