Parental control app - Until what age is it appropriate?

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'Sokay! My parents controlled my bedtime through my high school years as well.

When I went off to undergrad, I ran my own schedule. I did well enough academically that I was able to get priority scheduling-- so it was a rare semester that I had to be in class before 9 or 9:30 AM! 😛

But when I hit the workforce, and had to be at my desk and functional by 8 am, which meant leave the house by 7 am, which meant get my breakfast and my morning routine taken care of before then---- that was when I came crashing down and realized I couldn’t keep my “student schedule” of wasting time on the internet until 1 am. 🙂 (I was very fond of trivia games in chatrooms!)

So now, I go to bed around 10:00. The other night, I went to bed at 9:00. And I was happy, because it was what I needed. I know that I’m prone to burning my candle at both ends if I don’t give myself structure… because there’s no one here to say, “Excuse me, but the forums will survive without your good advice if you go to bed at a sensible hour.” 😛

And my parents are the ones who are lucky to make it to bed before midnight… I try telling them what an awesome thing a 9:00-10:00 bedtime is, but nope, they’ve got to watch tv for a few hours, or play Minesweeper or Solitaire on the computer a bazillion more times…! 😛

So, one question would be— in what ways are you able to assert your independence/show maturity in your current state of life? Do you run your own laundry? Do you have a part-time job after school or during the summers? Do you have a healthy volunteer life giving your time to others? Do you take on responsibilities like mowing the grass or driving your younger siblings to their extracurriculars?

It’s all fine and well to say, “I’ve reached an arbitrary age, and I think I should be allowed to (stay out all night) (date whoever I want) (have an unmonitored data plan) (whatever form of independence is being discussed)!” But it’s a far more powerful argument when you start taking on adult responsibilities, because then people are more likely to treat you like an adult in other areas of your life as well. But if you just consume resources— and that’s not a bad thing; that’s what parents do with their kids for 18+ years! --then you’ll still be mentally filed away in that “child” category.
 
Strict parents can be a PITA, I know. But just know they are doing it because they care about you and want to protect you. Also, this is likely causing you to develop more interests off line and not be as dependent on your device as some are.

Unfortunately, as long as you’re living in their house and they are paying for your phone, they make the rules. Perhaps this will also inspire you to move out and become self-sufficient faster when you reach adult age.

I experienced this in other areas of my life when I was young and I was also a “good kid”. In hindsight, I think Mom was right about a number of things, and the few things I still think she was too strict on, I could overlook. I was independent by age 21, paid my own bills, had my own apartment and did what I wanted.
 
midori said:
Also, it helps to remember-- your parents remember a time when there was no internet. 🙂
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I was just explaining this to my 16 year old son, as I was checking out the texts on his phone. “Back in my day…” Seriously though, when I was a teenager the phone was attached to a wall in the living room. There was very little privacy involved in my end of the conversation. There was and extension in my parents bedroom, and I was occasionally able to have a private conversation then, but anybody could walk in. We weren’t allowed to have televisions in our bedrooms, so our parents could easily monitor how much time we were spending on the phone and watching TV. It is so hard, as a parent, to do that with our kids now.
 
I remember sitting in a room with my friends, watching their kids play, sometime around 1998-1999. And one of my friends looks at the little baby playing on the floor and said, “Do you realize, everyone who’s being born nowadays— none of these kids will know what it’s like to live without the internet?”

That’s always stuck in my head. 🙂

I rent houses. Sometimes, I look at some of my applicants and think, “I have email accounts that are older than you!” 😛 Heck, even my eBay account will be old enough to gamble and drink next year! 😛
 
I did not have my own phone, but I was allowed to use the family phone and either take it out on the back steps or use it in my parents’ room when they weren’t in there, so I had a little privacy. But when a parent of either of us on the phone wanted to use the phone, they would yell and make us hang up 🙂 In high school I’d be on that phone like 3 hours a night, easily. I have wonderful memories of wasting time on that phone. It was pretty much my whole social life as I had no car and wasn’t allowed to go much of anywhere anyway.

I always laugh at that scene in “Bye Bye Birdie” where Ann Margret is trying to tell her girlfriend all about how she got pinned to her boyfriend on the school bus and Ann Margret’s mom is telling her to hang up so she can use the phone.
 
It also may be a good idea to think of it like an employer as well. In many jobs your access to the internet is monitored and restricted. In that case it is less the idea that your parents are not giving you all this freedom you see others having but rather doing the same things most people do.
Also to remind us all while at work, or at Target using their wifi, people can block you from seeing sites and its worth it to remember someone can see all the info as well. Someone asked my wife the other day if she was on snapchat. We laughed and laughed about that for hours…
 
Woah. I totally forgot about the time I worked in data entry. Pretty much the entire internet was off-limits, because they didn’t want you checking e-mail on company time. It was sooooo difficult, especially because it was before you could start browsing/emailing on most phones.

Then there was the time I worked for a City. It was also restricted, but at least I could check my personal email and keep track of eBay. 😛 I remember that IT tried to lock things down even more at one point, but when I pointed out to the City Manager’s secretary that IT had cut off access to her favorite desktop wallpaper website, those extra restrictions magically got lifted for our department… 🙂

I know there are a number of stores I go to that deliberately interfere with data signals while you’re inside the premises. I don’t know if it’s for the customers (don’t comparison-shop in the store, plz!) or if it’s for their employees (get off your phone and go help someone). But if I want to access a coupon, or check a price, I have to do it from outside the building.

