Parents position on drinking

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Hello,
I am currently 20 years old, and I am having trouble with my parents stance on drinking. They have not stated outright that I cannot drink with their permission yet but about 3 years ago they made it clear that they didn’t want their children to do so. This concerns me though because in less than a year I will be allowed to drink and am worried that I will have no experience with it and wind up like my sister who had an incident with drinking. She has had no real experience of drinking that is good so she doesn’t know how to drink properly. I wont disobey them if they tell me no, but I do want to show them some reasons to let me learn responsibility while drinking. One of the big one is that I am going to be out at college by legal age for drinking. With no experience and the stresses of college I fear I am more likely to develop an addiction than if I gain experience when I am home. I also don’t want to learn drinking in any other setting than a proper social setting because I have no desire to become a lone drinker. It is also not a sin to drink provided that you use the virtues that are to accompany that responsibility. I want to grow in the virtues of moderation, obedience, and abstinence in respect to drinking because that will shape how I view and treat alcohol. Once again I have no intention to disobey them and I will choose to grow in obedience and abstinence even if they say no. I do however want to hear from parents about how it has effected their children in respect to their rules. Worst case is I wait it out. Thanks for the responses in advance.
 
I’m not quite sure what the problem is. In less than a year, you will be able to drink legally, and you are an adult, which means that you are capable of making your own decisions about drinking. If you live with your parents, certainly you shouldn’t drink in their house without their permission (legal age or not; their house, their rules), but otherwise, this will be your call to make.

Waiting a bit less than a year is not going to affect your judgment about drinking. If you feel that you may develop an addiction, you are free to hold off forever, if you wish; there is no obligation to drink!

That said, nothing about going to college is going to force you into unwise drinking habits. Don’t have more than a couple of drinks at a time, spread out over an appropriate period; don’t drink and drive; don’t drink dodgy stuff that you’re not sure of; don’t put yourself into dangerous situations; make sure someone trustworthy is around for if you do become impaired.
 
This is the most ironic thread I’ve seen here. The Catholic OP’s parents are strict on drinking while the Protestant lady is quite reasonable about drinking. Odd.

GG, I’ll just say this. In general, if more young adults and teens were introduced to alcohol with the supervision of the parents and were taught how to drink in moderation and normally, we wouldn’t have the ridiculous binge-drinking epidemic we have in this country. Raising the drinking age has not reduced drunk driving incidents and has only caused even more alcohol related problems.

I am 21 and of legal drinking age but my parents(who are not even Christian) are ridiculously strict on alcohol and this has only caused me to binge when I can, a pattern I developed quite early as a teen, but I began drinking for completely separate reasons however.
 
On the up side, once you’re of legal age, a lot of the mystery and “forbidden fruit” nature of alcohol goes away and it becomes easier to drink more reasonably. I do understand you’re concerns as I started drinking at 18 and the prohibitive nature of the legal drinking age lends itself to binge drinking. I never got into any legal trouble but it was not the best idea.

My big advice is that until you know how you react be sure to drink with friends you trust who won’t pressure you into drinking too much. Keep in mind that you may not want to drive or make certain decisions even if below the legal alcohol limit. Also consider that part of your patents’ resistance could be from bad experiences with alcohol. Find out why they feel the way they do and make your own choice. Perhaps alcoholism runs in part of the family? (Possibly genetic?)
 
HerCrazierHalf said:
On the up side, once you’re of legal age, a lot of the mystery and “forbidden fruit” nature of alcohol goes away and it becomes easier to drink more reasonably. I do understand you’re concerns as I started drinking at 18 and the prohibitive nature of the legal drinking age lends itself to binge drinking. I never got into any legal trouble but it was not the best idea.

My big advice is that until you know how you react be sure to drink with friends you trust who won’t pressure you into drinking too much. Keep in mind that you may not want to drive or make certain decisions even if below the legal alcohol limit. Also consider that part of your patents’ resistance could be from bad experiences with alcohol. Find out why they feel the way they do and make your own choice. Perhaps alcoholism runs in part of the family? (Possibly genetic?)
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My parents don’t drink partly because my dad was alcoholic but before I would have remembered. My mom also broke her one drink limit she imposed on herself which she then resolved never to drink again. So they both have reasons against it, but from what I understand alcoholism comes mostly from an unhealthy exposure to alcohol like seeing an alcoholic parent drinking. It can also come from not being allowed to drink at all and then drinking anyways or binge drinking when 21 and then becoming addicted to it. I have seen the effects of a healthy drinking policy in other families and it seems that they have no issues if the parents set a good example and permit limited drinking.
 
