Overwhelmed. Please advise

[ThanksB2him]

Hi all,

It’s getting closer to the end of RCIA, confirmation, and the eucharist. I really feel ‘at home’ in the catholic church and with the sacraments, looking forward to the eucharist.

I’m just overwhelmed with the doctrine. I have this continual feeling of needing to run to confession for every little thing I realize was a mistake (and some things were wrong). Is this a sin, is that a sin. My coworkers whom are ex-catholics and now in protestant churches, or not practicing, say it’s the ‘fire and brimstrone’ approach and leaves people feeling gloomy about themselves. I have felt very panicked at times. Just reading this board can do it!

Anyway, I would appreciate any opinions on life with the catholic faith.

Thanks!

 

[Shannon9791]

The first thing you need to do is calm yourself down. We all sin, and we’re all going to sin, accept that as reality. There is a thing as being over scrupulous, and that’s thinking every little teeny-tiny thing you do is a sin. Focus on what’s about to happen in your life (Eucharist) and allow yourself to be loved by Jesus. Don’t sweat the small stuff, and all will be OK.

 

[m134e5]

Hi all,

It’s getting closer to the end of RCIA, confirmation, and the eucharist. I really feel ‘at home’ in the catholic church and with the sacraments, looking forward to the eucharist.

I’m just overwhelmed with the doctrine. I have this continual feeling of needing to run to confession for every little thing I realize was a mistake (and some things were wrong). Is this a sin, is that a sin. My coworkers whom are ex-catholics and now in protestant churches, or not practicing, say it’s the ‘fire and brimstrone’ approach and leaves people feeling gloomy about themselves. I have felt very panicked at times. Just reading this board can do it!

Anyway, I would appreciate any opinions on life with the catholic faith.

Thanks!

Funny…I never heard that “fire and brimstone” approach in the Catholic Church- not at all.

It is very important that, in the coming weeks, you study a lot about confession- make sure you know when sins are and are not mortal, and when you know when something you do involves grave matter (one of the conditions for a mortal sin). Also remember that if you do something that is grave matter, and you honestly didn’t know it at the time, it isn’t mortal- just be careful about it, now that you know. I suggest you go to confession often (every two or three weeks or so) after you have been baptized- perhaps to more than one priest, so you can find someone who works well for you. One final thing- you have to trust what you KNOW- feelings can often deceive you.

 

[lovemysix]

It sounds like you may be experiencing scrupulosity, which can be a very dangerous spiritual problem that creates anxiety, depression, and in some cases can lead to the sin of despair.

As somebody who has suffered from it, I can tell you it’s a terrible cross. I would strongly advise that you speak to your priest about it. Hopefully he can give you some spiritual direction and give you some strategies for dealing with these tendencies.

God bless you,
Lauren

 

[PaulinVA]

Well, most of us sin daily, but those sins don’t rise to level of running to confession every day.

Jesus died for all of our sins, and we are forgiven. Focus on the joy of life.

At the end of the day, examine your conscience. Have you fallen short? How can you do better? What things went well? What things should you avoid because they are an occasion of sin?

Plan on going to confession once a month, or every two weeks, or something like that. Unless you find you have committed a mortal sin, stick with your schedule.

You’ll do fine.

 

[kage_ar]

You might give Scott Hahn’s “Lord, Have Mercy” a read.

 

[StCsDavid]

Remember Jesus came to save not to condemn. Also, there’s going to be heck of a lot of rejoicing in Heaven as the angels rejoice when you come into the Church at the Easter Vigil. Sainthood is a lifelong endeavor…you’re just getting started. Do the best you can and trust in the mercy of Christ. He loves you so much that he brought you home to his Church.

I help teach the RCIA program at our parish and what I’ve observed over the years is that for many their conscience awakens in a new and wonderful way, but they also gain a bit more clarity that they, like me, like everyone, are sinners in need of saving. That’s a grace to thank God for. Many in our culture don’t have it.

 

[DominicVobiscum]

First of all, welcome home. You have made the right choice.

I am assuming that you have been previously baptised, as you indicated that you were looking forward to Confirmation and the Eucharist. How wonderful for you and for us as well!

