Parenting Question: What Do You Call Your Spouse's Parents?

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Beau_Ouiville

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The commentators say, in a pinch, wait until you have kids and call your in-laws what your kids call them. Unfortunately, I was spared most of this because I was married one August and buried my mother-in-law that November. My father-in-law? I just didn’t call him at all, but I guess I could have used his first name.

It was a lot easier with my aunts and uncles. When I turned 50 I told all of them that I would call them by thier first names because it is silly having a 50 year old nephew. They took the change well.

So, short of asking them, how did you determine how to refer to your spouse’s parents?
 
In the words of Laura Petri (Mary Tyler Moore) in the old Dck Van Dke Show (astericks due to the quirks of security designed to factor out rude or obscene words 😉 ) – "Hi, there, ‘both of you.’ " I called my former in-laws “both of you” for several decades, actually . . . :o
 
I was an “asker.” It wasn’t a conversation I looked forward to, because it’s just an awkward thing to ask, but it alleviated a lot of future awkwardness.

My husband had already been calling my folks by their first names for years, but I was pleased to learn that my in-laws wanted me to call them “Mom” and “Dad” because they have always been like second parents to me.

*Stella
 
I call them by their first names. In my husbands case neither my parents nor my husband have figured out what they want to be called even after 18 years of marrige, so he side steps around it and doesn’t really call them anything.
 
I call them by their first names, too. My MIL suggested that I call her “Mom,” as well as my own mother, but it just didn’t feel right to me.
 
I refused to call them grammy & grampy as my kids did. I called them by their first names as DH did my parents.

I had always hated that everyone, even the two unmarried daughters who lived with her, called my grandmother ‘grandma’. I’d hate to have my 3 kids call me that. I always thought that grandma must have longed to hear ‘mom’ again. Then again, she lived til the age of 94 and had buried all her contemporaries so she probably just longed to hear her own name once in a while.
 
Only have a MIL that I have alwasy referred to by her first name.
 
IrishAm said:
In the words of Laura Petri (Mary Tyler Moore) in the old Dck Van Dke Show (astericks due to the quirks of security designed to factor out rude or obscene words 😉 ) – "Hi, there, ‘both of you.’ " I called my former in-laws “both of you” for several decades, actually . . . :o
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:rotfl:
 
i call them by their first names, though my husband calls my mother “mom” but called my dad (divorced from my mother) before he died by his first name.

my daughter in law calls husband and me by our first names.
 
In my touch-feely neighborhood my Lamaze class for my first kid has stuck together for reunions for the last 25 years! The kids whose development I discussed before they were born call me by my first name. My father would not have played that.

It takes all kinds, I guess.
 
Beau_Ouiville said:
In my touch-feely neighborhood my Lamaze class for my first kid has stuck together for reunions for the last 25 years! The kids whose development I discussed before they were born call me by my first name. My father would not have played that.

It takes all kinds, I guess.
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It’s funny. As a 24 year old still fairly-newlywed on a military base the kid down the street, a teenager about 14 or 15 asked what our names were. We told him and said “You can call us by our first names.” He wouldn’t, saying his parents would allow him to do that. I hated that, it made me feel positively decrepit to be called Mrs M by someone less than 10 years older than me.

Fast forward 25 years and our friends’ children all call us Mr & Mrs M and now it’s OK, we are decrepit. 😃 One couple has children 7 & 10. Then they go and have a set of twin girls and we become godparents to one. A year later the now 8 & 11 year olds still call us Mr & Mrs M but their sisters call us by our first names because that’s how we’ve always named ourselves to them: “Come see Phemie. Come see Mikey.”
 
Phemie said:
It’s funny. As a 24 year old still fairly-newlywed on a military base the kid down the street, a teenager about 14 or 15 asked what our names were. We told him and said “You can call us by our first names.” He wouldn’t, saying his parents would allow him to do that. I hated that, it made me feel positively decrepit to be called Mrs M by someone less than 10 years older than me.

Fast forward 25 years and our friends’ children all call us Mr & Mrs M and now it’s OK, we are decrepit. 😃 One couple has children 7 & 10. Then they go and have a set of twin girls and we become godparents to one. A year later the now 8 & 11 year olds still call us Mr & Mrs M but their sisters call us by our first names because that’s how we’ve always named ourselves to them: “Come see Phemie. Come see Mikey.”
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I have three grown nieces who just about always called me by my first name. But they would not do that with my brother, who was only 2 years my elder.

Go figure.
 
I do think the best way to handle this is to ask them.

Before I got married, they were Mr. and Mrs. XYZ. My husband’s brother-in-law (his sister’s husband) calls them by their first names, so I was surprised to find out that they actually prefer Mom and Dad (and this is what they called their spouse’s parents).

At first, it does feel very strange and awkward to call them Mom and Dad, but it gets less strange the more you do it.
 
By their first names.

My DH called my mom “Ma” once, and it sounded really odd.

So first names it is!

My nieces and nephew call us by our first names as well.
 
My husband always called my mom and dad by mom and pops. On the other hand I never resolved it with my husband’s parents and never used a tittle at all. Now my MIL is gone (and my parents too) and there is only my FIL. I supposed if pressed I would call him by his first name… Than again my parents were old enough to be THEIR parents as they were only slightly older than my oldest sibling…
 
First names, when they are speaking to us. 🤷

My husband also uses first names for my parents.

It was Mr and Mrs until the ring was on my finger.

Our nieces and nephews call us Aunt and Uncle, and I still call mine Aunt and Uncle.

Family friends are either Mr and Mrs last name or if they are close, Mr first name and Miss first name.
 
LOL… 8 years into our marriage and I still try to avoid calling her by name! :o

Now, I ADORE my MIL, but she’s snooty in this department and I’m sure would prefer to be called Mrs. Hxxxxx. :rolleyes:… but I grew up with a more relaxed standard, and my parents *initiated *the conversation with my husband by just saying “Hey, call me Jim!” 😃 So I’m stuck in that uncomfortable spot because MIL isn’t forward and relaxed like that. 😊
We joke around a little and call each other “The *OTHER *Mrs. H”. I’ve slowly started calling her by her first name over time - here and there - randomly - and so I think eventually we’ll get there… hopefully. I just wish she’d initiate like my parents did and not make me so worried about it, LOL!
 
Oh My Gosh…for those of you who do not know what to call your spouse’s parents (or try to avoid calling them anything in particular), what do you do when you are spending time with them and you need to get their attention? Do you say, “hey you over there”? LOL
 
baylee said:
Oh My Gosh…for those of you who do not know what to call your spouse’s parents (or try to avoid calling them anything in particular), what do you do when you are spending time with them and you need to get their attention? Do you say, “hey you over there”? LOL
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I wait until I have her attention, look her in the eyes and ask my question… “Do YOU want any more tea?” “How was YOUR day?” or “Hey, how’s it going?” 😛

Pronouns are your FRIEND! 😃
 
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