Parents giving younger sister access to pornography

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Kater_09

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My mom is a big fan of the 50 Shades of Gray series. We’ve had conversations about it in the past, specifically regarding Church teaching on pornography and that she shouldn’t be reading it. She totally disagreed with me - and the Church for that matter - on that issue, among other things. She doesn’t believe it to be pornography, but even if she did, she says porn is okay to a certain extent.

I’m 25 years old, married and living on my own in a different state. My 15-year-old sister, however, is still under my parents’ roof. Last week, she posted a facebook photo of herself with one of the books.

I was shocked and tried having a conversation with my dad, since I’d already had the conversation with my mom about the books, which was unfortunately fruitless. He defended my sister and said she’s definitely not reading it, she’s got a good head on her shoulders, etc. I had a separate conversation with my sister afterward and explained that this is pornography, that it’s really bad, and regardless of what my parents say, it is wrong. She disagreed of course, because she knows my mom (and grandmother!) read the series therefore thinks it can’t be really pornographic (like videos or pictures, she said) or bad.

I returned to my dad, provided excerpts from the book, and iterated that it’s so important she not have access to the book. I explained I had clearly not gotten through to her since I saw she still had the photo posted on facebook. And then he got angry at me… he said I am attacking their parenting skills and making a much larger issue out of this than I should be and that at this point, I need to stay out of it.

At this point, I’m incredibly angry at my parents, incredibly sad for them and especially for my sister. I realize I can’t control anybody and one can only do so much to help others recognize and avoid sin, but I’m just wondering if at this point, I really do just need to stay out of it or if I am responsible for doing more.

Prayers are much appreciated for my entire family.
 
Just so I can gauge exactly how horrified I should be about your parents giving really badly written pornographic fan fiction (seriously, internet fanfic) to a 15 year old…did you say your grandmother likes it?

ETA: Also, yeah, it’s wrong.
 
Kater,
I don’t really know what more you can do in this situation. You have talked to your parents and your sister and have clearly told them it is pornography. The only thing left I think is praying for them and offering some penance for them. You have my prayers.
 
marty1818 said:
Kater,
I don’t really know what more you can do in this situation. You have talked to your parents and your sister and have clearly told them it is pornography. The only thing left I think is praying for them and offering some penance for them. You have my prayers.
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I agree, all you can do now is pray. Although you probably feel helpless you really have no other options. You ARE criticizing their parenting (rightfully and according to church teaching) but if you continue you will alienate them and everything you say will be met with a brick wall. You don’t want your sister to block you. You do not want your parents to not discuss these things with you. So for right now back off and pray .
 
I think your right! Part of what is so wrong in our culture is that adults behave like adolescents instead of adults and parents. Maybe that’s partially why your Dad got mad at you when you addressed this issue. On some level he must know he’s dropping the ball. Good luck and keep up the fight!
 
You need to start praying and drop it at this point. You’ve already told them it’s wrong and now it’s in God’s hands.

And yes, it is sinful to read books like that. So many people have this attitude that as long as someone else is doing something “worse” then what they are doing is not a sin… they are gravely mistaken. If that were the case then there would be no such thing as sin.
 
Prayers for you and your family said. I admire your willingness to stick up for the teachings of the Church and morality. I also agree that you’ve done all you could and you don’t want to alieante your family.

Mary.
 
Kater_09 said:
My mom is a big fan of the 50 Shades of Gray series. We’ve had conversations about it in the past, specifically regarding Church teaching on pornography and that she shouldn’t be reading it. She totally disagreed with me - and the Church for that matter - on that issue, among other things. She doesn’t believe it to be pornography, but even if she did, she says porn is okay to a certain extent.

I’m 25 years old, married and living on my own in a different state. My 15-year-old sister, however, is still under my parents’ roof. Last week, she posted a facebook photo of herself with one of the books.

I was shocked and tried having a conversation with my dad, since I’d already had the conversation with my mom about the books, which was unfortunately fruitless. He defended my sister and said she’s definitely not reading it, she’s got a good head on her shoulders, etc. I had a separate conversation with my sister afterward and explained that this is pornography, that it’s really bad, and regardless of what my parents say, it is wrong. She disagreed of course, because she knows my mom (and grandmother!) read the series therefore thinks it can’t be really pornographic (like videos or pictures, she said) or bad.

I returned to my dad, provided excerpts from the book, and iterated that it’s so important she not have access to the book. I explained I had clearly not gotten through to her since I saw she still had the photo posted on facebook. And then he got angry at me… he said I am attacking their parenting skills and making a much larger issue out of this than I should be and that at this point, I need to stay out of it.

At this point, I’m incredibly angry at my parents, incredibly sad for them and especially for my sister. I realize I can’t control anybody and one can only do so much to help others recognize and avoid sin, but I’m just wondering if at this point, I really do just need to stay out of it or if I am responsible for doing more.

Prayers are much appreciated for my entire family.
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Leave the parenting to your parents please. You turned out alright didn’t you? Also ‘unfriend’ yourself from your sister’s fb page.

