T
tabsie3210
Guest
Okay.
I know I mentioned this in the Fan Fiction posting, but I didn’t elaborate there and not everybody read that, so here’s the whole story.
At 15, when I was impressionable, I was going to high school and about half of the people I met who were kind to me were pagans of several varieties. The “mainstream” kids, including most of the Christians I knew, were pretty mean and used to abuse me. Granted, I was a brat, but I did get beat up on a few times. Now, there were very few Catholics in any of my classes, so I never felt shunned by my own religion, but I was inclined to hang with the pagans 'cause they were nice and 'cause I bonded with them.
From the time I was 15 until I was about 28 I was what you’d call a Universalist, even though I was sure that of all the Christian religions, only Catholicism was right (weird, I know, but I had an odd way of thinking). I didn’t inform my very conservative parents - Jewish conservative and Roman Catholic - about all this. And I flip-flopped in my beliefs for a while, because I was still learning what was what. It wasn’t until I was about 28 and had a major nervous breakdown that I started turning back to the true faith, and am working my way back to reality.
I’m superstitious, which is ridiculous because I’m a logical person, and magic has -never- worked that I’ve ever seen. So I got rid of my tarot cards, all the stuff on magic, etc. I pretty much stopped reading most of the fantasy novels that I read when I was younger because I lost interest in them, though occasionally I’ll read one for entertainment. But I don’t have the same strong feelings for them because I know they’re wrong.
I love my Wiccan friends because they’re my friends, but they grate on my nerves because they seem to believe that the world is just waiting to fall in their laps. They’ve “predicted” that they will win the lottery, that I’ll fall in love and get married by the time I’m 32, and other such things. But their beliefs haven’t helped them in a legal battle with the husband’s mother over custody of their autistic son. They have to live hand-to-mouth and are struggling to find good jobs they enjoy. They always seem sapped and angry.
My best friend is a Pagan of a religion she made up herself, claiming the “goddes” of this religion showed her the True Path when she was younger. She’d been raped when she was a kid, and had once attempted suicide because she’d been taught, “God protects fools and children.” But in her own words, “But God didn’t save me. Me sticking my finger down my throat saved me, and that’s why I lived.” She was an atheist for a while, then turned Pagan. She’s never been able to convince me to leave Catholicism, though she obviously thinks that I’m way too hide-bound. When I was younger, even though I disagreed with a lot of her beliefs, she said I was more open and understanding, and that I’m not as open and understanding as I was.
In the time that I’ve re-wired myself and tried to return to God, I’ve gotten a much better job, am content with my life in general, have started feeling good about myself (even though I still have bouts of depression) and I’m more up-beat and happy.
I’d been an Eucharistic Minister for a while, and since getting my new job I’m trying to get back into ministering, since I loved having a purpose for God. Plus, I have a special devotion to the Precious Blood. I’ve been going to confession as regularly as I can, and I’m struggling with my old bad habits and trying to undo them. I’m failing a lot, but I’m trying, and I know God wants me to try harder.
But how do I deal with my best friend? I talked to a priest once who told me, “This is a case of love the sinner, hate the sin,” and, “preach often. If necessary, use words.” Meaning that first I have to work at being a good Catholic, and from there let my example draw people to Christ.
I’ll be honest with you - I don’t think my friend’s “goddess” is real in any fashion. I don’t think she’s a demon. I think she’s just something my friend made up from whole cloth. There’s a lot of stuff about her life that I think is like that. I should know, I grew up believing in a lot of it. And now I think it’s ridiculous.
But I can’t help loving her. She’s the sister that I never had. She’s been my best friend from the time I was 15, has helped me overcome my depression, has held me up when I needed a hand, and has sacrificed her time, money, and patience on me any number of times. She’s let me cry on her shoulder, let me pour our my grief, and actually encouraged me to go back to church (she even drove me weekly for a while because she knew what it meant to me).
I don’t excuse her, and I know she’s wrong, but I want to continue being her best friend. I want to continue to love her, even though the older I get the more I realize just how wrong she is. I want to continue to be close to her, to share my secrets with her, and to eventually have her at my wedding, if I ever find a guy.
Is this moral? Is it okay for me to care deeply about her like this? I’ve come a long way. She’s lost all her hold over me as far as my beliefs go. My occasional laps comes from my own weakness and my superstitious nature, but she can’t make me believe what she believes anymore. I love her. I know that since her mother died and the rest of her family is estranged, if I were to turn my back on her, she would have no support (my family has practically adopted her and help her out financially from time to time), and she would have very few friends. She said once that I saved her from suicide when we were teens. If I didn’t love her so much I might be inclined to let her go, but in the first place I feel like we were drawn together for a purpose, and in the second place, would God condone me turning my back on my best friend and saying, “Go do whatever you want to, I wash my hands of you,” if it means she might end up in a bad place, and possibly make her suicidal again.
…if you got through this ramble, thanks. Sorry. It’s not something I can talk to my priest about because I feel like I’m imposing on him all the time, and it’s not something I can talk to her about.
I believe in demons and the Devil. I don’t believe my friend worships a demon or the Devil in disguise - the story is too pathetic. I think she just made up a life for herself to escape her misery because she didn’t want to be an atheist, but there was no positive Christian influence in her life growing up.
Any advice, any comments, I’d love to have. I don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore. I feel pathetic and sad and useless. About the only thing I have is hope and faith, and I know I pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy for her, in hopes that Christ will stand between her and His Father’s justice.
Tabs
I know I mentioned this in the Fan Fiction posting, but I didn’t elaborate there and not everybody read that, so here’s the whole story.
