Parenting and Culture

[Ioana]

Hi, I don’t have any kids myself and am quite young but I’ve started to look at my own family and other families and realized that what I thought was “normal” isn’t normal to everybody. I’ve gotten this impression (and a hypothesis that I was looking to confirm or prove to be false) that most cultures are actually pretty rough and by Anglo-American standards downright mean to their kids (I’m not criticizing my own family if anything my Dad is super liberal). I’ve gotten the privilege of having some interaction with a fairly international environment and naturally, everybody has their inside jokes and the thing that people joke quite a bit about seems to be family and how “weird” their families are. It becomes clear soon enough that what they describe as “weird” is pretty much the same all the way from South America to South-East China but it is only “weird” when compared to countries like the USA. What do I mean? Well everybody talks about cold unemotional Dads, mothers that micro-manage anything, guilt-tripping for basically everything they do, family members arguing in front of them, parents gossiping about each other/another family member in front of their kids, fathers never helping mothers with housework/being downright disrespectful to their wives, etc. Maybe I’m just presenting a particularly bleak impression but if what I am observing is correct then most people had what we’d call dysfunctional families for most of history and I just think sugarcoating it is hard. I’m not sure if I’m simply seeing the empty half of the glass though.

This gets me to my question; out of curiosity (if this is not too personal) how would you describe your family? How would you say this relates to your cultural background? If you are from a non-American background but grew up in the USA how did you feel the difference in your family relationships? If you aren’t from the USA at all how was your family? Even more interesting; if you are not from the USA or from a European country; how would you describe your family when you were growing up? What did you like? What did you dislike? How did this affect the way you yourself approach your own family life/ children or lack thereof? Thanks

 

[1Lord1Faith]

When I was growing up my family didn’t do those things. They didn’t act like that. But as I got into high school and was around other families more, I noticed that kind of thing in a few families. So it’s here in US to some extent also. I married into a family that’s kind of like that, and yeah it’s different, it’s not something that I want in my home though.

 

[Allegra]

My parents were divorced, so my mother raised me primarily. She was not very strict on any point, but she was very critical on the points that were important to her. She was very easy to “wait out” though. She rarely followed through on consequences but did a lot of “telling off” punctuated by occasional smacking, spanking, etc. We could do no wrong in our father’s eyes.
The things my mother valued were appearance, household skills, respect for adults (respect, but not necessarily obedience), and what she considered “street smarts”. She did not value education exactly, though she loves reading and history, herself. She did not value religion.

 

[Ioana]

Yeah sors Monicad, I know I’m a bit broad. I was just wondering what stood out to people, how they compared themselves to other families and how they took those lessons into adulthood. Is it anything Catholic specific? Not really (therefore sorry if this is in the wrong section). Everything is faith specific to some extent though. The reason why I was musing about this topic (as broad as it is) is in part to do with how I’d raise my children and what I should do/avoid so that if I’ll become a Mom I’ll be the best Mom I could possibly be. If you understand children you can communicate with them better and persuade them to do things that would be good for them, including things like stay Catholic.

 

[TheLittleLady]

My family on both sides are practicing Christians. People who lived their faith, who encourage and pray for each other. I’m a 5th or 6th generation American. They were Catholic in Ireland, then became Protestant (with heavy Masonic influence) by my great grandfather.

 

[QwertyGirl]

Growing up, my family was great. Lots of kids and two parents who did their best. Lost of laughing and carrying on. We are all pretty blunt people. It makes for a good time. Good times.

As good as it was, it was chaotic as heck. Too much for me on most occassions. I grew up and I kept my family small because I didn’t want to repeat it.