When you are ready, contact your priest and tell him you are ready to make your confession. It is intimidating I know, sometimes even for someone who has been doing it for many years

You are not expected to fully understand and appreciate the beauty and the healing aspect of this wonderful sacrament since you are not even through RCIA yet. That may take a while, perhaps many years. Know that God loves you and forgives your sins RIGHT NOW if you ask Him. The graces that flow from a sacramental confession will change your life.

My confessors occasionally tell me not to fret so much. They do more that “forgive sins”. They are good counselors, and can offer you a great deal of practical advice, in a caring and loving manner. They can help you get through the trepidation which you seem to be feeling.

I think it is a great idea to consider scheduling regular confession, perhaps monthly or less. You do not need to run to the priest every time you sin (boy I would need to sleep outside the confessional).

As for being overwhelmed by the doctine, perhaps consider the Catholic Church as a bottomless well of knowledge and love. Don’t worry. You wont drown. We never stop learning obout our faith and our God, and I believe that is by divine intention.

I would suggest you consider getting your copy of the “United States Catechism for Adults”. It is a comprehensive but easy to read summary of our Catholic Faith. You can get it at Barnes and Noble for about $20-25. Well worth the price.

Hope this helps. Again, welcome home.

 

[Spirithound]

Hi all,

It’s getting closer to the end of RCIA, confirmation, and the eucharist. I really feel ‘at home’ in the catholic church and with the sacraments, looking forward to the eucharist.

I’m just overwhelmed with the doctrine. I have this continual feeling of needing to run to confession for every little thing I realize was a mistake (and some things were wrong). Is this a sin, is that a sin. My coworkers whom are ex-catholics and now in protestant churches, or not practicing, say it’s the ‘fire and brimstrone’ approach and leaves people feeling gloomy about themselves. I have felt very panicked at times. Just reading this board can do it!

Anyway, I would appreciate any opinions on life with the catholic faith.

Thanks!

Welcome home! Have you made your first Confession yet?

 

[LilyM]

Hi, welcome home! :hug3:

There are two good rules of thumb for you to remember. The first is that you ONLY need to confess mortal (serious) sins, not ALL sins. Lesser (venial) sins are forgiven in many other ways - a good Act of Contrition, the Penitential Rite (“I confess” or “Lord have mercy”) at Mass, reception of Communion.

The second, probably more important rule, is that full knowledge is a necessary element of any mortal sin. In other words you are not required to confess things that you did not at least know were sinful when you did them.

So if you have to ask whether something is a sin, chances are extremely high that you have committed no mortal sin by doing it, and need not confess it.

For future reference, certainly ask your priest about anything you are uncertain of. Preferably before you do it (but that’s not always possible, of course). Rest easy if you did something without knowing it was a sin, though.

 

[CentralFLJames]

First of all the venial sins can be forgiven daily with a simple act of contrition or blessing self with holy water. Every night just review your small sins and then say tha act of contrition. Also every Sunday mass there is the penitential rite were small sins are forgiven - receiving the eucharist also wipes away all venial sins.

So that just leave the mortal sins and those take a deliberate and conscious free decision to sin. So its not likely as a new Catholic you will be falling into these too often. Just keep your prayer life active and mind centered on Jesus and you will rarely go wrong.

I’d recommend getting in the discipline of going to confession once a month since you will receive special graces - even if only small venial sins. For venials it may be easier to just focus on the top 2-3 habitual faults (eg. lack of charity, impatience etc.) so you can start over coming those - then work through others as you beat them.

In the moral sin department - its mostly the sins against chastity that one needs to be most careful of in this day and age. If you do get in trouble - form your conscience and determination to repent then say an immediate act of contrition and plan to go to confession as soon as possible.

You will do fine.
Welcome home.

James

 

[ThanksB2him]

Remember Jesus came to save not to condemn. Also, there’s going to be heck of a lot of rejoicing in Heaven as the angels rejoice when you come into the Church at the Easter Vigil. Sainthood is a lifelong endeavor…you’re just getting started. Do the best you can and trust in the mercy of Christ. He loves you so much that he brought you home to his Church.

