Pack Rats and how to deal

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Well, we’ve recently found out that we were accepted to move into our new townhouse…so excited. I got a promotion at work, just in time to save for first and last, DH got extra hours at work as well so everything is falling into place.

But…

Now we have to move. I’ve been trying to go through our belongings and sort through the stuff we don’t need so we can give it to charity however DH is the BIGGEST pack rat I’ve ever met. I asked him to sort through 2 big boxes of stuff that he hasn’t touched in over a year. He looked through it and said he needed all of it…:rolleyes: . Needless to say, that didn’t turn out as well as I had hoped it would. I keep telling him that we won’t have as much room in the new place and really need to get rid of stuff, but he just won’t budge, no negotiations, he needs it all. I even tried to throw out one of his old hole-y t-shirts and he freaked…apparently they are still good, even when you could fit another head through the hole!!

So…how many of you have to deal with pack rats??? How do you compromise on what stays and what goes? Really need help with this as our new place cannot fit all of our stuff in it…plus, I would like to donate it all to charity…

Thanks
Sarc
 
I am married to a pack rat. I am the thrower. I would go throught the boxes with your husband. Have you ever seen the show Clean Sweep on TLC? If you haven’t, watch it. It helped me with DH. A lot of times people “need” things becuase of memories, ect. As for the Tshirts. “Oooops honey, it got ripped in half by the washer (or dryer take you pick).” Also, it helps when I tell him that it will help a good cause. I don’t always get my way, but enough that we are not living in piles of stuff.
 
I have moved twice in the past year and have had to deal with DH’s endless boxes of ****. This last time, I just went through everything myself and tossed. He’s almost 50 and still was holding on to shirts he wore in high school! I made a clean sweep with joy after he left town to start his new job. St. Vincent dePaul really made out like a bandit though I can’t for the life of me figure why anyone would want those circa 1970’s shirts, good shape or no.
Sometimes he’ll whine, “you always get rid of my stuff.”, but in actuallity, he doesn’t even remember 90% of the stuff I’ve “removed”.
I grew up with a mother who had to have an entire seperate room in the house for stuff. I think because of that, I am the opposite; can’t stand clutter.
 
I married a packrat, too! I used to be a packrat until I got sick of my room (in my parents’ house) being really messy and I learned how to throw things away. I clean when DH sleeps. DH is more helpful than yours in that when I ask him to help me sort through papers, he helps me sort (we have a filing cabinet). Also, he really doesn’t care that we’re giving away a lot of clothes to charity; he just makes sure that we don’t need any of the clothes first. I agree with annemjones96 that you should tell him it’s going to a good cause. You could also remind him that we’re commanded as Christians to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, etc.
 
DH has 87 shirts, all from the thrift shop at $1.00 each (so it’s OK to have 87 shirts, right?) – 87 is a cutback from 112. He “needs” all of these, even though he wears only about 6 of them . . . I hope I die first so I don’t have to clean out the house.

Sometimes, when the underwear gets too ratty, I just cut it in half so he can’t reclaim it. He yells like H*** but by then it’s too late. Once when he got ugly about it, I said: Think how this is going to sound when you tell it to the judge.
 
Thanks everyone!! It makes me feel better than DH is not the only pack rat out there. Like most of you, I’m a thrower too!! I KNOW I got that from my mom, who was the supreme queen of the packrats. She kept EVERYTHING and eventually I started finding her stuff in my closet…that’s when I said enough, when I move out, none of this!!!

I’m reading up a lot about managing time and organizing. I really want my new place to be organized. Because we live with someone now we could never keep the place clean and organized (I’m a perfectionist by nature!!). Any suggestions on how to achieve this (if you have, it’s really hard!!) that would be awesome.

Thanks
Sarc
 
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sarcophagus:
Thanks everyone!! It makes me feel better than DH is not the only pack rat out there. Like most of you, I’m a thrower too!! I KNOW I got that from my mom, who was the supreme queen of the packrats. She kept EVERYTHING and eventually I started finding her stuff in my closet…that’s when I said enough, when I move out, none of this!!!

I’m reading up a lot about managing time and organizing. I really want my new place to be organized. Because we live with someone now we could never keep the place clean and organized (I’m a perfectionist by nature!!). Any suggestions on how to achieve this (if you have, it’s really hard!!) that would be awesome.

Thanks
Sarc
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Sarc, go to flylady.net and sign up for the free email newsletter. It’s perfect for perfectionist wives!! FlyLady helps me clean, encourages me, and more.
About the 87 shirts…I think that’s a few too many. 🙂
 
I can’t believe someone is complaining about 87 shirts. I would be down on my knees, thanking God, if all I had to put up with was 87 shirts.

My husband is a music collector. He collects every kind of recorded sound under the sun. He must have 10,000 LP records albums, thousands of CD’s, thousands of 45 rpm’s, 8 tracks, 78 rpm’s, and reel to reel tapes.

