Parents and Boyfriend

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Trinity29

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I have a very guility scret that I kept from my parents. I brok up once with my b/f and they said I could not go back out with him. The time without him was awful!! We fixed our prolbems and now we have been going out for 14 months and are enjoying every seconde toghter. My parents cant stand him! I have tryed everything. Am I wrong to go out with him without there permission? I would not give him up for the world.
 
Trinity–If you are under 18 or if you are taking financial support from your parents (living in their home, going to college with their support), then you are being deceptive and you are very wrong. You told them that you had broken up with him and that’s what they believe. For them to continue believing that when the reality is different, is in effect lying to them.

If you are an adult (that is, living on your own and financially independent), you are still in effect lying to them but the situation would be somewhat different.

But something tells me that you are a teenager and that you live with your parents. If that is the case, you need to examine your conscience and develop a more honest relationship with your parents. If your parents don’t like your boyfriend and you can’t tell them that you are still seeing him, then you are lying to yourself about him too. This sounds like a very grave situation and I think you know it too. Please, please talk to a priest or a guidance counselor.
 
Yes I am a teenager but my heart is very attached to him! He is not only by boyfriend but my best friend too. I just dont want to lose a great relationship!
 
Also may I ask how I am lieing to myself? Not being with him and beliveing in my heart would by lieing to my self! thxs for the advice
 
Trinity, you are lying to and deceiving your parents. You are underage. Your parents are your legal, spiritual, and moral guardians. You are wrong. I think you know it. You need to do what is right. And you know that too. From the time that my now teenage daughter was in kindergarten, I have told her never to do anything that she would be embarassed about if it were publically known. Would you hold your head up high if every person you know learned about your deceiving your parents in this way?
 
Every one at my school does knows and doesnt say anything to my parents because they now how hard it is for us. I know that I may be too young to understand things. But the emition I feel when I have this great friend that I can trust with anything is something I dont want to give up.
 
You are lying to yourself because you are unwilling to recognize the reasons why your parents don’t like this guy and don’t want you dating him.
 
I know exactly why they dont want me too, I have even asked!
  1. They didnt like his parents that good.
  2. They didnt like his personality.
I dont think they really gave him a chance. Our main issue is that our famlies dont like each other.
 
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Trinity29:
Every one at my school does knows and doesnt say anything to my parents because they now how hard it is for us. I know that I may be too young to understand things. But the emition I feel when I have this great friend that I can trust with anything is something I dont want to give up.
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Just because you don’t want to give him up, doesn’t make it right. Trinity, you are heading off in a bad direction. Deceiving your parents is always wrong and even more so, when it is about a guy that they don’t approve of. This is a very bad and dangerous situation. You are too young to be dating this guy and you are wrong to be deceiving your parents.
 
I see that you must be married too, I know I am young to understand this kind of stuff but you must feel a very speical bond with you husband. I know I can’t yet compare too this but this bond I feel with him is something so beautiful , that it killes me inside if I lost it. I tryed telling that to my parents but they didnt care.
 
Yes I understand that it could lead me in an awful direction but ehat are the problems that it would bring up? We both understand no sex before marriage thing cause we both are Cathloics.
 
Also I took a whole summer to get to know him as a friend befor I even considered being his girlfriend, it is not like I rushed into this whole thing without thinking. The month that we weren’t toghter was the wrost month of my life becuase I was losing someone so speical. I feel like I have to chose between the people i love the most. You may say that I dont understand love yet but I have had experiences that would would make my thinking more mature because I had to grow up with certain experiences.
 
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Trinity29:
I see that you must be married too, I know I am young to understand this kind of stuff but you must feel a very speical bond with you husband. I know I can’t yet compare too this but this bond I feel with him is something so beautiful , that it killes me inside if I lost it. I tryed telling that to my parents but they didnt care.
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Real love, true love, mature love is not what you are feeling. And any other kind of love is not good love. It is not the kind of love that God wants for us. What you are experiencing is young, immature, and very dangerous love. It is based on deception and lies. It can not be good. God does not want you to be deceiving your parents. Love based on deception is always wrong and always doomed to fail. Please live your life so that you will not make big mistakes that you will regret for the rest of your life. Continuing to “love” this guy and deceive your parents is wrong. Nothing good can come from it. Please recognize that and do the right thing. Do what God calls you to do.
 
