Parents Unhappy About Date

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lovedance4ever

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Hi everyone. Just a quick question for you all. I have a difficult time separating honoring your parents from being an independent adult…I always want to please them.

Well, I met a guy - and NO it’s not long distance this time lol - he’s 26 and is attending a local university for his master’s degree. Anyhow, he asked me out on a date, and I really like him so I said yes. But here’s the problem…for my parents.

He’s from Saudi Arabia and I mean, I totally understand being concerned about a different culture, but it’s just a first date and they are acting like he’s trying to put a ring on my finger. Honestly, I do not know what to do. Can I go out with who I like while still living under my parents’ roof? I told them about it, and they acted like I was committing a sin by doing this. I feel so guilty about it now, and I just don’t know what to do.

Any advice?
 
lovedance4ever said:
Hi everyone. Just a quick question for you all. I have a difficult time separating honoring your parents from being an independent adult…I always want to please them.

Well, I met a guy - and NO it’s not long distance this time lol - he’s 26 and is attending a local university for his master’s degree. Anyhow, he asked me out on a date, and I really like him so I said yes. But here’s the problem…for my parents.

He’s from Saudi Arabia and I mean, I totally understand being concerned about a different culture, but it’s just a first date and they are acting like he’s trying to put a ring on my finger. Honestly, I do not know what to do. Can I go out with who I like while still living under my parents’ roof? I told them about it, and they acted like I was committing a sin by doing this. I feel so guilty about it now, and I just don’t know what to do.

Any advice?
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Technically you can date who you want to…

But im assuming that the saudi arabian guy is muslim?..i can understand your parents concerns and i probably agree with them

Say it got serious with you both and you wanted to marry…he may pressure you to convert to islam…if you had kids together he and his family would want it brought up in islam…if he moved back to saudi arabia and took you with him ( as his wife ) then you could not openly practice your catholic faith there…it would be illegal …you would have to dress in a burkha and lose your freedom as women in saudi arabia arent as free as western women…they are treated as second class citizens and are expected to obey their husbands…also if you did marry him and lived in saudi arabia he could suddenly one day bring home another woman to live in your house as in muslim countries muslim men can have several wives

I really can see why your parents dont want you to date him…id listen to your parents on this…dating is discerning for marriage and unless you can see yourself with this future id pass on dating him and find someone more suitable
 
lovedance4ever said:
Hi everyone. Just a quick question for you all. I have a difficult time separating honoring your parents from being an independent adult…I always want to please them.

Well, I met a guy - and NO it’s not long distance this time lol - he’s 26 and is attending a local university for his master’s degree. Anyhow, he asked me out on a date, and I really like him so I said yes. But here’s the problem…for my parents.

He’s from Saudi Arabia and I mean, I totally understand being concerned about a different culture, but it’s just a first date and they are acting like he’s trying to put a ring on my finger. Honestly, I do not know what to do. Can I go out with who I like while still living under my parents’ roof? I told them about it, and they acted like I was committing a sin by doing this. I feel so guilty about it now, and I just don’t know what to do.

Any advice?
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I guess your parents are probably concerned for you, that you guys could fall in love and have a lot of difficulties in your relationship due to religious and cultural differences. I think they are probably well intentioned, trying to protect you. Are you familiar with any of the cultural/religious differences?

I’ve heard some people say to consider anyone we date as a potential marriage partner. It is easy at any age, but especially when we’re very young, to become emotionally attached. Later, if it’s not the right, it’s extremely hard to end a relationship. It’s a little like trying to stop something once it has its own momentum. While possible, it’s just quite difficult.

But in answer to your question as to whether you have the right to date whom you want, yes, you have that right, even if you live under your parents’ roof. You are the one who will live with your decisions, so my only suggestion would be that for that reason, to listen carefully to what your parents have to say and with an open mind. They have a lot more life experience than you do. This doesn’t mean you have to always do what they say, but it’s the sign of a mature person to listen to our elders carefully, then make our very best decision afterwards.

Good luck! 😉
 
Since you’ve been looking for the opportunity to make some new friends, why don’t you tell him that you’re old fashioned and would be more comfortable with going on a group date. Then ask if he has other friends that you could all get together with for an activity. This way, you could meet some other women (potential friends!) and you could get to know this young man in a safe and respectable context.
 
IMHO: If he will not go into The Church with you, kneel down in front of the blessed sacrament, exposed or in the tabernacle, and pray at least one set of the Rosary, RUN, DO NOT WALK away from this person.
In fact, this is my advice to any single Catholic, if the person you think you love will not do this with you and for you, then you deserve someone that will do so.

