Painful Lonliness!

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misericordie

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Hello all. I at times feel so alone becuase I have not found my soul mate: a decent woman, which will eventually be my wife. I am 34 years old. Today I was really hurting inside, and was thinking that I really do not want to be alone in life without a companion. I felt liking breaking down to weep, this deep pain inside.
Has anyone felt this way?? Advice???😦 .
Thanks.
 
Misericordie,

I have many friends with this same problem. I remember what it was like to just need someone to love you, someone to share your life with, and fearing that it could never happen. But you know, God surprises us all the time. When I first met my husband, he was the last person I ever thought I would end up marrying! But he is my best friend, and I can’t imagine life without him.

I noticed that at the Catholic Answers website, they now have a link to a Catholic Dating website…maybe that would be something to check out? Try not to lose heart. Just ask God to give you the grace to be at peace, whichever way your life turns.

God bless!
 
Crying isn’t all bad. Don’t be afraid to relieve the stress. Then, when you’ve wiped your tears, remember that God does have a plan for you. You are not forgotten or alone.

You know, the thing about being married is then you lose freedom to do things. It is not that you can’t do anything, but there is more of a process to it. Is it ok with the spouse? Will it take up too much time away from home? Will it hurt my spouses feelings?

I am hoping that you are using this time that you now have, wisely. I hope that you actively help your Parish and Community. I think in giving your time for good causes, you will be “rewarded”. Just my thoughts on it.

The grass is always greener on the other side. It would be nice to be able do things and not worry about the time it takes from my family. I hope you can try to appreciate this time that you have even though I know it doesn’t always feel as good as having someone with you. We all suffer from something. It is what you do with the suffering that matters, right?
 
Hello all. I at times feel so alone becuase I have not found my soul mate: a decent woman, which will eventually be my wife. I am 34 years old. Today I was really hurting inside, and was thinking that I really do not want to be alone in life without a companion. I felt liking breaking down to weep, this deep pain inside.
Has anyone felt this way?? Advice???😦 .
Thanks.
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I feel just as you do, and am praying for a woman to share my life with as well. You are not alone in your struggle.:crying:
 
I hear you bro…I too am seeking my soulmate…maybe it will be a beautiful woman or possibly it will be The Church, since I am discerning a call to the FSSP. I am leaning towards the FSSP, because I haven’t found a woman that can put up with me yet 🙂
 
I understand and feel the same way sometimes. I’m 30 (female), and sometimes I look around ard realize that I may never find anyone.

I have given it to God. That doesn’t mean that I’m not lonely or it doesn’t hurt when I go out with friends ard realize I’m the only single in the group.

If you don’t already, get a picture of the Divine Mercy. Every so often I look at this picture and at the bottom are the words, “Jesus, I trust in you.” Amazing how that short little prayer works to help me trust again that he has a plan.

I am a member of AveMaria Singles and I tried Catholic Singles once, however I’m not sure I’ll ever meet someone via the internet. I really am kinda shy, and “blind dating” which is sort of what internet dating is, is a bit scary for me.

I’ll be praying for you. I know what it’s like to be alone.
 
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misericordie:
Hello all. I at times feel so alone becuase I have not found my soul mate: a decent woman, which will eventually be my wife. I am 34 years old. Today I was really hurting inside, and was thinking that I really do not want to be alone in life without a companion. I felt liking breaking down to weep, this deep pain inside.
Has anyone felt this way?? Advice???😦 .
Thanks.
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As soon as you quit so looking so hard, get involved with other people, places and things; chances are you’ll meet someone, seldom are we prepared or “ready” when the right one comes along. But if you’re looking hard, they never show up, I don’t know why this is, it just is. Murphy’s law I guess.
 
Hang in there, Mis.

Everyone shared some great advice already.
One more thing I would add: avoid alcohol. It’s literally a “downer.” A depressant.

And watch out for the sly evil one-- he would love it if you lost all hope and despaired of God’s plans for you. Try not to fall into the trap of bemoaning the fact that God isn’t acting on your plans…

Express your pain when necessary-- but keep your focus on Jesus.

I struggle with this too. (and I’m older 😦 )

Peace, Prayers, and Blessings.
 
I know what you feel. I have always been painfully shy and haven’t had a real friend since I got out of college…25 years ago. I am heavily involved with helping my semi-disfunctional family with their problems (I am chief among them) so I’ve tried to lose myself in service to others but people who have someone just don’t understand. They say if only I had more faith or tried harder…believe me, I have tried hard in my own way to no avail. I wonder if God sometimes calls us to a place we would never choose but He uses our weaknesses to put us where he wants us. It feels like He feels no affection for me…a nun once told us God loves us, but He doesn’t have to like us…bad move, because that idea has always stayed with me…maybe I just can’t do anything to make Him like me and I don’t deserve to be blessed with the love of a man. People always say “God sent me my spouse” “God sent me my child”, but when I say maybe God prevented anyone from finding me so I could be alone and help my family they say it’s my fault because I didn’t try hard enough and that anyone can get someone if they just try. In the meantime, I go through periods where I either “harden my heart” and try not to feel the pain of lonliness or I am awash in the pain and feel that everyone else is in “the club” (has a spouse, has children to love them). Love of family just doesn’t cut that physical need to have someone to cuddle up with. I’ve never been held as an adult. Sorry to talk about myself but maybe it helps to know you are not alone…that others are in the same boat. I do know that God is God and it’s not His fault and I don’t blame Him in the end.
 
