Overprotective mother

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Babinicz

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Its a big problem for. My mom is overprotective. I have diabetes. Im 17 and basically cant go any longer than I promised without any contact. For example one time I was going to sports classes during winter holidays and I told Ill be back at 1pm. Then I was back at 1:30pm, she was calling me- I didnt hear it because my phone is on silent. It was my mistake but she was very angry and almost shouted at me. Or when I was 13 or 14, I went one time to schoolmates house after classes. Then in afternoon she was asking me if were smoking, drinking, doing drugs or even if there were any girls(Im sure she meant sexual contact). But we just went from school and only played some video games and laughed. My dad was ok, no problem that I went out but mom not.
I think I wouldnt be able to start my own life. When I ask if she could stop that, she says that she worries about me because im her child and basically Im gonna worry too if I am going to have children. She is very untrustful for this teenager world. She is afraid that Ill be mugged when I go at midnight outside(but my town is rather peaceful and quiet). Yea dont warden when it becomes dark, who knows you will encounter, theyll mug you and steal your phone/documents/money.
I know that I wasnt doing well also. I isolated myself. Parents were also doing things for me. Maybe because I have diabetes. Its their explanation. I know its not true because diabetics live life at its finest.
I wonder what will be in the future. Moving out, starting family sometime? Well Ill have to make a weekly calls to mom I think.
 
To a certain extent it is normal. I still hear from my father generally every second day if not more often.

Generally a little more trusting. I wouldn’t be asked about smoking, drinking etc. but I would expect a call if I was half an hour late.
 
I see that she makes me weak. Dont go there, stay home, dont tire yourself.
I still hear something like: we would die and he wouldnt even contact us or care how we live" about my brother when he doesnt contact my parents for a longer time(he is 32). Its of course simply translation from my language.
Im afraid it would be more of emotional blackmail in the future. Like I brought you up and you now dont respect me, ungrateful child. Something like that.
I would nunderstand this behavior if I went out very often. But I rarely go out. I think that Im weak in her eyes. Cant do in everyday life. When I fail sometimes she says sometimes how will I do in my own life?
 
Naturally you need to learn healthy independence and your mother has to learn to let go .
My youngest is almost sixteen and becoming more independent but is still level headed.He has part time work after school,is doing well at school and has his sports.He is growing in confidence and purchasing his own personal effects.
Is there a possibility you could find a part time job(if not already) that wouldn’t impact your schooling but would give you the space ,and some financial independence ?
 
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When you leave home, calling home once a week is pretty much the low end of normal. My adult son and I text just about every day. I check in with my elderly parents by text at least every day. When you love someone, you want to keep in touch.

That being said, I am sure that your mom was very afraid when you were diagnosed. I am guessing that she did not find a support group for parents of kids with diabetes, but, had to figure it out on her own.

The way you get her to trust you is by being trust worthy. When you go home, come home when you say you will. If you are delayed, call. That is how adults behave. Little by little you will earn her trust.
 
But I often think that they made everything for me and now they demand that I will know everytthing.
I havent thought about working during school. I dont know if its possible.
 
Did your doctor explain to your mom that people with diabetes can live full and healthy lives? Any doctor worth his salt would reassure a parent that their kid can have a perfectly normal life if they can.
 
Dont know, maybe. But i still can hear that I dont have to exercise hard because of diabetes and overall not to tire.
Im unstable, I can laugh and now I would cry or feel bitter.
How would she understand that I have mental problems? It would shock her.
 
Does the doctor recommend that you do not exercise or your mom?
 
What does your father say about you mother’s overprotectiveness? I would imagine that your father would like to see you more independent.

Also, what do you plan on doing with your life? Going to university, tradeschool, etc.?
 
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It almost sounds like you need about two weeks holiday away from home with relations or good friends A good change of scenery ,and a reboot for yourself and your mother.
 
I don’t have much advice because I’m not close with either of my parents. I talk to my mom maybe every other week and only talk to my dad more than that because we work together.

But, you might consider sitting down with your mom and explaining you need a little more leash because you’re on the cusp of manhood and need to be able to test your own waters as part of growing up.
 