At 15, when I was impressionable, I was going to high school and about half of the people I met who were kind to me were pagans of several varieties. The “mainstream” kids, including most of the Christians I knew, were pretty mean and used to abuse me. Granted, I was a brat, but I did get beat up on a few times. Now, there were very few Catholics in any of my classes, so I never felt shunned by my own religion, but I was inclined to hang with the pagans 'cause they were nice and 'cause I bonded with them.
From the time I was 15 until I was about 28 I was what you’d call a Universalist, even though I was sure that of all the Christian religions, only Catholicism was right (weird, I know, but I had an odd way of thinking). I didn’t inform my very conservative parents - Jewish conservative and Roman Catholic - about all this. And I flip-flopped in my beliefs for a while, because I was still learning what was what. It wasn’t until I was about 28 and had a major nervous breakdown that I started turning back to the true faith, and am working my way back to reality.
I’m superstitious, which is ridiculous because I’m a logical person, and magic has -never- worked that I’ve ever seen. So I got rid of my tarot cards, all the stuff on magic, etc. I pretty much stopped reading most of the fantasy novels that I read when I was younger because I lost interest in them, though occasionally I’ll read one for entertainment. But I don’t have the same strong feelings for them because I know they’re wrong.
I love my Wiccan friends because they’re my friends, but they grate on my nerves because they seem to believe that the world is just waiting to fall in their laps. They’ve “predicted” that they will win the lottery, that I’ll fall in love and get married by the time I’m 32, and other such things. But their beliefs haven’t helped them in a legal battle with the husband’s mother over custody of their autistic son. They have to live hand-to-mouth and are struggling to find good jobs they enjoy. They always seem sapped and angry.
My best friend is a Pagan of a religion she made up herself, claiming the “goddes” of this religion showed her the True Path when she was younger. She’d been raped when she was a kid, and had once attempted suicide because she’d been taught, “God protects fools and children.” But in her own words, “But God didn’t save me. Me sticking my finger down my throat saved me, and that’s why I lived.” She was an atheist for a while, then turned Pagan. She’s never been able to convince me to leave Catholicism, though she obviously thinks that I’m way too hide-bound. When I was younger, even though I disagreed with a lot of her beliefs, she said I was more open and understanding, and that I’m not as open and understanding as I was.
In the time that I’ve re-wired myself and tried to return to God, I’ve gotten a much better job, am content with my life in general, have started feeling good about myself (even though I still have bouts of depression) and I’m more up-beat and happy.
I’d been an Eucharistic Minister for a while, and since getting my new job I’m trying to get back into ministering, since I loved having a purpose for God. Plus, I have a special devotion to the Precious Blood. I’ve been going to confession as regularly as I can, and I’m struggling with my old bad habits and trying to undo them. I’m failing a lot, but I’m trying, and I know God wants me to try harder.
But how do I deal with my best friend? I talked to a priest once who told me, “This is a case of love the sinner, hate the sin,” and, “preach often. If necessary, use words.” Meaning that first I have to work at being a good Catholic, and from there let my example draw people to Christ.
I’ll be honest with you - I don’t think my friend’s “goddess” is real in any fashion. I don’t think she’s a demon. I think she’s just something my friend made up from whole cloth. There’s a lot of stuff about her life that I think is like that. I should know, I grew up believing in a lot of it. And now I think it’s ridiculous.
But I can’t help loving her. She’s the sister that I never had. She’s been my best friend from the time I was 15, has helped me overcome my depression, has held me up when I needed a hand, and has sacrificed her time, money, and patience on me any number of times. She’s let me cry on her shoulder, let me pour our my grief, and actually encouraged me to go back to church (she even drove me weekly for a while because she knew what it meant to me).
I don’t excuse her, and I know she’s wrong, but I want to continue being her best friend. I want to continue to love her, even though the older I get the more I realize just how wrong she is. I want to continue to be close to her, to share my secrets with her, and to eventually have her at my wedding, if I ever find a guy.
Is this moral? Is it okay for me to care deeply about her like this? I’ve come a long way. She’s lost all her hold over me as far as my beliefs go. My occasional laps comes from my own weakness and my superstitious nature, but she can’t make me believe what she believes anymore. I love her. I know that since her mother died and the rest of her family is estranged, if I were to turn my back on her, she would have no support (my family has practically adopted her and help her out financially from time to time), and she would have very few friends. She said once that I saved her from suicide when we were teens. If I didn’t love her so much I might be inclined to let her go, but in the first place I feel like we were drawn together for a purpose, and in the second place, would God condone me turning my back on my best friend and saying, “Go do whatever you want to, I wash my hands of you,” if it means she might end up in a bad place, and possibly make her suicidal again.
…if you got through this ramble, thanks. Sorry. It’s not something I can talk to my priest about because I feel like I’m imposing on him all the time, and it’s not something I can talk to her about.
I believe in demons and the Devil. I don’t believe my friend worships a demon or the Devil in disguise - the story is too pathetic. I think she just made up a life for herself to escape her misery because she didn’t want to be an atheist, but there was no positive Christian influence in her life growing up.
Any advice, any comments, I’d love to have. I don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore. I feel pathetic and sad and useless. About the only thing I have is hope and faith, and I know I pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy for her, in hopes that Christ will stand between her and His Father’s justice.
Tabs
Sometimes I get overwhelmed. Sometimes I just wish everyone in the world could feel as happy as I do right now. Thank you for your replies. You’ve been a strong help to me. All I know for certain is that God has been unusually kind to me, like I’m being baby-walked through my trials. The only thing I can figure is that I’m supposed to be an example, and He’s helping me to get my feet under me so I can help them.