A good parent would not be so controlling. And it is sad that the OP’s parents are. However, I think that one day, the parents will have to face the fact that being overstrict has driven their kid away. Yet, it does not change the fact ‘Parent’s house parent’s rules’ and that is why I encourage the OP to find his own place and then his parents can deal with their loss
It’s generally much harder or impossible for younger people to get, especially if they haven’t paid in to the system.
Not sharing an address with the parents is regarded as a sign of maturity but it’s not worth spending tons of money to live somewhere odd, where you know nobody, with a roommate, in a lower standard of living, and especially with no perspective of upgrade, merely in order to avoid living in your parents’ house. Obviously as long as you aren’t being a burden to them and they’re willing to have you (as opposed to looking forward to having the house back to themselves or something like that). I made my decision not to pay 5 times the amount of admistrative fees/upkeep my mother pays merely in order to have a separate address, in no way permanent and in no way my own, somewhere where I don’t know anybody, commute at best is not worse, in a worse standard of living, and forfeiting either education or investment in my own business, which I was forced to start because I wanted to have a job. For the record, I do bring money in. And I’d rather have the money stay in the family than go to a stranger who makes an income on renting… for what? For a separate address to appear more adult? Bad bargain by any rational or economic terms.
I am perfectly willing to live with people’s reactions to it.I don’t know how real the economic crisis is in the States since I live in Europe and world economy isn’t really my hobby, but here the crisis is only really visible in people being laid off or not given raises or given unpaid overtime or recruitment being halted, or companies paying contractors late and peanuts. And that’s not true of every company either.
16,000 jobs in a country with what, 30 million officially unemployed, and probably another 10 who have been unable to find a job for so long they’re not on the rolls anymore? And another 140-150 million who are unable to work construction due to their physical limitations? Do you realize how absurdly tiny such a number is in the jobs market? Migrant workers alone are going to fill it up five times over, or more. Over a million jobs are created and lost every year, balancing out with slightly more creation than loss even in an excellent economy.
I see the logic in this post and I have to agree to a certain degree. For instance, I know working at a place such as a strip club or an abortion clinic can be a bad place to work for (I have worked for restaurants that served alcohol before and unfortunately the abortion clinic is still open in my hometown but I have absolutely nothing to do with that organization). However, I have lost my job (which I confess I failed to include in my original post) back in December and have been searching for work so its not like I’m just sitting at home playing minecraft all day (just using it as an example).
Some of them have sent me the friend request but they’ve never written to me. I wonder if they want me on the list just in case, or if they’re interested in my professional services (translation sector).
Yeah, I don’t want to discount people’s need for being a veritable head of household or feeling the liberating pressure of all the bills etc. being squarely on you and nobody else. But it ultimately isn’t objectively worth it, it’s just that if you really want that manifest independence (which isn’t actually perfectly real) it may be worth it to you, in which case go with it but consider the costs that you’re willing to pay (e.g. not get a degree or some other qualification on which to earn money in the future). Because I did not have to pay commercial rent or loan instalments, I was able to pull off a Ph.D. in one field and another advanced degree in another, while having the time to earn money from the sole-prop I was starting up. To me, that’s worth more than the independence of leaving to somewhere odd (or even worse, a couple of streets away) to live with a stranger as aroommate and actually having less freedom to do anything (due to landlord restrictions, roommate concerns) than back at my mother’s, forget living standard. Sure, mother would trump me if we were to have a difference of opinion. Landlord would trump me way harder, though, and there wouldn’t be talking about it. There’s a couple of things I need to put up. There’d be more with a roommate. This may be a cultural thing, though. I’m pretty sure the average American would value living apart from the parents more than the other concerns.
It has been one month since December of 2011, it’s not that long. Sometimes it takes several months to find a job. Back in December of 2008, I started a new job teaching actually one day before my last in the previous job (with a law firm). I added on another job (translating legal documents) since February 2009, while waiting for responses and interviews from law firms but it was the end of May 2009 that it became a stable affair. Theoretically, I have no gap in my resume but I know very well about few hours or few contracts. It took time before I was able to say I had a real job (June/July 2009, I guess). Don’t really expect to find a job overnight. It won’t happen. But if you give it time, you will find something. The more you want a job, the more you need to be prepared to accept poor pay, poor shifts and deal with anti-social bosses. But you can still keep looking.
