Parents; Would you quit drinking if your child asked you to?

[marymary1975]

To the bolded, not necessarily. It could be a reaction to something completely exterior. I was at a friend’s house one day when her kids came home from school. One of her kids started crying and in between sobs we heard “my mommy is doimindrugs”. After getting her calmed down we found out that the school had a unit on drugs and included caffeine as a drug (coffee and tea). Her mom and I had been sipping our ice tea when the girl got home.

But, if after a long, rational conversation, the trigger is entirely in the family, then some kind of change is required.

Those things happen of course but that clearly is a situation of a younger child that has been told something he doesn’t fully have the grasp of things and is interpreting things into his limited knowledge but that was not what I was thinking exactly. I had my mind on an oldrr child that is already reasoning and is clear on concepts (that clearly knows what is intoxication and drug abuse).

Truth is that 90% of the time if you have an older child fully reasoning and with concepts clear in the mind, and that child is asking the parent to stop drinking that is because there are severe intoxication - violence situations at home not because someone on the outside told them something. Very rarely you are going to find a teenager 15-16 that has happily married and responsible parents who drink a glass of wine moderately with their meals or have a beer in moderation, asking those parents to stop drinking. In fact, the actual odds of that situation happening are close to 0.

When you have a 13-14-15 year old asking for a parent to stop drinking, the odds that the cause of that is alcoholism issues at home are extremely high.

 

[Corki]

Those things happen of course but that clearly is a situation of a younger child that has been told something he doesn’t fully have the grasp of things and is interpreting things into his limited knowledge but that was not what I was thinking exactly. I had my mind on an oldrr child that is already reasoning and is clear on concepts (that clearly knows what is intoxication and drug abuse).

Truth is that 90% of the time if you have an older child fully reasoning and with concepts clear in the mind, and that child is asking the parent to stop drinking that is because there are severe intoxication - violence situations at home not because someone on the outside told them something. Very rarely you are going to find a teenager 15-16 that has happily married and responsible parents who drink a glass of wine moderately with their meals or have a beer in moderation, asking those parents to stop drinking. In fact, the actual odds of that situation happening are close to 0.

When you have a 13-14-15 year old asking for a parent to stop drinking, the odds that the cause of that is alcoholism issues at home are extremely high.

I agree with your concept but not quite with your stats. First of all the OP said adolescent or teenager. That could mean a 9 year old as easily as your quoted 15-16 year old.

Also, being in the Bible belt, it is not unusual for kids in school to be proselytized by our temperance-minded Christian brothers and sisters. So while possibly unlikely that a child in a stable, non-alcoholic home would ask her parents to quit drinking, the odds are not close to 0.

So, for me - to the OP’s question, my answer is “no”. I am a very moderate drinker (a few drinks a week), with no complicating health issues and no one in my household that is fighting addiction. A child’s request for me to stop drinking would not be one I feel any need to honor.

 

[dconklin]

Drinking should not equal “mild-intoxication”. Any sort of intoxication should not happen in front of kids.

With that said… If my child asked me to stop drinking, I would not drink in front of them.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

It’s very hard to “correct” what children have been “taught” in school without undermining the teacher’s authority. I actually think in this case, it would be much better to have a conversation with the teacher and give her a chance to make a correction to the class before telling your child, in effect, that the teacher is an idiot who doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

I don’t think so. I think a parent going in to complain to a teacher about how their drinking is fine and they are offended are going to draw unwanted attention to themselves (me thinks you protest too much.) And honestly where is the parents responsibility in all of this. Why is the school teaching a child something the parent has neglected? Especially with alcohol or drugs. There should be no misunderstanding by the child because the child should already have a foundation on the education of drugs and alcohol if the parent is doing their job.

If your child hears about the dangers of drinking at school and they misunderstand it, I blame the parents for not educating them on an issue that is a HUGE problem in the schools anyway!

 

[Kount_C]

Thanks for responding. A lot of great comments. I’m strait edge myself. I had great aspirations as as a young teenager growing up. But my family was heavy laden with alcohol.
As a forum of vengeance, I would do disgusting things to my father’s liquor supply for him to enjoy.

I believe in leaving no stone unturned for success, so I have always felt that alcohol was a negative deterrent in any aspect. As I have seen what so many drug free, successful families have achieved by eliminating social drink from their existence.

I was just curious what , parents had to say here.
Cheers!

 

[Avocadomom]

I don’t think so. I think a parent going in to complain to a teacher about how their drinking is fine and they are offended are going to draw unwanted attention to themselves (me thinks you protest too much.) And honestly where is the parents responsibility in all of this. Why is the school teaching a child something the parent has neglected? Especially with alcohol or drugs. There should be no misunderstanding by the child because the child should already have a foundation on the education of drugs and alcohol if the parent is doing their job.

If your child hears about the dangers of drinking at school and they misunderstand it, I blame the parents for not educating them on an issue that is a HUGE problem in the schools anyway!

I was talking about a second-grader. My mom was not “protesting too much” - she was furious that a teacher had led her child to believe that any alcohol consumption was “drug abuse” without the clarification that there is a level of acceptable alcohol use that is fine. My mom was also furious about the way the teacher portrayed smokers as “bad guys” with a “filthy habit” who was “going to die of cancer soon - here, look at a photo of what her black lungs must look like.” Our grandmother smoked, and while no one liked it, it did not make her a bad person and my parents really resented the implications the teacher made and the fear she instilled.

