Parents' Marriage Invalid...?

[Neithan]

Both of my parents are in their second marriages. My mother married as a Lutheran, with no children. My father, however, is a lapsed Catholic and his first marriage was in the Catholic Church; he has a son–my half-brother–from this marriage. He had a civil divorce, but *no annullment. *My parents met 26 years ago and had a civil marriage (no church wedding ceremony of any kind) a year later. My father converted to Lutheranism, in which I was raised (although my parents converted to an Evangelical church about 8 years ago).

I converted to Catholicism a year and a half ago, and since then my parents have been going occasionally with me to Mass (without taking the sacraments of course) and my Dad has expressed interest in returning to the Church. I told him he has to seek an annullment for the first marriage, however. He doesn’t want to for fear of offending my half-brother, who is still sensitive about the divorce (and a devout Catholic). His first wife had a civil remarriage but did not seek an annullment and (as my half-brother made a point of telling me) abstained from the sacraments for the duration (the husband has since passed away).

This is a sensitive issue. It’s also painful for me because these are my parents and I realise that they have had an invalid marriage all these years, with my brother and I being conceived in grave sin. I really want my parents to convert, and both of them are open to it; but this is the roadblock. There’s also the possibility that my father wouldn’t be granted an annullment, and that would make things horribly awkward. I’ve spoken to my parish priest briefly and he told me to tell my folks that they should arrange a meeting with him. My Mom is enthusiastic but my Dad is very, very reluctant. He doesn’t want to offend and possibly estrange his oldest son. I suppose I’m just asking for some casual advice–what would you do in my situation? Should I press the issue? It is immensely important, but I don’t want to damage otherwise happy relationships–especially my own parents’!

 

[puzzleannie]

If your brother is a devout Catholic I have no doubt that when it is explained to him that annulment has no effect whatever on the status of the children, and that the action of finally being able to convalidate his father’s current marriage will enable him to return to the Church and the sacraments, he will rejoice that his father, who was lost, is now found.

 

[1ke]

(1) Why does your dad think your brother would be offended? Has anyone actually talked to your brother about it? As a devout Catholic I can’t imagine he would be.

(2) I suggest you get the book Annulment: The Wedding That Was by Michael Smith Foster and give it to your parents to read. It will help them understand the process better.

(3) It is not only your father who would have to go through the tribunal process and seek an annulment, your mother would also have to have her prior marriage examined through the tribunal process.

(4) Encourage your parents to see the priest.

 

[mosher]

If your brother is a devout Catholic I have no doubt that when it is explained to him that annulment has no effect whatever on the status of the children, and that the action of finally being able to convalidate his father’s current marriage will enable him to return to the Church and the sacraments, he will rejoice that his father, who was lost, is now found.

I second this response.

 

[Neithan]

puzzleannie:

If your brother is a devout Catholic I have no doubt that when it is explained to him that annulment has no effect whatever on the status of the children, and that the action of finally being able to convalidate his father’s current marriage will enable him to return to the Church and the sacraments, he will rejoice that his father, who was lost, is now found.

Excellent point, thanks!

quote=1ke Why does your dad think your brother would be offended? Has anyone actually talked to your brother about it? As a devout Catholic I can’t imagine he would be.
[/quote]

I went to visit my half-brother recently and this topic came up–I didn’t go so far as to say that our father should get an annullment for the marriage with his mother, but I did say that he wanted to return to the Church. My half-brother said that he can’t take the sacraments and quoted the “what God has brought together” passage. Then he told me that his mother didn’t take the sacraments in her second marriage. He didn’t mention anything about a possible annullment. That to me seems really strange: why wouldn’t his mother, who remained Catholic unlike my father, seek out an annullment? Why would she rather not take the sacraments for all those years? Maybe she’s not all that devout. I could sense that he is still sensitive about it; but I think that if it came down to it he couldn’t object too much.

(2) I suggest you get the book Annulment: The Wedding That Was by Michael Smith Foster and give it to your parents to read. It will help them understand the process better.

Great idea.

(3) It is not only your father who would have to go through the tribunal process and seek an annulment, your mother would also have to have her prior marriage examined through the tribunal process.

I see; but considering that it was in the Lutheran church–and therefore not sacramental–this shouldn’t be much of a problem I’m guessing?

(4) Encourage your parents to see the priest.

Will do!

 

[Nekic]

I see; but considering that it was in the Lutheran church–and therefore not sacramental–this shouldn’t be much of a problem I’m guessing?

I believe that Protestant Mariages are both valid and sacramental, when done in a religious ceremony. Its a sacrament wether they think it is or not.
Only civil marriages made outside the church without either party being catholic is just valid, with no sacramentalism.

 

[1ke]

I see; but considering that it was in the Lutheran church–and therefore not sacramental–this shouldn’t be much of a problem I’m guessing?

All marriages are considered valid by the Catholic Church until proven otherwise.

A marriage between two baptized persons (for example, Lutherans) is considered both valid and sacramental.

A marraige between two unbaptized persons, or a baptized and unbaptized person, would be considered valid but not sacramental. It’s called a “good and natural” marriage.

Many people wrongly assume that any marriage outside the Catholic Church is considered invalid by the Catholic Church and this is not true.

Because the spouses confer the Sacrament on one another, all marriages between baptized persons are considered valid and sacramental unless proven otherwise.

The book I recommended will help you with these concepts.

 

[Nekic]

I believe that Protestant Mariages are both valid and sacramental, when done in a religious ceremony. Its a sacrament wether they think it is or not.
Only civil marriages made outside the church without either party being catholic is just valid, with no sacramentalism.

Since I have been proven wrong in my summation of the thread by means of PM, I hereby retract this post.

Allow me to correct myself.

Protestant marriages are considered valid and sacramental as long as they fulfill the requrements pertaining to their denomination’s marriage.
Since most protestant denominations do not require any special religious intervention for the marriage to work, like a protestant minister, a civil marriage would be considered by the church as sacramental.

Civil marriages between non-christians are valid, but not sacramental.