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leonie
Guest
very balanced advice.
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AquinaSavio
Guest
Again…St. Thomas Aquinas!
His family kidnapped and imprisoned him, then sent a prostitute in, for goodness sake! But, he chased her out with a torch and was given freedom from sexual temptations after that.
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ktp
Guest
I don’t think I can give you any advice above and beyond what has been given-- although I strongly second Island Oak’s advice to deal with things with humor as much as possible-- but I want to commend you for your devotion in face of such ridicule.
I have had a similar experience with my father pressuring me about my choices (to major in music) and later some experiences (much more mild than yours) with family having a problem with my choice to follow the church’s teaching on birth control. (My parents are what people consider ‘good Catholics,’ but knew better on that one
) I have no regrets about following what I knew was right, and they have eventually seen that things turned out well.
And I just want to support you, too, in knowing your calling. If you are confident, don’t let anyone tell you you’re too young to know your calling. I knew from the age of 12 which direction I was headed, and although I don’t always understand that ‘calling,’ I have never once doubted it, and feel I’m exactly where God wants me, as far as that goes.
Best of luck to you!
I have had a similar experience with my father pressuring me about my choices (to major in music) and later some experiences (much more mild than yours) with family having a problem with my choice to follow the church’s teaching on birth control. (My parents are what people consider ‘good Catholics,’ but knew better on that one
) I have no regrets about following what I knew was right, and they have eventually seen that things turned out well.And I just want to support you, too, in knowing your calling. If you are confident, don’t let anyone tell you you’re too young to know your calling. I knew from the age of 12 which direction I was headed, and although I don’t always understand that ‘calling,’ I have never once doubted it, and feel I’m exactly where God wants me, as far as that goes.
Best of luck to you!
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Caesar
Guest
I am torn between two difficult choices. I think that it would be best if I confront my mother on this issue and come right out and say that I want to be a priest, and it would take a load off my chest. On the other hand, if I want to keep everything relatively peaceful at home I should keep this to myself- also, I am very nervous about this.
My mother could react a number of ways, the most probably one being that she just continues denying it. She might also get angry, or she could make fun of me.
I am so frustrated that I even have to think this way and use discretion in this matter- I want to be a priest, not a serial killer! The very least of all the priests in the world is greater then then all of the politicians and corporate executives and industrialists who ever lived, yet I have to go about discering my vocation in secret because my mother would be ashamed of me.
My mother could react a number of ways, the most probably one being that she just continues denying it. She might also get angry, or she could make fun of me.
I am so frustrated that I even have to think this way and use discretion in this matter- I want to be a priest, not a serial killer! The very least of all the priests in the world is greater then then all of the politicians and corporate executives and industrialists who ever lived, yet I have to go about discering my vocation in secret because my mother would be ashamed of me.
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guanophore
Guest
Certainly you are being called to make a response. Scripture tells us “always be ready to make a defense for the hope that is within you”. So, your readiness inside is just as important as how you eventually decide to express it.
I would suggest that you start with your fears of how she will react. Get some private time with her, and tell her that you would really like to talk to her about what is in your mind and heart, but that you are afraid that she will react with denial, anger, or abuse. She may not even be aware that the things she has done already have been experienced by you that way. Give her examples of her denial, anger, and abuse, and tell her how you have felt when she has done these things. That might be as far as you can get.
This is clearly part of the spiritual formation that was intended for you. God does not make mistakes. He di dnot put you in that family by accident! Whatever path and calling lies ahead for you, you clearly will need this preparation time. God perfects us through our suffering. Offer your frustration to Him as a prayer. “In everything give thanks” and develop and attitude of gratitude for whatever comes your way. This will help you to get closer to your spiritual vocation than anything! Give thanks that it is still legal for your to discern this vocation, and that people are not dragging you out of your bed in the night to be tortured and killed.
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gam197
Guest
I am not sure you should talk to your mother at this point. This a terrible burden for you to carry but I would wait until you are closer to being able to move on. You have 1 and 1/2 years to go. While it may feel better to get it off your chest, I am not sure it will make things better for you.It appears to me that she already senses that you want to be a priest.