Mixed faith Marriage is difficult enough when within the christian and Jewish faiths. To have such a relationship with a non-judeo-christian is to court a great deal of potential heartbreak. IF he is Muslim, he is required by his faith to convert you upon your marriage.
I would advise you to do research on this faith yourself… I was agnostic, I converted to the Catholic faith, I had studied many other faiths - including the Muslim faith.

You’ll also find, if your relationship progresses to the point of marriage and children and he decides to take your children to Saudi Arabia - You have no rights to your children, in fact, in SA as a woman - you have no rights. Research this yourself, too many reliable court cases between the US and middle-eastern countries (including SA) where the Mother has only two options, move to the ME or give up her children.

I’m sure he’s a very decent person and no reasons not to be friends; however, please, pray, spend some time in adoration before the blessed sacrament, and guard your soul.
 
lovedance4ever said:
Hi everyone. Just a quick question for you all. I have a difficult time separating honoring your parents from being an independent adult…I always want to please them.

Well, I met a guy - and NO it’s not long distance this time lol - he’s 26 and is attending a local university for his master’s degree. Anyhow, he asked me out on a date, and I really like him so I said yes. But here’s the problem…for my parents.

He’s from Saudi Arabia and I mean, I totally understand being concerned about a different culture, but it’s just a first date and they are acting like he’s trying to put a ring on my finger. Honestly, I do not know what to do. Can I go out with who I like while still living under my parents’ roof? I told them about it, and they acted like I was committing a sin by doing this. I feel so guilty about it now, and I just don’t know what to do.

Any advice?
Click to expand...
Could it be that your parents are just concerned with “two in a row” of foreign national boyfriends? It’s a pattern that could make any parents a little concerned.
 
z_0101 said:
IMHO: If he will not go into The Church with you, kneel down in front of the blessed sacrament, exposed or in the tabernacle, and pray at least one set of the Rosary, RUN, DO NOT WALK away from this person.
In fact, this is my advice to any single Catholic, if the person you think you love will not do this with you and for you, then you deserve someone that will do so.

Mixed faith Marriage is difficult enough when within the christian and Jewish faiths. To have such a relationship with a non-judeo-christian is to court a great deal of potential heartbreak. IF he is Muslim, he is required by his faith to convert you upon your marriage.
I would advise you to do research on this faith yourself… I was agnostic, I converted to the Catholic faith, I had studied many other faiths - including the Muslim faith.

You’ll also find, if your relationship progresses to the point of marriage and children and he decides to take your children to Saudi Arabia - You have no rights to your children, in fact, in SA as a woman - you have no rights. Research this yourself, too many reliable court cases between the US and middle-eastern countries (including SA) where the Mother has only two options, move to the ME or give up her children.

I’m sure he’s a very decent person and no reasons not to be friends; however, please, pray, spend some time in adoration before the blessed sacrament, and guard your soul.
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I agree with z-101. Furthermore, you are, in my opinion, playing with fire.

I recommend you begin with this link to start your education (meforum.org/520/us-department-of-state-marriage-to-saudis). Your parents are concerned about your welfare and rightly so.
 
z_0101 said:
IMHO: If he will not go into The Church with you, kneel down in front of the blessed sacrament, exposed or in the tabernacle, and pray at least one set of the Rosary, RUN, DO NOT WALK away from this person.
In fact, this is my advice to any single Catholic, if the person you think you love will not do this with you and for you, then you deserve someone that will do so.
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If a woman asked me to do that on a first date, I think I would be the one running. 🤷
 
Corki said:
Could it be that your parents are just concerned with “two in a row” of foreign national boyfriends? It’s a pattern that could make any parents a little concerned.
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Good point.

Once burned, twice shy.

Pretty much every marriage started with a first date.
 
grasscutter said:

“Since you’ve been looking for the opportunity to make some new friends, why don’t you tell him that you’re old fashioned and would be more comfortable with going on a group date. Then ask if he has other friends that you could all get together with for an activity. This way, you could meet some other women (potential friends!) and you could get to know this young man in a safe and respectable context.”

That’s a very good idea, especially for the OP.
 
lovedance4ever said:
Can I go out with who I like while still living under my parents’ roof?
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I would say no. If your parents are supporting you and you are living under their care, then you are obliged to obey them in serious matters such as this.
If, on the other hand, you are paying for your room, board, car, and other living expenses in full, then you would have somewhat more liberty to do your own thing to a certain extent, even though you are living under their roof. However, even in such a case, you are obligated to listen respectfully and think about any advice that your parents give you.
 