I understand what you are saying completely. It just hurts me that my parents didnt listen to me when I tryed to explain this to them. They were just like forget it. But how can you get rid of these feelings for a person?
 
Also my love is not based on lies. My boyfriend has never ever lied to me. But I could see were you are saying that my love for my parents is based on lies right now. But please dont say that this friendship I have i based on a lie.
 
Yes, as a teenager, you are obligated to obey your parents, as well as not to lie to them. If you haven’t already, try to have a calm conversation with them, where you ask them to explain clearly why they don’t like him. I find that the best way to do this calmly is to let them explain, and not to argue the points or try to convince them my point of view. You can save that for another conversation, but just listen to them and use this to see where they’re coming from. Pray about it and consider their viewpoint - often parents have a perspective that allows them to see the situation more clearly than you might. That’s not just because you’re young either. Often, people (of any age) in the middle of a situation have a harder time seeing things clearly than an outsider looking in, you know?

But suppose they are wrong about your boyfriend. You are still obligated to obey them. This is a big sacrifice to make, but one that will help shape your character and will be ultimately good for you. Ask your parents if they will allow you to socialize with him in situations where they are present. If you really do have a good friendship with him, you will be able to maintain the friendship - that may be more valuable than having a boyfriend. Maybe he’ll even win them over.

I know from experience, that it is very hard to let go of a romantic relationship even when you’re young. Even if you know that he is not going to be your husband someday - it’s still hard. And please try to honestly look at the situation and remember that most people don’t marry their high school sweethearts, so there’s a good chance this is the case with him. I’m talking about marriage because that really is the reason why we date - to find our spouses.

Also keep in mind that if he cares about you as much as you care about him, he needs to respect the fact that you have to obey your parents. You can maintain whatever level of friendship your parents allow, and when you are older, if you are still interested in each other romantically, you can date as adults.

Also, aside from your actual husband (assuming you do get married someday) and your siblings, your relationship with parents is likely to be your longest lasting and possibly most important of your life. So don’t neglect that one. This is an opportunity to either hurt your relationship with them, or to make it stronger and more mature. God bless you.

TKC
 
Thanks again for that advice. The problem is that my parents wont listen to me and I am a very calm person. I now I how to hold my temper and listen to many sides. (that is why I am asking for advice now) Anyway my boyfriend did suggest that we give up each other because that would be the ulimate love becasue this is so hard on both of us! But I just can’t do it. I tryed once before and I just couldnt let go. (when we brok up it was a result of my parents telling me I should, I gave it a try but found it to be awful) I guess I sound like an awful sinner but I am happyer haveing him as a boyfriend then not. I wish my parents could feel the happness we share and the vaule we hold with in each other.
 
How about telling your parents that you are interested in this boy again and ask them if you can see him under their supervision? This would show some responsibility and being worthy of trust on your part and your boyfriend’s part. Sneaking around isn’t going to make them trust him anymore than they do now. If there’s something that you’re doing now with him that you can’t do while sitting on your couch with your parents very nearby then you shouldn’t be doing it at all! Chastity and not having sex are 2 different things.

If he truly cares for you, he wouldn’t want to come between you and your parents and he wouldn’t want to you sin by lying to them. Real love is wanting your beloved to get to heaven bypassing purgatory if at all possible. Real love is not putting your emotions before God’s wishes and leading somebody into sin. There are several good books on relationships for teens.

Here’s a question my mother used ask me? How would you feel if your daughter was doing what you are doing?
 
If I was my parents I would not be doing what they are doing. I would listen to my daughter and want her to be happy. My parents just dont listen to me! As I mentioned above he did want to sperate for that reason but I just couldnt do it.
 
My parents filp out over a little hug or a little kiss so I couldnt do nothing but be in two sperate chairs in their view. I mean when I got my first kiss I was so excited I told my mom and she like was mad at me. It hurt.
 
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