But, yeah. Especially for unskilled/low-skilled work, employers can be way more draconian in what they do/do not allow their employees to do, not just on company time, but also while just being on the premises. (ie, things don’t magically become accessible because it’s your lunch break.)
 
Agree.

Someone on Catholic Answers LIVE! once said “your kids may not be looking for porn, but, porn is looking for your kids”. Average age of first exposure to hardcore pornography is now age 11. Your parents want to keep that mental sewage out of your mind for as long as they can.

Every day we see another alert of a teen who has gone missing and they find they had a “secret internet romance” going on with someone who turned out to be dangerous.

Thank you parents. They care.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Someone on Catholic Answers LIVE! once said “your kids may not be looking for porn, but, porn is looking for your kids”.
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Its all done by algorithms on the computer- the programmers in the Silicon Valley have profiles of their users at Facebook or google, and make educated guesses at what the people want to buy based on their browsing history and posts.
 
Until you are responsible enough to earn your own money, buy your own device, subscribe to your own Internet, and guard your own eyes, conscience, and activities.

You are 16 and are still accountable to your parents. This is a day and age where there’s so much talk of rights, rights, rights, but very little about responsibilities and authority. Your responsibility right now is to submit to your parents’ rightful authority even if you perceive them as “strict”, because the earlier you realize that you still do not know everything, and that they might just have a little more years experience than you, the better it would be for you.

They also realize that because they are responsible for you, they are also accountable to you. If they gave you too long a leash, and in your immaturity (you are 16, not even 18 these days qualifies as “mature”) you make a horrid mistake due to their negligence, it will be their fault. They will not have that on their conscience.

And you may not realize this, but they are also preparing you for the real world.

And finally, when you become a parent yourself, you will find yourself wanting the exact same thing.
 
The flip side of this, I’ve found, is that encyclopedia probably hasn’t been updated in a decade because it’s online now. By the time I hit college only typed reports were acceptable - nowadays a lot of times they can’t even be submitted by paper, you have to upload them into a special online system. I know when I had to do research, the only options in most cases were online and you were expected to be able to be connected to the internet in order to do it. Even if you went to the library, they’d just tell you to get into their online system because there’s no paper copies anymore.

@Chloe002, one thing you could do is ask some of your teachers how much of your homework they’re expecting you to do on the computer and how much time they think you’d need to be on the computer to get it done. If it’s close to or more than the screen time you’re given, that could be an argument to present to your parents that you’re being expected to use the computer to do your schoolwork, whereas it sounds like they’re considering it as primarily a toy. (Looking up what you’ll be expected to do in college might also be helpful - I know of many institutions now where writing a college paper is just expected to be a 100% on the computer process.)

As an aside, I do think a part time job might be a good option - get you both a little spending money for the future, and a little sphere of being an adult.
 
It sounds like you’re already addicted to your phone. One hour each day and two and a half on the weekends are not enough? Yikes!

Just be glad you’re not my child… they have dinosaur phones that won’t even support an app. It makes calls and accepts texts, period. The texts are not unlimited, so they have to pay for any of those they use outside of the family. That is what they will have until they move out and pay for their own phone.

Phones are morally dangerous places and certainly near occasions of sin, even when the user is not intending to use them as such. I am going to be held accountable to God if they get in trouble using these devices. I am going to be held accountable if they develop a life-long addiction in my house. I am going to be accountable if they lose their souls.

I do believe in giving my children more and more freedoms as they grow. My two oldest are getting ready to board a plane on their own tomorrow. They asked if they could make this trip, and we consented. Think on that. I won’t let them have a smart phone, but I will allow them to make a trip by themselves. But they also behave like adults. They pull a heavy load in the house. One made supper last night. They are involved with the family, particularly the younger kids.

But still, the phone situation will stand as is. Your parents know the dangers, and I applaud them for standing their ground. Some day, when you have kids, you’ll understand, I promise you that.
 
JHFamily said:
It sounds like you’re already addicted to your phone. One hour each day and two and a half on the weekends are not enough? Yikes!
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I think that was including computer time as well. If she’s being expected to do homework on the computer that could get eaten up extremely quickly.
 
Maybe so… my time limit for the kids on the computer is exclusive of homework.
 
Yes, she mentioned that she was often having to ask for more time because the time was up and she wasn’t finished with her homework.

Hence why I recommended talking to a teacher - the parents may not realize how much of schoolwork simply presumes computer access now.
 
I think it is necessary a least until 18 years old or until you earn your money and live by yourself. Their house, their rules. You are young and it’s very possible that you don’t understand now but your parents love you and they are just protecting you.
 
Of course I cannot and will not encourage to disobey her parents.

But I will say this… if my parents had restricted my screen time and internet access when I was the OP’s age, a decade and a half ago, I may never have become Catholic. Back in the early 2000s, it was “rebellious” late night exploration of sites such as CAF that brought me home to the Church. My parents were initially horrified and made me wait until I was 18 to convert, but at least my screen time, and thus self-catechesis, wasn’t restricted.
 
My CAF account is old enough to get a learner’s permit in some jurisdictions ;).
 
phil19034 said:
We lock our doors not because we are afraid of our kids from leaving the house, but because we are afraid of bad people coming in.
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Lots of excellent comments here. I wish I had been stricter with my daughter, whose choices since she was 17 have been very poor, much as I love her.
My best friend’s daughter got involved with a guy on the internet, who talked her into running away with him. They ended up married some years later, but meanwhile my friend was heart broken. It could have ended very badly.

I suggest that you appreciate your parents’ concern for you and don’t try to get more phone time. We spend too much time online as it is.
 
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