Thanks 1ke…I guess the hard truth is what I needed. I meant well, but lately I’ve been questioning if I did the right thing moving out. Tricky is an understatement…addiction is a nightmare for all involved. But I think I might need to take my kids home.
I would urge extreme caution before moving back in with your husband. The church allows spouses to live apart, or even civilly divorce (without remarriage to another) for just cause, and addiction is potentially such just cause.
Your first priority must be the wellbeing of your children; if you do not trust you husband, you cannot expose your children to his illness. You cannot use them as pawns to manipulate or motivate your husband; he must step up to the plate and do the hard work and sacrifices on his own that are needed to treat and recover from his addition. Substantial progress must be the precursor to increased involvement with the rearing of his children.
Now, you have indicated that you wish to remain and help him in his recovery. That is laudable, and perhaps a good median between 1Ike’s advice to keep him engaged and motivated, and protecting your children.
However, you have a vested interest, and it may be difficult to look at his situation objectively. Your parents have indicated that THEY do not trust him, and do NOT believe his recovery is likely. They have expressed this in no uncertain terms.
You must discern how realistic their concern is. Do they have history of being overly dramatic and manipulative? Or have they always stood by and supported you? Do you personally have a history of good judgment? Or have they had to bail you out poor decisions repeatedly? I would strongly recommend speaking with a counselor to help you answer these and similar questions honestly.
When you get objective feedback, you can better discern what you need to do. You may find that you fundamentally disagree with your parent’s; in which case you may need to make the difficult situation to find other accommodations. You may also find that they have a more realistic outlook, and were trying desperately to get you to not make the same mistakes by continuing to expend energy on this man (sometimes totally cutting someone off, at the risk they never recover on their own, is the only means to motivate someone to take charge of their life).
From your post, I cannot nor would I presume to figure out the most objective interpretation. I encourage you to seek outside support and objective professional help discerning your situation. I would also echo Xantippe by recommending Al Anon as one such possible resource.