My parents did a good job of modeling appropriate alcohol usage, and always talked to us about how alcohol was something adults enjoyed in moderation. It was not a Big Deal. What was a big deal was when their 7-year-old came home terrified that her mother was a wino and headed toward death or prison. And, to be honest, 2nd grade is a little bit young to be discussing the nuances of the spectrum of alcohol usage.

 

[Avocadomom]

Thanks for responding. A lot of great comments. I’m strait edge myself. I had great aspirations as as a young teenager growing up. But my family was heavy laden with alcohol.
As a forum of vengeance, I would do disgusting things to my father’s liquor supply for him to enjoy.

I believe in leaving no stone unturned for success, so I have always felt that alcohol was a negative deterrent in any aspect. As I have seen what so many drug free, successful families have achieved by eliminating social drink from their existence.

I was just curious what , parents had to say here.
Cheers!

Good for you! I’m one for moderation, but if it works for you and you’re healthier for it, that’s what matters. I’m not sure what you mean by the benefits of eliminating social drink, as I have never noticed any downsides to moderate alcohol consumption, but all the best to you

 

[Hobbes42]

I think unless it is a result of any indoctrination, I would. I’ve seen too many situations where booze addled minds can’t distinguish proper behaviour.

It may seem ridiculous for a child to ask a parent, but the amount of damage that seeing a tipsy parent or being abused by one can do to a child, you just don’t trust the person anymore. And you might tend to run for it when they crack open a bottle.

 

[EasterJoy]

I think unless it is a result of any indoctrination, I would. I’ve seen too many situations where booze addled minds can’t distinguish proper behaviour.

It may seem ridiculous for a child to ask a parent, but the amount of damage that seeing a tipsy parent or being abused by one can do to a child, you just don’t trust the person anymore. And you might tend to run for it when they crack open a bottle.

Booze-addled minds? OK, yes, if you say to yourself “I’m not that drunk” or “no one really notices,” then yes, wake up and admit that you have been lying to yourself.

Honestly, though, it is possible to* know for certain* that no, your use does not include any intoxication whatsoever, and therefore your child is overreacting.

For instance, my parents used to drink one beer or perhaps one beer and one shot of whiskey essentially every night. They drank no alcohol during Advent or Lent. As far as I know, neither of them ever drank to excess in their* entire lives*. They did not have a problem. Asking them to give up alcohol over some imagined risk of alcoholism would have been fairly ludicrous unless their habit took a turn away from their lifetime of moderation.

 

[Inisfallen]

Would I stop drinking if my child asked me to?

No. I do not drink to excess, but I enjoy a drink before dinner after a hard day at work, and wine or beer with dinner. Or a cold beer on a hot day, especially after, say, shooting baskets or re-surfacing the terrace in the sun.

So, no. I would be concerned about where my daughter was getting the idea that having a drink or two was inherently bad, and I’d look into that.

On the other hand, if I ever develop a drinking problem, I hope I’ll be self-aware enough to realize it, and respond properly to others who are just trying to help me.

 

[Nelka]

I guess it depends on how old your child was and how much you were drinking.

 

[EasterJoy]

Would I stop drinking if my child asked me to?

No. I do not drink to excess, but I enjoy a drink before dinner after a hard day at work, and wine or beer with dinner. Or a cold beer on a hot day, especially after, say, shooting baskets or re-surfacing the terrace in the sun.

So, no. I would be concerned about where my daughter was getting the idea that having a drink or two was inherently bad, and I’d look into that.

On the other hand, if I ever develop a drinking problem, I hope I’ll be self-aware enough to realize it, and respond properly to others who are just trying to help me.

If you take an alcohol-awareness test and you get anything like an “iffy” set of answers, you quit. If it takes your child asking you to take that test, you take it. You have to take a child’s concerns seriously, bc the child does need to have a correct understanding of what alcohol use is acceptable and what is not.

 

[dixhuit]

OP:

Yea, probably. Generally when someone, especially a relative and REALLY especially if its a teen or child asks you to quit drinking then your drinking is bad.

Most drinkers never realize how rotten they are when drinking.

My spouse:

• Stole cash from the family to fund a $300 - $500 / month booze habit
• Nearly has bankrupted the family with DUI fines (she’s on her 2nd DUI now, but will be 1st conviction b/c of ‘first time offender’ programs)
• Spent FIVE years passing out by 5 pm most days while I did dinner, homework, stories, baths and bed (so she’s missed out on 5 years of our 5 children’s lives)
• Has kidney and liver problems that my well kill her by the time she’s 40 (she’s in her late 20s now)
• May have caused brain damage to one of the kids by downing a fifth of hard liquor a day while breastfeeding him for the 1st 6 months of his life (right before the 1st DUI).
• Consistently drove home buzzed from school with 4-5 kids in the car
• Drove OTHER people’s kids to school and home buzzed/drunk.
• Consistently denied being drunk or claimed that 2 drinks sent her over the edge and made her so trashed.
• Had friends who also were drunks start to not invite her over if she was going to drink b/c she kept vomiting in their yard and driving home trashed from their houses.

Despite all of the above, she claimed, right up until a month after the last DUI, that she did not have a drinking problem but was a ‘functional alcoholic’.

The denial with alcoholics is INCREDIBLE.

You gave no details on your situation so its impossible for anyone to give you advice. But I’d venture to say that 90% of the time if a teen asks mom or dad to lay down the bottle then there’s a problem.