Parenting with an Alcoholic

[PartoftheBody]

I was wondering if any of you had any advice or wisdom to share about how to raise a good Catholic son with an alcoholic husband.
I’ve been working on myself to be the best mom I can be. I go to Al-anon and try to be assertive with my husband. Still, I worry that the behaviors that go along with my husband’s illness (especially high expectations, criticism, lying, and blame) are going to negatively affect my 3-year-old son as he gets older, or even that he will think those behaviors are normal or acceptable because he sees daddy do it.
I know I can’t control my husband’s behavior, only mine. What can I do?

 

[Kei]

Is he working on it? Trying to be better?

 

[PartoftheBody]

Sort of. He has started going to therapy and there has been some modest improvement in his angry outbursts. He is in denial about the drinking, and his drinking has not changed at all.

 

[Kei]

Hm. I’d reccomend trying to get help, but continuing in it.
It may be that he needs to stop drinking altogether if that is what a group therapy or anything of the sort suggests. He should also stop taking the Eucharist under the accident of wine.

Please do support him in trying to get help. He seems somewhat open to it, and that is a good thing.

 

[PJH_74]

Sort of. He has started going to therapy and there has been some modest improvement in his angry outbursts. He is in denial about the drinking, and his drinking has not changed at all.

It sounds like you are going in the right direction, but I can only imagine how tiring and frustrating it is to deal with someone in this state. The best thing I can say is maintain boundaries. Set lines and clear consequences. If you do X I will do X. You my also want a contingency plan with a family or friend if one of your consequences is I’m leaving the house. Is this drinking a new thing or has something resulted in causing it?

 

[Laura_N]

As long as your husband is an active alcoholic you’re pretty much single parenting. And your concerns on how it will effect your son are very valid. Al-anon is great for working on yourself, but I also recommend the book “Getting Your Loved One Sober” and checking out the Smart Recovery website, they have a section for spouses of addicts. My husband is now 8 months sober, and I never would have thought a year ago that we’d be where we are today, so don’t give up

As far your son goes, you know better what to do for him than anyone else. Just always pray for the strength to do whatever it is you need to do.

 

[Horton]

Along with this, always tell your son the truth, as his age allows. Your son will learn who is sober daddy and who is drunk daddy. Don’t try to hide what is going on from your son. Unfortunately you will be the only parent he will be able to rely on until or if your husband stops drinking and is in an active recovery program.

Keep praying.