They are in the kitchen, the livingroom, and our bedroom. We just spent $3,000 on a storage shed so we could clear out a bedroom so our kids can each have their own room. In the garage, records are stacked all the way to the ceiling. We barely have room for our cars, and I have to squeeze between my car and all those records to get to the washing machine.

In addition, he takes up two-thirds of the closet, an entire dresser, and two drawers in the chest of drawers. I get one-third of the closet and three drawers.

What irks me is that we have a pre-marital agreement that he would put everything in one room so all I would have to do to deal with all his stuff is close the door.

I would welcome any suggestions on how to get all this clutter out of the house.

Kathie
 
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coralewisjr:
Sarc, go to flylady.net and sign up for the free email newsletter. It’s perfect for perfectionist wives!! FlyLady helps me clean, encourages me, and more.
About the 87 shirts…I think that’s a few too many. 🙂
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I see your FlyLady and raise you Squlor Survivors! (Yes, that was kinda wierd).

Since you are not the packrat this can help with the understanding of what is going on. It can also be a tool to “model” non-pack rat behavior. I’m a single pack rat but if I were married I would not like it if someone made decisions for me or manipulated me into doing things I didn’t want to do. I don’t want to be a packrat so I look to resources like the above to give me some direction.

BTW the pics at squalor survivors might be encouraging. Either it’s “I"m not alone” or “at least I’m not that bad” YMMV
 
Kay Cee:
I can’t believe someone is complaining about 87 shirts. I would be down on my knees, thanking God, if all I had to put up with was 87 shirts.
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The 87 shirts are just the tip of the iceberg. How about the used dog bed with holes in it? A human can’t get into the garage, much less a car. Books stacked under every piece of furniture with legs, under the beds . . .
 
I would welcome any suggestions on how to get all this clutter out of the house.
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Kay Cee,
  1. Call a collector, find out the value and present the option
  2. Send DH off on a vacation and have a yard sale.
  3. After hubby goes to work, back up u-haul and load.
Seriously, good luck!
 
Kay Cee:
My husband is a music collector. He collects every kind of recorded sound under the sun. He must have 10,000 LP records albums, thousands of CD’s, thousands of 45 rpm’s, 8 tracks, 78 rpm’s, and reel to reel tapes.
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Does he enjoy these things? Does he have time to listen to all of this?
They are in the kitchen, the livingroom, and our bedroom. We just spent $3,000 on a storage shed so we could clear out a bedroom so our kids can each have their own room. In the garage, records are stacked all the way to the ceiling. We barely have room for our cars, and I have to squeeze between my car and all those records to get to the washing machine.

In addition, he takes up two-thirds of the closet, an entire dresser, and two drawers in the chest of drawers. I get one-third of the closet and three drawers.

What irks me is that we have a pre-marital agreement that he would put everything in one room so all I would have to do to deal with all his stuff is close the door.

I would welcome any suggestions on how to get all this clutter out of the house.

Kathie
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This is for anyone really, but I am motivated my seeing others working on their own spaces. I probably wouldn’t mess with the prized possessions of an audiophile but maybe you could start in your end of the closet and when you get to his ask (that’s really key) “Hey, would you consider giving this to [name of charity]? I have couple of bags (boxes?) of my stuff over there. I could just add to it.” He’ll say “yes” or “no” and then you could say, well, is there anything else you could part with? I’m going to be taking a load on Monday (whatever- give him a couple days).

Worth a try. It may not be the dumpster load you want to get rid of but it’s a start.
 
Bruised Reed:
Does he enjoy these things? Does he have time to listen to all of this?

This is for anyone really, but I am motivated my seeing others working on their own spaces. I probably wouldn’t mess with the prized possessions of an audiophile but maybe you could start in your end of the closet and when you get to his ask (that’s really key) “Hey, would you consider giving this to [name of charity]? I have couple of bags (boxes?) of my stuff over there. I could just add to it.” He’ll say “yes” or “no” and then you could say, well, is there anything else you could part with? I’m going to be taking a load on Monday (whatever- give him a couple days).

Worth a try. It may not be the dumpster load you want to get rid of but it’s a start.
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It would take several lifetimes to listen to it all. I’ve pointed this out to him several times, to no avail.

Second, do you really think I have room for anything extrenuous with all his clutter around? Third, anytime I’ve suggested getting rid of any of it, the answer is a resounding NO. Fourth, charities is where all this stuff came from in the first place (their thrift stores).

I’ve asked why he needs it all, and his answer is, “I just do.”

Frankly, I think I’m dealing with an addict.
 
Kay Cee…I get the exact same response!!! I just asked DH to go through his 3 gigantic boxes of computer games (some are DOS games…which proves my point that he will never play them) and he said that he needed to keep them because he wanted to play them again…i know it will never happen.
 
Kay Cee:
…
Frankly, I think I’m dealing with an addict.
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Oh, dear, I think you are too. You know him best so I would be hard pressed to really think of something useful that would help him. Unfortunatly, FlyLady is rather female oriented (even though there are “flyboys”) so it might not be something he would take to. But…would you dare suggest it to him or sign him up?