Saudi Arabia has very strict rules governing behavior. Women are not allowed to drive or to go out in public unaccompanied by a male relative. In Saudi Arabia a woman who met a man for a date would dishonor her family and could be subject to being killed by her family for dishonoring them. Please reflect on this man’s culture and how he might view any woman who agreed to date him.

Maybe you could invite him to have dinner with you at your parents’ home. I think that he might decline that invitation. The only way that I would want my daughter to go out with this man would be if her father went with them.
 
z_0101 said:
IMHO: If he will not go into The Church with you, kneel down in front of the blessed sacrament, exposed or in the tabernacle, and pray at least one set of the Rosary, RUN, DO NOT WALK away from this person.
VeritasLuxMea;11784445:
If a woman asked me to do that on a first date, I think I would be the one running. 🤷
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Hmm… (^_^)
Dating is supposed to be for finding life’s partner in fullfilment of the archetype (Gen2;18 , 23). Just because we are of a fallen nature, doesn’t mean in our souls we don’t want what God gave us in the begining of the world.

Dating has now become all too often the means thru which our christian and Catholic Christian values are undermind to lead us into mortal sin - so why not start the date out with prayer?

Perhaps a young lady that wont start out the date with prayer isn’t the woman for you at that point in time. I am certain that if you were truely “smitten” with her; starting a date out, in prayer, in the Church, wouldn’t be that big of a deal … that is where the date should eventually lead anyway - to a Marriage, that should be within the Church, preferably with a Mass
🤷

I would almost bet, Mr. SA that OP is infatuated with will not go into a Catholic Church to pray, any prayer, and that his intent isn’t to help her stay Catholic.
 
HCTC said:
Saudi Arabia has very strict rules governing behavior. Women are not allowed to drive or to go out in public unaccompanied by a male relative. In Saudi Arabia a woman who met a man for a date would dishonor her family and could be subject to being killed by her family for dishonoring them. Please reflect on this man’s culture and how he might view any woman who agreed to date him.

Maybe you could invite him to have dinner with you at your parents’ home. I think that he might decline that invitation. The only way that I would want my daughter to go out with this man would be if her father went with them.
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Another consideration is that in Islamic culture, a man is permitted to have several wives. If this man is already married and he is thinking of you as his second or third wife, that might be a reason to consider carefully your decision to date him.
 
Corki said:
Could it be that your parents are just concerned with “two in a row” of foreign national boyfriends? It’s a pattern that could make any parents a little concerned.
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👍 I was thinking the same thing.
 
crystal_waters said:
Say it got serious with you both and you wanted to marry…he may pressure you to convert to islam…if you had kids together he and his family would want it brought up in islam…if he moved back to saudi arabia and took you with him ( as his wife ) then you could not openly practice your catholic faith there…it would be illegal …you would have to dress in a burkha and lose your freedom as women in saudi arabia arent as free as western women…they are treated as second class citizens and are expected to obey their husbands…also if you did marry him and lived in saudi arabia he could suddenly one day bring home another woman to live in your house as in muslim countries muslim men can have several wives
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That pretty much sums it up. 🙂

Catholicism and Islam don’t mix. Even if both parties are not practicing now, if one starts practicing it will likely be a major problem.

If this person is a practicing Muslim, the OP can basically forget about openly practicing her religion or raising her kids Catholic. And I would strongly, strongly advise against moving to Saudi Arabia; woman effectively don’t have rights there.
 
severus68 said:
So would I.
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VeritasLuxMea said:
If a woman asked me to do that on a first date, I think I would be the one running. 🤷
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Severus68 - and I would tell you the same as I did VLM in post #14

However, perhaps, maybe I should point out that by date, I mean a one-on-one with the intent to establish a long term relationship. This 1:1 date is what it sounds like OP an SA are heading for, and that is the type that needs to start out with a prayer, in the church.

If you’re talking about going out with a bunch of friends, to the movies, dinner, and then a game of Mahjong… that’s different. It may lead to the 1:1 as above, and then we need to go back to that prayer in the Church!
 
z_0101 said:
Severus68 - and I would tell you the same as I did VLM in post #14

However, perhaps, maybe I should point out that by date, I mean a one-on-one with the intent to establish a long term relationship. This 1:1 date is what it sounds like OP an SA are heading for, and that is the type that needs to start out with a prayer, in the church.

If you’re talking about going out with a bunch of friends, to the movies, dinner, and then a game of Mahjong… that’s different. It may lead to the 1:1 as above, and then we need to go back to that prayer in the Church!
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You bring up an excellent point! I think a first date (and several after) should be in the context of a group and not 1:1. This way one gets to know the other person without “romantic pressure”. 1:1 dating is for people who are seriously discerning if the other person is the one whom they will marry.
 
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