Parents or Church?

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trumpet152

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I’ve mentioned this before, but never gotten a definitive answer.

I’m a Protestant who wishes to convert to Catholicism, but I live at home with a Protestant family. I’m in no position financially to move out, and they forbid Catholic anything. I can’t go to mass, attend RCIA, read Catholic books, even posting on this site would be an offence if they knew I did it.

Where do I draw the line? I know I’m suppose to obey my parents, but how far does it go? Should I turn in my hidden Rosary? Should I never pray to saints until I move out? What can I do?
 
There are many stories of saints who converted to Catholisism, some over their parents wishes. They were martyered for this.

Obedience to parents only extends to that which they have authority over you for. Would you kill someone b/c they told you to? In this matter, they have no authority. I think you are well within your rights to convert secretly, but be prepared for them to kick you out (if your 18) if they find out.

You are obligated to convert to Catholicism if you are convinced it is the 1 true religion. However, if you have special circumstances (it seems you do), you are (I belive) permitted to delay that “official” conversion until a better time (within reason, of course).

I recommend, if you decide to delay, continue to pray, and take the time to continue to learn about the faith. This is a great place for that! I’m sure you can hide some spiritual books, also.

Good luck, and God bless!
 
Congratulations on finding the Church, and welcome to our awesome faith! When I was converting to Catholicism (I was raised atheist), my parents protested too. Luckily, I was already out of the house and living in college. I told my parents that I was at the library when I went to Mass. Then I spoke with a priest at my parish and he encouraged me to tell my parents the truth. They were angry and upset at first, but I stood my ground. Eventually, they made peace with the idea and even came to my initiation. The priest also told me that the authority of God is greater than the authority of my parents. We are obliged to obey parents and other legitimate authorities as long as their rules and laws are not contradictory to the rules and laws of God. If a person is asked to obey an immoral or anti-Christian rule or law, that person is obliged NOT to obey. So in your case, you are actually obliged NOT to obey your parents because their anti-Catholic rules go against the rules of God Himself.

I know this is a difficult situation for you. It will be very helpful for you to speak with a good orthodox priest about your situation. But whatever happens, choose Christ. Everything in life, even your family, comes after Him, not before. And you know what? You might just find that after your parents realize that you would choose the Church over them, they’ll make peace with your choice of becoming Catholic.
 
I don’t know…sounds like you are in a bad place. On one hand, you are over 18 and capable of making your own decisions. On the other hand, you are under your parents’ roof, and like for a lot of issues, its “their house, their rules”

It would seem to me that as long as you don’t put statues of Mary or other Saints around the house, or a Crucifix on the walls, or otherwise bring Catholicism into their home, you should be free to go to Mass or attend RCIA on your own time. By this, I mean time that you are not expected to be contributing to the family or doing chores, etc.

Are you expected to attend Protestant services with the family? Go to be respectful, but find a Mass to go to at other times. Since you are not yet Catholic, you are not obligated to attend Mass each Sunday. Maybe you could go to a Mass during the week.

I think the line can be drawn somewhere between respecting their home and following your heart.

Good luck,

Arlene
 
If God has guided you His Church you are under no obligation to obey your parents in this matter. But until you move out they do have rules you must follow while under their roof. I had a brother that lived with me for about 6 months. Even as an adult I had the right to tell him certain things he could not do in my house.
 
Any suggestions on how I break it to my parents that I want to begin attending mass and talk to Catholic Priest about conversion? They know I want to convert, but no practical steps have been made in that direction (i.e. RCIA, attending mass). What happens when they expressly forbid it? Am I to move out? I would give up college as well, for I would not have enough to pay for it. How do I tell them this without offending their beliefs or standards?
 
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trumpet152:
I’ve mentioned this before, but never gotten a definitive answer.

What can I do?
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Trum, I remember you asking this question before. There is no definitive answer. Aren’t you planning to move out in a month or two? Surely you can wait until then to be as Catholic as you wanna be.

If your time at home is expected to be longer than that, then you probably want to respectfully take your stand. From what you write, it sounds like your parents won’t hear any of it, so life at home is likely to become very unpleasant. You have to decide for yourself whether it’s worth the conflict.
 
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trumpet152:
I’m a Protestant who wishes to convert to Catholicism, but I live at home with a Protestant family. I’m in no position financially to move out, and they forbid Catholic anything. I can’t go to mass, attend RCIA, read Catholic books, even posting on this site would be an offence if they knew I did it.

Where do I draw the line? I know I’m suppose to obey my parents, but how far does it go?
Click to expand...
You should obey your parents in everything over which they can reasonably said to have authority, but, more importantly, you should obey good.

If you want to become Catholic to spite them, or to assert your difference from them, you are making a mistake. Only you and God can know whether this is the case, but you need to be really, really certain about your own motivation in this respect.

You could benefit tremendously from talking with them, and humbly asking them to explain their objections to Catholicism, making it clear that you seek only to understand and not to refute them. Then, you should be able to see how you can proceed in a loving manner. Love is about sacrifice, after all, not about getting what we want.

Keep praying, and keep talking with your parents, and the God who loves you all will be faithful and will lead you through this.
 
Just wanted to let you know that I am in a very similar situation, however I am lucky enough to know that upon graduation (with my Masters of Library Science) I have a job lined up that will enable me to move out (and for that matter move to a different city) - so I am contenting myself with learning as much as I can about the Catholic church during this time I must wait - that now is the time for me to thoroughly investigate the church, and later will come the time to start actively converting. I actually have no clue how my parents will react - I actually think it will probably be better than I imagine it - but I still feel that for myself, with “the end in sight” it is better for me to wait both to avoid the conflict that would be involved if I am still under their roof, and to wait to mention my even researching the Church until then as well, because I have this desire to maintain my privacy on this decision in order to make it completely my own. (Which is why I do not feel bad about deliberately not letting them know - I do not lie to them, but neither do I leave books on Catholicism lying around for them to find, etc) Unfortunately it sounds like you have parents whom you KNOW will have major issues (where as I’m just pretty sure they will, but I also know that my parents would never kick me out of the house for something like that). I don’t know that any of us can help you determine the answer that is right for you, but I will pray for you that God shows you the path that is right for you.

(on a aside note for the poster who originally lied and told their parents they were at the library - I realized the other day that there is a Catholic church right next to one of our public libraries, and so I actually had that idea, but I do not want to lie, so I am still contenting myself with the idea that 6 months from the beginning of my interest to research and investigate Catholicism before converting is not an abnormally lengthy period to wait - but the thought was mighty tempting.)
 
I know how it is having your family not agree with you about your faith. I too am trying to convert to Catholicism, and my Mom and my siblings are less than thrilled. They love making fun of Catholics, and they think Catholicism is evil. They are very protestant, and think that I am going down the wrong path. If you ever need to talk, or need some support from someone who understands how hard it is, please email me.
 
St. Barbara - Her own father killed her for converting.

Leocritia- one of the Martyrs of Cordoba (converted from muslim parents)

Kateri Tekawitha- an indian girl

St. Stanislas- who stayed in the house of Lutheran relatives while he was ill, and was forbidden to call for a priest- and angel came and brought him communion, and he was cured.

-read stories of the early christian martyrs- very inspireing!
 
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