I have a 34 year old friend who is going through this as well. We were college roommates, and have been best friends ever since. I know it’s hard for her to see all her friends off and married with kids, and to be the “third wheel” when we go out. I know she is looking for her “soulmate”, but I think she’s doing it the wrong way. She’ll go on a date with a guy, once, and know he’s not the one. I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I wasn’t convinced after meeting my husband the first time he was my soulmate! Some are lucky to see fireworks right off the bat, others we have to let grow on us.

Also, don’t underestimate the gal right under your nose. She may be your neighbor, your co-worker, someone you’ve known for a long time but never thought of in “that way”. Maybe it’s time to take a second look around?

Also, take up a hobby! I met my husband on a SCUBA diving trip!! I went with my local dive shop, and there he was! Join a softball team, co-ed soccer, etc. Great way to meet others!

Pray!!!

Good luck!
 
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snowgarden:
I know what you feel. I have always been painfully shy and haven’t had a real friend since I got out of college…QUOTE]

I wish I could send you a hug through cyber space. How difficult this cross must be for you. Have you ever spoke to a doctor about your shyness? God has given science the ability to help us in so many ways. Do not be afraid to seek assistance. I will keep you in my prayers.

Ditto for you Mis. You need to reach out for help, don’t put it off. God Bless.
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snowgarden:
I know what you feel. I have always been painfully shy and haven’t had a real friend since I got out of college…25 years ago. I am heavily involved with helping my semi-disfunctional family with their problems (I am chief among them) so I’ve tried to lose myself in service to others but people who have someone just don’t understand. They say if only I had more faith or tried harder…believe me, I have tried hard in my own way to no avail. I wonder if God sometimes calls us to a place we would never choose but He uses our weaknesses to put us where he wants us. It feels like He feels no affection for me…a nun once told us God loves us, but He doesn’t have to like us…bad move, because that idea has always stayed with me…maybe I just can’t do anything to make Him like me and I don’t deserve to be blessed with the love of a man. People always say “God sent me my spouse” “God sent me my child”, but when I say maybe God prevented anyone from finding me so I could be alone and help my family they say it’s my fault because I didn’t try hard enough and that anyone can get someone if they just try. In the meantime, I go through periods where I either “harden my heart” and try not to feel the pain of lonliness or I am awash in the pain and feel that everyone else is in “the club” (has a spouse, has children to love them). Love of family just doesn’t cut that physical need to have someone to cuddle up with. I’ve never been held as an adult. Sorry to talk about myself but maybe it helps to know you are not alone…that others are in the same boat. I do know that God is God and it’s not His fault and I don’t blame Him in the end.
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Greetings snowgarden: It’s always amazing to me how one person’s ocean is another’s desert. As the mom of 3 young kids I often feel smothered by physical contact (not to mention noise, distraction) and fantasize about having 24 hours of solitude and quiet. Perish the thought that any ill come to my family–but sometimes togetherness can be overwhelming.

Adice for you and the OP–look into volunteering with children–esp. really young children. They are like puppies–love to be held and cuddled, don’t discriminate against “shy” folks, but welcome gentleness and warmth with such affection it will melt your heart. There are often emergency shelters/crisis nurseries in cities designed as places of refuge for parents with small children to safely bring them to be cared for at times of turmoil in the family. It is a marvelous public service, a great source of love AND affection and perhaps an outlet to meet other kind-hearted souls such as yourself.
 
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snowgarden:
It feels like He feels no affection for me…a nun once told us God loves us, but He doesn’t have to like us…bad move, because that idea has always stayed with me…maybe I just can’t do anything to make Him like me and I don’t deserve to be blessed with the love of a man. are in the same boat. QUOTE]

Hogwash …God is our Father, “Abba father”, i.e., “Daddy father”, to us His children. What father does not like his child, despite the child doing unlikeable things, if the child does not purposely seek to offend or disobey him. Give this some thought. Maybe, instead of trying to do anything to get God to like you, settle with the fact that He already does like you, and you need to start working on accepting this by accepting yourself as good, loving and loveable. It’s true. You can start by looking in the mirror, pinching your cheek and repeating to your self, “I am good, loving and loveable, I am …” , I’m serious; sounds like you need to some reality re-programming. Then expect others to accept and see you this way. 🙂
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I think the best advice is to just hand it over to the Lord and then get busy with doing the things that are important to you and that the Lord has put on your heart. It seems that somehow that most elusive soul that’s meant for you will wander right into your life as you go on your merry way. As the old Bob Dylan song says…“Ah but I may as well try and catch the wind”, because it seems that the more we pursue her/him (respective our gender…not tryin’ to be PC or all-inclusive. The topic is , all by itself… 😃 ) the more elusive love becomes. I just am blessed that the angel of my soul fell in love with me at first sight 34 years ago and says that our first kiss just sealed the deal. What do I know? It ain’t been easy…but it’s worth it. Deo gratias.
Pax vobiscum,
 
