Parents against me attending Mass

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anneramones

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My parents are against me attending Mass, with my mother voicing her opinion more than my dad. I don’t know what to do, I live with them and they want to know where I am going , with whom and to do what when I leave the house, so either I do not attend Mass or I lie to them and tell them I’m going out with friend X instead. I’m 21, I know I’m an adult and I have to chose God but I also live with my parents and going to mass, praying openly and doing religious things causes problems. I will probably not be able to go to Mass today because of this. What will be God’s judgement on me? Will He consider me a coward for not fight with my parents and go to church anyway? ( which I have done in the past but it didn’t lead to good anyway.) I am considering following Mass from home, I have already found a channel from where I can watch today’s morning mass, is it acceptable? I have read that following Mass from home is not the same as attending Mass personally and I understand why but for today it looks like the better solution… please pray for my parents to be more open to the faith, I feel bad about this situation.
 
If you are not Catholic, you have no obligation to attend Mass. (If you are Catholic, I can’t imagine your parents’ objection.) Everyone has an obligation to honor their father and mother, especially when you’re under their roof.
 
God doesn’t expect the impossible. If you are dependent upon your parents, then you have to take their house rules into consideration.

At 21 I hope you are near a point where you can move out on your own.

I would encourage you to make an appointment to speak to your priest about your situation, by phone if necessary.
 
I am Catholic and all my family is nominally Catholic but my brother and parents are not practicing. My mother firmly believes that attending Mass every Sunday is just bigotry.
 
Bigotry? That doesn’t make sense to me.

Nonetheless, if you’re loving with them and dependent upon them, you are obliged to their rules. Perhaps you will find an opportunity to consult a priest about this without causing distress among your family.
 
Are we still required to obey our parents, even if they command us to sin?

OP, my Cathoic parents have also told me not to attend mass. But I do not live with them so I did not comply.
 
Thank you for your words, sadly I’m not at a point where I can move out at all, in my country things are way different than America and even other European states, we ( young adults) are less indipendent than other young people in other countries, we live with our parents while studying ( my case) and until we get jobs, in many cases even after. The only people my age that don’t live with their parents are the ones that went study in other cities far from their hometown. I study in my hometown and like everyone of my friends that studies in hometown we all live at home with our parents. I hope I explained the situation a bit.
 
anneramones said:
My parents are against me attending Mass, with my mother voicing her opinion more than my dad. I don’t know what to do, I live with them and they want to know where I am going , with whom and to do what when I leave the house, so either I do not attend Mass or I lie to them and tell them I’m going out with friend X instead. I’m 21, I know I’m an adult and I have to chose God but I also live with my parents and going to mass, praying openly and doing religious things causes problems. I will probably not be able to go to Mass today because of this. What will be God’s judgement on me? Will He consider me a coward for not fight with my parents and go to church anyway? ( which I have done in the past but it didn’t lead to good anyway.) I am considering following Mass from home, I have already found a channel from where I can watch today’s morning mass, is it acceptable? I have read that following Mass from home is not the same as attending Mass personally and I understand why but for today it looks like the better solution… please pray for my parents to be more open to the faith, I feel bad about this situation.
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Two things:

It appears to me like your parents are very over-controlling and would also object to watching Mass on TV.

If you go to Mass with a friend, you are technically not lying.
 
Of course they will never know I watch Mass on my computer.
No, this was not what I meant, I don’t have any friend to go to mass with today but I usually hang out with a friend of mine a lot so I asked her to go out after Mass but she can’t go out today( I invited her to come with me at Mass more than once if I remember correctly but she says she is bored, she believes but doesn’t practice)
 
anneramones said:
Of course they will never know I watch Mass on my computer.
No, this was not what I meant, I don’t have any friend to go to mass with today but I usually hang out with a friend of mine a lot so I asked her to go out after Mass but she can’t go out today( I invited her to come with me at Mass more than once if I remember correctly but she says she is bored, she believes but doesn’t practice)
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Here’s another thought: are there other young people at Mass? Perhaps there is a young man that catches your eye (I assume you are a woman, based on your user name). Maybe that could make your parents see that it is healthy for you (at least socially) to attend Mass? (I know the purpose of Mass is not social, but right now the main battle is just to clear the way so you can attend).
 
