Parents' responsibility in sin of son

[Cathy]

Situation: 19-year-old non-Catholic son of Catholic (convert)mom and non-Catholic dad sleeping with 30-year-old girl friend. Mom wants to take away keys of car (which is in mom and dad’s names) from son. Dad wants to do nothing because he doesn’t think there is anything wrong with son’s actions. Both son and dad know mom believes this is wrong.

Does mom have a moral responsibility to do more (such as take away car keys) even if dad is opposed to taking them away? This situation has been going on for about 2 months with no obvious consequences for the son.

 

[kellie]

Situation: 19-year-old non-Catholic son of Catholic (convert)mom and non-Catholic dad sleeping with 30-year-old girl friend. Mom wants to take away keys of car (which is in mom and dad’s names) from son. Dad wants to do nothing because he doesn’t think there is anything wrong with son’s actions. Both son and dad know mom believes this is wrong.

Does mom have a moral responsibility to do more (such as take away car keys) even if dad is opposed to taking them away? This situation has been going on for about 2 months with no obvious consequences for the son.

Hi Cathy,
I don’t know about the laws where you are, but here in Melbourne, anyone over 18 is considered an adult.
As such, this 19 year old isn’t breaking the law.
And as he isn’t a Catholic, he thinks he isn’t breaking a moral law either.
It seems as if the parents never discussed how they would raise their children, when the wife decided to convert.
I don’t think she should take the keys away from the son, as the car is also in the father’s name, and this will just put a strain on the marriage.
All she can do is explain to her son why she feels it is immoral, what God says about it, and she can pray for him that he may realise his error one day.

 

[Cathy]

Thanks, Kellie,
The civil laws are the same in this situation as in Melbourne.
I appreciate your thoughts. When one doesn’t grow up in a good Catholic home, the moral judgment can get very cloudy, if not downright muddy. It helps to have other Catholic voices.
God bless,
Cathy

 

[lak611]

Is the son a non-Catholic Christian? If he is, fornication is just as wrong as if he were Catholic. Protestants would find plenty of passages in the Bible condemning fornication.

 

[wardrandolph]

I agree with what has already been said but,I do have a question.Is this happening in your home?You do have the right to expect your son,(even adult children)to respect your beliefs in your home.May I suggest two scriptures you can look at.First,Ga.6:1 ,thenActs16:31.Finally, PRAY for your son.I will pray for your family.

 

[puzzleannie]

if the car was in my name my adult child would not be driving it in the first place, he would buy it from me and obtain his own insurance. If my adult child was conducting his life in an immoral manner he would not be residing in my household, either.

the problem in this family is one between husband and wife, not one between parent and child. If they don’t agree on how to treat an adult child, they did not agree on how to raise a minor child, so the damage is done. the attention in this family needs first to address the conflict between the spouses so they can act in unity in their lives.

 

[leonie]

Is he living at home? IMO, if a kid is over 18 and engaging in an immoral lifestyle–he not be living with his parents. He should support himself.

What does taking the keys to car away do? Are they engaging in fornication in the car?

 

[Cathy]

I agree with what has already been said but,I do have a question.Is this happening in your home?You do have the right to expect your son,(even adult children)to respect your beliefs in your home.May I suggest two scriptures you can look at.First,Ga.6:1 ,thenActs16:31.Finally, PRAY for your son.I will pray for your family.

Thank you, wardrandolph. Your prayers are much needed and most welcome. I appreciate the Bible verses as well. I will hold onto them and pray them.

My son has only brought his girl friend here one time: Thanksgiving. I tried to bring him up as a Christian, so he knows my beliefs. He seems determined to oppose my beliefs. Today I received a bank statement in the mail with my son’s and his girlfriends’ names on the statement together. I can’t remember which saint it was who said she’d rather her children died first than committed mortal sin. Since God didn’t allow for my son’s death first, I hope and pray that he’ll bring about his conversion, together with my husband’s and my other son’s conversions. I need plenty of converting myself, obviously. Thank you again for your prayers.
Cathy

 

[Cathy]

If my adult child was conducting his life in an immoral manner he would not be residing in my household, either.

I’ve thought of leaving the household, but I promised God to marry my husband until death, for better or worse. I don’t want to break that promise. I may be wrong, but I think my husband would send me away before he would send our son away. He agrees with our son, and he does not agree with me. He says he believes in God, but he seems to have nothing but comtempt for the Bible, which I love. Please answer me back if you believe I’m thinking wrong about this.

If you think I should tell my son to leave over the objections of my husband, please help me by making a Biblical and traditional Catholic case for it. I’d need that because I have no support among the clergy of my parish for such a move.

 

[wcknight]

We have about the same problem. My son is bit older (25). We bought up our kids in Catholic schools. We can advise them and show them the way but it is ultimately up to them to make life’s choices.

Pray that they mend their ways. Continue to advise and encourage and just hope for the best. Sometimes you wish you could knock some sense/morals into them with a 2 by 4 but that doesn’t work either.

My son says he is an atheist, doesn’t believe in God or marriage. My daughter went through a similar stage. She at least has come back to believe God exists, but not yet as Catholic or Christian. They have to find their own way. Screaming and hollering doesn’t work and could drive them away.

I just pray and leave them in the hands of the Lord. I know and trust He will lead them home. As the commercial says, they are in good hands. God never abandons those who love Him or the kids of those who love Him…

 

[Sr_Sally]

I can’t remember which saint it was who said she’d rather her children died first than committed mortal sin. Since God didn’t allow for my son’s death first, I hope and pray that he’ll bring about his conversion, together with my husband’s and my other son’s conversions. I need plenty of converting myself, obviously. Thank you again for your prayers.
Cathy

Cathy, you should look into the life of St Monica–she prayed for her son’s conversion for 30 some odd years. And she’d also brought him up as a Christian, but he turned away. Of course, he ended up as St. Augustine!

I agree with Puzzleannie that at this time you should focus on your relationship with your husband. I would just drop all discuss of your son and his lifestyle. Of course, you will continue to pray! Focus on loving your husband and let your love be an example to him.

Another Saints life which might be very inspiring to you is Elizabeth Leseur. She lived with an atheist husband who didn’t convert until after she died. But she still loved her husband and it was her example of that love that finally converted him.

I will be praying for you and your whole family.