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Lil_M
Guest
I cannot get over your parents are encouraging you to sin! I can sort of understand resistance but that is unbelievable. All I can think is that you’ve got to set the record straight about your plans, lay all the cards out so there is no surprises. Maybe find out why they are so against it? Be careful not to be critical of their decisions, only explain yours, to avoid them getting defensive. Avoiding it to keep the peace would be dishonest.
I’m so sorry you have such an unsupportive environment. The only good I see is that this challenge provides an opportunity to strengthen your faith. Are any of your friends more encouraging? It’s ironic, b/c my FH and I are HOPING we will have a son who will discern this vocation! I’ll keep praying for you.
I’m so sorry you have such an unsupportive environment. The only good I see is that this challenge provides an opportunity to strengthen your faith. Are any of your friends more encouraging? It’s ironic, b/c my FH and I are HOPING we will have a son who will discern this vocation! I’ll keep praying for you.
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anamchara
Guest
I’m sorry ceaser you feel your mother and step father are not being supportive. In my opinion, I think it’s wrong in any family to keep things to yourself least you be picked on.
I feel you need to be upfront and perhaps set down at lunch with your mother and tell her not only your desires about becoming a priest but why how much this means to you. And that you also feel pressured by them and wish it to stop. These things can be said in a lovely way. If you are in contact with a gentle priest maybe you could have a meeting with your mother and the priest for moral support. As a priest you will have to comfort people and help families remain together and loving. Maybe God is helping you to learn this?
The situation you discribed with your stepfather and mother might be taken out of context and that seems a bit unfair. You said she was joking but the way your wrote that made it sounds as though she was mocking you horribly. Are you sure this was her intention deep down inside? Also your stepfather is he really a horrible flirt who is sex hungry and wants you to go for it with all women, all the time? This is the image I got, sorry it’s not what you meant. Please don’t take offense to this but I have two daughters in highschool and I find teens seem to take things out of context or end up having very different verison as to what actually was said and talked about. I’m not saying this you Ceaser but maybe you know what I’m talking about. Your feelings should be validated but you really need to talk to your mother.
Your profile doesn’t say what grade in highschool but that does seem very young to be making that decision. I agree with post # 13. I would remain open to marriage as well at least until you finish your frist year of college. But do keep working toward that if its what you really want. I don’t mean to discourage you, we do need more priests!
I feel you need to be upfront and perhaps set down at lunch with your mother and tell her not only your desires about becoming a priest but why how much this means to you. And that you also feel pressured by them and wish it to stop. These things can be said in a lovely way. If you are in contact with a gentle priest maybe you could have a meeting with your mother and the priest for moral support. As a priest you will have to comfort people and help families remain together and loving. Maybe God is helping you to learn this?
The situation you discribed with your stepfather and mother might be taken out of context and that seems a bit unfair. You said she was joking but the way your wrote that made it sounds as though she was mocking you horribly. Are you sure this was her intention deep down inside? Also your stepfather is he really a horrible flirt who is sex hungry and wants you to go for it with all women, all the time? This is the image I got, sorry it’s not what you meant. Please don’t take offense to this but I have two daughters in highschool and I find teens seem to take things out of context or end up having very different verison as to what actually was said and talked about. I’m not saying this you Ceaser
but maybe you know what I’m talking about. Your feelings should be validated but you really need to talk to your mother.Your profile doesn’t say what grade in highschool but that does seem very young to be making that decision. I agree with post # 13. I would remain open to marriage as well at least until you finish your frist year of college. But do keep working toward that if its what you really want. I don’t mean to discourage you, we do need more priests!
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Brenda_V
Guest
I am going to step up here and say that Ceasar is in what is the equivalent of the US Senior in High School. He may seem young to many to be making this decision but I have been reading his posts for the last year or so and will say that with some exceptions, he sounds like he is ready to make this choice.