I don’t know if boy packrats are that different from girl pack rats but since I am one I do know something of it. Feel free to pick my brain.
 
I am the pack rat in our family, and I can honestly say, that I long to rent a dumpster and throw half of it out. Especially the half that isn’t mine!😃 My husband asked when we moved, how much space I thought I’d need for my stuff. I asked if he every heard of entropy (sorry , I’m an engineer, he didn’t get it either). I just said, as much space as there is, I will fill it up. Good luck trying to convince him to purge if he doesn’t want to. If you can get away with the “throw it away and he’ll never miss it” routine, that works for some. But if he is a hard case, it may be more marital trouble than it is worth. You may have more luck trying to get him to agree to rules before he sees the stuff. For example, in the computer game example, you could say, what would you agree is something we could get rid of, anything that is DOS based? Anything you haven’t played in two years? Then give them the box after you have agreed to some rules. If he sees them first, he will always “need” them. Good Luck!
 
My Mom and Dad are serious packrats too. She has her own business and has upwards of 6000 total square feet of space of which half is storage. :rolleyes:

I have been pestering her for 3 or 4 years to get through it, and toss stuff (clothing that’s 30+ years etc.) But she defends herself saying “I saved all your toys and special things! Isn’t it fun to go through that again!?”

:eek: Yah, an afternoon spent remeniscing- then

PITCH IT!

I’d get more out of seeing her go through and get rid of the clutter than seeing all my old weeble wobbles… LOL

One or two boxes of memorabilia is one thing, but a whole storage room 15x15x9ft is too much!

She did start cleaning out some areas, and to my delight- found it very refreshing. She got rid of 75% of the room she cleaned out- so it was pretty successfull.
One of us- “Mom, do you have a …?”
Mom- “Sure it’s downstairs, to the left of the stairs, on the third shelf behind the old paint cans.”
:eek:
Mom- “Now aren’t you glad I save this stuff?”

Or

Us- “Mom, do you have a rubber band?”
Mom- “Sure…” rummage rummage rummage… an hour later, carrying a box full of rubber bands… “How many do you want?”

For her credit, she does, pretty much, know exactly what she has and where it is. But if she ever had to move to a smaller building, God help us…
 
Bruised Reed:
Oh, dear, I think you are too. You know him best so I would be hard pressed to really think of something useful that would help him. Unfortunatly, FlyLady is rather female oriented (even though there are “flyboys”) so it might not be something he would take to. But…would you dare suggest it to him or sign him up?

I don’t know if boy packrats are that different from girl pack rats but since I am one I do know something of it. Feel free to pick my brain.
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Thanks, but I don’t know what you could do to help except explain why the compulsion to collect and why the reluctance to get rid of anything…

Part of the problem is that he doesn’t think there’s a problem. He knows the clutter bothers me, and it does bother him that I am bothered. However, the only solution I see is another storage shed at another $3,000, which is something I’d much rather spend on my children’s college education than on housing stuff I don’t want in the first place.

Part of the problem too is that his collection is worth a lot of money. Occasionally he will part with some of it and sell on eBay. This, however, has halted due to the Eucharistic scandal.

A year ago October, we had to evacuate our house because of the raging wildfires here in California (remember those?) I was actually half hoping my house, and everything in it, would burn to the ground, just so I could rebuild and start over. It occurred to me that something is very wrong if I’m actually hoping my house will burn down.

Now, if I could only get my daughter’s bike out of the kitchen (no room for it in the garage)!
 
My husband is a pack rat who cannot throw anything away. He also “collects” books, coins, stamps, magazines, and movies. He copies TV programs and tapes 24 hours a day.

He is nearly 80 and it is getting worse. He goes to garage sales and returns with all sorts of junk, and now he is bringing home bits of furniture in which to store all this stuff. His room is already more crammed than a thrift shop with furniture and his stuff.
If he finds out I’ve thrown anything away he goes ballistic.
I think this is a obsessive compulsive condition.

My problem is my reaction to it. I sometimes get so frustrated that I say cruel, scornful and hurtful things.

I hope I can vent on this Forum instead!

Nixie.
 
sarcophagus said:
So…how many of you have to deal with pack rats??? How do you compromise on what stays and what goes? Really need help with this as our new place cannot fit all of our stuff in it…plus, I would like to donate it all to charity…
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I feel for you, I truly do. :o The “pack rat” syndrome seems to be especially common with people who lived through the Great Depression. Both of my parents were avid “pack rats”. 😃 We grew up in a house, where nothing was thrown out… without really good reason.

I can remember my parents saving everything from shoe boxes (you never know when that cardboard might come in handy) to little plastic butter tubs (used for storing things like nails, paper clips… etc.) to chipped, cracked dishes. They were still intact enough to eat off of… sooooo… we did!

As a result of this… I grew up to be a NEAT FREAK :rotfl:

I can’t stand clutter!

My best to you… as you deal with your much loved “Pack Rat”. 😉
 
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