Overwhelmed

[mary1173]

Hi D_hall.

I’m quite a bit older than you, but I know exactly what you are talking about. I’m pretty sure God has called me to be a Sister (really, really clear signs when I prayed about it), yet I ran from it for years. I had wanted to be a mother more than anything. Slowly, I began to have desires for religious life, but I didn’t really want to, and lost my desire for marriage and motherhood, but didn’t really want to. My heart grew very hardened.

I recently decided to go ahead and join an order since I couldn’t sustain running from God’s will anymore. I had a sense of relief that I wasn’t fighting it anymore, but all I’m left with at this point is a deep sorrow and a bit of bitterness. I feel this is spiritual warfare over having made the decision. If God hadn’t been so clear with me, I would’ve hightailed away from the religious vocation by now. I feel it is a purification since I’m very prone to live out of emotions and this has forced me to rise above them and depend on faith.

The time between feeling called and actually jumping off the cliff toward religious vocation (doesn’t hurt to try, right?) is no man’s land to me. You feel lonely, out of place, like the only person in the world struggling this, and you have yet to make a commitment to anything. I’m hating life right now, but I’m trying to stay close to God through daily Mass and adoration. I’ll pray for you if you pray for me

My prayer has been for God to crucify any desires that are not of Him. Maybe you could try that.

Peace in Christ,
Teri

I feel called to be a nun many times, but with my medical and psychological illnesses I would never survive the schooling I am afraid. I WANT so much to be near God, and pray novenas for others in a Christian setting, that I cry at night because with my infirmities I am not able to stay healthy enough to just get through the day. I offer my own sufferings as expiation of sins for the world’s sins , but it still doesn’t feel like I am doing enough to serve God. I, like Phil M on another board, want to teach God’s word, but the question still looms ‘’ would the religious orders take someone in who is medically ill and provide for them as they would learn, grow, pray and teach God’s word to others?’’
I have wanted nothing more than to be involved in religion. Since I could walk and talk.
Maybe I am selling myself short and this ‘‘pull’’ that I am receiving from God is God’s way of saying ‘‘Hey Wake Up Already! I’ve only been calling you since birth! Get over here!’’
Since I’ve been on this thread, I’ve found nothing but peace and friendship. I would have gone into the Abbey a long time ago if it weren’t for the same feelings and situations as others have had on these boards. Is it futile to try to teach God’s word in a religious setting if I am only able to do so from the access of my computer?
Why am I uncertain about going to my church to become involved in religious teachings? When I was 6 as a 1st grader in CCD, a woman who was, and IS still the Educational director of my church told me that I was going to go to Hell, because I was possessed by the Devil. And that was why God cursed me with illness,like the boy who had seizures in Christ’s presence and Christ drove the demons from the boy. Can someone please help in the info I need to obtain from my local pastor to see if I can be of assistance toparishoners in my church or other churches? I KNOW I want to do this, and I want to be able to share God’s good news with others. But how do I go about starting the ball rolling?
O Dear Lord help me! ] Pray for me and I will keep youall in my prayers!
Love in Christ
mary1173

 

[Hidden_One]

Teri, let me try to explain what I meant a little better. I can picture myself married and having kids. Thats not that hard. And in fact thats the state of life that I’m most attracted to ( I believe so at least) even though I feel like I could never be as holy doing that (Which could very possibly be a wrong way of thinking). What I can’t picture myself doing at all, is being in love. It seems like such an abstract thing that seems like it will never happen. I don’t know what to expect, how to go about trying to find someone, and what it would feel like. So in essence, I can’t picture what being in love is like, therefore I feel like being married could never happen and that I wouldn’t really know what it would be like. I sometimes ask myself, why do I say I want something when I don’t even know what it is? Do you have any idea what I’m talking about? It’s confusing… Oh well I just got to leave it up to God and he will direct me in one way or another, or show me what he wants.

Thanks all of you once again!

Looking at my own life and talking with other discerners (and a priest), I’ve come to the conclusion that it is effectively impossible to “discern both ways”. Pick one, and discern. Follow the path toward that vocation until God knocks you off, submitting always to the idea that God might, indeed, knock you off.

Whether you follow my advice above or not, the key to discernment is to become holier. If you do not know to what you are called, well, you know that you are called to be holy. And the formula for doing that most quickly is one which the Saints are always repeating.