He has said “I am also currently applying to the Institute of Christ the King Sovereign Priest, another traditionalist order, for entrance to preformation in september 2008 (they do not suggest I take prior college).”
Notice the “preformation” part of what he is doing. This is a great time then for him to get better spiritual advise and for further discerning. In the meantime, he doesn’t want to lead some poor girl on, because that is what it would be if he dates right now.
I will say that all those who are saying he is too young to be making this decision really don’t understand - I married at 20 and am still married 28 years later! So many of my now friends thought I was just a baby when I got married - I was the oldest girl in my family to get married and we are all still married!
Ceasar, talk to your spiritual advisor, let him know what has been happening at home and pray.
Brenda V.
He has said “I am also currently applying to the Institute of Christ the King Sovereign Priest, another traditionalist order, for entrance to preformation in september 2008 (they do not suggest I take prior college).”
Notice the “preformation” part of what he is doing. This is a great time then for him to get better spiritual advise and for further discerning. In the meantime, he doesn’t want to lead some poor girl on, because that is what it would be if he dates right now.
I will say that all those who are saying he is too young to be making this decision really don’t understand - I married at 20 and am still married 28 years later! So many of my now friends thought I was just a baby when I got married - I was the oldest girl in my family to get married and we are all still married!
Ceasar, talk to your spiritual advisor, let him know what has been happening at home and pray.
Brenda V.
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childofmary1143
Guest
Caesar, I grew up in Mississauga and I know the diocese that you are in is very liberal. Have you ever heard or considered the Oratorians of St. Philip Neri? They are a VERY TRADITIONAL ORDER based in Toronto. They have Tridentine Mass too. I know that they accepted a High School Graduate (no college or University) a few years ago so you might want to consider talking with them too.
Just a thought
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seremina
Guest
Caesar,
You are not too young. As you said before, there are some that feel the call of their vocation while they’re still children. I felt the call as a child, and its taken me a long time due to family and circumstances to finally follow through. Even St. Therese of Lisieux did. She was only 15 when she entered her Religious life and she had wanted in since age 9!
Since your parents want you to do things that are sinful and against God, you must disobey them. These trials will definitely help you increase patience and become holier, but also take caution. They can also gravely discourage. This is why you should have a spiritual director. You’re fortunate to have one. I do not have one and I’m struggling alone.
I do suggest, as the others did, that you tell your spiritual director what you’re going through at home. Your spiritual director may find a better living situation for you or heavily increase his support of you. Remember, when you need help, knock on the door! Jesus said it will be opened to you.
You and your family are in my prayers. I would also like to offer myself as your spiritual-adoptive mother, if you will accept that. If you accept it, just email me: seremina at yahoo dot com. Opus Dei usually sets up spiritual adoptions between people and seminarians/priests/bishops/etc., so this really shouldn’t be a problem and may be very helpful.
You are not too young. As you said before, there are some that feel the call of their vocation while they’re still children. I felt the call as a child, and its taken me a long time due to family and circumstances to finally follow through. Even St. Therese of Lisieux did. She was only 15 when she entered her Religious life and she had wanted in since age 9!
Since your parents want you to do things that are sinful and against God, you must disobey them. These trials will definitely help you increase patience and become holier, but also take caution. They can also gravely discourage. This is why you should have a spiritual director. You’re fortunate to have one. I do not have one and I’m struggling alone.
I do suggest, as the others did, that you tell your spiritual director what you’re going through at home. Your spiritual director may find a better living situation for you or heavily increase his support of you. Remember, when you need help, knock on the door! Jesus said it will be opened to you.
You and your family are in my prayers. I would also like to offer myself as your spiritual-adoptive mother, if you will accept that. If you accept it, just email me: seremina at yahoo dot com. Opus Dei usually sets up spiritual adoptions between people and seminarians/priests/bishops/etc., so this really shouldn’t be a problem and may be very helpful.
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Deus_Vult
Guest
As you grow in Christ I urge you to stay strong in your faith. In this world that is turning ever more towards the secular, it is important to stay rooted in what you believe. Having others who share your beliefs greatly helps. I was very moved by your comments thank you for sharing. I will pray for you. BTW…I liked your blog “Deus Vult”…very cool!
