Parents Want me to Divorce my Husband

[DvineMerCnmysol]

Thank you all for the prayers. I need them now so much. I am trying to discern what I should do, as I have started to feel very strongly that my moving out had caused more harm than good. I meant well and was following the directions of a counselor but since I left, it has been nothing but bad and worse situations, especially where my parents are involved. If I had known they would act this way, I never would have come to them. I need Jesus to guide me through this because I have made such a mess of things. I simply don’t know what to do anymore. And his parents have done absolutely nothing to help us. While he was in rehab (both times) they were out of town golfing and enjoying themselves with no concerns for me, the kids, or my parents.

 

[Xantippe]

Thank you all for the prayers. I need them now so much. I am trying to discern what I should do, as I have started to feel very strongly that my moving out had caused more harm than good. I meant well and was following the directions of a counselor but since I left, it has been nothing but bad and worse situations, especially where my parents are involved. If I had known they would act this way, I never would have come to them. I need Jesus to guide me through this because I have made such a mess of things. I simply don’t know what to do anymore. And his parents have done absolutely nothing to help us. While he was in rehab (both times) they were out of town golfing and enjoying themselves with no concerns for me, the kids, or my parents.

Did you ask his parents for any help? If you need their help, you should ask for help.

They might just be really embarrassed about the situation.

 

[StGerardMajella]

my husband is addicted to pain pills

“…in sickness, and in health…”.

If addiction is anything, it is a sickness and must be treated by medical professionals and spiritual counselors. By your marriage vows, you are obligated to stick with him through this difficult and trying period, assuming he is not violent, not abusing you or the children, nor engaging in any other similarly nefarious behavior.

I took my 3 children and moved in with my parents for help because our utilities were about to be shut off and to give my husband motivation to take his recovery seriously.

You can usually work with the utility company as a hardship case, if only temporarily. You can also work with the local Archdiocese for temporary financial assistance, or a similar non-profit organization.

As far as “motivation”, moving out on your husband during his darkest time of illness I am sure gave him plenty of pause to reflect, but doesn’t really stand as compassion on your part, and speaks more of meanness. You need to be his partner to help him recover, but at the same time you need to protect yourself and your children from harm. Your husband needs you now more than ever.

hey are so full of hatred that they are pressuring me to break my marriage vows and have gone so far as to forbid me from seeing my own husband, upon threat of kicking the kids and I out. I don’t know what to do!

Hatred is not a Christian value. Neither is blackmail. Be respectful of your parents, but move out if it is at all possible to do so. You can’t negotiate with hatred and blackmail threats.

Move out to a shelter, to other friends or family, or back home to your husband – assuming that it is safe to do so. Moving forward, you need to position yourself financially to potentially be able to have a space of your own if the current situation with your husband is not resolved.

 

[underacloud]

Absent any abuse or adultery, I can’t see that separation is helpful or needed here.

Instead, I think it likely to do more harm than good for your husband. Without the support of his wife and family, I would imagine his chances of successfully overcoming this addiction are greatly diminished. And then you and your children are worse off, both fanancially and psychologically (and even spiritually).

With regard to utilities or other financial difficulties, you should contact local charities such as the St Vincent de Paul society, relevant government agencies, or discuss this with your local parish office who can steer you in the right direction.

 

[His_helpmeet]

This is NONE of your parents’ business. Children should NEVER ask their parents to get involved in the child’s marital/relationship disputes, and parents should NEVER insert themselves into their children’s marital/relationship disputes, as they are not disinterested parties.

Only you can decide if it’s reasonable for you to return to live with your husband. For your own safety, and that of your children, it may be best for you to live separately but continue a relationship with him to support him but ensure that the best interest of you and your children will be protected, until he has truly gone through recovery.