I help teach the RCIA program at our parish and what I’ve observed over the years is that for many their conscience awakens in a new and wonderful way, but they also gain a bit more clarity that they, like me, like everyone, are sinners in need of saving. That’s a grace to thank God for. Many in our culture don’t have it.

Thanks everyone for such kind and compassionate words, that helps! I DO feel that my conscience has ‘awakened’ and quite forthright, I don’t like my past.

Part of my joy and fear was at the start of RCIA I was making excuses to quit. I was going for the wrong reason (my wife) and at the time liked my life just fine. One morning, on my way to meet a friend for breakfast, I was compelled to go and wash my car first. I’m never late. I’m Type-A to the extreme about being late. However, if I did stop and wash my car, I would be 10-15 minutes late or so. For some reason I did anyway. Of course I had no change and had to get some. In the change dish of the dispenser was a cross and chain just left there. I picked it up and felt this HUGE feeling of this is it…wake up…you need me type feeling. A year ago I would have discounted it as someone just left it but I felt guided to it.

I’ve been to confession 4 times. I’ve used the following web page saintaquinas.com/mortal_sin.html for my guide to examine my conscience along with the cathicism of the Catholic church. I feel my past is behind me and I have made thorough and complete confessions. That was hard but such a relief. I can’t help feeling guilty and unworthy of my past for what Christ endured for me and others. That leads to my next concern…

I think the scripture that sticks in my mind is “the path to destruction is wide and more traveled than the path to life, which is less traveled and the gates are narrow” (I know that’s not quoted correctly but something to that effect). That scares me quite frankly. I want to get this out of my head but seem to dwell on it occasionally which leads to worrying about myself, my friends, my coworkers, and others alot. I don’t want to see anyone lost for eternity, to me, that’s a horrible thought. In the protestant church, I never feared this? Why? But I feel I can’t return to that or any other such type of church because now I believe in the Catholic faith. If I did leave, I would be choosing an ‘easier path’ and this could be wrong? I don’t know sometimes? I’m not OCD, it’s just this last 6 months has been an emotional roller coaster for a person that doesn’t experinece emotions like this very much.

Sorry for the long winded post. It really helps to read your thoughts. It’s what I expected, everyone here is reasonable and does not dwell on the “what if’s” but remains in the celebration of Christ through the eucharist while trying to improve themselves. I just need to keep it in perspective. Thoughts on this?

P.S. Yes, I was baptized as an infant and raised in the Protestant faith.

 

[coda]

Hi all,

It’s getting closer to the end of RCIA, confirmation, and the eucharist. I really feel ‘at home’ in the catholic church and with the sacraments, looking forward to the eucharist.

I’m just overwhelmed with the doctrine. I have this continual feeling of needing to run to confession for every little thing I realize was a mistake (and some things were wrong). Is this a sin, is that a sin. My coworkers whom are ex-catholics and now in protestant churches, or not practicing, say it’s the ‘fire and brimstrone’ approach and leaves people feeling gloomy about themselves. I have felt very panicked at times. Just reading this board can do it!

Anyway, I would appreciate any opinions on life with the catholic faith.

Thanks!

Your co-workers sold out for an easy ride…they couldnt justify a sinful life while being catholic-- You are doing the right thing. Pray to The Holy Spirit for fortitude and guidance… God bless you

 

[Deo_Volente]

Grace & Peace!

Thanks B, keep in mind that the following comes from an Anglo-Catholic, not a Roman Catholic. I mention this only because I want you to be aware that it may not represent a fully Roman Catholic point of view, though I am, myself, convinced of its catholicity. So! If it’s helpful, I’m glad! If it’s not, please take it with a grain of salt and defer to your catechist!

I think that being aware of what constitutes venial and mortal sin is important, but that too much attention to the categorization of sin can lead to a kind of bureaucratization of the sacrament of reconciliation–our life with God, our journey of sanctification can all too often become focused on cataloguing the journey. Two steps forward, three back. Five forward, one back. The value of the journey, though, lies in the progress in charity, not in a final tally of sins committed or confessed. Consciousness of one’s moral failures is important, but tallying them must be a special form of torture. If this was the view of the sacrament that your co-workers were taught, no wonder they felt they had to leave–I’d encourage charity here, and perhaps your witness to them will finally catechize them properly!

