Parent

[snowman10]

I was born to an Atheist father and Methodist mother. They divorced when I was 8 and we moved to PA, a mile from my Methodist grandparents, with my gram being anti-Catholic. My mom married a man about two years after we moved home, then she divorced him also, and we moved back near my grandparents, who helped raise me. For the past three or four years my mom has been dating a man. He is very nice but a very liberal Democrat who I disagree with on many of his views, he is Methodist too. She recently moved in with him before I left for college, citing her reason being she needs to pay for my college. She has always done alot for me but has always been very critical and somewhat…dense maybe a good word. Almost like a deer caught in the headlights sortof. She has always provided but is a huge hypocrite. The guy she is living with now has changed her in many ways. I mention this to tell this ongoing story.

I began dating a Catholic girl, which I objected to but now love Catholicism. Anyway, my mom has always been controlling. She objects anytime I goto my girlfriends house and is only happy when we do what she says. It is hurting my girlfriend and I so much. She is so immature in so many ways. She wont even tell me she loves me. I have talked to a counselor and others. Everyone, but my Gram, has said I am right. I just dont know what to do. Please help me.

DU

 

[DianJo]

Snowman10,
I feel for you, I can hear the hurt in your post. I know you love your mother and you don’t want to hurt her.

Does your mother dislike this girl because she is Catholic or does she just dislike her?

Either way, I would say that your Gram is right. Your mother is not thinking of what’s best for you. She sounds like she’s being very selfish as well as too confused about her own faith beliefs to be directing yours. She has obviously lost her own way, unfortunately.

I would say stick to your guns on this. Catholicism is the right way for you to go. Learn all you can, develop a devotion to the Rosary and pray for your mother. Maybe if she sees you living your Catholic faith, she’ll come around. Maybe you can show her the way. But, do not neglect your own life for her sake.

In Matthew 22: 34-40, Jesus talks about the greatest commandment. We are to love our neighbors as ourselves (this would include family, too). This includes love of others AND love of self because both are based on love of God. God would obviously call us to sometimes put others needs before our own if it meant the salvation of their soul but, no one is justified in putting his own soul into certain danger in order to save another because given human freedon (free will) we can never be absolutley sure what personal choice another person may make. This is also the situation in the parable where the wise virgins refuse to give oil to the foolish virgins (Mt 25: 1-13).

So do what you can to please your mother but do not put off your coming into the Church. It may be just something she’ll have to deal with. And don’t feel bad about it. If you have reached out to her to try to mend fences, then that’s all you can do. Be there for her if she needs you, never turn your back on her but you need to do what’s right for you where your faith is concerned. She’s a big girl now and YOU are a big boy, too! You make your decision and try to help your mother come to terms with it as best you can.

I wish you the best and I’ll put you and your girlfriend on my prayer list as well as your mother. God Bless!

 

[snowman10]

Actually, my Gram sides with her more. I can understand trying to work with my mom but maybe I should’ve mentioned this keeps happening. I am not giving up Catholicism or my girlfriend because my mom is controlling and is mean when she doesnt get her way. Am I obliged to do everything she wants even when I know she is wrong?

DU

 

[Tietjen]

snowman10:

Am I obliged to do everything she wants even when I know she is wrong?

No. I hope that she is not attempting to use her financial assistance, which is funding your education, as an advantage in getting her way. Be respectful always but don’t confuse respect with allowing yourself to be bullied.
God bless.

 

[LSK]

oh, honey…that is so difficult. You are to be commended for trying to live a life of goodness when you haven’t gotten a lot of examples of goodness…my father was a pretty immoral guy but I loved him. He was my dad, afterall, so I know how you feel.

You keep praying. Ask St Therese, the Little Flower, to join you in your prayers. She is big on conversion - and vowed to spend all her time in Heaven doing good on this earth! You are growing up and sometimes that means having to say to the adults who raised us “I love you but request that you respect me, as I would honor you”.

And believe me, I know that is scary!

 

[snowman10]

Im not saying I am not without fault with somethings but I just feel that I am being made to feel guilty for nothing. This weekend for example, I wanted to come home, for the third time in three weeks. She said it was silly and I said that I wanted to bring stuff home. She said she would not pick me up from school or drive me back. She usually gives my girlfriend and I a ride back on Sundays and her dad picks us up. Anywho, she said she didnt have time to take me and it is too expensive. So I asked her if all the running she had to do is run me to my girlfriends Saturday evening. She said no that she would not do that. She would however take me after church (methodist) on Sunday. That left my girlfriend and I two hours together. Not alot. However, it was ok for my girlfriends parents to pick us up and drive us back. Very unfair. So now becuase we couldnt agree on plans and in the end she TOLD me I could goto my girlfirends, I did. Now she wont talk to me or even tell me she loves me. While I was down towards my girlfriend I even spent the nite with my gram and visited my baby cousin. Still I am made to feel like I am wrong. Am I?

DU