Honestly, I would just go ahead and go to Mass. Your parents seem really controlling if they have such a problem with you spending one hour of the week engaging in something not at all illegal or risky behavior.

Heck, I wouldn’t even tell them where I was going. I’d just say something like, “I just need to get out of the house for a bit.”
 
If your mother “firmly believes that attending Mass every Sunday is just bigotry”, then she is no longer “nominally Catholic” regardless of how she might describe herself. (I’m interested in how that is “just bigotry”, but I get the feeling that’s a topic for another thread.) Is her opposition the reason your brother and your father don’t practice the faith?

I think the best option at this time is something no one else has mentioned: prayer and fasting. Commit to a Rosary per day, and practice a bread and water fast on Wednesdays and Fridays, with the intention of your mother’s reversion to the Faith. Keep in mind if you commit to these things you will come under greater spiritual attack: a hesitancy on prayer, not just the Rosary; “forgetting” to pray until it’s very late and you want to go to bed, etc. The fasting will take some practice, and it may be some time before you’re able to make it a whole day on just bread and water. (I have to be particularly careful as I am a type 2 diabetic.) In addition, check one of the “Lives of the Saints” books – you’ll find far, far too many saints where their families opposed the future saint’s devotion to God and the Church.

Include in your intentions that G_D grant you the means and ability to move out, as well as the faith and patience to wait until that time arrives.

It may take years to effect your mother’s reversion (and hopefully not THAT long before you are able to freely practice your faith). Know and believe that the JOYFUL effort will result in your mother’s return, even if only on her deathbed, and that it will serve you well in the life to come in all those you unknowingly helped along your way by your prayers and example.

Check out two prayers that have helped me immensely recently: the Litany of Trust, and The Surrender Novena. Google their names and you can find them online.
 
A lot of posters have given you good advice on how to cope.

Concentrate on doing well in your studies, pray and ask God for opportunities to be able to move out and be more independent.
 
In the meantime, you can follow the daily readings of the Mass on line and make a spirit communion. Do a morning offering of your trials and struggles, united with Christ on the cross, for the conversion of sinners. You can still be a force for good in this world. God bless.
 
Apologies. I completed my reply before reading your response. I understand better now that I know that you’re in Italy, and yes, I can see how your situation is VERY unlike a typical American situation. (There’s a joke here: one of the proofs that Jesus was Italian is that he lived with his mother until he was 30.)

(To the Americans on this board, I once read a textbook published by the University of Iowa for its international students to help them adapt to American life. Little things like, yes, you DO need to stop at the stoplights even if no one else is watching; no, it is NOT intended as an insult to your manhood to do so.

One of the stories used to emphasize the differences was an American woman who was living in Indonesia who took courses at an American university there. The textbooks, of course, were all published in the US. She and her classmates all did fine on all the other classes such as chemistry and biology, but she, as the only American in the class, was the only person to pass the course in psychology. That’s because the course was very culture-centric: whereas we are very independence-minded and promote moving away from your parents as soon as possible as an adult; in Indonesia respect for your elders is emphasized and living with – and learning from – your parents and grandparents is considered healthy. The coursework, being American, emphasized separating from your parents ASAP as an adult and thus all the Indonesian students couldn’t wrap their heads around this alien – and obviously insane – worldview.)

My advice about prayer still stands, though. And if possible, see if you can attend mass on the weekday, in between classes. (One of the “things” about living in a secular society such as America is that most public universities have some sort of Catholic student center very close to the campus, which will offer daily masses based around class schedules.)
 
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Thank you so much for your advice, I’m going to search for the prayers you talked about. Regarding the bigotry thing, the main fact is that my mother, just like the majority of Italians, didn’t do good catechism and she hasn’t read the Bible. I think this is a big issue here in Italy because I have seen it with my parents, with myself ( we learned nothing at that one hour per week we did catechism) and my younger cousins. People are really uneducated about the faith and this is why most of them leave it when they reach high school at best. Also First Communion and Confirmation have become more cultural/ social events than religious.
 
Since you’re 21 I would go to Mass against your parent’s wishes and be as respectful and kind about it as possible, and then face whatever consequences there might be, even if it might mean looking for a new place.

Objectively, they do not have moral authority to prohibit you from public worship.

Peace.
 
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