No, not always. Many people come here for the okay to do something they have been thinking about. And in fact, some posts have indicated that you should go to the pastor and tell him everything. Which would be quite interesting if the pastor is already aware.
You seem to have some opinions about this young man, that you have made by simply guessing what he may have done. You don’t know what the agreement is between the mother of his child and him. You don’t know if he has signed away his paternal rights. If he is to have no contact with the mother or child. He and his parents may not “have successfully covered up the existence of his daughter.” They may have all agreed, your friend included, that it would be best for everyone to sever contact. Without knowing enough about the situation, you may be pushing something on your friend that she, doesn’t want.
I don’t know what porn typically depicts. I can say that if he is looking at child porn, by title, would depict children. But child porn is illegal.
I would wonder how you know he is or has been addicted to porn or that he is or was into group sex?
I also wonder how old your friend is. Is she underage? Why would you think he is interested in having a relationship with a child?
Mary,
Firstly, thanks for your interest in my situation. I really do appreciate your advice, and you taking the time to try and understand what’s going on.
I have received advice from others on this thread to go to the pastor with everything, yes, but I never said that I would or that I was even considering it. I was considering letting DRE know privately and putting it in her hands to act at her discretion in regards to his teaching of teens or letting the pastor know. If you think the action is uncharitable, please do say so and why.
I also have graciously accepted the advice given in this thread as to not try to insert justice into this situation by putting his back into my friend’s life or her daughters. People have made very many good points about that not necessarily being a good solution for anyone involved and having that pointed out to me, I agree wholeheartedly! Maybe I didn’t make that clear enough in my last post and for that, I apologize.
I actually do have very good open line of communication with my friend and I do happen to know that he decided to sever contact from her, which she was very distraught about at the time, but since she has decided not to seek him out for her life anymore since he is clearly unreliable and dishonest. I agree with her and respect that, hence me not mentioning anything to anyone about this, even though my Goddaughter is eight months old.
I believe I’ve qualified my statements about his behavior with statements indicating that he was still practicing these things when he was still with my friend and that he may have amended his ways by now. I’ve already said I’m assuming the best of him several times. I’ve also indicated that I will leave his spiritual well being in the hands of his confessor (although the young man in question was also my friend, so I do worry about him sometimes. I think this is natural, but by no means does this give me a right to “air his dirty laundry” and I also never said that it did).
I should clarify that he has been caught having multiple sexual relationships at once, but not having sex acts with multiple girls at once. As in I know that he’s cheated on his girlfriend(s). I don’t know if he’s had threesomes, I never meant to imply that as it has never crossed my mind that he would do that. I don’t want to imply he was worse than he actually was, so there’s that clarification.
Finally, I would really appreciate if you would tell me if you think it’s appropriate and charitable to approach the DRE privately with this matter, keeping it anonymous at first, and allowing her to take the information and use it at her discretion? If she doesn’t think it’s a safety concern (and surely she would know better than I would) or if she already knows then she can never ask for his name, keep it to herself, and I haven’t defamed his character at all. But even if there is the slightest risk that harm may come to one of the students, should I not say something? Would parents be happy about this if they knew the full situation? Could the DRE face backlash if the scandal broke later? Could my parish face scandal? I would hate it if something happened that I could have prevented.
In spending time questioning my motives, you’re not really helping me discern a moral and charitable course of action. If you really think I should just entirely leave it alone and that there’s no possible harm that could come from that, I encourage you to say so and why. I value your opinion and I’d like to know what you think of the situation, not just what you think of me. Thanks!