Pryers for you and your family.
 
severus68 said:
Leave the parenting to your parents please. You turned out alright didn’t you? Also ‘unfriend’ yourself from your sister’s fb page.

Pryers for you and your family.
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Thanks for your reply but to be clear, I’m not a faithful Catholic now because of the way my parents raised me. Simply because I may be “alright” now does not mean what they are doing is OK.
 
Thanks so much for all the replies. I’m encouraged to trust the matter to prayer at this point. Thank you for your prayers.
 
Pray for their conversion, and ask Mother Mary to teach them the importance of purity.

The author actually developed 50 Shades of Grey from an erotic Twilight fanfiction series. Twilight itself is a dreadful book series, but I have to give it props for the general lack of mature scenes. 50 Shades of Grey is like Twilight 2.0. It *really *is porn for girls.
 
Kater_09 said:
Thanks for your reply but to be clear, I’m not a faithful Catholic now because of the way my parents raised me. Simply because I may be “alright” now does not mean what they are doing is OK.
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Regardless you still need to leave the parenting to them.
 
Sadly, you do need to accept your parents have the final say. When I kid is being beaten, we can call the authorities. When a kid is not being cared for emotionally properly, sadly there is nothing we can do.

If your sister asks you about it, feel free to express an honest opinion, however don’t be surprised if your sister no longer tells you things.

I had one friend whose daughter seemed to be ‘too much into boys’ in the father’s opinion. The mom semi agreed but felt it was better to not say anything for fear her daughter would no longer tell her what is really going on. I could NOT disagree more with this woman’s attitude. (although I am polite enough to not tell her). IMO you should be clear with your sister as to what is right and what is wrong. Sure she will just learn to do things behind your back. But at least someone will have taught her

Angie
 
If there is one thing that has never worked for the entirety of human existence, it is older children trying to tell their own parents how to raise the younger children. I would not even mention it again. Just pray.
 
The more you bug them about it, the more your sister and parents will resist you.

On a side note, I read all three and they’re not that bad. In fact, the writing improved in the second and third ones. She’ll read it, and like everything else, will go on with her life. I promise, reading these books will not ruin her life or make her jump into a bondage type relationship. If these books “lead her to sin”, then almost anything will. 😉
 
Rence said:
The more you bug them about it, the more your sister and parents will resist you.

On a side note, I read all three and they’re not that bad. In fact, the writing improved in the second and third ones. She’ll read it, and like everything else, will go on with her life. I promise, reading these books will not ruin her life or make her jump into a bondage type relationship. If these books “lead her to sin”, then almost anything will. 😉
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Seriously? There is absolutely no question that this is pornography. God willing she **won’t **read it and that “going on with her life”, she’ll be informed to avoid such obvious forms of temptation.

I would seriously recommend exploring Catholic resources on this book, which I’ve found to be unanimous in considering it pornography.
 
Kater_09 said:
Seriously? There is absolutely no question that this is pornography. God willing she **won’t **read it and that “going on with her life”, she’ll be informed to avoid such obvious forms of temptation.

I would seriously recommend exploring Catholic resources on this book, which I’ve found to be unanimous in considering it pornography.
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Yes, I’m quite sure a bunch of people gathered together to call it pornography. I don’t doubt it one bit. I’ve read all three of them, and I don’t consider them all that bad. Read what you want to read, and I’ll continue to read what I want to read. But keep telling your parents and your sister what to read, and they’ll start ignoring you or do the opposite. And I’m sure your sister read it by now, otherwise she wouldn’t own a copy of it. And trust me, she will go on with her life. You’ll dwell on it a lot longer than she will.
 
JackieMom said:
If there is one thing that has never worked for the entirety of human existence, it is older children trying to tell their own parents how to raise the younger children. I would not even mention it again. Just pray.
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Unfortunately, you’re right that it doesn’t always “work”. No parent wants to take criticism on their parenting, especially from one of their children. But when it comes to matters of sin, I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to reprimand. If anything, it can be worse NOT to say or do anything when you see someone sinning, or leading another to sin.

Matthew 10:35
 
Kater_09 said:
Unfortunately, you’re right that it doesn’t always “work”. No parent wants to take criticism on their parenting, especially from one of their children. But when it comes to matters of sin, I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to reprimand. If anything, it can be worse NOT to say or do anything when you see someone sinning, or leading another to sin.

Matthew 10:35
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I’m sure your parents don’t appreciate you ‘reprimanding’ them, and your lucky if they don’t reprimand you in turn for it. From what you’ve said so far, they’ve been more than patient with you.
 
Kater_09 said:
Unfortunately, you’re right that it doesn’t always “work”. No parent wants to take criticism on their parenting, especially from one of their children. But when it comes to matters of sin, I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to reprimand. If anything, it can be worse NOT to say or do anything when you see someone sinning, or leading another to sin.

Matthew 10:35
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It NEVER works, and it is not your place to reprimand your parents for allowing their teen to read a book you don’t care for.
 
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