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Lillith
Guest
My gosh! Your parents seem so foreign to me! I have a seventeen yr. old…and I don’t want her to date until she is ready to marry. What is the point of one on one dating until that time…it only leads to heartbreak and temptation.
I would be so incredibly proud if any of my girls choose a religious vocation…the oldest, I don’t think so…she already has children’s names picked out…it’s so obvious she is called to motherhood.
I was in a similar situation as you growing up. My parents are atheist. I got myself Baptised and confirmed at the age of seventeen…they thought I was crazy…just hold on tight and let God parent you…since your Earth parents don’t have a clue…
God Bless you…
I wish you were my boy!
I would be so incredibly proud if any of my girls choose a religious vocation…the oldest, I don’t think so…she already has children’s names picked out…it’s so obvious she is called to motherhood.
I was in a similar situation as you growing up. My parents are atheist. I got myself Baptised and confirmed at the age of seventeen…they thought I was crazy…just hold on tight and let God parent you…since your Earth parents don’t have a clue…
God Bless you…
I wish you were my boy!
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JLSacred
Guest
I’m sorry you’re having these problems. I had a stepfather during my teenaged years, and he was also cruel and domineering. Some of what you describe are not really religious issues but family ones. If it wasn’t your desire to be a priest it would probably be something else. Your mother is going along with it because she lacks a spine.
May I ask where your biological father is? You mentioned him in one of your posts. Is he still in your life? What other adults are part of your support system? You home life sounds dysfunctional and abusive, and a good way to endure this is to get support from other adults. Your spiritual director, of course, will be a big help. Also teachers, a kind parent of a friend, or some other adults might be a big help.
I remember very well being 17. It was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But, before long it will be over and you will be on to live your adult life as you are called to. You’re lucky that you know your vocation so early in life, many young people these days waste alot of time trying to find theirs. God Bless!
May I ask where your biological father is? You mentioned him in one of your posts. Is he still in your life? What other adults are part of your support system? You home life sounds dysfunctional and abusive, and a good way to endure this is to get support from other adults. Your spiritual director, of course, will be a big help. Also teachers, a kind parent of a friend, or some other adults might be a big help.
I remember very well being 17. It was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But, before long it will be over and you will be on to live your adult life as you are called to. You’re lucky that you know your vocation so early in life, many young people these days waste alot of time trying to find theirs. God Bless!
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vester444
Guest
You know - I’m so impressed with you I had to pause before I wrote this response. Unbelievable courage and strength at such a young age. You will counsel all of us one day - I know it.
Your mom and stepdad are more than likely threatened by you. You represent each and every day the moral high road, which is unambiguous, of which they fall short. They have to see you each day acting in a pious and upstanding manner. Mockery generally happens when people feel uncomfortable around those who are living a standard of life to which they know inside they should strive for, but for whatever personal reasons, are not.
You are almost finished with high school…you have almost finished this road with them, and it will make you stronger, and much more able to relate those those in your future flock who are going through rough seas as you have…
Remember - do not look down at the water which is raging all around you as you walk toward Jesus - just keep your eyes focused on him…
Vester
You will counsel all of us one day - I know it. Your mom and stepdad are more than likely threatened by you. You represent each and every day the moral high road, which is unambiguous, of which they fall short. They have to see you each day acting in a pious and upstanding manner. Mockery generally happens when people feel uncomfortable around those who are living a standard of life to which they know inside they should strive for, but for whatever personal reasons, are not.
You are almost finished with high school…you have almost finished this road with them, and it will make you stronger, and much more able to relate those those in your future flock who are going through rough seas as you have…
Remember - do not look down at the water which is raging all around you as you walk toward Jesus - just keep your eyes focused on him…
Vester
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duskyjewel
Guest
Gosh, Caesar, I am so sorry. Your mother is obviously spineless and your stepfather is, well, I should refrain from expressing my opinion of him. There are so many things wrong with your situation I cannot even begin.
