Painful Marital Act

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Eliza10 said:
I really think that having been married such an extremely SHORT time, and presumably having been long chaste before this effort, the recommendations to see a doctor and to “lube” are *extremely premature, *particularly if there is any chance she has ANY anxiety about not being able to “perform” well and fast enough - which is suggested by her concerns within a week of her wedding.

Weddings are stressful, and so can a honeymoon be, with the travel after all the excitement, and add then add to that the idea that you are supposed to feel a certain way and your body is supposed to respond in this new way* immediately* and then the concern to that she hasn’t done/can’t do the right thing and that her poor performance has stressed her new husband, when she instead wants to please him - all these things can produce tension, and things tighten up when you are tense, and one needs to be relaxed and happy for things to go in the normal way. I have even had trouble in the past with menstruation paraphernalia when I was tense. So unless the OP feels she is completely relaxed and unworried already, she should give it some time. Like two or three months, not weeks, before she runs to the doctor. A trip to the gynecologist for most of us is not a walk in the park. That should be only when one has given the normal way an effort and still feels things aren’t normal. Meanwhile intercourse of course should not be forced when its painful, because that only produces more tension all around. Just spend time being together in a relaxed way, getting to know each other physically. Relax, and pray that God show you the way, then *let it go *and *trust Him *to make it happen, or tell you if there is cause for real concern.

And I do not like the lube idea - its too soon for a healthy young girl. God created us with our own lube, and for the vast vast majority of women in a relaxed and happy state with her husband that she loves and trust, this works perfectly fine. So give it time for the natural way to kick in, the way God designed it. No products. This is best. Why start out with a habit of using unnatural means when its far more likely that your body is in perfect working order? Goodness, its only been a week!
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Waiting months before starting what might be a lengthy treatment program! :eek:

As other people have said, there’s no harm at all in using lubrication.

The problem is, at some point if this goes on too long, it could start causing physical or psychological problems for her husband, too, so I do not encourage delay in trying stuff (like lubrication or gynecologist).

I have some experience of even just a few days of delay, and it was extremely demoralizing for both of us–I wouldn’t wish any longer delay on my worst enemy–it seemed like it was never going to happen. We got through it mostly with some advice in The Complete Dummy’s Guide to Sex (I forget what there was helpful, but it was), but had there been any longer delay, it would have called for an immediate doctor’s visit.

In this kind of situation, “just relax” is advice that is very difficult to follow through on.
 
Ahem

😊

While we have all been arguing over what’s best for the OP, seems she has disappeared. I don’t think it’s helping her or anyone at this point.

OP if you are still there, go see your gynocologist and see what he/she recommends. You will need a regular gynocologist anyways as a married woman (and in the future as a mother-to-be.)

This thread is bordering on medical advice. 🤷
 
Eliza10 said:
I really think that having been married such an extremely SHORT time, and presumably having been long chaste before this effort, the recommendations to see a doctor and to “lube” are *extremely premature, *particularly if there is any chance she has ANY anxiety about not being able to “perform” well and fast enough - which is suggested by her concerns within a week of her wedding.

Weddings are stressful, and so can a honeymoon be, with the travel after all the excitement, and add then add to that the idea that you are supposed to feel a certain way and your body is supposed to respond in this new way* immediately* and then the concern to that she hasn’t done/can’t do the right thing and that her poor performance has stressed her new husband, when she instead wants to please him - all these things can produce tension, and things tighten up when you are tense, and one needs to be relaxed and happy for things to go in the normal way. I have even had trouble in the past with menstruation paraphernalia when I was tense. So unless the OP feels she is completely relaxed and unworried already, she should give it some time. Like two or three months, not weeks, before she runs to the doctor. A trip to the gynecologist for most of us is not a walk in the park. That should be only when one has given the normal way an effort and still feels things aren’t normal. Meanwhile intercourse of course should not be forced when its painful, because that only produces more tension all around. Just spend time being together in a relaxed way, getting to know each other physically. Relax, and pray that God show you the way, then *let it go *and *trust Him *to make it happen, or tell you if there is cause for real concern.

And I do not like the lube idea - its too soon for a healthy young girl. God created us with our own lube, and for the vast vast majority of women in a relaxed and happy state with her husband that she loves and trust, this works perfectly fine. So give it time for the natural way to kick in, the way God designed it. No products. This is best. Why start out with a habit of using unnatural means when its far more likely that your body is in perfect working order? Goodness, its only been a week!
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I agree that a week is probably too soon to run to the doc, but three months? That’s a bit extreme. If they don’t figure it out in the next few days, I’d say at least a phone call is worth the trouble. They probably won’t get her in right away and she can always call back and say, “Never mind. We figured it out.” Also, I think you’re just straight up wrong about the lubricant. Many “healthy young women” don’t produce much naturally and many more it depends on where they are in their cycle. Lubricant is not an addictive substance. There’s nothing wrong or unnatural with using it when needed.
 
annie17on12 said:
Hello everyone. My husband and I were just married last weekend and we have tried to consummate our marriage but we keep running into things that prevent us from fully consummating our marriage.
I most recently “sucked it up” and dealt with the pain of intercourse but my husband was so upset/disturbed that I was in pain he stopped before it was complete. Neither one of us has orgasmed.
What are the church’s guidelines for martial sex and consummation? I am worried that since we have been unsuccessful we might be outside church teaching. Do we just need to drink more wine?

Also, if a couple does foreplay on Monday, is it moral to postpone sex for a few days if things keep happening to prevent the marital act?
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Nothing at all immoral in these circumstances! Take your time.
 
Della said:
You need to talk to your doctor about this. Don’t be embarrassed, that’s what doctors are for. This kind of problem does not automatically null your marriage. Talk to your priest for reassurance and guidance–again that’s what he’s there for–to help you resolve such issues.
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They were married a few days ago. There’s nothing to suggest medical intervention required at this point.
 
Rau said:
They were married a few days ago. There’s nothing to suggest medical intervention required at this point.
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Probably not, but it couldn’t hurt, no pun intended. I think every woman should have an OBGYN check-up before her wedding night, especially those who have never had sex, to forestall any problems and to receive counseling about sex–once again for those inexperienced. It may have helped the OP and helped set her mind at ease. Just saying it could help–not demanding that she go to her doctor just yet. 🙂
 
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