Ill probably go to university. Something connected with electricity. But I go to high school so we are only taught theory, maths and physics. I wish I had gone to technical school. I would get some knowledge and of course practising. Its one year longer than high school and I could easily work after that.
Holidays? Seems very out of this planet. And first I would need to find friends for it, as you say good company. But I’ll probably go to work on holidays. Or I dont know. It would even better for me- working 7/8 hours a day and no time for unnecessary thinking. Probably physical work, so my parents would say no. And im diabetic so its even harder.
They would see me more independent but its very impossible- theyve been doing most things for me and now they demand that I will know how to do them. I dont know, maybe I missed my childhood by sitting at home and playing games. I had one friend since primary school who lived close to me but moved out to bigger city in 3th or 4th grade. I liked metting with him.

Im overall physical weak. Not much stamina, not much muscles so Its hard for me too carry idk, 10kg box or heavier. And I am not thin, I am tall and my weight is about my height minus 100 of course.
 
I’m all for moving away for uni/college as a way of maturing in general but in your case I think it would be vital. It sounds like your mother has issues with anxiety and this could help create a healthy boundary.
 
Sweetheart,
Watch the movie, STEEL MAGNOLIAS. You didn’t mention if you are a Saint w your Insulin w stable BS’s?? Or are you a brittle diabetic. I was a nurse. A friend of my kids came in as a patient. She almost died. She was 17 yo at that time. She wanted to have friends and boyfriends.
She did make it to 27 yrs, I Think. There is a modest, chaste way, Jesus would like us to live.
Teens now are eating Tide Pods soap under peer pressure. If they offer you a cigarette or a beer, can you stand tall and say,”No Thank You.”
If they call you a baby or a goody two shoes, what will your response be?
If you know, all you need, to know about DM, and your sugars are stable, you could have more freedom. It is better for you to entertain friends at your house.
I was a Nerd. I was a goody two shoes. I had 2 good friends. I was lonely. I tried hanging with some hip kids. It wasn’t me. Teen yrs are not for dating. I know what everyone will say about that. BUT, hormones are raging. Kids try stuff. Cigarettes and booze is bad enough but now you get crack cocaine, ecstasy. Marijuana. Kids don’t have the compassion to be kind to each other. My nephew got into drugs w a bad group. They were shooting heroin. They didn’t call 911.
On TV, the college Fraternities still haze newbies. That one sweet kid drank all they wanted him to. He feel down stairs. They left him there, figuring he’d wake up. One kid asked if they should call 911. Heck no. They were mostly underage, drunk, on drugs, and passed out. When they woke up, he was barely breathing. He died! Spring break- girls gone wild.
Bad stuff out there. You just need 1 or 2 friends. I have no regrets. I wasn’t a sex toy for hormonal teen boys. I kept my virtue and dignity.
If you plan for a good education and a career field and attain that, it would be good. In HS, boys/kids could be Brilliant scientists or criminals. College gives you better picking pool.
I have to stop or this will be too long.
I understand your Mom.
Lord, your 4th commandment says, HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER AND YOU WILL HAVE A LONG LIFE IN THE LAND.
PARENTS DO NOT PUSH YOUR CHILDREN TO FRUSTRATION.
Love God, w your whole heart, mind, soul and strength and love your neighbor as you are to love yourself.
My peace I leave you. My peace I give you.
Google the Serenity Prayer. Google St. Teresa of Avila’s prayer.
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
 
Worked in a pediatric diabetic clinic in Nursing School. I recieved my BSN in nursing and kids were HIGHLY encouraged to be independent in managing their diabetes. Children that were old enough were taught how to do insulin shots and they encoraged parents to let them learn as they grow older how to manage their disease on their own.

People with diabetes can and should be encouraged to make choices similar to those who do not have diabetes. OP I wish you well
 
Exercise is a good way to increase stamina. Someone with properly managed diabetes should be able to exercise.

It would be good if you could go to university and use the time being away from your parents to learn how to become more independent.
 
My diabetes is good, stable bs and hb1ac is very good. So Im not destryoing my body by not controlling myself.
No, I am not interested in any drugs. Never was I. Never wanted to try any drugs or liquids.
 
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