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misericordie:
Hello all. I at times feel so alone becuase I have not found my soul mate: a decent woman, which will eventually be my wife. I am 34 years old. Today I was really hurting inside, and was thinking that I really do not want to be alone in life without a companion. I felt liking breaking down to weep, this deep pain inside.
Has anyone felt this way?? Advice???😦 .
Thanks.
Click to expand...
What kind of advice are you looking for? What advice is helping you?

Remember, that you are responsible for your own happiness and for becoming the best person you can be. Are you really doing what you need to be doing to be who God calls you to be?

Marriage, like any committed relationship, requires a lot of effort, a lot of giving, a lot of self-denial for the good of the other. Are you practicing those virtues in your current vocation as a single man–cultivating those virtues and skills that will serve you well if and when your vocation changes?

Wallowing in self-pity is completely unproductive or counter-productive. Buck up and involve yourself fully in life and in growing–emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Really, I do say that with best wishes and concern. Please think about the advice you have gotten to your post. God bless.
 
1 Corinthians
Chapter 7

17 Only, everyone should live as the Lord has assigned, just as God called each one. I give this order in all the churches.
24 Brothers, everyone should continue before God in the state in which he was called. 25 Now in regard to virgins, I have no commandment from the Lord, 11 but I give my opinion as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 So this is what I think best because of the present distress: that it is a good thing for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek a separation. Are you free of a wife? Then do not look for a wife. 28 If you marry, however, you do not sin, nor does an unmarried woman sin if she marries; but such people will experience affliction in their earthly life, and I would like to spare you that. 29 12 I tell you, brothers, the time is running out. From now on, let those having wives act as not having them, 30 those weeping as not weeping, those rejoicing as not rejoicing, those buying as not owning, 31 those using the world as not using it fully. For the world in its present form is passing away. 32 I should like you to be free of anxieties. An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. 33 But a married man is anxious about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, 34 and he is divided. An unmarried woman or a virgin is anxious about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy in both body and spirit. A married woman, on the other hand, is anxious about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35 I am telling you this for your own benefit, not to impose a restraint upon you, but for the sake of propriety and adherence to the Lord without distraction.

Please don’t get discouraged. That is satan working.

Take courage and wait upon the Lord.

God :blessyou:
 
La Chiara:
Marriage, like any committed relationship, requires a lot of effort, a lot of giving, a lot of self-denial for the good of the other. .
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misericordie, I read your post earlier today, and I didn’t know what to say. During the day, a few thoughts came into mind which have just been articulated in the previous two posts.

Following up on La Chiara’s comments, I need to ask you in all charity what you are expecting out of marraige? It sounds like you have a somewhat Hollywood view that someone is going to make you happy. Someone may do that for a while, but after a time the strong romantic “soul mate” emotions fade, and the requirements that La Chiara describe kick in. Then it ratchets up if the Lord gives you children!

I was going to share with you the same Scripture passage that johnq just did. Actually, I first recalled a passage from St. Therese’ *Story of a Soul *where she referred to romantic love as a false light that distracts us from the true light of God. Now, I’m not saying that you should not marry. I do think, though, that the existence of a “soul mate” for someone is rare. Just get involved like many others have suggested and put your focus on the Lord.
 
shannon e:
Hang in there, Mis.

Everyone shared some great advice already.
One more thing I would add: avoid alcohol. It’s literally a “downer.” A depressant.

And watch out for the sly evil one-- he would love it if you lost all hope and despaired of God’s plans for you. Try not to fall into the trap of bemoaning the fact that God isn’t acting on your plans…

Express your pain when necessary-- but keep your focus on Jesus.

I struggle with this too. (and I’m older 😦 )

Peace, Prayers, and Blessings.
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Yes, I have been tempted to drink and I had a problem with it in my past, sometimes I feel like just "having fun"bars, etc. bit this is the evil one’s deception. Funny you mention what has been on my mind. PLEASE pray for me!! I don’t want to stray from God, and have been slowly doing so.
 
I want to sincerely thank you ALL for your great advice, and love and concern, I never knew some people are so kind and caring.

Blessings to all.
 
If you believe you have discerned a vocation to marriage, why don’t you check out www.avemariasingles.com? The “Success Stories” might be very inspiring to you, and restore your hope that there may be a spouse out there for you.

I’d second all of the advice already given to you on this thread, but it also might not hurt to make sure you are doing you part to give God as many ways as possible to help you fulfill your vocation. Hang in there! Very often, sorrow is a vitamin for growth.

God bless!
 
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