Parents Divorce help

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MendMich

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Well this is very hard to talk about , but for the past few years my parents have been having fights, full blown fights. They say some horrible things to each other my mother gets very physical! They wher brought up in a Catholic home and so was I. My whole family goes to church they serve on sundays my mother gives the Eucharist on Sunday’s and my siblings help in the alter. I am the oldest at 21 then 18, 16 and 6. When I was 15 my parents where going to get a divorce but they my mother found out she was pregnant thus “saving” the marriage, now years after it’s clear that not even a small child can keep them together. It has gotten even worse my mother is extremely jelouse my father can’t even look at another women or she will go crazy! And what bothers me the most is that they both help and are so “ involved “ in church . I tend to keep things bottled up but I went to talk to a priest asking him for help and he did have a meeting with us but it went exactly how I thought. My mother is very good at acting like everything is okay, I don’t want to lose hope in god! I’m more worried for my younger siblings than for myself I would do anything to shield them from the pain of seeing our parents fight . I’ve noticed that it has been affecting them my brother is getting angry burst to the point that he has to kick the door to let it out, and my sister the same. I am very lost I’ve tried talking them Specially my mother and tell her how I feel somethings that’s very hard for me to do and her response was that she can’t see how it’s affceting me that it’s all a show to make her feel bad and to mind my own buisness . Their is no grader pain that having poured out your heart and having that be of no importance to the person that gave birth to you . I love them both very much but my father brushes things off and my mother manipulate. If things don’t go her way she will do anything including saying that she will kill herself. This breaks me because In church they are the “ perfect couple “ but at home it’s hell … I ask the lord to help me through this but I just don’t know what to do…
 
You need to seek professional counceling. I would recommend encouraging your 18yo sibiling to do the same.
 
Your family’s situation sounds pretty bad. I don’t know what to say other than move out. If you are worried about your siblings then I would think that you could talk to them about what is happening, and be a sort of shoulder to lean on for them, or someone who will just listen to them and understand.
 
I don’t know particulars but I’m gonna wade in. I’m gonna venture that something deep and serious is happening between your parents. Obviously neither seem to care about your insight. Relationships I’ve seen that have this level of mistrust and lack of insight usually one or both parents is mentally ill. Either way, this is not going to get better without professional marriage counseling. Even then, you and your oldest sibling may have to move out for your own health and safety.
 
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Yes I think I will make an appointment for him and I . thank you for your advice god bless
 
My brother and i are talking about moving out. We don’t want to leave our younger sister alone but I’ll let her know she is welcome to come and stay when ever she wants
 
I’ve thought the same , they both need professional help to deal with their issues and if they want to separate so be it. I’m planning to move out with my brother . Because it’s very exhausting and i want the best for them! I have helped them as much as I could and one will change when they want I can’t do anything else than to pray! Thank you for your advice and god bless
 
MendMich said:
Yes I think I will make an appointment for him and I . thank you for your advice god bless
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Great.

Have you tried to find a therapist before? If not, here are some tips, given what you told us.

Make sure you seek someone who is well versed in childhood abuse/neglect issues (even if you were not harmed, seeing this kind of behavior has a deep effect) and can help you figure out what is best for those over the age of legal adulthood and help you figure out how to aid your siblings.

It must be horrible to have to worry about them.

If you are in America, you really want to work with someone who will not “jump the gun” on your issues. Your mom’s physical violence and suicide threats are very serious.
 
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