Overwhelming Issue

[Dennislp3]

I am currently in a very turmoil filled time of life. I am in the process of converting from Protestant to Catholic but I am merely in the process of “choice” (finalizing my decision) and have not yet found a church to attend…nor do I know how to go about it.

My main issue though is that I am unable to pray or read my Bible or seem to do anything related to God and making him more prominent in my life.

I do not fully understand why. I have a history of depression and other mental illnesses that drain my energy, willpower, concentration and overall mental power but they have never hindered me from talking with God and never have they seemed so specific as to what they prevent me from doing.

My biggest concern is that I can not do these things. Every time I try I am overcome with extreme drains on my energy and willpower and I lose all ability to concentrate or think.

It sounds stupid and many will not understand but the best I can compare it to is writers block. Worst part though is that it is not a mere creative issue like writers block…it feels as if though my mind decides to stop working when I try to pray or read the Bible or anything similar.

I do not know many people and I have no one to pray for me. I ask for the prayers of people here and for any advice that anyone could offer.

If you have questions…ask and I will tell you…I just need help and guidance in this time and getting it from God does not seem possible.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Welcome to CAF. I also have a history of mental illness (severe bipolar disorder) and know what it’s like to be blocked from things. I had disabling periods of depression. If it’s anything like what you’ve going on, I’d say don’t force yourself except – maybe – for small periods of time, like five minutes a day for starters even.

That said, doing the work of God and doing religious activities are two slightly different things. Doing the work of God is learning how to love yourself and others unconditionally. That includes reading the Bible, but reading is more for your edification; God doesn’t “need” you to do that, as much as it is for your own training.

For myself, one thing I enjoy is to listen to the Holy Scripture on mp3 file. I have a New Testament file (about 16 hours) of the NIV that I like to play. Even if I’m not paying attention I like to play it anyway as “background” sound that I can catch little bits of it. When I was very very sick it helped pull me out of it. If you want it and can’t find it, send me a PM and I will send you a URL.

I’m not sure what questions to ask at this point, except to elaborate on what you believe, how you do try to practice, and what happens when you do.

Alan

 

[Trishie]

Dennis,

I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Perhaps you are worn out from past stresses and depression. It’s not unusual, so be patient with yourself.
I ask the Holy Spirit of God to ensure you know what you need to to live the gospel commandments of love, and when you become Catholic, to live the graces of the Sacraments.

Take care of yourself,

Your sister in Christ,

Trishie

 

[Dennislp3]

My basic beliefs are pretty straight forward, simple, and Protestant based. Over the course of the last year I have been researching a lot into religion and faith. I did this by choice because I needed to step back and re evaluate everything. I would often go to church and feel like a drone. The attitude of everyone in all the churches I went to was one of going because they had to or whatever…no one seemed sincere and no one even wanted to talk about God or religion.

I have sadly found that people seem to think God is a genie in a bottle that is under your control and there for you to control and call on only when you want. I suppose that is the typical human condition though.

Some things I like to do to is to study Gods word…but not just read it. Compare and contrast and stuff…I can take a simple verse or topic and easily expand it into days of research and deep learning. I love to learn and think. Lately though that has been impossible and is very frustrating. I find it hard to read a single verse as of late it seems.

I will look at it and read it. One or two verses in my mind will start losing the ability to understand and comprehend what I am reading and it becomes jumbled and incoherent in my mind. If I try and force it on my mind will veer off into different realms of thought and it is as if though my mind is fighting me. If I continue further beyond a few paragraphs I will feel my willpower sapped from me and often I will feel very tired, sorrowful, and discouraged.

Same goes for prayer. I do not know any formal prayers and run on the principle that God cares only about the content of my prayers and not for the fanciness or intricacy of them. Sadly, even they do the same as when I read. My mind will wander and fight me and I will hardly be able to form words in my head let alone speak them and it gets to the point where I do not finish most prayers and can not even say “amen” to close them or anything.

I do expect that this is my fault. For the last year on top of researching and learning I have also drifted. I have fallen into a few sins that have become at least partial habits and are derailing my life. I would not be surprised if I am under attack. After all Satan does not attack or hinder those who follow his path but rather attack those who oppose him. Seems no coincidence that as soon as I start to snap back to the realization that I need God I also run into mental blocks and obstacles like never before that make me want to just give up. Deceit and discouragement are the two main weapons of the enemy that go hand in hand and when executed properly over a long enough time without hindrance can bring even the most devout person down (which I am certainly not that person).

One part of the reasons that I am converting to Catholicism is for certain protections not offered by the Protestant church. These would be things like the Rosary, Holy water, and other blessed protective things. Why? it is simple really…these things DO hold immense power. Not only because they are blessed but because they can be visual and mental comforts and reminders of WHO is protecting me and that alone can easily bolster my own defenses many times over.

In the Protestant faith there is no real things of protection offered like this. In fact the get someone to sincerely care about you seems hard enough. I do not put my faith in these things but I know that these things can do for me what I may not be able to do for myself at any given moment.

Alas I have rambled now lol…so I will stop there

 

[antunesaa]

My basic beliefs are pretty straight forward, simple, and Protestant based. Over the course of the last year I have been researching a lot into religion and faith. I did this by choice because I needed to step back and re evaluate everything. I would often go to church and feel like a drone. The attitude of everyone in all the churches I went to was one of going because they had to or whatever…no one seemed sincere and no one even wanted to talk about God or religion.

I have sadly found that people seem to think God is a genie in a bottle that is under your control and there for you to control and call on only when you want. I suppose that is the typical human condition though.