You don’t need to drink illegally while underage in order to be able to drink maturely once you are 21. It doesn’t take practice or experience, it takes wisdom and prudence. (And respect for the law doesn’t hurt either.)
 
Allegra said:
You don’t need to drink illegally while underage in order to be able to drink maturely once you are 21. It doesn’t take practice or experience, it takes wisdom and prudence. (And respect for the law doesn’t hurt either.)
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I understand that. But building that prudence while legal and still obeying parents is ideal. In my state it is perfectly legal to drink under the age of 21 with the consent of my parents provided its on private property. It wouldn’t have to be illegal, that’s what I’m trying to avoid.
 
Svar said:
This is the most ironic thread I’ve seen here. The Catholic OP’s parents are strict on drinking while the Protestant lady is quite reasonable about drinking. Odd.

GG, I’ll just say this. In general, if more young adults and teens were introduced to alcohol with the supervision of the parents and were taught how to drink in moderation and normally, we wouldn’t have the ridiculous binge-drinking epidemic we have in this country. Raising the drinking age has not reduced drunk driving incidents and has only caused even more alcohol related problems.

I am 21 and of legal drinking age but my parents(who are not even Christian) are ridiculously strict on alcohol and this has only caused me to binge when I can, a pattern I developed quite early as a teen, but I began drinking for completely separate reasons however.
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I think we all need to be careful with alcohol.

You say that you are a binge drinker because you were not allowed to learn to drink moderately.

That sounds like an excuse to me–an excuse that an alcoholic would use. If I were you, I would be very careful around alcohol. Talk to counselor who specializes in substance abuse and addition, and make sure that you are monitoring your reactions to alcohol.

It’s possible that your parents don’t drink (or seldom drink) because they are aware of their own bodies and brains, and they recognize that they have been born with a tendency towards alcoholism.

I come from a family of strict abstainers. Only two people in our family have turned to drink–and both of those people became out-of-control drinkers who both died young of alcohol-related causes.

I have come to the conclusion that if there is an alcoholic gene, our family has it! Even though we don’t drink alcohol, we are all addicted to various “soft” substances: coffee (my brother and my daughter drink an entire pot before they get dressed for work), tea (my grandma had “tea time” every day at 4:00 P.M.), sugar (my dad–R.I.P.–kept a candy drawer in his kitchen and grabbed handfuls of it–he stopped this a few years before he died at age 83), food (I have been up and down with my weight for over 25 years), work (my daughter, the coffee drinker, hasn’t taken a day off in 52 weeks), etc. At least we don’t smoke. But I don’t think we have healthy “self-control” genes, and I think we’re all wise to choose not to drink.

There are plenty of people who are raised in abstinent or mainly-abstinent households who are able to drink in moderation, with no binge drinking and no craving.

There are people who become alcoholics even though they grew up in households where alcohol is used in moderation. This is heartbreaking for the families, and difficult and frustrating for the alcoholic, who has to work through resentment over a situation where everyone else in his/her family can enjoy a beer or a glass of wine, but he/she can’t use alcohol at all because he/she knows he/she will abuse it.

Why is it like this? :confused: We don’t know. No one can predict who will grow up to become an abuser of alcohol or an outright alcoholic. We don’t understand the physiology of addiction. I wish we did. So many lives would be saved.

Just be careful out there.
 
@ Cat

I have no known history of alcoholism in my family. But yes, I have gotten the spiel about how I have a drinking problem due to my binging. I recognize that this is a problem but I wouldn’t say I’m an alcoholic. And yes I know the whole deal about alcoholism and denial I do see a counselor and this is something she hammers into me every session.

I probably do have an addictive personality but this is definitely not physiological but psychological.
 
drinking with your parents is no guarantee that you will use alcohol responsibly in other contexts.

your use of alcohol in college will have much more to do with your own emotional health, self image, need for acceptance, ability to cope with stress and peer pressure, social anxiety, choice of friends, etc.

start examining right now why you think you need to drink AT ALL.
 