I think that the sacrament encourages us to be aware, ultimately, of a few things:

1–That righteousness is a special gift of God’s grace, without which we are miserable nothings.
2–That God’s grace is always available to heal us when our sins destroy us.
3–That God is more interested in healing us than judging us.

So I guess what I am trying to say is this. The less you see Reconcialiation as a duty laid upon you by virtue of your sinfulness and more as an opportunity available to you to walk closer to the God who loves you by virtue of his healing grace, the better!

Under the Mercy,
Mark

All is grace and mercy. Deo Gratias!

 

[Rafaela]

Hi,

When you get this feeling that you made a mistake, there are couple things u should ask from yourself before rushing to a confessional:

1. Did I willfully do what I did?
2. Did I do so knowingly, fully understanding what I did?

If yes to both, now you know you are dealing with sin. Wether this then is veneral or mortal, that is something that you have to bonder over yourself. It helps if you do every evening a small examination of conscience, think of what you did in the day, thank Lord for what was good, and say you are sorry for what went wrong. This, I know, is difficult, but it helps you to achieve better understanding of yourself, of the kind of sins you tend to repeat, and avoid them in the future. Tell yourself firmly, that when I know go for Confession, I do not want to do this sin again. If you do, then you need to Confess again and decide again to avoid it, as humans we do fall sometimes, but God knew that when He created us. Confession is foremost a chance to start allover again your relationship with Him.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

It sounds like you may be experiencing scrupulosity, which can be a very dangerous spiritual problem that creates anxiety, depression, and in some cases can lead to the sin of despair.

As somebody who has suffered from it, I can tell you it’s a terrible cross. I would strongly advise that you speak to your priest about it. Hopefully he can give you some spiritual direction and give you some strategies for dealing with these tendencies.

God bless you,
Lauren

Yup yup yup.

You can also try some lolcats, just to get you to lighten up.

 

[Spirithound]

I’m just overwhelmed with the doctrine. I have this continual feeling of needing to run to confession for every little thing I realize was a mistake (and some things were wrong). Is this a sin, is that a sin. My coworkers whom are ex-catholics and now in protestant churches, or not practicing, say it’s the ‘fire and brimstrone’ approach and leaves people feeling gloomy about themselves. I have felt very panicked at times. Just reading this board can do it!

Anyway, I would appreciate any opinions on life with the catholic faith.

Thanks!

Ok, so you’ve been to Confession, so that means that everything from your past life is forgiven. If you remember something new, it is a good practice to mention it in your next confession, but don’t schedule one particularly for a past sin.

THANKS BE TO HIM!

 

[EvelynEVF]

If you really feel the need to do a whole-life clean slate confession, go for it, but only ONCE. Because then your task is to have faith that God has forgiven you

I would suggest that as you see how your faith shakes out for you as a Catholic, that you find a spiritual friend or director who would be willing to be your go to person when your feelings begin to overwhelm you. I have three or four people who really helped me that way while I was getting my sea legs.

Now I know very clearly when I need to get my rear into the confessional, and it is generally twice a month or so. I have an ongoing family issue, and even if I haven’t sinned, I still feel the need for accountability. Good priests will be thrilled to see you in the confessional, and you won’t be imposing at all.

 

[Faith_at_Large]

1 John 5:16-17 *"If any man see his brother sin a sin [which is] not unto death, he shall ask, and he shall give him life for them that sin not unto death. There is a sin unto death: I do not say that he shall pray for it.

1Jo 5:17 All unrighteousness is sin: and there is a sin not unto death." *

John 10:14-16 *"I am the good shepherd, and know my [sheep], and am known of mine.

Jhn 10:15 As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the sheep.

Jhn 10:16 And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, [and] one shepherd." *

Fear not. There are many outside the Church (including many formerly of our Church), who think that they have taken a better path by putting it all on Jesus and taking no responsibility for themselves. They think that Catholics “work” too hard.

But the reality is the opposite. Jesus’ burden is light. Our is the truly the better path because Jesus established a sheepfold for us. A place where we can be protected by the Good Shepherd and all that He put in charge over us, as the Bible says, they watch over our souls.