Some things I like to do to is to study Gods word…but not just read it. Compare and contrast and stuff…I can take a simple verse or topic and easily expand it into days of research and deep learning. I love to learn and think. Lately though that has been impossible and is very frustrating. I find it hard to read a single verse as of late it seems.

I will look at it and read it. One or two verses in my mind will start losing the ability to understand and comprehend what I am reading and it becomes jumbled and incoherent in my mind. If I try and force it on my mind will veer off into different realms of thought and it is as if though my mind is fighting me. If I continue further beyond a few paragraphs I will feel my willpower sapped from me and often I will feel very tired, sorrowful, and discouraged.

Same goes for prayer. I do not know any formal prayers and run on the principle that God cares only about the content of my prayers and not for the fanciness or intricacy of them. Sadly, even they do the same as when I read. My mind will wander and fight me and I will hardly be able to form words in my head let alone speak them and it gets to the point where I do not finish most prayers and can not even say “amen” to close them or anything.

I do expect that this is my fault. For the last year on top of researching and learning I have also drifted. I have fallen into a few sins that have become at least partial habits and are derailing my life. I would not be surprised if I am under attack. After all Satan does not attack or hinder those who follow his path but rather attack those who oppose him. Seems no coincidence that as soon as I start to snap back to the realization that I need God I also run into mental blocks and obstacles like never before that make me want to just give up. Deceit and discouragement are the two main weapons of the enemy that go hand in hand and when executed properly over a long enough time without hindrance can bring even the most devout person down (which I am certainly not that person).

One part of the reasons that I am converting to Catholicism is for certain protections not offered by the Protestant church. These would be things like the Rosary, Holy water, and other blessed protective things. Why? it is simple really…these things DO hold immense power. Not only because they are blessed but because they can be visual and mental comforts and reminders of WHO is protecting me and that alone can easily bolster my own defenses many times over.

In the Protestant faith there is no real things of protection offered like this. In fact the get someone to sincerely care about you seems hard enough. I do not put my faith in these things but I know that these things can do for me what I may not be able to do for myself at any given moment.

Alas I have rambled now lol…so I will stop there

You surely don’t like like someone who has lost her entire mental powers, etc. Go on, my friend. I think your reasons for becoming Catholic are actually much more important than people nowadays think. The outwardly signs of your faith play a major role in reinforcing it and keeping the devil at bay.

 

[Dennislp3]

The fact alone that I can show intellect when I speak but become a mental cripple when I speak to God is most frustrating…and most alarming to me. And I know now that with just what I have done since I started this thread have helped me, especially listening to the Bible as opposed to try and read it.

 

[puzzleannie]

I am currently in a very turmoil filled time of life. I am in the process of converting from Protestant to Catholic but I am merely in the process of “choice” (finalizing my decision) and have not yet found a church to attend…nor do I know how to go about it.

Welcome home, no matter how long it takes to get off the front porch and into the front door.

My main issue though is that I am unable to pray or read my Bible or seem to do anything related to God and making him more prominent in my life.

I do not fully understand why. I have a history of depression and other mental illnesses that drain my energy, willpower, concentration and overall mental power but they have never hindered me from talking with God and never have they seemed so specific as to what they prevent me from doing.

you already know you have to get competent medical help for this. The spiritual help will come if you ask God for it. The classic Christian spiritual advice is not to make radical decisions and life changes when you are in this state of mind. When you cannot pray, allow the Holy Spirit to take over. During your regular prayer time, which you should never give up even when it seems useless or unproductive, simply remain quiet with the Lord. When it is time for you to try to be more active it will happen.

it feels as if though my mind decides to stop working when I try to pray or read the Bible or anything similar.

I do not know many people and I have no one to pray for me. I ask for the prayers of people here and for any advice that anyone could offer.

you have the whole CAF world praying for you now
there is a stage in prayer where it is natural for “the mind to stop working” that is a natural and normal development. When you are ready and strong enough in mind and body to begin your journey home, ask the priest about spiritual direction through this. You will find that, depending on your background, the Catholic attitude toward prayer and scripture reading may be different from what you have been taught or used to.

In the meantime, Spiritual Passages or Journey toward God, both by Fr. Benedict Groeschel will give excellent guidance on what you can expect as you advance further on this path.

The best place to start is the Catholic church closest to where you live and work, where it is easiest for you to get to Mass and RCIA meetings.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

The fact alone that I can show intellect when I speak but become a mental cripple when I speak to God is most frustrating…and most alarming to me. And I know now that with just what I have done since I started this thread have helped me, especially listening to the Bible as opposed to try and read it.

Dennis,

Maybe when you speak to God it is frustrating, but when you speak ABOUT God, you do it well. Remember that when you are speaking to us, you are speaking to God as well so in essence, it is only a portion of your communications with God that would seem to be frustrated.

Remember too that the foolishness of God is greater than the wisdom of man. “Fools” such as us (I’m referring to our label of being mentally ill) may not always be on track with God, but we have advantage from the experience of having thinking that departs from the way others think. That is important in learning about God – to deny one’s self which I believe to mean the false self that is the bushel over our lamp. Therefore, changing our way of thinking as an act of will, nature, or God, is not a strange thing to us, in itself.

You sound very sincere about your faith. I wish you the best, and hope you can find your answers soon.

Alan

P.S. If you want to discuss daily scripture on a low-bandwidth, mental illness-friendly forum, you or others are invited to check out my place at forums.wordsfree.org. (If you do register, send me a PM here so I can make sure you don’t get rejected since we normally get hundreds of SPAM-bots for each legitimate entry.)