I think it is important to remember that the majority of people don’t have the genes that lead to alcoholism. I don’t believe that my family does and its likely that I wont become alcoholic, I have had some alcohol, as in i have done some drinking before. I don’t want to drink though against my parents will, because that’s important. that’s why i want to get their permission before doing so. I don’t have any cravings for alcohol when I’m at school and its really not something that i need because i can feel that it is not physiological. but i still do enjoy the alcohol. Like I said, I will not go against their final ruling.
 
Allegra said:
You don’t need to drink illegally while underage in order to be able to drink maturely once you are 21. It doesn’t take practice or experience, it takes wisdom and prudence. (And respect for the law doesn’t hurt either.)
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👍
 
Here is how to drink responsibly: if you’re male, don’t have more than 2 drinks in an evening.
If you’re female, stop after one.

I quit drinking when I had my first baby, since I almost dropped him while climbing the stairs once when I had had a few drinks,. My family includes alcoholics, so I quit and haven’t drunk since then. There is no harm in not drinking, and no harm at stopping after a couple of drinks.
Binge drinking is a really bad idea.
 
Parents do everything they can to keep their children from anything that could harm them. If you live with your parents, you need to abide by their rules. Why is having that drink so important to you? Is it like a rite of passage to adulthood for you? If you like to drink, that is a red flag of a future possibility of alcohol abuse. Non-alcoholic drinks are good, too. Less risk of impaired thinking.
 
acadiANNA said:
Parents do everything they can to keep their children from anything that could harm them. If you live with your parents, you need to abide by their rules. Why is having that drink so important to you? Is it like a rite of passage to adulthood for you? If you like to drink, that is a red flag of a future possibility of alcohol abuse. Non-alcoholic drinks are good, too. Less risk of impaired thinking.
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Some care may be warranted due to possible family history, but isn’t it a bit much to jump from wanting to sink to alcohol abuse?
 
If your dad is a recovering alcoholic he might not feel comfortable talking to you about drinking, or even having alcohol in the house.

You can absolutely learn self-control with your friends when you’re 21. I did, and so do many others. Just eat before you drink and don’t have more than a couple and you’ll be fine.
 
Viki63 said:
Here is how to drink responsibly: if you’re male, don’t have more than 2 drinks in an evening.
If you’re female, stop after one.
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Yeah, but what’s the point of drinking at all if you can’t go beyond 1-2? I would say just don’t drink at all at that point, you’re just teasing yourself, when you could be having 4-6+ and actually enjoying yourself.

OP, not drinking (or hardly drinking) until you’re 21 isn’t going to make you an alcoholic when you hit 21. It just isn’t.

Your parents (well, your father at least) sounds like he has a good reason to avoid alcohol and I think you should try to understand where he’s coming from. He probably shouldn’t be telling you not to drink at all, but hopefully you can at least see why he would be thinking that way.
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acadiANNA:
If you like to drink, that is a red flag of a future possibility of alcohol abuse
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That’s silly. It’s no more a red flag for alcoholism than liking ice cream is for becoming obese. There’s nothing wrong with liking either.
 
Just pointing out the possibility of abuse. You can’t get arrested while driving for eating too much ice cream, does not impair thinking. Moderation and drinking responsibly is the key.
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
Yeah, but what’s the point of drinking at all if you can’t go beyond 1-2? I would say just don’t drink at all at that point, you’re just teasing yourself, when you could be having 4-6+ and actually enjoying yourself.

OP, not drinking (or hardly drinking) until you’re 21 isn’t going to make you an alcoholic when you hit 21. It just isn’t.

Your parents (well, your father at least) sounds like he has a good reason to avoid alcohol and I think you should try to understand where he’s coming from. He probably shouldn’t be telling you not to drink at all, but hopefully you can at least see why he would be thinking that way.

That’s silly. It’s no more a red flag for alcoholism than liking ice cream is for becoming obese. There’s nothing wrong with liking either.
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Whoa. 4-6 drinks is binge drinking–not good for you. See the CDC web site: cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/binge-drinking.htm. And one-two drinks is a fine quantity in which to enjoy alcohol, especially if it’s something tasty.
 
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