Overwhelmed

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rayne89

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I think those of you that know me from my posts know I have a serious heart problem, and a year and a half ago I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. I thnk I’m having a weak moment (or two). I’ve been having moderate to severe abdominal pain and I’m supposed to schedule an ultrasound. Actually I was supposed to schedule it 2 weeks ago. So why haven’t I?

I guess I’m just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I sick of Dr’s ands hospitals. I’m sick of tests. I’m sick of Dr. appointments. I’m sick of pills. I’m sick of dealing with billing departments and the insurance company. And I’m scared. I’m scared there’s going to be something else wrong with me on top of everything else. Any surgery could kill me because of the annestesia.

I’m sick of wondering and worrying about when my heart is going to give. Knowing the clock is ticking and everyday brings me closer to the day I’ll need a transplant. I feel myself becoming more tired, I know I’m slowing down. I’ve supposed to have been back to Mayo clinic for another check a long time ago but dealing with my insurance and their billing dept is just making me pull my hair out (which is thinning from my medication.)

Ya know most of the time I do ok. I know I’m lucky to be alive and have a wonderful husband and daughter. right now it just feels like too much. I’ve been late with the bills, had a hard time keeping up with the house work, don’t make the appontments that I should -even dentist appts. The weird thing is I don’t feel “depressed”. My mood is usually good - believe it or not. I’m very happy where my marriage is at. Homeschooling has been going smoothly. I don’t feel sad the majority of the time - just weighted down, overwhelmed. I just want to crawl into bed and wake up and be a normal healthy person.

Ok I’ve had my pity party. I guess I just had to vent. Thanks for listening. God Bless.
 
Hang in there, Rayne. Your daughter needs you for as long as possible. Pray for strength. God bless.
 
Rayne I am going to pray for you I am going to pray for your healing.There are books that have people who have been declared venerable and are in need of miracles for canonisation.Don’t give up hope God is good you never know what His plans are,you may indeed wake up healthy God Bless:)
 
Thank you both very much. I appreciate your caring comments. I’m a bit too scared to hope for a miracle healing. I have a hard enough getting my head out of sand that someday things are going to be very difficult for my whole family especially my little girl.

My husband is a recovered alcoholic and I worry about the stress of it all when I’m really sick being too much for him. I just have to pull it together, I’m having a bit of a minor melt down.

Thanks for the prayers! God Bless!
 
"More than ever, I find myself in the hands of God. This is what I have wanted all my life from my youth. but now, there is a difference, the intiative is entirely with God. It is indeed a profound spiritual experience to know and feel myself so totally in God’s hands.

–Fr Pedro Arrupe SJ, superior of the Jesuits after the debilitating stroke, that he suffered 5 years before his death.
 
Rayne, I will say my rosary today for you and for your family. This is not easy, but I pray that Jesus helps you along your way to keep on being brave and to do what is necessary to look after your health.
 
I’m so sorry you are feeling this way! Instead of praying for all your worries to go away, try praying for the courage and strength to battle them head on. There is a reason God is putting this all on you! It’s a test! Be prepared for anything that will be on it!
 
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AirForceMama:
Instead of praying for all your worries to go away, try praying for the courage and strength to battle them head on.
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I think this is good advice. It is like medicine, but if you can put all your trust in God then you will receive great strength.
 
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rayne89:
Thanks for the prayers! God Bless!
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God bless you rayne. My wife and I homeschool and although I haven’t suffered like you, I have had some nagging medical issues that have taken years to resolve themselves, so I do have some understanding of being “sick and tired of being sick and tired.” I won’t try to say anything “profound” - I’m not a very “profound” person, but I will say my rosary just for you today on my way home from work. You are a precious child of God no matter what the pain says.

Jim
 
Rayne,

Hang in there. I don’t have anything profound to add either-- but try to stay in the now. Don’t let the devil tweak your heart and soul with all the possible what-ifs. Every single what-if is in God’s hands.

You’re in my prayers.
 
Bless your heart, sweetie; you’ve had a lot to deal with. No one will fault you for feeling sorry for yourself. A short pity party is in order.

Sending hugs and prayers
 
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rayne89:
Thank you both very much. I appreciate your caring comments. I’m a bit too scared to hope for a miracle healing. I have a hard enough getting my head out of sand that someday things are going to be very difficult for my whole family especially my little girl.

My husband is a recovered alcoholic and I worry about the stress of it all when I’m really sick being too much for him. I just have to pull it together, I’m having a bit of a minor melt down.

Thanks for the prayers! God Bless!
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Never be to scared to Hope.Hope is a powerful weapon against the enemy who wants to wear us down through fear and despair.You may or may not have a miracle healing the point is our Hope is in Christ who can and does do the miraculous.Right now you are truly in a trial and just keep your eyes on Jesus when human strength has gone His strength will sustain you.God Bless
 
Hang in there. I can understand the sick of being sick. Those chronic diseases can wear you down. With the medication, the bills, and just not feeling so good.Then there is the family that tries so hard, even there is some responsibility to make sure you can keep them strong and supportive and not get depressed. I had a kidney disease flare up and I started to feel that way too.

Keep your hopes up though. You can be sure many of us are praying for you and your family. Give your frustration up to Jesus and let you Blessed Mother comfort you.
 
Wow! God Bless you all! Thanks so much for all the prayers and words of wisdom. I just got home from work so I’m a little pooped but I’ll respond more later. Thanks again.
 
Dear rayne,
Sorry about your troubles.I’m a nurse and often take care of patients with chronic problems. It MUST be overwhelming, especially when you are relatively young and have a child at home. I felt sorry for myself just having the flu last week!

God Bless you!
 
Rayne, I was diagnosed with colitis in October. It sucks…the stomach pain is the worst. I saw your post and almost fell out of my chair, I had been thinking about starting a thread to see if anyone else suffered with this ailment. I have to go back to see my doctor on 2/9 for continuing stomach pain. I also have a mild heart problem…nothing as serious as you’ve described but I know what it’s like to be left out of stuff, to be too tired or in pain to get off the couch today, etc. All I can say is find your comfort in God. That is really what always gets me through the tough times. Know that there’s a plan for you, that God provides. Pray, pray, pray. Immersing myself in a good, meditative rosary helps me. Try to make your life as normal as possible. And make those Dr. appts.! You need to take care of yourself. I will pray for you. If you’d like to pm me to talk sometime you’re welcome too. Feel better 🙂

-Celia
 
Rayne,

You have every reason to feel overwhelmed right now. I am so sorry and I will keep you in my prayers. Whenever I’m feeling the way you do, I look back through my life and realize that God ultimately brings good out of everything. I also remember to pray the Divine Mercy prayer, “Jesus, I trust in you.”
 
Hey, rayna:) I wanted to share this poem with you I thought was beautiful.

Little Crosses
Little headaches,little heartaches
Little greifs of every day
Little trials and vexations.How they throng upon our way.
One great cross immense and heavy
So it seems to our weak will
Might be borne with resignation.But these many little ones kill.
Yet all life is formed of small things.
Little leaves make up the trees.
Many tiny drops of waters blending
Make the mighty seas.
Let us then not by impatience
Mar the beauty of the whole.
But for love of Jesus bear all
In the silence of our soul.
Asking him for grace sufficient
To sustain us through each loss
And to treasure each small suffering
As a splinter from His Cross.
God Bless
 
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