Putting together resumes, writing cover letters, handling interviews. This shouldn’t be overestimated and there’s certainly no magic in it, but a lot can be learnt to give you an advantage. (Don’t overdo it, time spent in a relevant internship or with an NGO that operates in your field would probably pay off better.)I completely agree with this. I am always surprised when I read posts as those above, at how different American culture and family relationships are from most of the world. To me this insistence on complete independence at the moment people finish school/college sounds extreme.
These are good ideas. Internships are really a good way to go.Wanted to add a piece of advice but the time for editing had run out. I don’t know what field you have a college degree in but in fields that require degrees there tend to be internships available. Not your dream job but very educational and actually not as harsh as a rookie actual employee has it, and easier to get than actual employment. The pay isn’t great (they’re teaching you anyway, so that’s your primary benefit) and sometimes there’s no pay at all but the experience is (in)valuable. And it tends to look good on the resume, as well as adding up to fulfil experience requirements in job ads, not to mention you making acquaintances and networking in the process. I’ve known people who could piece together 1-2 years out of internships and they knew everybody in the business. That wasn’t exactly harming them (not even compared to people with a single 2-year term in an entry job with a single employer on their resume). If you can’t find a normal job or an internship, you can still sign up for some volunteer work with a non-government organisation (NGO). They don’t turn people away because they can’t. And they can still teach you something, and they look good on resumes, and they don’t expect you do be doing it forever. In my current line of business most rookies try to make a little of a name working for them at least in their spare time, in exchange for recommendations, letters of reference or experienced earned in performing the tasks (which actually tend to be more interesting than most stuff you do for paying companies). Most of all just avoid sitting home or roaming around and not being productive. Don’t develop bad habits, like passivity, laziness or disorganisation. Don’t give yourself the time to think how bad you have it or how unhappy you are. Stay active even if you won’t be paid for it. Don’t let it bring you down.
Also, you may want to read up on the art of getting a job.
Migrant workers are not going to fill up jobs on construction. It is worth the effort. You go where the money is. Been there done that as has thousands of others in the construction business.
Yes, like literally all. For example, from what I know about translation business in the US, a newbie translator spams like 100 addresses with his resume daily (perhaps 5 out of it will bring any return). That’s fishing for customers rather than employers but still. The market is smaller where I live but I remember hitting 20 daily and much of my week being devoted to preparing free samples for evalution.
Hard work is worth it, as is experience that comes from it but I doubt whether 80 hours a week leaves enough time for a normal human life outside of work (I already have doubts about 60 hours unless commute time is short). If you get to socialise at work, you eat meals with your jobmates or clients during a break and that’s fine with you, and also your work coincides with your hobbies, then you can be fine. But working from 8 a.m. to midnight, presuming you don’t work on Saturdays doesn’t even leave you with a healthy minimum of sleep (24 minus work minus commute minus unpaid meal time minus shower etc. will not leave 7-8 hours for sleep), let alone any time to unwind. What about spiritual development, what about spending time with family… there’s only so far you can go working 80 hours a week. If you keep doing that for years, you won’t have a life and you will damage your helf (physical and mental). I realised that early on and decided I wasn’t going to put in 80 hour weeks unless in isolated cases (I have worked 40 hours straight, for example, so it’s not like I don’t know hard work…). Also, in some jobs, being working for 10-12 hours straight can lead to disaster, let alone 16 hours (psych problems start happening and I’ve been there done that). Accountants, translators, lawyers, just can’t afford being permanently underslept and chronically tired. Mistakes are too costly. There’s recently been an estimation of how much US economy loses due to mistakes made by overworked workers (profit is not effectively maximised by making the same people work double time). I’ve seen myself what dumb mistakes brilliant people can make if they don’t get sleep. The effect it has on family life through the personality changes, burnout and whatever else it can lead to (including heightened aggression, sometimes paranoid fears or combative mode, loss of empathy etc.) is just too much.
Lots of people in the United States move to a different state in order to work at a good job. It’s very common. My husband graduated from college in Illinois, and we moved to North Carolina so that he could work at the Research Triangle Park.
OTOH, you work long hours when you are young and strong and unattached so that you won’t have to work those same long hours when you are older and have a family.
No it does not. if your parents are trying to control you that way, they will try to control you that way regardless of where you live.