There are sins that kill (unto death) which we refer to as “mortal sins” and sins that do not kill (not unto death) which we refer to as “venial sins”. Others have explained these two kinds of sins on this thread.

The passage above from 1 John shows that we can pray for each other to cover those minor sins. This we do. And there are Catholics who not only pray for the minor sins of Catholics, but also for those of non-Catholics. Minor sins should still be avoided, and we are all called to be Holy, to strive for perfection, but if we stumble a little, and we all do, there is no need to panic.

Going to confession regularly is a wonderful opportunity to gain grace and understanding. Even just talking to the priest to ask questions is a good thing to sort out sins and keep yourself on the right track.

In Christ’s Church it is not a case of every man for himself (not just a personal relationship with Christ), you are part of a true and very large family. We do care for one another, we pray for one another, and we even concern ourselves for our separated brethren who are still family even if they have not made like the prodigal son and returned.

You are not alone and I am certain that there are many praying for you and covering all the little sins until you can sort them out for yourself. And it is true that these little sins can be covered just by going to Mass and various other means as previously mentioned.

There are conditions for a sin being mortal. God does not set booby-traps for you, nor does the Catholic Church. It is important to learn as much as you can so that you are not committing sins in ignorance, God has reasons for His laws and they go beyond a desire to spoil everyone’s fun. But do not worry so much, you are in good hands.

There is a Protestant mantra that I rather like. “What would Jesus do?” (WWJD). That might help you sort things out until you get your sea legs, so to speak.

 

[xAlisonx]

t h a n k s b 2 h i m.
i’m so excited for you, that you’re growing closer to officially becoming a Catholic! i’m so glad beyond words that you feel ‘at home’ in the Faith, and that you are looking forward to participating in the beauty of the Sacraments. as you continue your faith journey, please know that i will be keeping you in my constant thoughts and prayers.

i can relate to you in that i have scrupulosity, and so i tend to exaggerate my slightest mistakes as serious sins, and sometimes find it difficult to believe that i can be forgiven. i have experienced much healing and hope from this, and it’s not nearly as serious as it used to be, for i am growing and deepening in my faith and trust in God, and i rely much more on His Mercy now. still, i have experienced what you are going through in that if i were allowed to go to Confession more often, there was a time when i probably would have gone daily, confessing all of my slightest failings and mistakes. however, this is definitely not necessary. i can relate to how overwhelmed you feel, but please know that the more you trust in God’s Mercy and Love for you, and the more you are able to discern sins that need to be confessed from simple mistakes or slight failings, the easier it will become for you to live out the Catholic Faith. i am so glad that you appreciate the importance of Confession, but please know that you don’t have to go daily, and the priest should be telling you that some of what you are confessing is not sinful. my suggestion to you is that whenever you do something that you feel is a sin, write it down, and do this over the course of a couple days. then, i suggest that you might want to go to a priest outside of Confession and talk about your fears, and ask him for his help in discerning which of your failings were actual sins. i hope and pray that if you do this, he will be able to help you and guide you in being a devout Catholic without going to Confession too often or becoming overwhelmed. my other suggestion to you is that you stop going to Confession daily, and make the change to going weekly. it is still often enough that you will benefit from its graces and experience constant cleansing, but it’s not so often that you are finding it stressful or overwhelming.

i find it interesting that people refer to the Catholic Church has having a “fire and brimstone” approach. i have heard of Catholic guilt, and know someone online who suffered horribly in the Catholic Church and left the True Church as well as all religion, and is still traumatized and broken from all that she experienced. honestly, i feel that there are much more extreme approaches to sin than the one that the Catholic Church uses. i don’t think that the Church preaches “do this or you’ll go to Hell”—i feel that she is very realistic about the consequence of sin, which is essential, but also speaks about God’s Mercy, which is just as important. i don’t agree that the Church has the “fire and brimstone” approach for those reasons, although i will definitely keep your coworkers in my prayers.

i hope and pray that my post has helped you in at least some small way, and that you are feeling better about living a good Catholic life. i am so glad that you seem to be devoted, and will definitely keep you in my constant thoughts and prayers. stay strong, stay safe and take care of yourself. God bless you!

love,
in the peace and love of Christ,
alison