A couple things that stand out:
You said you felt like Peter denying Christ. Remember that Christ chose that same Peter to be the rock upon which the Church would be built. Those Christ loves the most, and for whom He has the most use, are tested the most.
I don’t know how it is in Canada, but here in the States, it is common for kids to move out on their own once they graduate from high school and/or turn 18. It might be very financially challenging, but it might be worth it to find a little apartment of your own, or even perhaps to share one with some other Catholic young men as roommates. It would certainly be more positive and peaceful than living with people who will constantly put you down and denigrate your aspirations.
I don’t know why people think high school would be too young to discern one’s vocation. I knew long before that that I wanted to fall in love, get married, and be a mother. That’s my vocation. I guess because the priesthood is less mainstream, people believe you must be older to be serious about it?
And finally, a viewing recommendation: There was a series last year on A&E called “God or the Girl.” It was about three young men trying to figure out if they were called to the priesthood or should pursue the more conventional path of dating and marriage. I thought it was very respectfully done and presented the desire to be a priest in a positive light. There was one young man in that show who had a family member ask why he wanted to be a priest, since that would just make people think he was a child molester. He said that that made him want to be a priest MORE. It was a wonderful series, I think in total about six hours. It might be helpful for you to see others in your age group struggling with these issues. You can get it on DVD from the A&E website.
Good luck, and many blessings! You must be a special young man.
A couple things that stand out:
You said you felt like Peter denying Christ. Remember that Christ chose that same Peter to be the rock upon which the Church would be built. Those Christ loves the most, and for whom He has the most use, are tested the most.
I don’t know how it is in Canada, but here in the States, it is common for kids to move out on their own once they graduate from high school and/or turn 18. It might be very financially challenging, but it might be worth it to find a little apartment of your own, or even perhaps to share one with some other Catholic young men as roommates. It would certainly be more positive and peaceful than living with people who will constantly put you down and denigrate your aspirations.
I don’t know why people think high school would be too young to discern one’s vocation. I knew long before that that I wanted to fall in love, get married, and be a mother. That’s my vocation. I guess because the priesthood is less mainstream, people believe you must be older to be serious about it?
And finally, a viewing recommendation: There was a series last year on A&E called “God or the Girl.” It was about three young men trying to figure out if they were called to the priesthood or should pursue the more conventional path of dating and marriage. I thought it was very respectfully done and presented the desire to be a priest in a positive light. There was one young man in that show who had a family member ask why he wanted to be a priest, since that would just make people think he was a child molester. He said that that made him want to be a priest MORE. It was a wonderful series, I think in total about six hours. It might be helpful for you to see others in your age group struggling with these issues. You can get it on DVD from the A&E website.
Good luck, and many blessings! You must be a special young man.
K
krissy343
Guest
Oh Caesar! It made me weep reading your post 
I can’t really add much to what other posters have already said. But, God is the one we need to please. Sure, it’s great to have our parents approval but, you are most definitely getting a call that seems to be so rare anymore. Go for it! I have a feeling that I’m sure that your mom and step dad will be very upset at first but, I would hope that eventually they would learn to accept it. Pray pray pray! Pray for them (I will to) that they may be loving and accepting of your choice, actually God’s choice!!! He’s choosing you! What a wonderful thing!
If you EVER need someone to talk to, I’m here for you. I may not be the best at giving advice but I’ve been told I’m a good listener.
You’re in my prayers.
I can’t really add much to what other posters have already said. But, God is the one we need to please. Sure, it’s great to have our parents approval but, you are most definitely getting a call that seems to be so rare anymore. Go for it! I have a feeling that I’m sure that your mom and step dad will be very upset at first but, I would hope that eventually they would learn to accept it. Pray pray pray! Pray for them (I will to) that they may be loving and accepting of your choice, actually God’s choice!!! He’s choosing you! What a wonderful thing!If you EVER need someone to talk to, I’m here for you. I may not be the best at giving advice but I’ve been told I’m a good listener.
You’re in my prayers.
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